If it does not involve pro-wrestling, this is Russ Stevens's effort to create the one stop blog for movies that are cut to the ideal run-time, 90 minutes. This blog may feature films that may range from 71 minutes to 1 hour 40 minutes, but 101 minutes and up are too long. An hour and a half can justify cutting a film into two chapters and a book into three. Hobbits and Katniss have too many ending, consider this an effort to stop that.
Jeff Goldblum + Geena Davis + Jim Carrey = A great way to beat the monotony of shallow, capitalistic existence. CoolMoviesDarth was his standard dower self going into the weekend while ThePoeticCritic was sour about the lack of cool guests going into the Chicago Con season. Needing summer to start now, CM Darth turned to an 80's camp classic he just never got around to, "Earth Girls Are Easy". TPC just happens to offer some of the best insights into this Julie Brown vanity project.
Allow me to get out of third-person. Happy Prof. Shurtleff of Illinois Central College? I (CM Darth) will try not to make so much light of violent death in this summation. This is my declaration of changing perspective.
I kind of pulled this interview out of my ass. My big sister stated she was down in a Twitter post and was hopeful for fun clips be suggested to her. John Oliver's web exclusive about "Air Bud" and a Fred Ward joke did not seem like it would be enough to cheer her up, so I chatted with her on Facebook Messenger. That is where I suggested the only Jeff Goldblum musical that I was aware of, and for someone who is a little reluctant to chat, she jumped at.
It was not an easy viewing. My crappy modem from Xfinity gave out minutes in as I was streaming it. After a reset, Pluto TV made me regret my sound board investment. Damn those commercials are loud (and not varied enough). I suppose it was appropriate for plenty of commercials for "Love Match Atlanta" to be placed in a romantic comedy.
After the film and finding out that Great Value's Crystal Light Lemonade is not a vodka mixer, the podcast started. We do spend about 20 minutes catching up (We are both on six-day work week schedules, so running into each other in person is tough.). This lead to me using the "Spinal Tap 2" announcement as a transition to the film. Gods bless Michael McKean, especially before he started getting type casted.
Episode 60: ThePoeticCritic and Oscar Fixing/Bitching (Black Cancer vs. White Autism).
ThePoeticCriticgraces NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast again with her thoughts on how the Academy Awards will either piss off #FilmTwitter or just be mocked for its failure to connect with the Marvel-loving loud mouths of Millennials and Gen Z. So Cool Movies Darth offers up suggestions on how to remedy this while setting up a lot of "The Simpsons" references to display the futility of making changes to the Oscars.
The Academy of Arts and Science seems to be making a lot of questionable decisions going into their annual awards ceremony. Decisions that maybe more questionable than CM Darth recording this on a Zoom H1N without a test run. ThePoeticCritic and the former Scoop Staley (If your podcast received a five-star review from this moniker, please return the favor.) cannot see any of the Academy's decisions working out for the better.
This year's show is dependent on Twitter with the #OscarsFanFavorite and the #OscarsCheerMoment. ABC (Disney) is hoping this will reward "Spider-Man: No Way Home" with some "serious" statuettes, but with bots and those who follow Camila Cabello and Johnny Depp, the fan favorite movie will be an expression of awful taste. As for the Cheer Moment, Russ Stevens (Firsties when it comes to using that name for podcasting) is pulling for a clip from 1999. Oh the confusion that appealing to the youth will provide us.
Other films in contention for unwarranted recognition are from Zack Snyder. There are those pushing for Netflix's "Army of the Dead" and a Flash moment from "Zack Snyder's Justice League". As a fan of most adaptations directed by Snyder, Cool Movies Darth is hoping the Internet will shut him out this year. But, he has not seen the HBO Max exclusive, and he is a supporter of "Batman Versus Superman: Dawn of Justice", so he may need to find five hours to become objective.
What does Mr. Cool Movies suggests to fix the Oscar with the Internet? How about a Twitter ticker throughout the show? Everyone likes to see their name on TV. Perhaps we need a ESPN2 commentary stream. If Amy Poehler and Tina Fey are not going to host, why not let them party and commentate the show like the Manning boys do for Monday Night Football?
This is where a content warning maybe needed. TPC and CMD discuss last year's attempts to make the telecast more interesting. The show backfired when they attempted to celebrate the career of Chadwick Boseman by presuming that he would win the award for Best Actor. Anthony Hopkins's, an octogenerian, victory over a 43 year-old who died went over as well as a lead balloon.
And this week's guest took offense to this. Hopkins had recently acknowledged his autistic diagnosis. TPC is on the spectrum as well, so she was offended that people were upset about her marginalization being cursed.
Which marginalization deserves more recognition? Is that a question we should be even considering? Here is to hoping they revert to saving the Best Picture Oscar for the end to avoid such thoughts.
The podcast does their best to look past last year's recognition. It seems like it will be a big Jeff Goldblum year, so TPC is pumped. CMD maybe stuck in the past as he looks forward to Ebertfest 2022. This leads to the two discussing the need for super critics to counter how Disney is ruining the chances to see other movies as they flood the multiplexes with whatever Marvel bollocks keeps me from seeing the likes of "The Matrix: Resurrections" in IMAX.
I was a fan of the latest "Matrix" but I understand it is not Oscar fair. Still it has a fun ensemble, just like this week's Ally's Accessories Shop on Etsy Trash Feature Review. This week, CM Darth watched "The Favor" with Oscar winner Brad Pitt. This tale of middle-aged sisterhood was made before the Orion bankruptcy, but it took another three year to finally release it. That is not a good sign.
Follow me on Twitter @catbusruss. If you want to be on the show, contact me on Twitter or send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. All we need is a theme, movie, director, or actor and a focus on sub 100-minute material. As long as the credits start before the 1:39:59 mark on the runtime bar, the movie qualifies.
ThePoeticCritic sparingly drops F-Bombs, and because she and her little brother Cool Movies Darth were less than two weeks removed from their Disney World vacation, it made sense to hold off on some lengthier recordings to see how Disney will rule the world in 2022. There is of course some Goldblum talk, but the Mouse dominates the show with his rides and movies.
Let me apologize to Gregory Carl and Michael Dubois. They recorded episodes before my unscheduled chat with my big sister, but with my Monday being a longer day than I had planned, and the reasoning for it (a Zoom interview for a younger, more gullible job) left me in a down state. In other words, editing out all the R-Rated curse word from hours of recordings seemed to be a daunting task.
If it is of any consolation to my podcast pals, my trip to Ally's Accessories Shop on Etsy Trash Feature Revue did not help my day. Stephen Gaghan directorial debut, "Abandon", was a theatrical concussion. I did not travel through time, but it felt like I lost actual time as if it was a physical commodity.
As for the impromptu conversation with the big sister, it centers around our Disney World trip, but we do chat about how Pixar once again perceives that the Mouse is treating them like a red-headed stepchild (With Ariel being black in the live-action remake, I think that is a fair metaphor.) since their next feature is going straight to streaming. Fans will not even be forced to spend $30 to watch it on Disney+. If you love Pixar, pay for it.
These stuck up fans realize these films have already been paid for? We are beyond the Kickstarter stage. Look how that worked out for "Valerian: City of 1000 Planets".
When it comes to what ThePoeticCritic is looking for, it centers around Jeff Goldblum. But she liked "The Suicide Squad", why ignore John Cena? I guess it easy to do to what you cannot see. But the Goldblum is on the same streaming service.
Beyond the vacation, I do my best to woo Sarah from Once Upon A T Shirtto make an appearance on this show. If it was not enough, my efforts have been dedicated to trying to find a $15 an hour gig with hopes of 40 hours weekly. This blog post is task enough. At least it serves as a distraction as I wait on unemployment to kick in.
Thanks ThePoeticCritic for giving me 40 minutes. There are essentially trailers for the next two episodes, so things are looking good for "NinetyForChill". Thanks for stopping by and helping out.
As for films that I am qualifying for NinetyForChill, who wants to beat TPC to "Earth Girls Are Easy"? As for non-Goldblum fair, "Under Siege" qualifies, so I have the knowledge for a Steven Seagal episode. Anyone up for a challenge?
My Twitter account is @catbusruss. This is where I want your hate to be directed if you disapprove. Otherwise, positive feedback would be best displayed as subscriptions to my podcast and five-star reviews. Lets work that algorithm.
If you think you have a film or franchise that you are an expert on. Send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. Most franchises have at least one feature that will qualify for NinetyForChill. The runtime just needs to be between 74 and 99 minutes. We have four episodes to fill.
I have been asking for weeks for assistance in composing an episode dedicated to vampire features like "The Lost Boys" trilogy, "Near Dark", and the "Underworld" movies. Here is to hoping that this bunch of critiques will stir up some inspiration in my audience to step up and hold off on the garlic. If this is a topic you up for discussing, feel free to send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. All I need is a half hour on Zoom to get this done.
I hope I am impressing or at the very least amusing you with this podcast and I am open to any and all criticism. My biggest want is more guests and more suggestions on what to chat about (@catbusruss, russthebus07@gmail.com@coolmoviesdarth). If we can get 3 hours out of "Little Nicky", the possibilities are endless. Thanks for visiting.
After WrestleMania Backlash, I will tell you that we need to take zombie pro wrestling back. My suggestion is that we finally get my low-budget zombie movie, "Main Event of the Dead" off the ground. The script lacks a lumberjack match, so you know it has got to be better than the "Army of the Dead" advertisement. Ask for a treatment or give me suggestions on how to get it to a crowd-sourcing stage with an email to russthebus07@gmail.com.
And of course the podcast drop ruins the blog dropping schedule. I cannot really add additional NinetyForChill.com posts once the latest podcast is released. Cannot have visitors scrolling to find the play button.
In
case you have not heard about the first episode of "NinetyForChill dot
Com: The Podcast" finally dropping. Feel free to hit play below to hear
"Ally's Abbreviated Anime Adventure".
There
are a lot more podcasting issues. Right now, I am waiting on my older
sister to listen to the first episode to determine if her reputation
would be
besmirched if she was to be the the next guest. It is tough for
me to comprehend. Not that she wants to make sure she will not humiliate
herself. My initial pitch was a Jeff Goldblum theme, and she is the
Jurassic Jeff Jezebel
Too
bad I do not mean to post this blog till tomorrow (I think). This
homage to the Tyrannosaurus Pecs may have sold big sis on doing the pod. Why
do I always fail to think of the bribery angle?
Speaking
about bribery, there was an article that I came across discussing how
Disneyland will become a mass-vaccination site for COVID-19. If the concept of an "X-Men" horror movie was not
going to sell you on seeing "The New Mutants", perhaps protection from
the premier plague would.
The New Mutants (2020; 1 hour 34 minutes)
Dani
Moonstar wakes up handcuffed to a bed. Her last memories were seeing
her
reservation devastated by some monstrous beast. The first person she
meets upon waking is Dr. Reyes. Reyes seems a compassionate person,
which makes immediately telling Dani that it was a tornado that
devastated her people
and that she was the sole survivors a little bit easier.
On
top of this, she is told that they discovered she was a mutant when
they rescued her. This is news to Dani and what makes things more
frustrating is that she is presumed dangerous. Because of this, her new
home is a hospital for new mutants who need to be taught to control
their powers. Her fellow patients all carry similar emotional damage,
having hurt someone once they discovered their powers. There attitudes
may also be affected by the force fields that ensure they cannot leave
the facility.
With
this stigma, it is tough to see them end up becoming heroes, but if
they follow Reyes's treatment plan, the doctor suggests that they can
move on to Charles Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters. Once Dani had
arrived though, they may not get a chance to finish the treatment. At
night, all of the kids are experiencing past nightmares based on their power
manifestations, but in the flesh. This could be a means for them to find out what
really is going on at this facility. Reyes is so focused on realizing
Dani's powers, it is the ideal time to snoop around for secrets.
"The
New Mutants" is a great PG-13 horror movie. It may have benefited from
an R-Rating when it comes to some of the trauma the kids had experienced
in the past and to flush out the romantic relationships, but that could
also mean it just needed a longer runtime.
Unlike
previous films in the "X-Men" franchise, there are not any break out
characters. This might be the biggest reason that critics and fans felt
let down by this feature. If you just watch it as an 80's horror film
with a disposable cast, it works out well. Break out performances would
have lead to screams for Disney to keep this portion of the franchise
alive, but I feel the references to films like "Logan" allows it to fit
into the X-Men Universe and reason enough to continue pursuing this
mutant line up. This is an origin story that I think could only
be improved upon.
I
felt that the dream monsters element allowed it to feel a bit like the
original "A Nightmare on Elm Street." It definitely is not on the same
level because there is not a charismatic antagonist from the nightmares (though Alice Braga
as Reyes works as a conflicted villain).
Fortunately, having a diverse team of characters gives it more range in
terms of victims to antagonize, something Wes Craven's series lacked.
On
the flip side, the character diversity can come across as ridiculous.
The non-white characters are represented well. As for the English actors
trying to give this film a multi national flare: "Game of Throne's"
Maisie
Willliams has a Scottish accent (Adrian Paul it
is not.). "The Queen's Gambit's" Anna Taylor-Joy has a Russian accent
(Halle Berry eventually gave up the West African
accent for Storm.). "Stranger Thing's" Charlie Heaton tries a southern
accent (It comes of as any random Brit trying an
American accent.). This all comes across as tacky, but it is a horror
film, so it is excusable.
There
is nothing exceptional about "The New Mutants", but it works as a brief
full-length feature. Curse the studio interference because I would
have loved to see what the original product was. It does an excellent
job of playing up horror movie tropes while maintaining the fun vibe of an
"X-Men" film that works (so not "X-Men III", "Apocalypse", or "X-Men
Origins"). It is probably a certainty that "Doctor Strange in the
Multiverse of Madness" will do all of this better, but with a year to
wait on that, "The New Mutants" is the darker Marvel movie I needed
after an overly charming "Spider-Man."
Films Researched for this Episode: Dark Star (1974), Saw (2004), Saw II (2005), Saw III (2006), Saw IV (2007), Saw V (2008), Saw VI (2009), Saw 3D: The Final Chapter (2010), Jigsaw (2017), and Hellboy (2019).
Imagine
if that franchise could have had a flick that was under 97 minutes
long. As I write that, I realize how that explains the confusion in the
series's use of parsec. Distance. Time. Both of their measurements are length.
At this point, the only "Star Wars" feature that would qualify for NinetyForChill.com - The Website
(or the Blogger since I am taking a few shortcuts despite my Web-Designer
Certification) is 2008's animated feature "The Clone Wars". IMDb
says it clocks in at 1 hour 38 minutes, but I will bet a digit or my
left ball ("That it ain't no good until the good are appalled". I cannot
resist a Supersuckers reference.) that the length will be rounded down
on the DVD box.
Perhaps a podcast for a later date should be about
cinematic features for animated TV shows. Is "DuckTales the Movie:
Treasure of the Lost Lamp" on Disney+? It has always been tempting to
just grab a copy from my retailer since Disney is not overly proud of
that one (Just like the mid 80's films, the way they treat
pre-renascence is criminal).
As much as I would love to talk about Ziro the Hutt and Stinky the Huttlet, that is not what I and Joe Golwitzer (@quidpro_joe on Twitter and Instagram) chatted about yesterday.
Joe
use to be my manager at the retailer I work at, and thanks to Amazon,
we probably had more times than we should to talk about movies. He is a
fan of cinema who is doing his damnedest to own and/or watch all of the
Best Picture Academy Award winners, so his taste in features maybe
considered better than mine or he is more dedicated to becoming a more
respectable cinephile than I. He is quite the respectful horror movie
fan with "Halloween" being introduction to horror and he had recently
seen and loved "The Thing". This lead to our original intention to do a
podcast about John Carpenter's sub 99-minute movies.
I
decided for the sake of the podcast and my guests not being nearly as
anal as I to up the NinetyForChill.com ceiling to 1 hour 39 minutes. This
only applies to the podcast.
When it
comes to 99-minute Carpenter, Joe realized that he was not as verse in
that filmography as I was. So we decided to go with the second
suggestion that I offered which was the "Saw" franchise, the sequels
more specifically. Only "Saw III" runs too long for the pod's
parameters, but with that being my least favorite, I figured it would
not get too much love.
We still swoon
over Carpenter, which makes my late Saturday viewing of "Dark Star" and
related drunkenness worthwhile, and work in the issues with how computer
generated gore simply will not do. It allows us to transition to some
David Cronenberg chat and my pitch for Jeff Goldblum to be the next
Jigsaw apprentice.
With the original
feature being released at the peak of "The Boondock Saints" fandom, we
do reminisce about how that has aged poorly. We also discuss the need
for these frequent sequel franchises. I also slip in a visceral "Castle
Freak" review and tell the audience from "Jurassic Jeff Jezebel Owes Me Eight Bucks" how my experience with Neil
Marshall's "Hellboy" turned out.
We are
both big fans of the last great horror franchise and we are happy to do
all the excess thinking that the "Saw" audience should avoid. Hope you
enjoy.
My only frustration about the finished product this week is that I cannot figure out how Skimbleshanks managed to get a picture that was easier to edit with Snapchat (@catbusruss) than my queen kitty Evangeline. My best offerings never seem to get the respect that they truly deserve. Should I really be selling that chip on my shoulder?
Judging that I decided to promote my Letterboxd account on this edition of "NinetyForChill.com: The Podcast", perhaps. My handle on that site is cmdarth, so despite the focus on the world of sub 97-minute features, the wrestling businesses always seeps in. I may need to a CM Punk and Soska Sisters' combination podcast. After the Colt Cabana drama, someone should take his initials away. If CM Venom is not going to step up...
To Punk's credit, he knows how long a movie's runtime should be. His 2019 starring roles both fit into the NinetyForChill.com time standards. I guess I still cannot help but to admire him. But he is not what professional wrestling needs right now. What it needs is a "No Holds Barred" remake with Jurassic Jeff Goldblum.
This week, I chat with my older sister ThePoeticCritic to talk about her favorite (living) actor, Jeff Goldblum and his features that range from 91 to 96 minutes. Her immense knowledge and research (Thanks Mike and Mike at "Now and Then Movie Podcast") allowed her to give me a lot of incite into the story of one of the best character actors of the past 45 years. She also explains why half of my four-day Goldblum binge required some means of chemical escape.
Tje features that are discussed in depth on this podcast are the David Cronenberg classic "The Fly", Larry Bishop's mess of a debut feature "Mad Dog Time", "Shooting Elizabeth" from his European excursions, and "The Great White Hype" a funny fighting film featuring the fresh from "Pulp Fiction" Samuel L. Jackson. ThePoeticCritic also provides opinions about every other Goldblum feature that qualify for the NinetyForChill.com standards.
We also discuss the idea of raising the ceiling of 97 minutes to 99 minutes. I have made it clear that a three-figure film length will not be considered. A little editing never hurts.
Then again, a little editing is what "ThePoeticCritic" might ask for when it comes to a joke about David Cronenberg's role as Geena Davis's gynecologists in "The Fly". It may also apply to my reminiscing about Stuart Gordon's "Robot Jox", a film that places Michael Bays attempts at robotic comedy to shame.
And as always, I do take the time to mention the feature I have been trying to get out of development hell "Main Event off the Dead" a no to low-budget flick about indie wrestlers versus 80's gimmicked zombies. If you want a treatment or have any pointers on how to pull it out of development hell, send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com.
If only Myspace could be viewed in its original beauty. It would allow me to see how prolific I was in blogging when the dancers at Big Al's declared me the most intellectual man in Peoria.
Do I miss 2007 to 2009? Thank the gods for cats or the time between then and now would be a wash. Unfortunately for me, I kind of have their attitude, so needless to say, it would be a while till much got done to correct myself.
You end up at the iHotel where the employees who were there from day one to hear "If Mr. Fox sees you using downtime to write or study, you would be fired." No bumps and no ranting. It almost makes not realizing that they had given you two weeks of vacation time a fair exchange to take a less stressful hotel job.
The lesson here is not to think about your past when you already nailed down your movie review's blog title. You are left with only having, "that hotel may have been stressful, but not as much as the one Jodie Foster was manning," as your "smooth" transition to one of 2018's attempt to capture Quentin Tarantino's too hip vibe, "Hotel Artemis."
Hotel Artemis
Two brothers' bank heist is hindered by no one knowing how to break into or open the safe. With the water riots consuming Los Angeles, the rich are just trying to make sure their ill-begotten goods are secure. This leads the brothers to decide to settle on whatever goods disgruntled errand runners are willing to part with, including a fountain pen full of canary diamonds that the younger brother decides to take with him despite the warning of its courier.
It must have been cursed because upon leaving, the riot cops find that they are a better target to engage leaving one member of the crew dead and the other three suffering from wounds, the little brother critically. Fortunately, despite having been retired, the elder brother has kept up his membership dues with the Hotel Artemis, LA's premiere criminal emergency room, so they should be able to get fixed up and wait for this whole thing to blow over.
Now Waikiki and Honolulu upon checking in, Waikiki finds out there may be too many variables to survive the night. His ex-flame Nice, the premier hitwomen in the world, is obviously on a job, but we do not know the target. It is never good to have a coked up arms dealer with a never sunny disposition around, and the son of the Wolfking of Los Angeles is locking the place down to ensure that his wounded dad will not be turned away.
Everest is a beefed up health care professional and guardian whose talents operates both ways, but if the Wolfking finds out Honolulu has his diamonds, the no weapon policy may not be enough to allow any of the nurse's patients to get out alive. The nurse is also trying to save the life of a cop does not help matters. All the house rules will be broken, but that is what was bound to happen when you only care for rule breakers.
With a list of real tag team and women's champions already documented, perhaps trying to find the "Reservoir Dogs" knock off each year should be my next project. I will have to get around to "Bad Times at the El Royale" but until then, Drew Pearce's directorial debut "Hotel Artemis" gets to at least claim firsties for the title.
Pearce's feature either had actors who did not want to have fun or a script that was too focused on mechanics to keep most viewers' interest. He had written "Iron Man 3" and "Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation." Both movies are enjoyable, but the construction of the stories are off compared to their predecessors. When we get to the action sequences, it is hard to know what we should be focused on and the ending leaves us with a lot of questions to what actually happened in the climax. The credits end with an invitation to return to the Hotel and a thanks for staying, but I would need extra honors point to inspire me to need those answers.
If the actors were given some witty dialogue along the way, perhaps be allowed to improvise, this would be a rewarding watch. Unfortunately, it is too involved moving the film forward (Batista, Jodie Foster and Jeff Goldblum might be too much for an hour and a half), we do not get it. Definitely a waste of a fine cast with an exception to Charlie Day who is playing his "Always Sunny" character without any meme-able lines.
I told my girlfriend about "Hotel Artemis" being another attempt to capture Tarantino's major film debut, and she responded with "why can't they let Reservoir Dogs just be Reservoir Dogs?" A proper response would be, "at least it was not a remake," but Tarantino has made us want action movies about archetypes. As long as there is that want, we are going to keep getting repackaged versions.
"Hotel Artemis" wants to have a clever story, but fails to realize that everything needs to be clever to be something we could picture Harvey Keitel in. Otherwise, release it straight to DVD the same week as "Guardians" and give Batista top bill. There is a lesson in profit.
