TARDIS, Kangaroo, The Bear, & Trauma + Milla Jovovich - 2, Winona Ryder - 1 (Presented by AllysAccessoriesShop)

Ninety For Chill: The #Podcast with @CatBusRuss

Episode 148: TARDIS, Kangaroo, The Bear, & Trauma

TARDIS, Kangaroo, The Bear, & Trauma

Wednesday, December 6, 2023

Help NinetyForChill: The #Podcast get away from paywalls by subscribing to "Ninety For Chill: The Podcast with CatBusRuss".

Who needs weird, Thanksgiving uncle drama when you can spend your post retail Black Friday vacation discussing the kids' films that traumatized us? Be it eventual trepidations towards animated musicals or live action films that tells Walt Disney's "Bambi" to "hold my beer" when it came to killing forest critters.

With that being ⁠ThePoeticCritic⁠'s suggestion for a podcast topic, ⁠CatBusRuss⁠ thinks it was wise to open the show with a conversation about her trip to the most recent edition of ⁠Chicago TARDIS⁠. It is the "⁠Doctor Who⁠" convention that fills the void left by Rosemont's "Visions" comic con that ended 25 years ago.

After reminiscing about how great viewing rooms were at conventions, the two embark on providing a brief history of The Disney Channel and Nickelodeon before they spent money on programming. For Nick, they filled the time with package features on Sundays. For the House of Mouse, the time was more than likely filled with imported children features like "⁠Dot and the Kangaroo⁠". But if you wanted real trauma, turn to pre-prime time HBO offering of a French nature drama, "⁠The Bear⁠".

White washing the Australian Bush or wondering where the hell the American Humane Association was when there were live animals dealing with fates equal to those of Nicolas Cage in "The Wickerman", ⁠Russ⁠ left this binge with some reopened scars he never knew he had from childhood.

 

Ninety For Chill: The #Podcast with @CatBusRuss

Episode 149: Milla Jovovich - 2, Winona Ryder - 1 (Presented by AllysAccessoriesShop)

Milla Jovovich - 2, Winona Ryder - 1 (Presented by AllysAccessoriesShop)

Wednesday, December 13, 2023

Help NinetyForChill: The #Podcast get away from paywalls by subscribing to "Ninety For Chill: The Podcast with CatBusRuss".

⁠To conclude this year's edition of ⁠"AllysAccessoriesShop on Etsy⁠'s Trash Feature Revue", ⁠CatBusRuss⁠ does his best to pit two actresses against each other. The girl of his offbeat film preadolescence, ⁠Winona Ryder⁠, and the woman of his low-brow cinema adulthood, ⁠Milla Jovovich⁠. How did "⁠The Fifth Element⁠'s" Leeloo defeat "⁠Beetlejuice⁠'s" Lydia Deetz? How convoluted is this episode going to be?

To add some cohesion to the closure of the Trash Feature Revue, our host decided to find a connection between Milla's and Winona's filmographies. The answer, ⁠Ben Stiller⁠'s "⁠Zoolander⁠". Jovovich is fifth billed and Ryder only has a cameo, but is more prevalent in the trailer. We can call that a tie, so whose film representing Y and # was better: The rom-com where Milla tries carrying ⁠David Krumholtz⁠ to stardom, "⁠You Stupid Man⁠"; Or the hippie movie led by a ⁠Kiefer Sutherland⁠ and ⁠Robert Downey Jr⁠. ensemble, "⁠1969⁠"?

This could be messy because the Milla flick was introduced to ⁠Russ⁠ from the ex who was prior to Ally. Does this podcast compare his most recent relationships? Give it a listen and be as judgmental as you like.

Follow me on Twitter @catbusruss. If you want to be on the show, contact me on Twitter or send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. All we need is a theme, movie, director, or actor and a focus on sub 100-minute material. As long as the credits start before the 1:39:59 mark on the runtime bar, the movie qualifies.

NinetyForChill: The #Podcast - ThePoeticCritic Down Under

NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast

Episode 45: ThePoeticCritic Down Under

Films Researched for this Podcast: Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981); Resident Evil: Extinction (2007); Jolt (2021); Into the Dark: Tentacles (2021).

In time for "Resident Evil: Welcome to Racoon City", Cool Movies Darth revisits Russell Mulcahy's "Resident Evil: Extinction". This Australian-helmed feature allows him to pick the brain of ThePoeticCritic who offers some insight into Australian Exploitation cinema. The most highly regarded of these features being "Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior". She is fine with George Miller's efforts but has a fascination with exploitation.

 

Pardon the lack of "Bluey" love in this episode, but NinetyForChill.com is all about killing canines to progress a narrative.

 

 

This is the lost conversation with ThePoeticCritic from two months ago. The dead puppy tangent that I introduced here to compare "Mad Max 2" to other great, brutal action movies was something that I felt needed to be further elaborated on. Patron saint of the podcast Stuart Gordon has a penchants to kill cats in his horror movies (and lovable ants in his family fare), the scale must be balanced.

This is a shorter episode because there was probably too little time for my sister and I to get on the same page since our From Dreamy Nocturna to A Nightmare on Elm St. episode. I believe this was when I was trying to arrange a chat with Andras from the "Ta2squid Podcast". Unfortunately, my failure to remember how time zones worked sank that proposed episode. On the flip side, needing to spend a Hot Topic coupon did introduce me to the awesomeness of stinger jeans.

So it takes sometime to get this episode rolling, but once I asked her opinion on whether or not Russell Mulcahy is nothing more than a George Miller wannabe, her cinematic knowledge starts flowing. I am glad that the editing process allowed me to be reintroduced to her documentary suggestion, "Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of Ozploitation!".

 

 

 

This does bring us back to the 1980s. We recall seeing "Labyrinth" for the first time, and me being confused about David Bowie until he spoke in his role as the Goblin King. I swore that was the same villain from "Mad Max: Beyond the Thunderdome". It was the mid-80s, Tina Turner was everywhere.

This leads us to a conversation about how David Bowie was supposed to portray Max Zorin. When he turned it down, the role was taken up by Christopher Walken in perhaps his least Walken performance. TPC suggested that I dive back into the "'80s All Over Podcast" to find the story behind that confusion. I will withhold that plunge until I see how Part 2 of the "James Bond Screen Drafts" plays out. Drew McWeeny did not allow "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" to be in the top five. My trust in him maybe lost.

 

In all fairness, this podcast is not going to be Ozploitation heavy. I do bring up a couple of the movies that I knew the Ta2squid team had discussed. One of those features is "Jolt", an Amazon Prime Video Original action movie starring Kate Beckingsale. It left me perplexed to why she is allowed to speak with her natural accents while the rest of the cast (except for David Bradley) has to Americanize their. If you listen to the "Australian 21st Century Screen Draft", the drafters might have explained the charm (or lack there) of Jai Courtney.

Another feature that I had watched that was inspired by Ta2squid was "Into the Dark: Tentacles". It is not Lovecraftian. It is not hentai. It is...made for TV.

My Twitter account is @catbusruss. This is where I want your hate to be directed if you disapprove. Otherwise, positive feedback would be best displayed as subscriptions to my podcast and five-star reviews. Lets work that algorithm.

If you think you have a film or franchise that you are an expert on. Send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. Most franchises have at least one feature that will qualify for NinetyForChill. The runtime just needs to be between 74 and 99 minutes. We have four episodes to fill.

 

I have been asking for weeks for assistance in composing an episode dedicated to vampire features like "The Lost Boys" trilogy, "Near Dark", and the "Underworld" movies. Here is to hoping that this bunch of critiques will stir up some inspiration in my audience to step up and hold off on the garlic. If this is a topic you up for discussing, feel free to send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. All I need is a half hour on Zoom to get this done.

I hope I am impressing or at the very least amusing you with this podcast and I am open to any and all criticism. My biggest want is more guests and more suggestions on what to chat about (@catbusruss, russthebus07@gmail.com@coolmoviesdarth). If we can get 3 hours out of "Little Nicky", the possibilities are endless. Thanks for visiting.

 

After WrestleMania Backlash, I will tell you that we need to take zombie pro wrestling back. My suggestion is that we finally get my low-budget zombie movie, "Main Event of the Dead" off the ground. The script lacks a lumberjack match, so you know it has got to be better than the "Army of the Dead" advertisement. Ask for a treatment or give me suggestions on how to get it to a crowd-sourcing stage with an email to russthebus07@gmail.com.

Event Horizon - Inspiration for Gory Bastardized Remakes?

 *Blog was post started on June 8, 2021.

Event Horizon - Inspiration for Gory Bastardized Remakes?

I am now on a leave of absence from my retail job, so I am acting like I have more energy. Too bad I am in the midst of a final 10-day work week. It might just be me feeling like I am on a winning streak. Dad already had some free VPN promos so I might have reduced my primary entertainment bill to just $85. That is for Internet and AEW Plus.

"American Gods" season 3 was concluded, so Starz is out of my streaming budget. Without Xfinity TV, my NJPW World subscription should get more use. Hulu is great for lunch breaks at work. HBO is still the best premium network, so I am not cutting that. Shudder is the only thing that I need to jump at adding. ESPN+ will be good for Euro 2020. It is tempting to just change the credit card numbers to my benefactor, but Experian says its good for my credit.

And my sports betting is getting back on track. If I learned anything after my earnings went from $600 to $400 is that the only blue I can trust are the Chicago Cubs. We could spin that into some ACAB humor, but I digress. Anyhow, frustration is the wrong way to react to this. The knowledge that my little brother has some losers (Toronto Maple Leafs) that he lovingly endures is just one more thing to bond over.

Enough of how I have been getting my introverted groove back, let us get into a baiting sub 100-minute movie review. This means I might need to listen to all of my friends' podcast, but do you really need an excuse to rewatch what maybe Paul W.S. Anderson's only classic feature on his resume?

"Event Horizon" is a 1990's horror classic, but I do not even know if it is Anderson's best movie. The man operates from derivatives, so nothing is ever expected of him. But, he is the only director that you expect cool 3-D from, so there is at least a niche he is filling and thus some talent. This leaves me to ponder if that was even present with his first American non-established IP film.

In 2040, the experimental spacecraft Event Horizon traveled to the orbit of Neptune to test its gravity drive. The intention of this was to create a mini black hole that would suck space time in allowing the craft to travel to a different location instantaneously. But the intentions of the craft were not made public, so all anyone is suppose to know is that the ship was lost. So it is quite the surprise for Captain Miller and the crew of the Lewis and Clark to find out that they are suppose to salvage this craft and rescue the crew seven years later.

The crew arrives at the craft to find it in a seemingly state of deep freeze. At subzero temperatures, surely the crew is dead, but life form readings are detectable through out the ship. As the crew inspects the ship, one of them, Justin, tries to turn the power back on. When this occurs, he seems to be sucked into the gravity drive and the accompanying power surge cause a breach of the Clark's hull. To survive, the entire crew has to board the Event Horizon while they wait on repairs to the ship that got them there.

Justin is essentially spat out of the gravity drive in a catatonic state. His rescuer describes the incident to Miller, but his believability is immediately questioned by Dr. Weir. Weir is accompanying the Clark's crew since he was one of the scientist who designed the ship. Logic and physics are soon thrown out the window as other crew members, including Miller, start seeing what can only be considered hallucinations. Miller's lieutenant has a theory. This theory is that whatever the life readings are must be creating these experiences.

Once Justin awakens only to soon enter an air lock without a spacesuit to run from the darkness he saw, surviving becomes paramount to actually finding out what happened. Too bad Dr. Weir does not see it that way.

My synopsis for "Event Horizon" may have excluded the pitch for this feature: Spaceship returns from hell. With that said, going with a gothic horror approach to the premise is unique when you consider that the video game "Doom" is very similar. Horror was on a downturn in the mid 90's as we recovered from 80's slasher fatigue, so this was a brave 60 million dollar gamble on the "Mortal Kombat" director. The initial loss was 20 million, but after home release, it is surprising that there were not attempts to capitalize on the IP.

In the end, the movie ended up managing to be a hit in some form, and that tends to indicate great quality. That quality is provided by the cast and script. Anderson's direction is adequate, but there are not many set pieces that show his strengths when it comes to directing. If anything, it seems to me that the off-and-on auteur can only see in 3-D. I do not find this to be a weakness though when you take in to account how his "Resident Evil" franchise was able to have three additional sequels solely because of 3-D filmmaking's popularity. A 3-D re-release with some polished computer-generated effects would be worth telling streamers to bugger off.

I implied that the special effects are not great when it comes to the CG. They may have been great for the time, but like "Mortal Kombat", FDR/HDR does not do them any favor.

If there was one more flaw, it is the pacing. This is gothic horror on a spaceship which had been done before in the greater classic, "Alien". When you move from one scene to the next without anytime to revel in the horror of the situation, you are watching for the cool suggestive imagery of hell instead of being at the edge of your seat. This is primarily the reason that I am not going to declare this feature to be Anderson's best. I am leaning towards the first "Resident Evil".

As I discussed with Andrew Tiede on NinetyForChill - The Podcast, Anderson seems to have an abundance of cool premises like Ivan Reitman when it comes to talented actors. They are really cannot miss ideas and as long as you catch it all on the frame, it should turn out alright. Unlike Reitman, the script can be lacking. Anderson can make everything look cool enough that you at least have something that can be on mute that fits in a lowly Downstate Illinois dance club. You cannot say that about "Twins".

Returning to the gothic horror elements, was this the feature to inspire the Dark Castle remakes of the late 90's and early 00's? This can be a goreless feature, apart from the air lock scene, but a lot of the films fans are there for the gory sets and eyeball removal. "Alien" was subtle with its gore being limited to the chestbuster. Did Dark Castle see this feature and just pick up on how the feature's devotees talk about the gore? Is this why we have "House on Haunted Hill" and "House of Wax" remakes that lack all of the charm of their predecessors?

"Event Horizon" is a film that had a greater impact than its box office indicates. It is a fun and entertaining bit of horror that has become more camp than it is scary. Too bad that any horror flick between this and torture porn strives to be this film because the hole it started to fill is still quite a void.

Pinterest @martinriggs1981

 

90-Minute Netflix: Future World - The Charm James Franco Was Hiding

A long 90 minutes feels like a first for me. I have seen bad and wretched hour-and-a-half lengthened features, but I could never say long. Lengthy is something that may not hold your attention, but it may not be the genre. Low budget knock offs are what Blockbuster Video fans long for. If the concept is as good as James Franco's "Future World" and featuring a Milla Jovovich role, I am in it till the last minute.

Ash (Suki Waterhouse) is a robot built at the peak of technological advancement. Realizing the history and malice of her creators that lead to an apocalypse that lacked zombies or nukes, she decides to erase her memory. It is better to be a relic than a tool. Unfortunately, an artifact is not what Warlord (Franco) and his bikers need.

Prince (Jeffrey Wahlberg) was born in the oasis, a peaceful commune in the scorched wasteland. Peace is maintained because they have the only working ammunition in the world. When Prince's mother (Lucy Liu) falls ill to the plague of the era, the red fever, he determines that by packing a little heat, he and his compadres can make it to Paradise Beach and find the cure their matriarch needs. Of course the luck runs out when they run into Warlord and his new robotic bride.

After murdering a few people and dealing with the annoyance of Warlord's presence, the awoken robot decides she needs to set some grounds for morality. Saving Prince and sending her husband on a wild goose chase seemed to be a good start. If she can get the kid to Paradise Beach and the cure, all should at least be even Steven. Surely there are no more nuts of higher acclaim in the cast. Jovovich only plays stable characters...right?

The cast of "Future World" knows what you are supposed to do with a film seeming inspired by "Cyborg 2." That is to chew the scenery and enjoy every bite of it. With Snoop Dog and Method Man in the cast, fans of B-movies know this will not be a waste of time.

You have to have a taste for the tacky to enjoy a flick like this. The actors are here to have fun and get scale. When you arrive on a "set" where it is jut a burnt out hotel with some faux graffiti, what else are you going to do? If you do not focus of being over the top, the movie is going to be "Cyborg."

Now, I dug "Cyborg" because no one seeming could act, so it is a fun train wreck. "Future World" qualifies as a movie. The script is articulate enough and it may have the talent to be a respectable "Road Warrior" knock off. It has a quest that feels like an 80's animated film, and if you have that, I will feel nostalgic. "Future World" can only be a B-flick, so it is a success.

For those who need a well-made film to keep their attention, the lack of well-made inanimate object will have you turning this title off. Wise scenery choices instead of minimal effort could have made this an American "Mad Max." I at least hope that is what director Franco was going for. Sand is the best looking part of the sets. I suppose only George Miller is the only person who can shoot that.

"Future World" was probably a wild pitch that took any money it could get. You have to respect it for letting Jovovich do what she does best. It has to be appreciated for not being overly complicated sci-fi to justify its shortcomings. And any movie with Snoop as the Love Lord is worth $1.75.

Why they didn't put that in his billing may be the dumbest thing this film did.

 

NinetyForChill.com - The Podcast - Episode 13: Flashdance Off with Ally, Alex, and Alice

Films Researched for this Episode: Flashdance (1983), Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988), Pumpkinhead (1988), and Groupie (2010).

NinetyForChill.com: The Podcast

Episode 13: Flashdance Off: Alice, Alex and Ally vs. The Killer Klowns and the Lycan (Just Press Play)

Read more: https://html.com/media/#ixzz6jIeBsAn5

NinetyForChill - The Podcast has entered a whole new world. My successful New Years Resolution (We will some day succeed with my annual goal of eating a Buffalo-themed meal everyday.) is now on the three major podcast platforms. So if you have been a fan, just type "ninetyforchill" in your search bar on the apps.

Podbean has offered me a chance to put my podcast on Amazon Music/Audible, iHeart Radio, Pandora, and Amazon Echo/TuneIn, but I am not sure anyone uses them to listen to podcasts. After a quick poll of the millennials at the bank, the Amazon Music application is being processed right now. They claim they will have it done in minutes, so the complete roll out may start with this podcast (And it will be. My thanks to the platform that allows any hateful douche-bag to self publish).

My presumption was, "If MMA on Point did not use anything besides the big three, why do I have to?" Well, this week's guest use to listen to podcasts on the second generation Amazon Echo that I bought her. If I want to encourage her to make her life easier and figure out the WiFi in her boyfriend's anti-chord cutting condo, I better continue accommodating to her.

I should not pick on her too harshly. She does her best to make sure this podcast thrives, and she was doing me a favor returning for her first full episode...since the first episode.

This week, we get to pick the brain of entrepreneur and this podcast's co-producer (Every Sunday, she finds me to give me at least three low brow movies to watch for the podcast.) Ally of Ally's Accessories Shop. Her return lets me pick her brain when it comes to her feature preferences. She was intimidated by the idea of coming up with a theme to chat about, but was eventually able to we resolved on discussing the dominant franchises of Sony's Screen Gems, "Resident Evil" and "Underworld".

Before she arrived at this, she mentioned the immediate sub 100-minute movies that left an enduring impact on her, "Flashdance" and "Killer Klowns from Outer Space". To ensure I could get the most content from her, I did my research, and now have one of these DVDs that I best try to drop back upon her.

We discuss the feminism concerns over Jennifer Beals most memorable feature, how the Klowns hold up in terms of other horror comedies like "Gremlins", and why zombies, werewolves, and vampires intrigue her so much. Is she on Team Edward or Team Jacob? The answer will surprise you.

As the podcast grows, so does the need for contributors. I can no longer play DJ and use eight second loops from any licensed songs, so if you have some tunes that you want to get out there, I would love to use them. Send me the info about them to russthebus07@gmail.com. You can also reach me on Twitter @maineventzombie.

And of course, I need guests to chat to. If you have a topic/theme, director or actor that you want to chat about from 30 minutes to 90 minutes, I would love to hear your pitch. Just send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com or a direct message @maineventzombie on Twitter.

Thanks for coming back to the NinetyForChill.com - The Podcast. I hope you enjoy.

And just because this came up on my YouTube feed: Let me introduce you to the real Hanson Brothers. Mmm Bop MotherF&^8'as.

NinetyForChill dot Com: The Podcast - Episode 5: Welcome To the Friend Zone - Biblical Style

 Films Researched for this Episode: Paradise Hills (2019).

NinetyForChill.com: The Podcast

Episode 5: Welcome To the Friend Zone - Biblical Style

Read more: https://html.com/media/#ixzz6jIeBsAn5

 After successfully predicting the Super Bowl on FanDuel, I am definitely in the position to afford the subscription fees to a podcast hosting platform. Thus, a square logo is needed to fit on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, and Stitcher apps. Above was the best I could immediately come up with. If anyone wants to clean up this concept or have a better one to offer, drop me russthebus07@gmail.com an email and I would be happy to discuss obtaining that image from you.

Is the podcast ready to be migrated to a different platform, not after this week failing to work out the way I wanted. There are people that can be called out in terms of offers and lack of replies when called upon to deliver, but I digress. Also, my uniqueness as a Russ Stevens is lacking. Below is the first image that comes up that represents me when I am Google image search.

This also means I need to take on a different moniker. It looks like "The Scoop" Stevens is the leading nominee. Promoting myself as Cool Movies (CM) Darth seems to be a flirtation with disaster and others with the name Russ Staley had approached me in regards to using that wrestling moniker. I suppose I could just go back to the RC gimmick (The Single-A Saint).

Fortunately, the next episode has a guest and an awesome premise (Sub 100-minute) Henry Rollins, so expect a return to form.

As for this episode, Ally from Ally's Accessories Shop on Etsy visited her/our cat Skimble and had a story about people food ruining the trail of cats left in her wake. People food and Skimble's expectations of partaking in dairy products lead to me wanting to discuss the Milla Jovovich/Emma Roberts feature "Paradise Hills" and his efforts to get his share of Ben & Jerry's Netflix & Chilled.

From there, Ally provides us with some reading suggestions and an update on her shop. I get to go off on some tangents about Robert Rodriguez's "Alita: Battle Angel" and pregnancy horror movies like "Snatchers". We also discuss why cats are so often horror movie victims. There is also my Super Bowl prediction that I willed into existence. You are welcome Tom Brady.

I definitely earned that $275. There was an accidental deposit trying to set up my account. To get the money moved around, my ice scraper was destroyed, I had to fill up my tire where I dropped my wallet and had to back track to obtain. Of course there was a near miss accident. The work was put in.

This is only a 20-minute episode. If you want to just get to the movie chat, below is my YouTube play list of these three features. I think Ally is interesting enough to give 11 minutes to. As for me...I am worried about the Friend Zone chat. You be the judge.

90-Min Netflix: Survivor - And Parenting to be Social - 2 More Bad Ideas

Who to curse today:

• The American culture of traveling youth summer sports?
• The Champaign and/or Urbana Chamber(s) of Commerce?
• The hotel's owners sending someone to see if we are staying on our feet and off our phones?
• Well, the fucking parent who just whipped out the acoustic guitar for starts.

Is it that we have to live with our neighbors the reason why kids younger than twelve have to travel to play baseball? I am not an advocate for AAU ball, but at least you know those kids are trying to physically earn a discounted education. Kids that lack teen in their age, can they be focused enough? Do they care about being better than anyone else in the state?

www.youtube.com

Insert rant about youth sports and "The Karate Kid". Go on about children traveling teams being nothing but drunken parent social clubs. Check out the satire at MainEventoftheDead.com

I have not eaten anything today. Might be a wise thing to stick to. It is that or eat healthy.

My body is finally rebelling against me for a 24-hour Wednesday. 15 hours of sleep over three days, so I am overdue. The soul is willing, but the body is week. Despite the lack of stomach content, the back end is emptying and I think a popcorn hull in my gum ruptured something in there.

You might not dig my satire pieces, but you gotta respect my movie reviews. Popcorn abscess to watch a dry Milla Jovovich movie, please honor my sacrifice.

Survivor - A Title You Earn from Watching This

If you followed this blog, you know I will check out any Milla Jovovich film that did not seem to get a wide release. It is probably just an old crush from my sophomore year (better her that Chun Li from "Street Fighter 2: The World Warrior" right?), so I get protective of her when she is used in mainstream films. She is kind of an oddball, which is her charm, and how many directors know how to use that? I would rather she stick to films that will be lost before they make the Best Buy $3.99 bin than see her in a theater.

When I saw the cover for "Survivor", Pierce Brosnan scared me off. This guy was James Bond who earned a little more respect than Alice from "Resident Evil". Could Brosnan be as evil as his W. Bush adjacent character in "The Ghost Writer" without a wide audience to appeal to? It was not a drama like "Stone" where I am not expecting Edward Norton or Robert de Niro to kick ass, so this title just seemed like it was going to be all cliches and nothing noteworthy let alone possibly groundbreaking (like "Stone" attempted for Jovovich). And of course, I was right.

After a new update to the immigration paperwork, buying US work visas on the black market is next to impossible. Kate Abbot has been called to America's London embassy to assure that they will not be issuing new visas to potential terrorists. Some think she is being too harsh on applicants with compressed gas knowledge and the British authorities think she lacks compassion toward innocent, widowed physicians like Emil Balan.

Balan seems to be one to hold a grudge as he brought his frustrations up to a shadowy figure in a high tower to fix this issue. The evil one decides to assign the task of cutting through the red tape to The Watchmaker. His title is a front, but he does like to tinker with precise gadgets, like the bomb he uses to wipe out those in Abbot's chain of command. Kate was supposed to join them, but is only wounded in the blast.

The Watchmaker has never been identified, so Abbot is a hindrance that needs to be eliminated. Not knowing that she is running from an assassin, British police and her superiors are suspecting she may be involved in the bombing. It is up to her and her new keeper, Sam Parker, to find out the conspiracy before her diplomatic immunity will be revoked, perhaps permanently.

This week, I was able to check out Rifftrax's presentation of "Star Raiders: The Adventures of Saber Raine", so when "Survivor" opens with similar special effects, you suspect trouble. Fortunately, the effects only come out at night. 4K HDR may be bad for them, but most viewers will ignore this issue. James McTeigue is a clever enough director to make up for this short coming, but sadly the dull script cannot be saved.

If you cast Lelu from "The Fifth Element" in an action movie, you expect her to be a supreme being and kick ass. She is constantly on the run and shows no physicality until the third act. Brosnan is either James Bond or arrogant to his own shortcomings. Either way clever. There are no quips in the entire film.

"Survivor" is a game of cat an mouse, but neither animal has any obstacles to truly overcome. There are hardly and twists and the rare side stories are immediately abandoned. That is disappointing because that may actually give you a character with motivations towards their decision. I think McTeigue knew he was stuck with a bad film and just wanted to get the audience through it as quickly as possible.

There is nothing clever, crazy or comedic to make for a good PG-13 rated action flick and there is nothing extremely stupid to laugh your way through it. This is background noise that you may accidentally rewatch because it lacks anything memorable in it. A waste of time and talent, I might ask Netflix for the $0.02 "Survivor" took from me.