Killer Klowns From Outer Space: Are English Subtitles For Nerds?

*Blog post was started on April 8, 2021.

 

It is really cool that Podbean and its promotion options required "NinetyForChill dot Com - The Podcast - The Facebook Page". At least bugging 20 people a day shows there is degree of support with every like and accepted invitation. Still, securing guests for the podcast is a challenge, so that Facebook page's success is driving me a little batty.

Or it may just be jealousy. I asked a coworker today about doing the podcast. He stated his interest, but he is the father of a four-month old. This means time is not really a luxury. It means he has a life. Too bad cats do a great job of taking care of themselves. My furball(s) need to be needier.

If you are able to get a lot of bookings, expecting my friends in the wrestling business to be available is silly. But I have not heard from any of them looking to promote themselves since the podcast started at the end of the third wave of COVID-19 perplexes me. They are aware Colt Cabana is not recording "The Art of Wrestling", right?

A half asleep Ally from Ally's Accessories Shop accepted my invite to the podcast this week. Upon realizing that, she has been pulling for me to come up with someone else. Of course I have the intrigued, but noncommittal and me checking out all the possible DVD retailers on the Northside of Champaign looking for a copy of "Coraline" because surely if I found that, it would make the universe will another hesitant prospective guest into asking when we were going to record.

Of course Movies Anywhere is not selling "Coraline" through their site, thus I cannot buy a copy of that and get a free movie from Universal...most likely "Happy Gilmore". I do not know what I should be more upset at NBC/Universal for. No "Coraline" on their service (Every streaming app needs Neil Gaiman.) or how Peacock is handling the WWE Network migration. No, Vince McMahon should not use the N-Word or be shown using it, but if you are keeping the matches of Chris Benoit on the service, maybe keep Roddy Piper versus Bad News Brown. It was racist, but it was not a double-murder suicide. That is what context warnings are for.

Truth be told, I am not overly upset about the lack of a complete WrestleMania VI card. The match was part of WWE's retrospective on Piper, "Born Into Controversy". If they do delete Benoit's matches however, Peacock and Xfinity may be out a customer.

I am suppose to record the podcast tonight during both NXT Takeover Stand & Deliver: Night 2 and Kenny Omega's first match on Impact on AXS TV. Hopefully Ally will not back down so that I do not have to make a decision on which show to watch (She requested a delay, so I cannot win).

My only fear is that with the lack of 90-minute movies that we shared together (If you look at the highest grossing movies of all time, once your ass is in the seat, you will watch whatever they put on the big screen no matter the length.) my suggestion was for her to come over to watch "Killer Klowns from Outer Space" and then chat about it. Doubting that would be the case, I entered the Trash Feature library she has supplied me with to watch that feature. With my luck, she chooses that instead of faking it over Zoom for a half hour.

Why do I make these decision? My decision making skills are not that good. Or perhaps my loyalty is what gets me. Keeping an ex in my life and betting on Newcastle United and the Chicago Cubs. The wise thing to do would be to quit counting on people, but then I would not have a podcast. I guess it is a catch 45, because 22 is not the number of LOSERS.

 

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988; 1 hour 28 minues)

Crescent Cove is a typical small college town. You have farms on the outskirts, overly aggressive police veterans, a make out point, etc. At the make out point, after the goofy ice cream truck operators failed to make any sales or get their dates in the mood, Mike and Debbie see a shooting star pass closely overhead. Debbie believes that it has to have landed close by and convinces Mike to go and investigate. 

When they arrive where it landed, they find a circus tent. Despite Debbie's apprehension, the two go inside to find a big top TARDIS. The interior is massive with what seems to be a fusion reactor while the design aesthetic matches the carnival exterior. As they explore and avoid any being that seems to be heading their direction, they find what Mike believes is a cotton candy factory while the rational Debbie believe UFOs must be the only reasonable explanation. When Mike tries to prove it is fluffy sugar, he discovers a human body cocooned inside of it.

Before they can settle into their panic, a seven-foot tall clown enters the room. It soon notices them and chases them away with a popcorn cannon. Debbie decides the city must be warned and is certain that her ex-boyfriend on the police force, Dave, will believe them. This proves more of a challenge than they expected. The senior officer, Mooney, believes this to be a prank since Mike is friends with the ice cream truck driving jokesters, the Terenzi Brothers. Dave does not want Mike to involve his ex in these shenanigans. While Mooney refuses to entertain the concept of killer clowns from outer space, Dave is willing to entertain the concept to appease Debbie, provided she stays at home.

These two approaches end up leaving the town to fall into shambles. Even as Dave finds evidence supporting Mike and Debbie stories and starts to witness clown attacks, Mooney refuses to act once the calls start coming in. He believes it all to be a conspiracy to drive him mad and off the force. With no means of communicating with the state police, it is up to Debbie, Dave, Mike, and the Terenzis to save the day. With all the strength and alien technology the clowns have, will these five young adults be enough to save the city and possibly the world.

I think my description of "Killer Klowns from Outer Space" may be overly wordy. The DVD box art probably says something like, "After a giant circus tent arrives in Crescent Cove, townsfolk start disappearing with only popcorn and cotton candy left in their place. It is up to Mike, Dave, Debbie and the local ice cream salesmen to solve the mystery and defeat the evil "Killer Klowns from Outer Space." Maybe I am just showing this feature too much respect. That makes my efforts to find subtitles on this MGM/UA DVD seem futile.

"Killer Klowns from Outer Space" seems to be a satire in the vein of "Gremlins" but lacks any worthwhile characters to get behind to hold the feature together. "Gremlins" also had 15 more minutes to work with to establish lore and get to know the players, but with totally unrealistic characters, there is no cohesion and fails to establish lore until some throw away dialogue in the third act. This is a shame because most of the comedic violence can get a chuckle or two.

An upside to a focus on the mischief and mayhem is that it moves a long pretty quickly. The special effects have their moments and even the bad effects, like when a clown explodes, are played for laughs. John "Dean Wormer" Vernon as the long-in-the-tooth cop refusal to take the threat seriously is also amusing, so the comedy is there, just none of it is involves our handful of heroes.

I am on the fence on how to make this Troma-budget feature better. The satire could have been darker if we did not make the klowns so warped to look at. On the surface, it is easy to deem that they are scary, but clowns are scary enough to begin with. A greater commitment to gore effects may have cost the film its PG-13 rating, but if you want to entertain a horror audience, that would be the direction to take it.

In the end, "Killer Klowns from Outer Space" works as an idea, but not as a picture that you should provide much attention to. You will end up thinking too much and which results in a four-paragraph plot summary. All it needed to do was to make us care about the leads, but focusing on random klown attacks gets a more immediate reaction.

This could have been a great NES video game and it is good content for meme and YouTube content creators. For that, I understand the cult classic status. But if you are not looking to integrate these painted buggers as click bait, one watch is enough.