*Blog post started on January 22, 2021.
It is a good thing that I have started "NinetyForChill.com - The Podcast" because I have blown my annual resolution of eating something with Buffalo seasoning everyday. The main issue with this is that it throws off my diet. I did not buy much food because I would need to eat out every other day to make it work.
Without the resolution, I come home and want to make food because the fictional rule has been abolished. This is really just an issue on Thursdays and Fridays, the days that AEW does not offer content. My apologies for not finding "A Shot of Brandy" to be must watch content. When I leave work at 6:15 pm, there is not really a lot of time to prepare food in time to watch wrestling. Those are good times for Glucerna and cereal.
Thursday's trouble is that I do not have that wrestling to discourage cooking. On top of that, ramen is my Wednesday lunch because I have made it a tradition to watch AEW Dynamite with Buffalo wings as my meal. This means I am eating out during lunch and then making something fatty that night because what else am I going to do with that night? If you miss out on playing video games for a couple of weeks due to podcast work, remembering that they are available can be troublesome.
Friday's dilemma is that I usually need to take longer lunches to ensure that I am not getting overtime. The flexibility of the new part-time crews schedule prevents leaving early on that day to remedy that. Of course you should expect me to be out and about for those 70 minutes. Errands prevent me from sitting around for a half hour. Watching Smackdown (I should just say supporting the WWE), is not a priority, so the wrestling programming does not inspire me to sit in front of the TV.
I think all of my readers realize I am just bullshitting here. It is fair for them to expect me to have at least a dozen wrestling DVD's (more than likely a score) to watch and with the New Japan Pro-Wrestling World, I could just make myself a wrestling schedule. If anything, I am showing my age by wanting appointment TV. The point is, I need something to do, so I eat. The real issue that I have is that I can handle nearly any kind of body horror, so my late night movies will not allow me to purge my previous sins.
Stuart Gordon could be waistline savior for those who have a weaker stomach. Maybe after seeing a hole carved out of my wrist with pins sticking out of it (WRESTLING! YAY!!!), I can take about anything visually. Perhaps I need to rent some more French Extremism to shake this invulnerability, or I just need to stop cheering for directors to go for the bad taste reactions. Being a direct-to-video feature, "Castle Freaks" is a limited experience for fans of "Re-nimator" and "From Beyond", but makes sure to give the audience the shocks that you expect and push the boundaries of what they are allowed to enjoy. That does not necessarily mean the feature has is good, but if cat and boob mutilation perk your ears up, this film may be worth a view.
Castle Freak (1995, 1 hour 35 minutes).
The Riley family has fallen on hard times. It has been nine months since the patriarch, John, was drunk behind the wheel and was involved in an accident that took his five year-old son's life and blinded his 16 year-old daughter Rebecca. They may have gotten a break when they are informed that they had just inherited a castle in Italy.
Of course, this castle is considered haunted. The duchess who lived their never left the premises after her five year-old son died. This was shortly after John's father left her and returned to the United States with her younger sister. Stories of wailing at night that can be heard through the castle halls do not help the properties reputation.
John does not plan to relocate to Italy, he is just looking to liquidate the assets. The simplicity of this task is quickly lost after Rebecca wonders off during his inventory to follow a cat into the dungeon and crypt. Believing she heard someone, her investigation inadvertently unleashes the Castle Freak.
The home is quickly cursed by strange occurrences mainly centering around Rebecca. John's overbearing wife believes her daughter has an overly active imagination, but as John investigates these happenings, he starts to unravel a dark tale about his parentage and how the duchess's son never died even presuming that she kept him alive to torture the past 40 years. One can only imagine the anger and vengeance that seethe in the mind of this newly freed monster.
The title delivers exactly what it promises. "Castle Freak's" story really expounds upon the simple premise and is a classic in terms of body horror and the family-related horror that is becoming the current rage in cinema. Like the Italian horror legends, Stuart Gordon captures everything he wants you to see despite the 4:3 aspect ratio.
It is difficult to pin down anything this film does wrong. This is not high art nor is it cinema with a capital C. This feature is a solid, brief story which does harken back to the concepts of H.P. Lovecraft. Lovecraft would give you a scenario and left the story to the audience's imagination. "Castle Freak" is not a Lovecraft adaptation like his two undeniable classics, but Gordon flushed this out from only seeing a poster in the producer's office (that producer being Charles Band of "Arena" fame). He saw a freak locked in a dungeon, and created a marvelous narrative.
The film benefits from the established chemistry between the lead actors, Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton (who were also leads in the classics) and I think it is a shame that this is the last performance of Jessica Dollarhide who portrays the confident and caring Rebecca. You may complain about the Italian cast being there solely to become corpses, but that means no chemistry required. This is how no budget cinema thrives.
The most intriguing chemistry may come from how the Freak interacts with the starring cast. This maybe more of a story element, but from the beginning of the feature, you know the Freak has a reason for his actions. What is most important is the Freak trying to be human. It never works out, but he is not entirely evil.
He is definitely somewhat evil. I know why the cat has an awful fate, but killing our mewing masters will always tick me off. At least Dario Argento gives the felines vengeance.
If mutilated pets is not going to upset you, the Freak actions might. This feature likes to mix all kinds of vices, and the mixture is always messy. It may come off at chauvinistic, but I do not think you can argue the realism of the monster's actions. This would just be a French monster story that can be romanticized without them. Renting this title must mean you are here for the horrific. Do not complain about it.
"Castle Freak" is a horror movie for fans of the genre. Those who do not like graphic and nearly unthinkable violence need not view. That is sad because it is a brilliant take on stories like the Hunchback and the Phantom. Stuart Gordan could take any classic story premise and flush it out into something all his own.
This is a display of gore horror fans want without any unnecessary narrative to endure. "Castle Freak" is a classic from a horror master that fans of the genre owe to themselves to view.
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