The Sweet, The Sour, and the Phantasm Review

Today was one of those sweet and sour ones. It was sweet that my supervising team figured out how to help the employees who guilt tripped me into working overtime, despite I had to stay long enough to determine if the work load would be too grand for three people to handle. I should be ecstatic about a victory over protocol, but there is the sour. That being the fact I spent more on cat treats than I did on my own groceries. Honestly, pleasing that little furball makes me happy on its own, provided she does not wake me whining for them.

Expenditures for 9/9/11 just remind me that I'm broke, without credit (I got to show some discipline, by not activating the fresh plastic) until my next paycheck. I should be fine after that minus the Cubs tickets I want to pick up. So I should be thinking of the last nights at Wrigley, but that's the problem. They are the last games until March 2012. What is there to do in Peoria to have fun with the spare coin that comes with the change of the season? Rivermen season tickets is impractical working second shift. Oh the price of being a cynic. Can never appreciate the little things.

Or maybe I just think the sweet and sour is bull shit. Never cared for most Asian foods when I come to think of it. I prefer spicy.

Slow news day, and watching the Saints game and a movie would have kept me up too late. If I wouldn't have fried (technically steamed my DVR), I'd at least have wrestling to go on about. To make this blog worthwhile, I guess I better dig up a bad movie review I wrote on some scratch paper at work.

Maybe, not a bad movie. My bitching about "Surf Nazis Must Die" will not accomplish anything. It is the garbage that the mainstream that you must be warned about, and I don't have any of those lying about. How about "Phantasm?" That seems an essay which will be more fun to type than another socialist blog. At least at this hour.

Perhaps the most under appreciated horror franchise is "Phantasm." It had as many sequels as most from the late 70s-early 80s boom, but this critic was only aware of the films through "USA Up All Night." Being associated with the censored soft core made it so I had no interest in the series history until the notoriety of it director's Bruce Campbell classic, "Bubba Ho-Tep." This Campbell connection and there being no little dolls or undersized monsters (at least that I was aware of), this is the kind of spooky that I should not skip.

Shit Movie Fest

Weird things have been happening at the local funeral home since Tommy's apparent suicide, or at least young Michael thinks so. The lonely teenager who virtually clings to his older brother Jody swears that he is being stalked by the giant funeral director and his zombie dwarfs. Obviously, he is telling the truth about this evil Tall Man, and after successfully convincing his brother and their best friend, Reggie The Ice Cream Man, they set out to solve the mystery that may even involve their parents, and all of the recently deceased.

"Phantasm" is a brilliant translation of a bad dream. That is David Lynch's goal, but auteur and "Beast Master" helmer Don Coscarelli makes the chaotic nature of a dream make sense. Honestly, without additional sequels, this film make no sense, but it comes to a clear conclusion, something we always hope for when we wake up.

There are some brilliant moments presented by Coscarelli, most notably the the scenes in the crypt and that his presentation of mayhem is as restrained as "John Carpenter's Halloween." Again, what makes the film unique is that it successfully throws creepy concepts together and gives our protagonist a chance to survive. This could have been the first and only horror movie that could have had a successful NES translation.

"Phantasm" is a simple horror film that delivers shocks, and can be appreciated by anyone with and overly active imagination. With its nightmarish environment and relative lack of gore, it could make a great double feature with "Inception." This is a rare mind bender in an American genre and era that kept horror way to simple.

We Are 138: Wall-E Movie Review

Well, I cannot lay around my apartment waiting for one of the cats to grab a pillow and smother me (Brenda has become accustomed to my face), so I went out to see a movie last night. One of my coworkers recommended "Wanted" (sounded like it had all the campy stuff I want in a crappy action flick), but I'm all about cinema. Cinema. CINEMA.

As a result, "Wall-E" by Pixar was the best option.

This film had a pretty simple premise. The story of two robots falling in love by their united efforts to bring humanity back to the once desolated by pollution planet of Earth. Wisely (from at least a financial standpoint), Pixar decided to take the humorous path of rescuing human race. With the failure at the box office of Danny Boyle ("Trainspotting", "28 Days Later") martyr fest of "Sunshine", one has to be able to laugh at the brink of destruction.

Until the emotional climax, humor is always present. I do not know if Fred Willard was needed as the President/CEO of the WalMart like conglomerate that control society (he could have at least gave us his half-ass W impersonation), but it keeps you happily involved with the story.

When I stop to thing about it, the WalMart stuff in general could have been lessened. I thought there was enough humor is a society that is beyond super obesity. It is great that Pixar is making an effort to provide voice work to the past their prime fat actors, but this does lead me to question some of Pixar's believability.

How does a bed ridden society of fat asses consistently mate for 700 years? I've been desperate for a lay, but if I won't shag me, I don't want to make any women deal with the act of satisfying my human needs.

So, I guess that is the one thing I wasn't sold on in a brilliantly told story. In a nearly perfect comedic film, I still must knit pick some of the other elements in Pixar's decision making.

Did the hero have to look like a midget Johnny 5 for starters? Did Michael McKean build him?

Also Wall-E, a robot desperate to experience the emotion of love, falls for a feminine robot called Eve. This shows the lack of balls at Pixar to be truly groundbreaking.

What if the robot Wall-E fell in love with was masculine with a name like Evan? Pixar had the chance to bust down social walls with the first American gay cartoon couple (3-PO and R2 broke the robot barrier), and they passed it up.

Really aren't robots androgynous, would parents have difficulty explaining this to their kids?

Well, hopefully through my review, I have quelled any distractions one may experience in what perhaps may be the best film of the year. Add the best Pixar short film that I have seen, almost any one should jump at a chance to see Wall-E on a digital screen.

Landmark Cinemas won't cut it for this one.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/517359677/wooden-constructor-robot-wall-e-wooden

The Sweet, The Sour, and the "Phantasm" Review

Slow news day, and watching the Saints game and a movie would have kept me up too late. If I wouldn't have fried (technically steamed my DVR), I'd at least have wrestling to go on about. To make this blog worthwhile, I guess I better dig up a bad movie review I wrote on some scratch paper at work.

Maybe, not a bad movie. My bitching about "Surf Nazis Must Die" will not accomplish anything. It is the garbage that the mainstream that you must be warned about, and I don't have any of those lying about. How about "Phantasm?" That seems an essay which will be more fun to type than another socialist blog. At least at this hour.

Perhaps the most under appreciated horror franchise is "Phantasm." It had as many sequels as most from the late 70s-early 80s boom, but this critic was only aware of the films through "USA Up All Night." Being associated with the censored soft core made it so I had no interest in the series history until the notoriety of it director's Bruce Campbell classic, "Bubba Ho-Tep." This Campbell connection and there being no little dolls or undersized monsters (at least that I was aware of), this is the kind of spooky that I should not skip.

Shit Movie Fest

Weird things have been happening at the local funeral home since Tommy's apparent suicide, or at least young Michael thinks so. The lonely teenager who virtually clings to his older brother Jody swears that he is being stalked by the giant funeral director and his zombie dwarfs. Obviously, he is telling the truth about this evil Tall Man, and after successfully convincing his brother and their best friend, Reggie The Ice Cream Man, they set out to solve the mystery that may even involve their parents, and all of the recently deceased.

"Phantasm" is a brilliant translation of a bad dream. That is David Lynch's goal, but auteur and "Beast Master" helmer Don Coscarelli makes the chaotic nature of a dream make sense. Honestly, without additional sequels, this film make no sense, but it comes to a clear conclusion, something we always hope for when we wake up.

There are some brilliant moments presented by Coscarelli, most notably the the scenes in the crypt and that his presentation of mayhem is as restrained as "John Carpenter's Halloween." Again, what makes the film unique is that it successfully throws creepy concepts together and gives our protagonist a chance to survive. This could have been the first and only horror movie that could have had a successful NES translation.

"Phantasm" is a simple horror film that delivers shocks, and can be appreciated by anyone with and overly active imagination. With its nightmarish environment and relative lack of gore, it could make a great double feature with "Inception." This is a rare mind bender in an American genre and era that kept horror way to simple.

B-Movie Horror Film Series - Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy / Song of the Dead

Mil Mascara vs. The Aztec Mummy --- Song of the Dead

When you go to see a B-Movie, you have to bring friends with you. One of those friends has to be relatively inexpensive alcohol, and the others have to at one point in time had a pulse.

I'd say the friends have to be alive, but when the modern B-Movie line up has to have at least one zombie flick, it would be inappropriate to deny them entrance. Actually, it might be educational that way. It would show the living dead what would happen to them if the messed with us.

Of course, there is the problem of letting the patrons carry weapons into a theater, but come on. When it comes to the Peoria Theater, we are all adults there. Drunk, immature adults.

When I viewed "Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy", I had left my emergency flask of Johnny Walker Black at home, and my only friend was my infamous notebook (that being the opinion of the independent pro-wrestling scene). Fortunately, the little book was an awesome wing man, drawing the attention of the other patrons. They wanted the critic's opinion infused with their viewing experience, so I was quickly accepted into their family. Thus I was ready to survive "Song of the Dead".

At bars, it is easy to feel alone in a crowded room, but at the Peoria Theater, that is not the case. It is like the voice in your head can interact with everybody. I believe the next "B-Movie Horror Film Series" will be August 28, 2009, and you are more than welcome, and thoroughly encouraged to check it out.

Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy

Director: Jeff Burr

Co-director: Chip Gubera

A black sheriff?

If only Mel Brooks was the director of this film. Could you imagine a Mexican wrestling A-List movie, and the corresponding Broadway musical.

As for Willard E. Pugh, the former mayor of Detroit ("RoboCop 2"), I guess if you want to serve the public, you got to go where the jobs are. Even if the job is the Police Chief of the Mexico City Police Department, one cannot be too picky.

In a world where everything takes a back seat to wrestling championships and trippy photo shoots, The Aztec Mummy has risen. And with the Jewel of Tanawa, he can control the minds of the most influential people in the world.

The only one who can save the world is the brilliant scientist, ambassador of international goodwill, and most importantly, the wrestling legend Mil Mascaras, The Man of a Thousand Masks. Mil's immunity to the effects of the jewel and bastardized use of the Hyrule's Triforce, the Mummy will pull out all the stops to defeat the descendant of the family who put him to rest centuries ago. Our hero will have to face off with blood thirsty Aztec servants, possessed opponents, and lousy Harley Race commentary to save the world.

Can Mil Mascaras overcome the demonic threat to the world, find true love, and the secrets to his mask? Or will the USA go and nuke their southern neighbors before the Mummy can come to power?

Personally, I'm a Cuba Gooding Jr. fan, but if Pugh's attempt to be the stereotypical black guy were not poor enough, it seems like he asks himself "WWCubaD."

As for Mil's performance, I was pumped to find out that he speaks nearly fluent English (thank you WWE Classics of Demand), but unfortunately his ADR is pathetic. Still no one can complain about the film's wrestling and the luchador performances. Blue Demon Jr. just knows how to rock the cape.

The movie does offer some clever dialogue:

The only bride you'll have is my fist, and I'm afraid it'll be a painful consummation.

Okay, outside of the Aztec Mummy need for a bride with a Zelda tramp stamp (birthmark...right), the rest of the script is too funny in that proper B-Movie way.

Poisoning you. Now I have something else to charge this Mummy with.

The good guys just have to be super idealistic. Yes, it would be better for society if we could bring all criminals to justice, but he's a freaking mummy with the mobility of Jabba the Hutt's head droid.

Give the Mummy credit for his wrestling ability, but I respect almost anyone who owns wrestling boots outside of Central Illinois. He is portrayed by Jeffrey Uhlmann, who also acts as the robot who saves our heroes to set up for the movie's epic climax.

They try to throw everything into this movie. Fiftyesque robots, twin vampire lesbians, nukes, decapitations, and every possible transitional scene you could think of. Thus the need for extra booze was needed.

The film drags because it had to have everything. Each scene offers some B-Movie glee since they went there, but you are immediately pleading for them to get to the next scene.

You need to watch Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy with a wise audience to enjoy it fully. Otherwise, Mil v. Mummy can be a strenuous ordeal. If you love B-Movies, this flick delivers. Just make sure that you come to this one prepared, or you risk possible brain trauma.

https://willthrillville.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/mil-mascaras-aztec-mummy.jpg

Song of the Dead

Directed and Written by Chip Gubera

There are a lot of great Zombie movie ideas, so they should all be put on film (like "Main Event of the Dead", my pro-wrestling comedy, feel free to ask for a treatment by e-mailing russthebus07@gmail.com). Video just doesn't do the deceased justice. Then again, if a wig on grass is suppose to represent a smashed head, and you have are trying to use Lucas swipes and De Palma split screens, you do have to give some thought to my previous declaration.

In this must expose your breasts for a young female lead role (be it living or undead) that does everything it can not to piss off George A. Romero, the President of the USA (Reggie Bannister of the "Phantasm" franchise) along with his red, white, and blue sequenced sports coat had the sad job of informing us of the latest Islamic Extremist attack on America. Terrorist had mixed the Jihad Reanimation Virus (or JRV) into a mosquito pesticide. The result, USAF has sprayed our great country with the Zombie Apocalypse's catalyst.

Surprisingly, the rural communities are hit hardest because so many unknown bodies are buried out there (Thank you Ted Bundy). The story follows Sandy, her Gun-Ho brother and father, her mentally unstable yet extremely fashionable boyfriend Brad, and the mysterious Arthur whose hobby gives him knowledge of 20 more zombie terrorist that may attack. These survivors are trapped at their summer home outside of Kansas City, and they came to their last stand with a soundtrack and jazz hands.

It is hard to be happy with a Zombie, Musical, Comedy that only has one tribute to thriller. That is what the audience seemingly came to see besides for gore and boobies. As the flick is played, the audience is trying to figure out how to make can a better version of this.

Oh for the days of Super 8, the format you couldn't immediately mass produce. This is not "Evil Dead", so this movie would not exist in a simpler time.

So immediately, you have to appreciate Song of the Dead, for all of its thriftiness. The Air Force uniform with only a flag on the left shoulder, the BB gun that the actor has to be the folly artist for, and the chainsaw they chose to ignore budgeting gas for, etc., leaves the audience respecting the nerve of the "filmmaker" to try to get away with this zombie flick.

"You could totally see that one zombie cop a feel off the topless zombie chick."

"He didn't get paid for this, so let him have that at the very least."

I don't know how this movie can technically be called a comedy beyond the laughs the budget restrictions create. The musical numbers are suppose to be for laughs, but the songs are very hit and miss. The audience is left having a ball laughing at the fact that they are singing and dancing, not the lyrics.

The only thing that is very funny about the film is the relationship between Sandy [Kate Gorman (not the Kate Gorman)] and Brad (Travis Hierholzer). There was actually time spent on making these characters play off each other very well, and to make sure that there was something funny about every dialogue exchange between them.

Kate Gorman is a ham, but this is a B-Movie musical, so I cannot say that is a negative thing. All of the actors with the exception of the Sandy's brother (Steve Williams who has no clue about the concept of acting) give everything they have to make this film a B-Movie gem.

I don't want to say their efforts are wasted (especially by Conrad Gubera who played Sandy's father), but Song of the Dead is just a cheap film, not a B-Movie. It is disappointing to see so much heart misused, especially when it is not splattered across the screen.

In the Box Too Long: Schrodinger's Undesirable Cat is Tripping Balls

Enter the dream state of a guy who spent the better part of a year determining if I was alive or dead to the world.

It was not Central Illinois, I knew that for sure. The first recollection of the dream was taking a seat, talking to a mark about El Phantasmo versus Robbie Eagles from Best of Juniors from this year, the mark holding it higher regard than the worker of course.

Then the venue changes to a place with high enough ceilings for a ring, and I was frustrated by the glass pawn/jewelry shop like displays where seats should be. Maybe you could fit the Women of Wrestling Ring in it (I swear that is 12' by 12' whenever I see those with skills equal to mine on AXS TV). The executive vice presidents and Chris Jericho are all talking about merch, obviously, and plans for the All Elite Wrestling. As for me, it felt like I was being blatantly left out of the goings on.

They wanted me there, but did not have a reason. Was it a display of respect that I had paid my dues despite having nothing to offer them? Was it a way of mocking me because I would never be allowed to pursue my first passion? The prior sums up how I feel about the Chicago wrestling scene that I gave my all to get into. The latter sums up how Downstate refuses to give me an opportunity to because I was trying to get better rather than get over with the salt of the Earth. You know...morons.

I woke up disturbed and feeling helpless. 45 minutes before my alarm was set for an opening shift did not improve my mood. Breakfast is a meal I tend to skip and social media was not a good place for a depressed person to be. Going back to sleep could have two consequences: pride that I did it or anger because it just felt pointless.

I did my best to come up with the least desperate-sounding tweet:

Woke up from a dream and now in an #existential crisis. I am pondering if I let my empathy get the best of me. It seem I was either used up or considered an idiot for it.

Why would anyone like that on Facebook? At least this plea got more of a response than the ones where I ask everyone to migrate to Twitter.

In the end, I brushed my teeth before I made coffee was the result. So I get on the road to head to the job, arrive 20 minutes before we can open the place, drive to kill time (and unfortunately gas before I head to Peoria for a dentist appointment), and buy a five-dollar coffee drink. Damning my attempts to be fiscally wise seems to be the only thing I excel at, and it is something those closest to me love to remind me of.

The time spent between waking up and fucking up was spent pondering why I get locked out of everything I want to be a part of. Of course I think back to the beginnings of the pursuits and how they all went to shit. With wrestling, it started by my desperate nature to get into it after college that I was an errand boy from guys to dim to call con men. It turns into doing anything to get the new ownership's promotion over while they would not put me into a position to succeed because of my ambitions to make a living in the business.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies

Up: The Emergence Perpendicular Citizens Brigade

Current mood: drained
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

Pixar's "Up" is an inevitable tale of the elderly. The first time we see bloodshed in a family CG film, and we get it from a cute old person. Not only are they using up all of the social security, they are looking to kick our ass. Be it with their four-pronged canes or attack dogs (I'd like to point out that there were no evil [or stupid] cats in this film), they are out to get their way.

Don't trust anyone over 40 never rang so true.

Hopefully, that drew you into this blog about a cute, family friendly film about the bond between like minded explorers regardless of age. Not as daring as "Wall-E" or "Family Guy's" Herbert and Chris relationship, but who needs innovation when you have a well told story...with talking dogs.

Pure bread dogs at that. With the lovable and dimwitted hero pooch Dug, there is either a hidden message about the need to accept everyone or that the meek will actually inherit the Earth. Both views can be seen as optimistic, but I'm hoping its the prior.

But let us get to the elderly conspiracy.

Mr. Fredrickson is a senior citizen who is trying to hold on to what he has after his wife Ellie passes away regardless of the industrialist pigs who want to run him out of town for whatever business seems appropriately placed across from a sushi fast food restaurant. In an "impulsive" reaction to the dust and inadvertent property damage, he attacks and injures a construction worker. Being a threat to society, he is going to have to go to a retirement home and forfeit his house.

Inspired by the dream he and his wife had, he would not go quietly into the night. Instead, he makes quite a spectacle when he decides to turn his house into a dirigible with the help of helium and thousands of party balloons. His quest, to place his house by Paradise Falls in South America like he and his wife had always planned. And with the help of an overzealous Wilderness Explorer named Russell it may work. That is, if they don't inadvertently interfere with the plans of the insane elderly explorer and his dogs' quest to capture the Monster of Paradise Falls.

Let me save the readers $3.00. Do not see the 3-D presentation of the film. Unless you are looking for the effects to make the viewer leave there seats, they are wasted. It may make a great theme park attraction, but not a movie going experience.

Besides, do you really want to play 3-D tricks that could leave the children in the audience (who won't shut up...the worse I remember from my generation was my li'l bro exclaiming, "the bear fell down" during the finale of a "The Fox and the Hound" reissue) in a panic. Pixar can be enjoyed by any audience, don't go out of your way to alienate those who tell their friends to drag their kids to your flick.

Also, Pixar's style is "cartoonish," so it is like my pseudo niece shoving a color form closer to my face. At least in her case it's a "Wonder Pet", Nick Jr's Terry Gilliam of their line up. They are supposed to mess with our mind...right?

Now on to the film. I can understand if it seems long at times to the supposed target audience, because it is really a film about the relationship of Fredrickson and Russell as opposed to actually achieving a task. So that's probably why the kid three rows back would not shut up, and I'm surprise their weren't calls by the wee ones to wee. But for the parents, the story is always building up to something bigger, so they should always be interested. Throw in the talking dogs, and you are rewarded with each step in the rising action of the story.

For me, if you spend this much time on character development, I'd expect a little more dialogue, but I think the universal experience of watching a kid that you didn't plan on watching allows any adult to relate and be frustrated with Fredrickson. And when you are frustrated like that, you know you can't speak...at least without yelling "ear muffs" first.

Beyond the story, there is nothing innovative about the film. It's Pixar's style, and I don't need it changed, so in essence I'm glad it is not much of a 3-D film. Especially, when I only paid $2.50 to see it.

Which reminds me, is "Cars" worth buying (maybe after getting to it a half decade from the original post)? It has movie cash, so I could see Up for free next time if it does.

Up seems to be missing a lot of the elements that made Pixar's film so grand (the soundtrack isn't memorable), but whatever elements it has makes the film worth anyone's full price admission. If you want a great story and great characters this is the film to see.

Up doesn't waste anything it has which is something most blockbusters fail to do, so at this point, it's the best...well I gotta a soft spot for "Watchmen", film of the year. Terminator Salvation can be your room noise this fall.

Buzzfeed - 16 Small Details That Prove "Up" Is The Greatest Pixar Movie Ever