*Blog post started on May 7, 2020.
If there was any sense of optimism from the last journal (90-Min Amazon Prime: "Wild Card' and Jason Statham vs. William Goldman),
I think that had dissipated over the last week. Hoping that I could
just use the stimulus check to run off to a land of debauchery was a
fleeting idea and my density or inexperience with SnapChat shot down a
coping mechanism. On the bright side, there seems to be a sense of
order. If only that was not two months away.
My
life just seems to jump between frustration and boredom. The ex was
dealing with a manic stretch and thus decided to stay up for 24 hours.
She went to bed last night at seven to get herself back in order, so
from AEW on, I had the place to myself. I could surely find time to
knock off a 90-minute movie between then and Sunday evening for Monday's
blog. This means it was the ideal time to venture into my unwatched
Terry Gillian DVDs or anything from the Criterion Collection.
Unfortunately, with high art, I want to share it like my Michel Gondry
stuff. It just felt pointless and I may not have had the energy to
devote that much time. Paying great attention for two and half hours
seemed boring.
This
makes failing to maintain the interest of a horror movie fan who seemed
to like everything she saw feel worse. It made me think that I needed
to spend more time in my drunk confident state. So I am lacking energy
to be ready to say something hot and immediate the next time I see a
woman's erogenous zones on my phone. My tendency is to try selling my
cuteness, but who is buying?
I
suppose I should think about being on the other side of that
transaction. It is going to be hard to say goodbye to my ex's cat.
Perhaps stating a financial offer for him should be my next move.
Someone
has got to take care of her and this uber-empathetic cat should do. It
is just great to know she is prioritizing him instead of settling into a
situation where she has got to leave him with someone else. Thus
explains why my stimulus is going to be spent on moving to a new place. I
am just frustrated that I could not manage to figure a way to live
comfortably with her. Then again, debauchery is something I have been
craving. If I am living with someone comfortably, why did I break up in
the first place.
Is
it better to feel bored than frustrated? I suppose frustration leads to
boredom. You need a break from being frustrated, but if you got nothing
to do, you are going to be bored. Then you get tired of being bored and
frustrated that you cannot do anything. It is chicken or the egg or the
square root of negative one. We do not need that to be the blog post,
so let us dive into a 1984 horror film that expresses the importance of
staying inside and that could have been so much more. And at least that
is frustration that will end.
C.H.U.D.
The homeless in New York's Soho district have been disappearing at a very high rate. Because of this, Police Captain Bosch is certain that there must be some foul play occurring, but the chief and commissioner tell him not to investigate them as anything more than missing persons. Once his wife goes missing, Bosch starts his investigation off the books and turns to soup kitchen operator "Reverend" A.J. Shepherd to find out what the poor folks know. He also sends police tails on homeless advocate and photographer George Cooper to see if they can stumble across any clues.
Cooper
has been called on by the underground dwellers for bandages and fire
arms to protect themselves. Shepherd has been collecting radiation
equipment left behind in the sewer by the EPA and NRC (Environmental
Protection Agency and Nuclear Regulatory Commission) after their annual
inspections. With photos Cooper has taken of injuries the homeless have
inexplicably endured, Bosch and Shepherd confront the commissioner and
NRC after a young girl witnessed her grandfather being attacked from a
sewer monster. During this meeting, a dead monster was reported
suffocated from natural gas.
The
NRC's answer to what occurred is simple. It was a C.H.U.D., a
cannibalistic humanoid underground dweller, but as far as they know,
that maybe the only one. With the high radiation level, our three
protagonists doubt that and it seems like it will be up to them to save
the neighborhood before the NRC decides to blow it up just to be sure
this menace will not migrate.
"C.H.U.D."
has a reputation of being a highly regarded cult classic, and it has
the elements to explain why. A simple premise that has an over-inflated
lore, a few actors who will make names for themselves over the next
decade (John Heard as Cooper and Daniel Stern as The Reverend, John
Goodman shows up as a beat cop), and cheaper than Italian knockoff
special effects provide fun rose-colored lenses to view this film
through. But I left this film thinking that it could have been a lot
more based on the cult status that lead me to it.
For
a three paragraph summary that only gets us to the second act, not much
happens to maintain your attention. There are few scares and nothing
really over-the-top about them. The acting is strong for the genre and
the dialogue can amuse, but without gore or suspense, it feels more like
a subpar police procedural.
In
the third act, the story unravels to finally provide the film with some
action. It is amusing at times, but feels like separate movies instead
of a cohesive one.
Again, without outrageous effects to go with it, you are just watching a
quickly thrown together PG-13 thriller instead of the horror movie it
promises to be.
"C.H.U.D."
is worth a view if you want to know what all the subversive comedy
directors are talking about. It has a great premise for a
low-intelligence horror movie, but does not make it over that low bar.
Jordan
Peele and Kevin Smith were fans of it, and I could see either of them
releasing a great remake or even 3-D movie auteur Patrick Lussier
providing at least an amusing exploitive one. It is a property worth
expanding on, so I guess I cannot question it being worthwhile. Lets
hope the rest of Hollywood is aware of that. If they are patient, we can
have an ideal C.H.U.D. by 2022.
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