Infrequent Online Daters and Right-Wing Twitter Haters (like @cb27words).

*Blog started on May 14, 2020.

Lockdown seems to have finally stagnated, and I do not think that is too bad. Yes, I am working an essential job (It is essential enough that having a third banker present would be nice. Old people calling in expecting full percentage points on investments at community banks or asking about their balances on a daily sometimes hourly basis can make taking care of the two drive thru lanes tough at times. At least 85% are decent enough folks.), so I have some sort of routine.

My ex is trying to develop a routine and get her future in order, so me time has become a thing again. It is worth being constantly questioned about why I am not depressed about moving out. Her cat is not going to be around, so I am just trying to focus on the positive. I am going to miss my little brother.

May 15, 2020:

One of my coworkers is trying to finish up a final history paper and there have been a few moments where we have acted like her research team. What I have gathered can be used to promote communism when she asked us to try and find out the literacy rate of Shanghai, China in 1920. No communist party, no concern for the lower classes, hence not even Google could not come up with that answer. At least there were those looking for a solution. Determining whether or not she should refer to the citizens of the U.S.S.R as Soviets or Russians did not require that much effort.

As she is writing, she said she might just go back and change the thesis, so her fellow student asked her if she liked to start writing and then determine the thesis as the message is being flushed out. It made me realize that is pretty much how I write without a movie review to post about. Which lead me to determine that I am not going to have one for May 18th and that I better keep the mood light instead of composing 40 miles of bad road to get to questionable 80's horror. Sad, because after my anti-right rant, I could have gone with "@adampiersen's Twitter Galaxy of Terror" as a title.

When it comes to headaches, the mildest is this new-fangled online dating game. My mom tells me my biological little brother found someone on Match.com. I responded by asking, "which one of them is paying for it?" We are in lockdown. Dating is not really feasible at this time. But with SnapChat and everyone wanting to communicate via that now, it is just difficult to measure out if you are doing too little or too much.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling 

We Are 138: Wall-E Movie Review

Well, I cannot lay around my apartment waiting for one of the cats to grab a pillow and smother me (Brenda has become accustomed to my face), so I went out to see a movie last night. One of my coworkers recommended "Wanted" (sounded like it had all the campy stuff I want in a crappy action flick), but I'm all about cinema. Cinema. CINEMA.

As a result, "Wall-E" by Pixar was the best option.

This film had a pretty simple premise. The story of two robots falling in love by their united efforts to bring humanity back to the once desolated by pollution planet of Earth. Wisely (from at least a financial standpoint), Pixar decided to take the humorous path of rescuing human race. With the failure at the box office of Danny Boyle ("Trainspotting", "28 Days Later") martyr fest of "Sunshine", one has to be able to laugh at the brink of destruction.

Until the emotional climax, humor is always present. I do not know if Fred Willard was needed as the President/CEO of the WalMart like conglomerate that control society (he could have at least gave us his half-ass W impersonation), but it keeps you happily involved with the story.

When I stop to thing about it, the WalMart stuff in general could have been lessened. I thought there was enough humor is a society that is beyond super obesity. It is great that Pixar is making an effort to provide voice work to the past their prime fat actors, but this does lead me to question some of Pixar's believability.

How does a bed ridden society of fat asses consistently mate for 700 years? I've been desperate for a lay, but if I won't shag me, I don't want to make any women deal with the act of satisfying my human needs.

So, I guess that is the one thing I wasn't sold on in a brilliantly told story. In a nearly perfect comedic film, I still must knit pick some of the other elements in Pixar's decision making.

Did the hero have to look like a midget Johnny 5 for starters? Did Michael McKean build him?

Also Wall-E, a robot desperate to experience the emotion of love, falls for a feminine robot called Eve. This shows the lack of balls at Pixar to be truly groundbreaking.

What if the robot Wall-E fell in love with was masculine with a name like Evan? Pixar had the chance to bust down social walls with the first American gay cartoon couple (3-PO and R2 broke the robot barrier), and they passed it up.

Really aren't robots androgynous, would parents have difficulty explaining this to their kids?

Well, hopefully through my review, I have quelled any distractions one may experience in what perhaps may be the best film of the year. Add the best Pixar short film that I have seen, almost any one should jump at a chance to see Wall-E on a digital screen.

Landmark Cinemas won't cut it for this one.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/517359677/wooden-constructor-robot-wall-e-wooden

"The Girl Who Played with Fire": The Girl Reloaded

"The Girl Who Played with Fire" is an intriguing picture since it solely focuses on the brilliant character of Lisbeth Salander, but it makes one wonder what author Stieg Larsson was thinking. How did you know there was interest in a sequel to an unpublished novel?

Lisbeth Salander has returned to Stockholm and all hell breaks loose. There is no time to reconnect with old friends because she is the prime suspect in three murders. Two were a couple that were preparing an article about sex trafficking based around a Russian named Zala. This article was going to be published in Mikael Blomquist's "Millennium" magazine. The other victim was Lisbeth's legal guardian, sadistic pig and rapist.

The only evidence points to Lisbeth, so the only investigator on her side is Blomquist, who must find Zala before Lisbeth because of the extremes the suspect is willing to go through to torture her may be too much for even her to handle.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling 

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90-Min Amazon Prime: "Wild Card' and Jason Statham vs. William Goldman

*Blog post started on April 30, 2020.

Things keep getting weirder during the lockdown. Tuesday, it was 2:00 am and the monotony of trying to get enough virtual currency to purchase Beth Phoenix in "WWE 2K19" (to then be able to download the best Nyla Rose before the servers shut down in May) was wearing on me. Aside from watching "The Daily Social Distancing Show" and eating Taco Bell after work and errands, the ex-girlfriend decided to be her aloof self in the living room. All of the 4K gear is in that room and I have yet to watch my "Rise of Skywalker" disc yet. I lay back and let out a "Go to fucking bed *redacted*."

"What was that?"

"Just talking to myself."

So the lesson should have just been, play video games like Simon Pegg did on "Spaced" and no one will pay attention to my cursing from the spare room. Then I got back from work last night.

She was frustrated because her ex-fiancé and then leading candidate for next roommate had wanted a custom face covering. Her mom had requested one the prior day and her father keeps breaking his. It is quite the work load and its keeping her away from her Etsy shop. On top of that, she gets a call mid process from this "gentleman":

"Is it okay if I put NRA on his mask."

"He'll look like an asshole, but I'm sure he'd say 'free country'."

"They're only trying to protect the right to bear arms."

"Do I need to pull up NRA TV?"

Wednesday is a good night for TV. "AEW Dynamite" from 7 pm to 9 pm. "South Park" from 9 to 9:30 pm. "Full Frontal with Samantha Bee" from 9:30 to 10 pm, and Trevor Noah's show at 10 pm. I got comfy so I did not really worry about the ex not sharing the experience. That was until her cat wanted attention.

"I think I may just move to *redacted*. I wanna keep Skim."

"You're not going to lose him."

It turns out, it maybe about the guy she was thinking about moving in with.

I got a movie review, that turns out to be prophetic when it comes to the scenario above, so I am going to skip some details. Things were also weird because I was experiencing my first NSFW picture exchange on Snap Chat. Somehow we got to bonding over all the madness going around and thinking about our stimulus checks, the fun of not moving came to mind. We are not going to get back together anytime soon, but maybe we could look after each other during the fall out.

This relates to the movie because it is about a character who seems co-dependent on the people of Las Vegas. He needs to get out, but that could be too easy. And what happens after he captures his dream? How will he stay sane? It is William Goldman's last screenplay, so there has got to be some intellect to it. But not since "Snatch", when has there been a Jason Statham movie that had that ("Revolver" and maybe "Safe", but "Expendables", "Crank", and "The Transporter" definitely lack that.)?

Wild Card

Nick Wild is a tough guy with a heart of gold who claims his only goal is to get out of Las Vegas. If this was really a priority for him, why is he quick to refuse extra cash for being such a great guy? But what would the good people Vegas do without him though? Who is going to serve as bodyguard to the idealist young tech billionaires? More importantly, how else will the recently raped and beaten sex worker settle her score with an arrogant mafia son? There is so much to do, is there even a way for Nick to find time to gamble away his cash in the hopes of divine intervention that will send him to live out the rest of his days in the Mediterranean?

"Wild Card" is based on Goldman's novel "Heat" which was adapted into a Burt Reynolds's movie in the mid-80's. From all accounts, including Goldman's, that film was a disaster. It sounded like it was more of Reynolds's vanity project from what I read, so I will not be revisiting that feature.

Reynolds's personality seems too big for the Nick character. Every Burt character is Burt. Jason Statham plays the same character every film, but he does not go out of his way to let you know that he is the same character. He is also a legit action star, so he is more believable when things in any film get crazy. At least for Goldman, the casting presents a good template for him to work with.

The rest of the supporting cast in this film is great and despite it being sold as an action flick from a promotional standpoint, you start to wish this could be a mafia version of "The Princess Bride". Sadly, the film does not click. Every performer is on their game and there is some brilliant dialogue, but the studio does not know if the film should focus on the gambling elements or the action. It ends up feeling clunky and being only adequately directed does not cover that up.

If you are looking for an action movie, I think "Wild Card" will disappoint. If you are looking for a William Goldman film, you will get to see the glimpses of a couple good ones, but they do not make a great whole. Fortunately, this film is for the Jason Statham fans, so if you are one, this is a pleasant change of pace.

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90-min Prime Video: "C.H.U.D." Timely Pandemic Horror

*Blog post started on May 7, 2020.

If there was any sense of optimism from the last journal (90-Min Amazon Prime: "Wild Card' and Jason Statham vs. William Goldman), I think that had dissipated over the last week. Hoping that I could just use the stimulus check to run off to a land of debauchery was a fleeting idea and my density or inexperience with SnapChat shot down a coping mechanism. On the bright side, there seems to be a sense of order. If only that was not two months away.

My life just seems to jump between frustration and boredom. The ex was dealing with a manic stretch and thus decided to stay up for 24 hours. She went to bed last night at seven to get herself back in order, so from AEW on, I had the place to myself. I could surely find time to knock off a 90-minute movie between then and Sunday evening for Monday's blog. This means it was the ideal time to venture into my unwatched Terry Gillian DVDs or anything from the Criterion Collection. Unfortunately, with high art, I want to share it like my Michel Gondry stuff. It just felt pointless and I may not have had the energy to devote that much time. Paying great attention for two and half hours seemed boring.

This makes failing to maintain the interest of a horror movie fan who seemed to like everything she saw feel worse. It made me think that I needed to spend more time in my drunk confident state. So I am lacking energy to be ready to say something hot and immediate the next time I see a woman's erogenous zones on my phone. My tendency is to try selling my cuteness, but who is buying?

I suppose I should think about being on the other side of that transaction. It is going to be hard to say goodbye to my ex's cat. Perhaps stating a financial offer for him should be my next move.

Someone has got to take care of her and this uber-empathetic cat should do. It is just great to know she is prioritizing him instead of settling into a situation where she has got to leave him with someone else. Thus explains why my stimulus is going to be spent on moving to a new place. I am just frustrated that I could not manage to figure a way to live comfortably with her. Then again, debauchery is something I have been craving. If I am living with someone comfortably, why did I break up in the first place.

Is it better to feel bored than frustrated? I suppose frustration leads to boredom. You need a break from being frustrated, but if you got nothing to do, you are going to be bored. Then you get tired of being bored and frustrated that you cannot do anything. It is chicken or the egg or the square root of negative one. We do not need that to be the blog post, so let us dive into a 1984 horror film that expresses the importance of staying inside and that could have been so much more. And at least that is frustration that will end.

C.H.U.D.

The homeless in New York's Soho district have been disappearing at a very high rate. Because of this, Police Captain Bosch is certain that there must be some foul play occurring, but the chief and commissioner tell him not to investigate them as anything more than missing persons. Once his wife goes missing, Bosch starts his investigation off the books and turns to soup kitchen operator "Reverend" A.J. Shepherd to find out what the poor folks know. He also sends police tails on homeless advocate and photographer George Cooper to see if they can stumble across any clues.

Cooper has been called on by the underground dwellers for bandages and fire arms to protect themselves. Shepherd has been collecting radiation equipment left behind in the sewer by the EPA and NRC (Environmental Protection Agency and Nuclear Regulatory Commission) after their annual inspections. With photos Cooper has taken of injuries the homeless have inexplicably endured, Bosch and Shepherd confront the commissioner and NRC after a young girl witnessed her grandfather being attacked from a sewer monster. During this meeting, a dead monster was reported suffocated from natural gas.

The NRC's answer to what occurred is simple. It was a C.H.U.D., a cannibalistic humanoid underground dweller, but as far as they know, that maybe the only one. With the high radiation level, our three protagonists doubt that and it seems like it will be up to them to save the neighborhood before the NRC decides to blow it up just to be sure this menace will not migrate.

"C.H.U.D." has a reputation of being a highly regarded cult classic, and it has the elements to explain why. A simple premise that has an over-inflated lore, a few actors who will make names for themselves over the next decade (John Heard as Cooper and Daniel Stern as The Reverend, John Goodman shows up as a beat cop), and cheaper than Italian knockoff special effects provide fun rose-colored lenses to view this film through. But I left this film thinking that it could have been a lot more based on the cult status that lead me to it.

For a three paragraph summary that only gets us to the second act, not much happens to maintain your attention. There are few scares and nothing really over-the-top about them. The acting is strong for the genre and the dialogue can amuse, but without gore or suspense, it feels more like a subpar police procedural.

In the third act, the story unravels to finally provide the film with some action. It is amusing at times, but feels like separate movies instead of a cohesive one. Again, without outrageous effects to go with it, you are just watching a quickly thrown together PG-13 thriller instead of the horror movie it promises to be.

"C.H.U.D." is worth a view if you want to know what all the subversive comedy directors are talking about. It has a great premise for a low-intelligence horror movie, but does not make it over that low bar.

Jordan Peele and Kevin Smith were fans of it, and I could see either of them releasing a great remake or even 3-D movie auteur Patrick Lussier providing at least an amusing exploitive one. It is a property worth expanding on, so I guess I cannot question it being worthwhile. Lets hope the rest of Hollywood is aware of that. If they are patient, we can have an ideal C.H.U.D. by 2022.

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