How would you spend the eve of your first night off in 19 days? My mom
wants to see Netflix's "The Irishman" and being a good son, in spite of
her belief that Robert De Niro must be suffering from some mental
disorder do to his curse-filled anti-Trump rants that have no valid base
or articulation, I cleared out my queue devoted to movies I would
probably never get around to buying (under 30 titles, surprisingly) to
allow her a queue of her own. While I was reinserting these films into
my primary queue, notices of titles being removed caught my attention.
"Philadelphia" was one of those films, but since it was 125 minutes,
Kevin Smith's "Yoga Hosers" was what I watched in its stead.
It seems that "Yoga Hosers" is widely considered to be the most pathetic
directorial effort from the auteur, and being one of the biggest
apologists for Smith, hearing that his flick about two Canadian clerks
fighting off Nazi bratwursts sucked made me hesitate viewing it since
the 2016 release. But I am a completist for better or for worst. (My
restraint should be admired for the amount of times that I have typed
worst without grabbing the pun.) Perhaps it is because I am apologist
for the best screenwriter to not win an Oscar, that I was pleasantly
surprised by this flick.
Or I was rewarded for being a completist in terms of collecting and
viewing. Because I know what Smith finds funny, nothing awful came out
of this feature. This film was to be expected at some point, and it is
better to get it out of his system before he gets an AARP cover. Boomers
will not stand for this kind of fun filmmaking.
Two years after Eh-2-Zed clerks Colleen C. and Colleen M. helped save
the American podcaster who was transformed into a walrus, odd things are
once again abound in Winnipeg. That figures since everyone seems to be
against these Instagrammers. Their prep school P.E. teacher is fed up
with the amount class time they spend on their phones. Yogi Bayer, their
yoga teacher, is under constant threats from Warner Bros. over the name
of his studio. And their 35-year drummer for their back of the store
rock band, Glamthrax, still is not on the same page as his sophomore
counter parts. But the biggest problem seems to be Tabitha, Colleen C's
stepmom.
The two have just been invited to their first Grade 12 party, but
because the Colleens keeps getting in the way of any chance she has to
get intimate with her husband, as the convenient store manager, Tabitha
is going to make them work that night as she whisks him off to Niagra
Falls. In all actuality, the worst things for them is that the grade 12
party was being hosted by homicidal Satanists who are more than happy to
bring the party to them. To make matters worst, these may not be the
only killers out on a Friday night. It will take all their defensive
Yoga skills to survive the night, but how will they explain the body
count and sauerkraut that will be left in their wake?
"Yoga Hosers" biggest problem is that it does not know what it wants to
be. I think it could have just been Canadian "Clerks" and work, but I am
a customer service specialist. Just because I can deal with a new
90-minute set of irrelevance directed at idiots does not mean that the
masses can. Hence you get a story about Generation Z versus Bratzis. The
problem with that is not being able to see straight women doing that.
If one of the C's was Belushi or Murray-esque, no question the film
would be better.
So this movie is a concept that is unsellable, which is sad because
there is plenty in it that is worth buying. Who would not be curious if
the Canadian Nazi played by Haley Joe Osment was looking menacing over
the convenience store from the heavens, complete with armband of course?
The movie works as a great B-movie, but when you get something from the
director of "Chasing Amy" on a five-million dollar budget, you are
expecting an indie film. This is definitely the wrong way to approach
this feature because Kevin Smith has established who he is and what you
should expect. "Yoga Hosers" seems to be the most fun on screen many of
these actors have had. It may indicate that Smith is currently short on
ideas, but by creating some new characters that he knows friends will
comeback to, we may get a new Askewniverse.
This is definitely sounding like an apology to Smith for the backlash,
so let me just list what is worthwhile about the flick. Nazi Osment;
Yogi Justin Long; Work for stars who have taken a chance on this
director; Johnny Depp collecting a check while having fun; An
impressionist/mad scientist; Everyone you want to see lay down an overly
thick Canadian accent, delivering on that accent.
The latter portion leaves me fearing what the Canucks will think of us.
It is fun enough to pop in fun Canadian stereotype items (the "Good Old
Hockey Game" cover during a Bratzi battle kept my interest), having
Natasha Lyonne and Genesis Rodriguez be annoying with it may cause a
culture war. Like "South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut" animosity.
If you want a great B-Movie, "Yoga Hosers" delivers. It leaves me
thinking that I may have under complicated my zombie-wrestling comedy "Main Event of the Dead". (You be the judge by requesting a treatment via russthebus07@gmail.com.) Just know that you are seeing a B-Movie and appreciate that a director is allowed to make what he wants.
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