Tuesday, March 10, 2020

90 min. HBO Max: "Lost Boys: The Thirst" and C2E2 Sexualization Rant

*Blog entry started on February 24, 2020.

Everything should be lined up for C2E2, at least it should be when I retrieve the proper credit cards to charge everything on. The event also determined the cause for my tax refund which is difficult for me to figure out how to take (maturity/mentally). Is it a good thing to have money to spend on stuff I want, now realizing that there is stuff I want? Or is this a, "quit wanting shit" situation? Growing up sucks, and when you are coming up on a decadal birthday, you realize it is not getting any easier.

And there are not that many people who will go out and make it less painful. My better quarter (Eva the Cat will always get half) had her cosplay idea and it is of minimal effort. She wants to roam around McCormick Place in Pikachu hoodie and call it a costume. I have a Pokeball hoodie that she got me for Christmas, so we can do a group thing. My cosplay focus is how I can look good in a plus-size vest dress, which may not be possible, thus I will just be another jabroni wandering around with an Ultra Saber (or two). Can we really have that?

The girlfriend was insistent on going to Michael's when I visited my dad. Personally, I can just chill out with him bullshitting about sports and running political arguments by him that he will not curse me out over. With Mom chaperoning my youngest sibling to football games in England, why did I submit to her whims? Destiny perhaps. Thinking about crafting stuff led me to ask about some modifications to my proposed Pika Pal.
Would you be comfortable walking around with a ball gag?
Modify that bondage gear to look like Pokeball, buy some cheap sex toys at Spencers, we got something clever, which she even acknowledged. Pokémon Master and Porno Pika.
It's a family oriented affair!
Really? I have seen enough guys in tights who either needed dance belts or jockstraps. We would not have been that scary. It would have been a "The Lost Boys" R-Rating at worse.

And now I am wondering how to PG-13 BDSM. If only it was as easy as killing a few curse words and hiding some boobs.

Lost Boys: The Thirst - A Chance to Raise It on the Tomatometer

If a direct-to-DVD sequel (to a sequel in this case) occurs, someone had to like the previous release. "Lost Boys: The Tribe" was Warner Premiere's bestselling release, so at least the executives like it. With only six negative reviews to its credit, one would think the new set of writes and directors would have read them and created their sequel to ensure a better feature.

"The Tribe" totally missed its mark by making Edgar Frog (Corey Feldman's character) just a supporting player. He was the only good thing about the film, and I presume critics pointed that out as well. Maybe the producers were just trying a soft reintroduction to the character since a continuation of his story and other past characters were featured in the mid-credits of that film. Wikipedia gave me that information because "The Tribe" was so disappointing that I did not let the credits finish before shutting off the disc player.

When executives see that a DVD sold a million and a quarter copies, you had to wonder if they were going to repeat the same formula. Sexy teens versus vampires who just happen to come upon Feldman to carry the rest of the feature worked once (financially), why not again? Fortunately, "Lost Boys: The Thirst's" box art only featuring one male lead on it, and that being Feldman, sold me on hitting up a Red Box to see if the franchise has corrected itself in terms of quality.

After destroying covens in Santa Carla, Washington D.C., and Luna Bay, Edgar Frog is residing in San Cazador, California. The vampire hunting business appears to be dead and it is difficult having only night hours for potential surfboard shaving customers, so his trailer and plot are about to be repossessed. His comic book collection has been assessed at a value that will not put him in the black, so unless he wants to part with "Batman No. 14", he will soon be homeless.

Serendipitously, Stephenie Meyer stand in Gwen Lieber arrives to offer him a job. Her brother Peter has been kidnapped by a vampiric DJ, DJ X. She has no idea what he has planned for her sibling, but it must involve the new party drug that he is distributing at his raves called the Thirst. The only problem with this drug is that it is actually vampire blood. If Frog does not do something, an army of blood suckers will be set on devouring the West Coast in no time.

I enjoyed "Lost Boys: The Thirst" so much, that I picked up the Blu-ray the first $10 sale tag was stuck to it. Heavily comic book-influenced vampire films are up my alley provided they do not take themselves too seriously. If you can chuckle along the way at the weaknesses and plot holes of hominis nocturna, you should enjoy this feature. It is a brilliant recovery from the teen drama elements that "The Tribe" focused on.

There are points where you feel that perhaps our protagonists should be taking the story more seriously, and there performances show that. Primarily Jamison Newlander reprising his role as Frog Brother Allan, but with three scenes, you cannot blame him for chewing up the scenery. The other acting shortcomings revolve around the antagonists who just lack conviction in there performances. It is kind of like the indie wrestling scene after WCW and ECW died. They wanted to be cool instead of three dimensional adversaries.

The movie outside of Edgar Frog and his rag tag crew of vampire hunters (the sexy "Twilight" author with the British accent, the cute bookworm who has a crush of Edgar, and the reality TV uber-jock and his chubby cameraman), the film can drag. I do not recall the classic needing more than one scene to establish how evil the Vampires were without a protagonist present, and in that scene, there was no intelligible dialogue. 

These scenes' inclusion must be the director Dario Piana effort to show his abilities as a director. Unfortunately, he misses the marks. At times during intense action or rave scenes, it looks like he was shooting an eighties European rock video. The credits indicate that, despite the MPAA rating, this was originally a teleplay. We did not need any further reinforcement this was never meant for AMC or Fathom Events.

If I had one more bone to pick with the film is that it seems to miss the mark with raves. I have never been to one, but any bar scene can be a party drug scene. Most kids probably experiment with drugs via Greek life (which I think should be abolished, but that is a blog for another time). The rave as a platform to create the pandemic has been used in other bad direct-to-video horror sequels ("Return of the Living Dead: Rave 2 the Grave"), so it has just been played out.


"Lost Boys: The Thirst" falls into that nice space between guilty pleasure and fandom. The production could have been better, but the story and our protagonists work so well, you can forgive that. This serves as a great conclusion to this incarnation of the franchise, but I would not mind a chance to tag along with Edgar and Allan one more time.

Monday, March 9, 2020

90 min. Redbox: "Arena": Can Samuel L. Jackson Save a Title Timur Dropped.

Thank you Redbox for so many promo codes (This review was written in 2011. Why so stingy now?). Netflix (DVD) may have had "Arena" (2011) in stock, but with the vast library of suggestions, who knows if I would have come across such a ridiculous feature.

I am familiar with two other films called "(The) Arena". The premise is pretty much the same for each one. They are tales of a person's survival through brutal one-on-one combat. The 1989 (brilliant) low-budget take is about a human fighting aliens and the 2001 use of the title was Timur Bekmambetov's international debut about female Roman gladiators, and after further investigating I found that was a remake of a Roger Corman B-movie from 1974 of the same name. With this history  lacking luster (or lack of interest), how can Sony believe this can possibly be a made-for-DVD gem?

Pick Your Three Words: Samuel L. Jackson or Sam "Motherfuck'n" Jackson. Sony proves that I am not the only one to believe there is no such thing as a bad feature from this legendary performer. With the amount that he works, it makes me wonder why there have been any bad movies since 1988.

David Lord has a death wish after losing his pregnant wife in a bizarre traffic collision, (An accident implies no one was at fault.) so he decides to head to Mexico for an endless bender with a $100 bill his only form of currency. If he was not an ex-marine, rugby-playing firefighter, his desired fate would not have any trouble finding him. Ironically, this skill set will not allow him a quick demise.

After being seduced by the mysterious Milla, he is kidnapped by Kaden the Executioner to become the latest warrior for an online TV show called "Death Games" where modern gladiators compete in bouts that are nearly guaranteed to end with at least one fatality. The only problem with his "recruitment" to this underground "sport" is that he has nothing left to fight for. Certain that no one can continue to survive the Arena, the arrogant BMF producer Logan has come up with a means to motivate David.

If David wins 10 fights, he can go free. That is probably the only way he will get a chance to kill Kaden and Logan, so it is not a tough decision to become the most badass meme on the worldwide web.

I was still skeptical about renting "Arena" because for an actor like Jackson who has starred in so much, but avoid made-for-video, it just felt sad to see him make his DVD debut. Fortunately, Sam knows what the market's viewers want and the creative team behind "Arena" is more than willing to accommodate his scene chewing.

Graphic violence and abundant female nudity appeals to minimalistic B-Movie fans, so the subpar acting is easily overlooked. The action sequences are not much to write home about, at least in terms of the action, but the deathmatch concepts they introduce are amusing enough to ignore the other shortcomings. The fights are like "Mortal Kombat" levels. As long as there is a pit to drop the opponent into, clunky combat is forgivable. If these masterful compensations are not enough to amuse you, the sophomoric references to modern classics at least argue that the effort should be appreciated.

How this film still wound up costing $10 million to produce is beyond me. It did not go to the box art.

The low-budget style, clever effects and corner cutting make "Arena" a fun film to experience. I suspect $9 million went to Samuel L. Jackson, and I am comfortable with that. Thank you Sony for giving the most prolific American actor a lifetime achievement award attached to a good, quick flick.

cityonfire.com


Drooling Cats and "The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard"

"I don't think you can be accommodated for."

You provide examples of what you need in a relationship, and they are considered petty (when compared with not talking to you for nearly an entire week because they are upset with over their lack of effort), you best get out of that, I think. I feel kind of sick, but I think that is more or less from me allowing my coworker's possible cat emergency serving as distraction. No kitty should suffer for my relief.

My new ex's nickname involved cat, but after the past few weeks of apparent aloofness, I have done my best to remove the implications she may have thought the nickname allowed.

"You have opposable thumbs, so you can't cat. I would say the same thing to the polydactyl pussies. If Eva can open a door without them, you need not be so whiny."

We managed to successfully review the situation and why I am not taking back my decision. Everything seems to be fine, unless my on the drunkenness from two nights removed sent some mixed messages. I still love her, we are just in a state where we have to find more in common with each other that might inspire her to actually NOT CAT. Fortunately for her, she is from the area and has friends of varying degrees to consult. As for me, not so much.

Hence, I tried to see if my estranged best friend had made any return to social media. Drunk texting is rarely good. She has gotten back online...because she is trying to mount a campaign for the district's Congressional seat. This leaves me to believe I will not be getting a text response back to my congratulatory text messages for starting her campaign.

I never respond to political text messages anyhow (BERNIE BROS), so the continuation of the estrangement seems appropriate. Still, there is a feeling of there being a bit of heartlessness to that. That might serve her politically...


Catching up on my postings is making me get off my ass. It maybe time to get to work on that pilot instead of dealing with whether or not it is okay too watch pre-#MeToo Jeremy Piven movies.

Bringing a laptop to work or installing Celtx on a company computer would probably be frowned upon. I need more Saturday shifts. Darn supervisors.

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard

Ben Sellecks's used car in Temecula lot is dying. Between gullible salesmen who thinks a bank bag and its contents is valid currency and the racist, misogynistic Vietnam veteran, there seems to be no way to avoid the most dismal fate. It may betray all the values of this family-owned business, but the only chance of survival is to hire liquidation master Don Ready and his crew of mercenaries to turn the lot around.

Don Ready maybe the rudest and most dishonest man on the planet, but when you have not been home in a year and half, would you be? And it is not like he is not paying for his lifestyle because no matter how much metal he moves, he is still haunted by the team's tragedy in Albuquerque. Every new town is a chance for redemption and with Ben's wise daughter Ivy challenging his methods, his life maybe ready to straighten itself out.

Provided Ben does not doubt himself and sell the dealership to Ivy's boyband fiancé Paxton's. Or Don's partner Babs does not seduce Ben's 10-year old son who inhabits a 30-year old's body. Or Don's partner Jibby does not lose focus on the cars while he searches for his first love. Or...well, lets just say the only law belongs to Murphy. If anyone is above the law, it is Don Ready.

Niko N - Pinterest.
"The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard" is upfront about the film lacking a soft side. It goes straight for the obvious impolitically correct jokes and premise and tells the audience if you are looking for characters with depth, they will be none to be found.

This movie feels like what live improv shows are which I do not think translates to the big screen. Christopher Guest's improv-based films have a story to adhere to which allows for characters to develop. I would imagine a lot of this film was improvised due to all the comic talent, but the jokes just being so random feels like performers are getting tagged in and out (This is the lesson I got from seeing "Sarah Shockey Teaches Colt Cabana Improv", the only live improv I paid for.). Because of how well the jokes are composed, it kind of seems like a panel show at times, which is most of my exposure to director Neal Brennan.

As for the direction, it feels like Adam McKay and Will Ferrell were just giving a comic friend a title. He keeps the shots well framed but some of the cuts are jumpy. It would be interesting to see what material fell on the cutting room floor. There does not really seem to be a vision from Brennan, so it feels half assed.

"The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard" features scores of jokes that will keep you amused and scenes that you are glad made it to film, but there is not a sense of whether or not the movie wants you to care about it. Without a sense of the director wanting you to get something out to the film, it feels like a one-sided transaction. In a sense then, "The Goods" did what car dealers are suppose to do, only think about what it gets and not what it gave you. It may not feel like a success to the audience, but someone definitely won.

90 min. DVD dot Com - "Firepower: For Those Who Wanted Heel Ultimate Warrior"

I am just now learning how to relax again, and that I may not brown like I use to. Sunburn flakes from the forehead can be quite distracting as you handle transactions. Was the punishment worth being a predominately cis-white male two rows back from Bikini Kill headlining a major festival? Fuck yeah! I was sure there was space along the rail in case "girls to the front" was invoked.

Perhaps it was not really punishment. Perhaps no professional wrestler tans well ("The Boondock Saints' 7-11 Rule" still allows me to claim that as a profession, and I still have two weekends of full gear in my Altima's trunk.). This may explain the smudgy appearance of the stock used to shoot "Firepower," an early Gary Daniels film that promises us a kayfabe heel Ultimate Warrior versus Chad McQueen, Johnny Lawrence's number two henchman from "The Karate Kid".

After the 1992 riots, it was probably not a stretch of the imagination for Los Angelinos to imagine that the city would eventually resort to just letting the slums fend for themselves and quit risking peace officers lives. Ten years later (You may need to watch "Wresting with Wregret's Warrior versus Sting" video to get an even more accurate synopsis. This film has no Wikipedia page.), you have the Personal Freedom Zone. Crime rates decreased initially, but with a lack of resources as the exchange for lawlessness, the criminal element needs to expand beyond their borders. The criminal element's primary money maker is distributing a counterfeit AIDS vaccine. LAPD sergeants Darren Braniff and Nick Sledge do not want to return to the practice of safe sex, so whenever the thugs come out to steal pharmaceutical supplies, they are ready to pounce.

One night, a failed robbery results in two of the top villains being captured. One of them is the presumed leader of the conspiracy, the rage and testosterone-filled Swordsman. The Swordsman's gang immediately breaks him out of prison and almost equaled the T-800's 1984 body count in the process. Braniff and Sledge crave their pound of flesh, and ignore the rules of the freedom zone to attempt to recapture the too buff for 1994's WWE monster. They are able to track him to the "Death Ring", a nightly death match competition, that seem to where all the plans and schemes are based out of.

Since the Swordsman is champion, Braniff determine that there is only one way to reach them. They must go undercover and fight their way to him. If they offer to spare his life, maybe he will let them in on the drug ring. The police chief and Braniff's wife are opposed to it, but with Sledge's headstrong nature, they reluctantly allow the boys to proceed. It is an all or nothing proposition and that may be the only attitude that will allow you succeed in the Kill Zone (per the movie poster).

"Firepower" has a dystopian made for DVD action movie premise that I love, but the direction and production fail everyone who actually puts an effort into the project. The three actors worth billing on the box, including James "Warrior" Hellwig give their best, but director Rich Pepin fails to lets us truly appreciate acting near the Keanu Reeves's level. With that said, Gary Daniels needs to be in "John Wick: Chapter 4."

Outside the most interesting characters, the rest of the cast is there for a pay day. And perhaps they got it. That would at least explain why there is only one fight scene that is shot with any cinematic intention, there are virtually no shots from inside the cage fights, and the constant reuse of the same special effects and driving shots in drawn the overly drawn out car chases.

You may ignore those elements because the film stock looks worse than a parody of a Barbara Walters interview. Warrior was out of the pro-wrestling game at the time, so feeling the need to tan was not there. It may not have been the stock. Perhaps if the director would have taken the time to light the scenes properly, the film would not look like it was used by Warrior as a means to blow his nose. If you can afford a couple of explosions, you should be able to afford lights. Because you only needed one explosion due to the tendency to reuse shots, there is no excuse for the lack of lights.

"Firepower" is deserving of a shot-by-shot made for YouTube remake, but if you are not going to devote that time, it otherwise deserves no attention. It is sad because Warrior could have avoided becoming a motivational dick/speaker and the fight scenes could have given us a good Jean-Claude Van Damme knock off. Instead, we have to wait another three years for Gary Daniels to be Britain's Joe Pantoliano of action. Unless you are Spielberg, Tarantino, or an Anderson not married to Milla Jovovich, do not tease the audience with greatness.

Dee Cross - Pinterest

CatBusRuss in the Quad Cities 2026: QC Fright Con & Planet Funk Con 2026 - Day 2 & Ninety For Chill in East Moline

I Dig Crazy Flicks with @CatBusRuss Episode 276 - QC Fright Con & Planet Funk Con 2026 vs. Scanner Cop 2 ⁠ CatBusRuss   is worn out. He ...