*This blog post was started on November 26, 2021.
I
hope everyone has had a good Thank the Naive Natives for Giving their
land to us holiday. This year, we had our first political argument, and I
am proud to say, as the only uncle present (My brother-in-law supplied the only kids.), the instigator was not me.
At least I hope that is how it is remembered. The parent I call to check
in on may need to be the one who did not try to encourage Kyle
Rittenhouse suing the president for defamation because he was accurately
called a white supremacist. If the video showing him embracing Proud
Boys was not shown on Fox News, it could not have happened, is their logic.
The
last time that parent was called out for being racist, they took a week
to collect their thoughts and come up with a story of why the other
parent wanted to cut me off for standing my ground. If they remember
Thanksgiving correctly, they will know it was my nastier younger sibling
who lead the charge. I may have backed their facts, like the other
parent would if their spouse was flailing despite a valid argument, but I had learned not to
offer a counter proposal instead of leaving them feeling betrayed.
If
anything, this should have inspired me to try and pursue money over
happiness just so I shan't be afraid of pissing them off. That is the
lesson or I just need to knock some girl up so I have a grandchild to
hold as collateral. Either angle does not seem fun. Since I am staring
down $15 an hour and a month to get at least one shag in this year,
neither seems feasible.
I
know the standard tale of the holiday season kick off is the uncle to
start strife at the holidays, but how are you suppose to handle things
when its the host being close minded? If you follow my blogs, I am
thankful for that and I presume you know who I am talking about. If that
is the most pressing memory, the "Due Date" review I inferred in "@WWERomanReign at Least Ranks Higher than Kyle Rittenhouse" that I would transcribe at some point would be posted, is not going to be this blog.
So
what to write about this week? I did not mention professional wrestling
till the last sentence. My ranking for that sport seems to be a little too
fresh. I suppose I could just focus on women's wrestling, but the year
is winding down. With that said, my immediate concern should be ranking
the movies of "NinetyForChill.com - The #Podcast".
There are still some movies I need to watch before this year ends, but
when I am dealing with scores of movies too judge against each other,
best to get this exercise started now.
2021 Discoveries for NinetyForChill.com:
"2001 Maniacs" to "Judge Dredd"
Please
pardon the lack of films that have "The" at the beginning of their
title. Here are the top 23 in alphabetical order (down from 46).
- 2001 Maniacs (2005) - Robert Englund
- Bedtime Stories (2008): Adam Sandler
- Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020): Keanu Reeves
- Bit (2019): Teenage Vampire Girls
- Bloodsucking Bastards (2015): Pedro Pascal
- Bottle Rocket (1996): Wilson Bros.
- Castle Freak (1995): S. Gordon
- Class Action Park (2020): Documentary
- Cobra (1986): Sylvester Stallone
- Dagon (2001): Stuart Gordon
- Dark Star (1974): John Carpenter
- Death Race 2000 (1975): D. Carradine
- Dracula/Horror of Dracula (1958): Christopher Lee
- Dreamland (2019): Stephen McHattie
- DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp (1990)
- Evangelion 1.01: You Are (Not) Alone (2007): Anime
- Event Horizon (1997): L. Fishburne
- eXistenZ (1999): David Cronenberg
- Hellraiser (1987): Clive Barker
- Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988): Clive Barker
- Hotel Transylvania (2012): Adam Sandler
- House on Haunted Hill (1959): Vincent Price
- John Dies at the End (2012): Don Coscarelli
The Top 10 Discoveries for NinetyForChill.com: 2001 to John (in no particual order)
Bit (2019)
Going
down the list, I see that I have three horror/comedies in the first six
that come up. The feature with the best message and trying to advance
its genre is "Bit". This is a feature that scored highly at LGBTQ+ film
festivals, but I found it most interesting for attempting to allow
feminism to take over the vampire features. I am sure this has been
attempted in the past (Hell, "The Hunger" comes to immediate mind.), but
to try and sell the conclusion that men cannot be placed into a
position of power left me with the feeling of something
groundbreaking. It is very low budget and indie, but director Brad
Michael Elmore demonstrates he is a competent director and the
performances from the coven should allow these actrors to make a
living acting.
Bloodsucking Bastards (2015)
What
puts this feature ahead of "2001 Maniacs" is that it is not dependent upon
gore and jokes that are the lowest hanging fruit. You cannot be mad at
Lin Shaye and Robert Englund hamming it up for the runtime, but the rest
of the performances are very cookie cutter. The acting is far more on
point in Brian James O'Connell's take on "The Office". And at this
point, Pedro Pascal is more fun as an antagonist. This makes up for his
short comings in "Kingsmen: The Golden Circle". "Maniacs" is more
ambitious than "Bastards", which may have been a hindrance when compared
to a brisk story that just gets to the point.
Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020)
If
some are ready to argue that your sequel is nothing but fan service,
"Bill & Ted Face the Music" shows that it can be excellent. This
film offers the perfect balance between historic time travel and inept
protagonists trying their damnedest to save the day. The lack of a
genuine soundtrack prevents it from being as memorable as the first in
the trilogy, but the fact that it took time to give us coherent
reasoning to provide us with answers for everything the previous films
offered cannot be overly appreciated. And despite the lack of a stand
out soundtrack, integrating so many non-white musical talents lets you
give it a pass. I would love to see Li'l Bill and Li'l Ted's story
continue because the creative minds behind it leaves the audience with
no inkling that their tale could be screwed up.
Castle Freak (1995)
It
is a tough choice for this portion of the alphabet when it comes to
picking the best Stuart Gordon feature. "Daughter of Darkness" is fun,
but being made for American network television holds it back. Gordon's
"Dagon" may be his most Lovecraftian, but I saw a lot of that this year
in my film selections. You cannot go wrong with choosing the
ultra-graphic feature that has his best remembered players in it doing
what they do best. Jeffrey Combs and Barbara Crampton maintain their
chemistry from Gordon's most regarded features ("Re-Animator" and "From
Beyond") and show they do not need Lovecraft's influence to be obvious
for this team to create something great.
Cobra (1986)
If
you want Sylvester Stallone at his most camp and over the top, this is
the feature. It is just crazy action for 90 minutes following the
blue-print of "Commando". Backstory will only hold back your hero. All
the audience needs to get behind a bad ass are some one liners and a
sense of humor. As long as the movie get to its next scene before the
audience start to ponder how realistic the tale is, they will just enjoy
the ride.
Death Race 2000 (1975)
No
movie screams ridiculous low-budget fun more than this feature. And it
screams it without the irony of the 2017 sequel, "Death Race 2050". With
David Carradine as the lead, you know Roger Corman was passionate about
this Troma-prototype and the supporting cast being actors on the cusp
of breaking out (primarily a villainous Sylvester Stallone) let the
audience know they should take the picture seriously enough. It is just
great to see that there is a feature with a simple concept that does not
try to overly complicate itself. Some may say that the lack of a sequel
for 42 years indicates that the film did not have the brains to do so. I
say, no one could read a room better than Corman.
Dracula (a.k.a. Horror of Dracula) (1958)
This
was the beginning of transforming Dracula from a costume and an accent
to a well-rounded force of evil. It is brilliantly directed, the actors
know what kind of movie they are in, and the effects are outstanding
even greater than 1979's "Dracula". That feature only has a John
Williams score to hold over its predecessor.
eXistenZ (1999)
There
are a few films that this is taking the attention from when it comes to
the list, but David Cronenberg is the best at creating horrific worlds
that still manage to be enticing. "Dreamland" does not have as cohesive a
narrative to put it above this. It is a pity that "Event Horizon" did
not make the top 10 in this part of the alphabet because I dedicated a
podcast to it, but it is easy to see where Paul W.S. Anderson's world came
from. The true "Hellraiser in Space" is well directed, but the effects
do not hold up.
Cronenberg
kept things practical when everyone was rushing to CG. As long as you
do not see the zipper, those kind of effects should always hold up. The
film maybe a dumb downed version of "Videodrome",
but I think that maybe a statement about how society has slipped from
1983 to 1999. Anything that James Woods feature lacks, "eXistenZ"
provides. Hellraiser (1987)
This
is the feature that set the modern standard for a Hellscape. It is well
acted and the visual effects are awesome. The film can drag during the
killing spree to reach act three and the narrative struggles to combine
its two separate stories of Julia and Kirsty coming to terms with Uncle Frank.
Because of the more solid narrative, "Hellbound: Hellraiser II" might be
better, but I think the mythological base the first film provides makes
it more important.
John Dies at the End (2012)
I
suppose it is just comforting to know that the man who directed what
maybe my favorite horror feature, "Phantasm", still has it. If that does
not show my age, I do not know what will. Coscarelli may not have it a
decade removed. This is a comedy that is more in the vain of "Bubba
Ho-Tep". A brilliant cast comes through in supporting roles and despite a
seemingly non-linear story, some how it all makes sense. After my
podcast with Kodiak Thompson (also my guest for the "Event Horizon" and
"Dreamland" podcast), to find out there is more to this story, I think
this feature demands more attention so that we can get those films.
Top 10 Discoveries of 2021: 2001 to John Ranked
These ranking are meant to allow me some idea how to shape out the all encompassing list should shape up.
- Bill & Ted Face the Music - Dean Parisot
- John Dies at the End - Don Coscarelli
- Dracula (a.k.a. Horror of Dracula) - Terence Fisher
- eXistenz - David Cronenberg
- Hellraiser - Clive Barker
- Death Race 2000 - Paul Bartel
- Castle Freak - Stuart Gordon
- Bit - Brad Michael Elmore
- Bloodsucking Bastards - Brian James O'Connell
- Cobra - George P. Cosmatos
Bill and Ted Face the Music: Popcorner Reviews
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