When you go to see a B-Movie, you have to bring friends with you. One of those friends has to be relatively inexpensive alcohol, and the others have to at one point in time had a pulse.
I'd say the friends have to be alive, but when the modern B-Movie line up has to have at least one zombie flick, it would be inappropriate to deny them entrance. Actually, it might be educational that way. It would show the living dead what would happen to them if the messed with us.
Of course, there is the problem of letting the patrons carry weapons into a theater, but come on. When it comes to the Peoria Theater, we are all adults there. Drunk, immature adults.
When I viewed "Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy", I had left my emergency flask of Johnny Walker Black at home, and my only friend was my infamous notebook (that being the opinion of the independent pro-wrestling scene). Fortunately, the little book was an awesome wing man, drawing the attention of the other patrons. They wanted the critic's opinion infused with their viewing experience, so I was quickly accepted into their family. Thus I was ready to survive "Song of the Dead".
At bars, it is easy to feel alone in a crowded room, but at the Peoria Theater, that is not the case. It is like the voice in your head can interact with everybody. I believe the next "B-Movie Horror Film Series" will be August 28, 2009, and you are more than welcome, and thoroughly encouraged to check it out.
Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy
Director: Jeff Burr
Co-director: Chip Gubera
A black sheriff?
If only Mel Brooks was the director of this film. Could you imagine a Mexican wrestling A-List movie, and the corresponding Broadway musical.
As for Willard E. Pugh, the former mayor of Detroit ("RoboCop 2"), I guess if you want to serve the public, you got to go where the jobs are. Even if the job is the Police Chief of the Mexico City Police Department, one cannot be too picky.
In a world where everything takes a back seat to wrestling championships and trippy photo shoots, The Aztec Mummy has risen. And with the Jewel of Tanawa, he can control the minds of the most influential people in the world.
The only one who can save the world is the brilliant scientist, ambassador of international goodwill, and most importantly, the wrestling legend Mil Mascaras, The Man of a Thousand Masks. Mil's immunity to the effects of the jewel and bastardized use of the Hyrule's Triforce, the Mummy will pull out all the stops to defeat the descendant of the family who put him to rest centuries ago. Our hero will have to face off with blood thirsty Aztec servants, possessed opponents, and lousy Harley Race commentary to save the world.
Can Mil Mascaras overcome the demonic threat to the world, find true love, and the secrets to his mask? Or will the USA go and nuke their southern neighbors before the Mummy can come to power?
Personally, I'm a Cuba Gooding Jr. fan, but if Pugh's attempt to be the stereotypical black guy were not poor enough, it seems like he asks himself "WWCubaD."
As for Mil's performance, I was pumped to find out that he speaks nearly fluent English (thank you WWE Classics of Demand), but unfortunately his ADR is pathetic. Still no one can complain about the film's wrestling and the luchador performances. Blue Demon Jr. just knows how to rock the cape.
The movie does offer some clever dialogue:
The only bride you'll have is my fist, and I'm afraid it'll be a painful consummation.
Okay, outside of the Aztec Mummy need for a bride with a Zelda tramp stamp (birthmark...right), the rest of the script is too funny in that proper B-Movie way.
Poisoning you. Now I have something else to charge this Mummy with.
The good guys just have to be super idealistic. Yes, it would be better for society if we could bring all criminals to justice, but he's a freaking mummy with the mobility of Jabba the Hutt's head droid.
Give the Mummy credit for his wrestling ability, but I respect almost anyone who owns wrestling boots outside of Central Illinois. He is portrayed by Jeffrey Uhlmann, who also acts as the robot who saves our heroes to set up for the movie's epic climax.
They try to throw everything into this movie. Fiftyesque robots, twin vampire lesbians, nukes, decapitations, and every possible transitional scene you could think of. Thus the need for extra booze was needed.
The film drags because it had to have everything. Each scene offers some B-Movie glee since they went there, but you are immediately pleading for them to get to the next scene.
You need to watch Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy with a wise audience to enjoy it fully. Otherwise, Mil v. Mummy can be a strenuous ordeal. If you love B-Movies, this flick delivers. Just make sure that you come to this one prepared, or you risk possible brain trauma.
 |
| https://willthrillville.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/mil-mascaras-aztec-mummy.jpg |
Song of the Dead
Directed and Written by Chip Gubera
There are a lot of great Zombie movie ideas, so they should all be put on film (like "Main Event of the Dead", my pro-wrestling comedy, feel free to ask for a treatment by e-mailing russthebus07@gmail.com). Video just doesn't do the deceased justice. Then again, if a wig on grass is suppose to represent a smashed head, and you have are trying to use Lucas swipes and De Palma split screens, you do have to give some thought to my previous declaration.
In this must expose your breasts for a young female lead role (be it living or undead) that does everything it can not to piss off George A. Romero, the President of the USA (Reggie Bannister of the "Phantasm" franchise) along with his red, white, and blue sequenced sports coat had the sad job of informing us of the latest Islamic Extremist attack on America. Terrorist had mixed the Jihad Reanimation Virus (or JRV) into a mosquito pesticide. The result, USAF has sprayed our great country with the Zombie Apocalypse's catalyst.
Surprisingly, the rural communities are hit hardest because so many unknown bodies are buried out there (Thank you Ted Bundy). The story follows Sandy, her Gun-Ho brother and father, her mentally unstable yet extremely fashionable boyfriend Brad, and the mysterious Arthur whose hobby gives him knowledge of 20 more zombie terrorist that may attack. These survivors are trapped at their summer home outside of Kansas City, and they came to their last stand with a soundtrack and jazz hands.
It is hard to be happy with a Zombie, Musical, Comedy that only has one tribute to thriller. That is what the audience seemingly came to see besides for gore and boobies. As the flick is played, the audience is trying to figure out how to make can a better version of this.
Oh for the days of Super 8, the format you couldn't immediately mass produce. This is not "Evil Dead", so this movie would not exist in a simpler time.
So immediately, you have to appreciate Song of the Dead, for all of its thriftiness. The Air Force uniform with only a flag on the left shoulder, the BB gun that the actor has to be the folly artist for, and the chainsaw they chose to ignore budgeting gas for, etc., leaves the audience respecting the nerve of the "filmmaker" to try to get away with this zombie flick.
"You could totally see that one zombie cop a feel off the topless zombie chick."
"He didn't get paid for this, so let him have that at the very least."
I don't know how this movie can technically be called a comedy beyond the laughs the budget restrictions create. The musical numbers are suppose to be for laughs, but the songs are very hit and miss. The audience is left having a ball laughing at the fact that they are singing and dancing, not the lyrics.
The only thing that is very funny about the film is the relationship between Sandy [Kate Gorman (not the Kate Gorman)] and Brad (Travis Hierholzer). There was actually time spent on making these characters play off each other very well, and to make sure that there was something funny about every dialogue exchange between them.
Kate Gorman is a ham, but this is a B-Movie musical, so I cannot say that is a negative thing. All of the actors with the exception of the Sandy's brother (Steve Williams who has no clue about the concept of acting) give everything they have to make this film a B-Movie gem.
I don't want to say their efforts are wasted (especially by Conrad Gubera who played Sandy's father), but Song of the Dead is just a cheap film, not a B-Movie. It is disappointing to see so much heart misused, especially when it is not splattered across the screen.
No comments:
Post a Comment