With a premise like that, I should not feel like there is a need to rush writing this review before this hotel shift ends. How can you forget that? If anything, Amazon should contact me in regards to writing their Prime Video movie descriptions. After all, Walmart let me do their groceries for two years.
It can be fun planning for the future, at least one that you have under control. The rest is just ignorant customers and loud and incompetent guests. I could romanticize it with the battle of loved ones and personal passion, but things would be simpler with lousy Halloween costumes portraying robots and gorilla masks portraying vampires...so you would think.
Robo Vampire
It looks like the U.S. is at least making strides against the drug trade in Southeast Asia's Golden Triangle. Their patrols are so effective that the top exporter has turned to a Taoist priest to resurrect an army of vampires to counter them. After the priest makes a pact with the ghost of his premier vampire beast's lover, he seems unstoppable. Unbeknownst to them, the Americans have their own methods of resurrection.
Death will not keep top agent Tom Wilde down. With some simple welding, he is revived as the Robo Warrior, something that does not play by the rules of Chinese black magic. Perhaps this is why the main supplier has kidnapped Sophie, an American agent whose cover has just been blown.
Stretched thin, the Yanks have assigned the rescue to Thai mercenaries. Hopefully that gamble will pay off. Otherwise, all of the secrets of the Robo Warrior will be exposed.
The last three sentences of my "Robo Vampire" plot synopsis required more thought than any placed in the production of this film. This 1988 release was a quick turnaround rip off of "Robocop" but without the class that Italian directors provide. When the quality of the film stock immediately reminds you of a Rifftrax or MST3K short, you know you should not watch this without a fifth of whiskey and robot friends. Sadly, my Tom Servo tattoo remained silent through this presentation.
Maybe I am selling my screenplay for "Main Event of the Dead" at too high a level. I may have to call it a Q-Movie instead of a B-Movie Zom Com. Ask for a treatment by emailing russthebus07@gmail.com.
The last statement comes from Godfrey Ho's film being called a Z-Movie. There is such a discrepancy in quality, I better pick a different letter. This film makes the idea of filming in portrait seem okay. To try and ensure that someone will enjoy this, Ho more than likely only shot 45 minutes of robot and vampire stuff and attached a Thai Commando movie to pad out the runtime. This causes the film to quit being good bad and just be all bad as you are pulled away from the premise that you clicked on to watch something that would only be interesting if it was exploitative foreign cinema. No abuse of women or graphic violence, no value to a scum aficionado like me.
It is sad that Ho decided to take this route because the cheap effects that feature no concept about how any weapon works is constantly hilarious. The Robo Warrior story already tries to be something for everybody. You have the gore of vampires ripping out a throat or too. You have the "lady ghost" fighting in completely sheer white "robes". The vampires can only hop as conveyance, so no one will be scared from the theater. You have a slapstick scene when you realize that vampires can get hyped up on sugar, so you better keep them neck deep in heroin for storage purposes.
When you use firecrackers and bottle rockets instead of scribs, you cannot change it up for half the film with Cannon like action. You have not earned it and by the first cut to the Thai movie, the audience knows they do not want it. We were too busy enjoying the nonsensical cuts, why would we want this feature to suddenly make any sense?
"Robo Vampire" could have been and enjoyable mess, but chose to be a monotonous chore. There is no Wikipedia page for this film, but after enough Google searches, I had found there to be two "sequels". As a lover of the concept of "so bad it is good", I am considering tracking them down in hope that Godfrey Ho could nail this down once. With that said, leave it to me because you should not object yourself to watch a Break.com video that will more than likely become a train accident.
If your blissful ignorance can be stolen by "Robo Vampire", how can you trust Ho to not go after your soul with his other works? His techniques are the only vampires of his that makes sense.
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