90 min. of Prime: "Death Warrant" Coincidentally the Dog in the Flaming Room Meme

It definitely felt like a busier week for me. Going out to see fireworks, that is definitely busy work.

Please pardon my lack of patriotism. Forgive me for watching fireworks with my English Football tattoos exposed due to my Marty Scurll and Zack Zabre Jr. tank top. But listen to me about how The American Revolution was nothing more than a ploy to serve the rich. I do not know if I can flush that one out into a great piece of satire at this point, so that indoctrination will be for another time.

Regardless, God Save the Queen and Fuck the Video Assisted Referee (any good ref could have seen the offsides and the penalty).

On the topic of great foreign things that have fallen on hard time (I cannot wait for the Prince Charles take on "JVCD"), Jean-Claude Van Damme was one of those. As an action star, not an actor of course. If you have a writer as wise as David S. Goyer who knows how to justify an Los Angeles cop with an accent, you are in for some good stuff. If only I had those details before I accidentally came across the ridiculous finale of "Death Warrant" on cable.

10 years later, as someone who appreciates the Zack Snyder's DC trilogy, I can revel in the ridiculous premises that Goyer lays out. If only "Superman" had Van Damme's personality, I think everyone would agree with me that "Dawn of Justice" and "Death Warrant" can only be regarded as classics.

After single-handedly avenging his fallen partner, Quebec-transplant Louis Burke is the buzz of the L.A.P.D.'s homicide division. Being able to defeat the psychotic giant known as the Sandman, the governor and attorney general believe he can handle an undercover assignment in a state prison. He is a Quebecer. How would any inmates know who he was? This makes him the ideal person to determine who and why the new straight-laced inmates keep getting murdered. Or does this make him the ideal target.

The guards are in on this game and the governor may be as well. With Burke only being able to trust Amanda, his liaison, and Tisdale, his adolescent hacker pal, he will need to stick his neck out and ally himself with the wisest and most ambitious inmates to take down this conspiracy. All while praying that no seemingly invincible cons who he had busted get transferred to this clink.

"Death Warrant" might be the last great crazy script from the 80's era of action. Eventual TV great, Deran Sarafian's direction is the only thing that hinders the film. Well, that and most of Van Damme's costars acting down to his level.  Acting to the lead's capabilities is great when it is Keanu Reeve in a "John Wick" film, and you are portraying a criminal mastermind. Doing so as a somewhat ordinary person against a Belgian martial artist is comical.

But with all the stuff Goyer throws into his script, comical is not necessarily bad. It is like "Commando" with a lead who has more to say than just one liners. That either means we have a better story than the Schwarzenegger vehicle or far too low of a body count. Whatever you think, both are ridiculous, and that is what you want from 80's action, provided the effects are up to par, which they are.

To further get your attention, you get great supporting characters, some of whom you are just glad to see. Like Joshua John Miller, the boy who played Homer from "Near Dark." It is just good to see he did not leave his talent behind.

Robert Guillaume is not as powerful as Morgan Freeman's Red, but he gives a wise performance that is wise in so many ways. Wise that knew what kind of movie he was in. Wise that he knew how to be a relatable every man to help guide us through this tale. This wisdom must have passed on to his role as the original Rafiki.

This feature also has the best villain in a Van Damme film next to "Bloodsports's" Chung Li. Patrick Kilpatrick as the Sandman is like have an actual speaking version of Li. He is huge and menacing and his dialogue makes about as much sense as Bolo Yeung's most iconic role. Fortunately, the creepiness gives him a supernatural nature that you buy in on. Not until JVCD faces Dolph Lundgren do we get such a satisfactory adversary, and I love "Lionheart."

If I am overlooking one flaw, it may be the trangender prisoners portrayal, but this was a prison movie from before we considered all rape to be bad. What I am saying is, it is from a time where we had no clue on how to be woke. Should we remake this flick (with Van Damme as the Guillame role), I am sure we would find performers who can make this work. Would they want to is a totally different question.

Transgender hooker, hormone-driven hackers, inflammable giants and Jean-Claude Van Damme make "Death Warrant" a spectacle not to be missed. It is good for noise and it must be great with a few drinks. The story is something to be awed by and I am surprised there has not been a new take on this.

It is "Bloodsport" meets "Batman vs Superman." Who would not want to see an hour and over done CGI removed from that? Feel free to use that for the "4K 30th Anniversary Edition of Death Warrant." And email me at russthebus07@gmail.com for a treatment of my Pro-Wrestling Zom-Com, "Main Event of the Dead" while you are at.

I mean, Orion/MGM did distribute "Mac and Me." Surely I can do better.

imdb.com

Marriage & Wrestling: Undesirable Enough to Beg or Undeniable Enough to Suggest.

We may have gotten to the point at the new job that I do not know what to do with myself. Neither of the GeoCities Archives saved my "Sailor Moon", "Iria: Zeiram the Animation", and "Burn-Up W" (I swear there was another badass chick cartoon in there), so there are no more lost anime blogs to republish. It is a pity. If @aewrestling actually investigated any of the blog posts I tag them in, perhaps I should do more work to find my anime website "Y2A".

AEW anxiety has been bubbling up. It happens whenever there is wrestling that I can actually attend. I got through the training. I realized it could work out the way I needed it to. But it all happened at the worst time for me. I did not have the support aside from Danny Daniels, so I could not do it at that time. There were no other supporters (family or friends) when I could get in a good place, no opportunities to get back.

For the past couple of weeks, since my last post in other words (a month [2 weeks since I am publishing them faster to get it all out by December 4] by the time this comes out), I noticed that I have not been feeling like myself. My girlfriend might leap out and say, "I told you so" and say the job is changing me, "because you do change with new jobs." The environment has changed, but I have not is how I approach it. That does not comfort her. No matter what is actually happening, it was probably a poor time to fulfill a wedding obligation. If I was not already anxious enough.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies

Dual! Parallel Trouble Adventure: an Evangelion and El-Hazard Smoothie

Do not immediately dismiss a film because it does not contain the excessive nudity of "Ghost in the Shell" or the graphic violence of "Akira". If you have heard good things about a title like the buzz there is for "Neon Genesis Evangelion", the title is not a waste of money.

Dual! Parallel Trouble Adventure:
Visions

Dual Parallel Trouble Adventure!
© 1999 AIC / Pioneer
Distributed by 

Genre: sci-fi (includes a great deal of "Tenchi Muyo!" style comedy)
Length: 100 minutes (4 episodes) Audience Age: 13+

Opinion: One of the better cutting edge titles.

This is a review of the DVD release.

From the creator of Tenchi Muyo!

It maybe that I have not had the same amount of cash to spend on overpriced videos. It maybe that the previews on the videos I do buy are not enticing enough. It maybe that I am spending my cash on the recent ECW, FMW, and XPW videos (this is not a wrestling web site, but look for the first company's tapes first). Maybe it is all these reasons, but I am having a problem finding Japanese animated videos to buy. 

Since I got a DVD player for Christmas, I figured it was time to seriously restart my anime collection, but where to start? While flipping through the discs at SunCoast, I found "Dual! Parallel Trouble Adventure". If you have seen Neon Genesis Evangelion, you should instantly become a giant robot fan, and Dual! has them. The disc also had a sticker on its wrapping which boast that it was "From the creators of Tenchi Muyo!" (specifically, writer Masaki Kajishima), and I am a big Tenchi fan. So far this anime was irresistible from this buyer's standpoint.

Check out the rest of this critique at AnimeRuss.blogspot.com - For those curious about anime but hate the geeks

B-Movie Horror Film Series - Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy / Song of the Dead

Mil Mascara vs. The Aztec Mummy --- Song of the Dead

When you go to see a B-Movie, you have to bring friends with you. One of those friends has to be relatively inexpensive alcohol, and the others have to at one point in time had a pulse.

I'd say the friends have to be alive, but when the modern B-Movie line up has to have at least one zombie flick, it would be inappropriate to deny them entrance. Actually, it might be educational that way. It would show the living dead what would happen to them if the messed with us.

Of course, there is the problem of letting the patrons carry weapons into a theater, but come on. When it comes to the Peoria Theater, we are all adults there. Drunk, immature adults.

When I viewed "Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy", I had left my emergency flask of Johnny Walker Black at home, and my only friend was my infamous notebook (that being the opinion of the independent pro-wrestling scene). Fortunately, the little book was an awesome wing man, drawing the attention of the other patrons. They wanted the critic's opinion infused with their viewing experience, so I was quickly accepted into their family. Thus I was ready to survive "Song of the Dead".

At bars, it is easy to feel alone in a crowded room, but at the Peoria Theater, that is not the case. It is like the voice in your head can interact with everybody. I believe the next "B-Movie Horror Film Series" will be August 28, 2009, and you are more than welcome, and thoroughly encouraged to check it out.

Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy

Director: Jeff Burr

Co-director: Chip Gubera

A black sheriff?

If only Mel Brooks was the director of this film. Could you imagine a Mexican wrestling A-List movie, and the corresponding Broadway musical.

As for Willard E. Pugh, the former mayor of Detroit ("RoboCop 2"), I guess if you want to serve the public, you got to go where the jobs are. Even if the job is the Police Chief of the Mexico City Police Department, one cannot be too picky.

In a world where everything takes a back seat to wrestling championships and trippy photo shoots, The Aztec Mummy has risen. And with the Jewel of Tanawa, he can control the minds of the most influential people in the world.

The only one who can save the world is the brilliant scientist, ambassador of international goodwill, and most importantly, the wrestling legend Mil Mascaras, The Man of a Thousand Masks. Mil's immunity to the effects of the jewel and bastardized use of the Hyrule's Triforce, the Mummy will pull out all the stops to defeat the descendant of the family who put him to rest centuries ago. Our hero will have to face off with blood thirsty Aztec servants, possessed opponents, and lousy Harley Race commentary to save the world.

Can Mil Mascaras overcome the demonic threat to the world, find true love, and the secrets to his mask? Or will the USA go and nuke their southern neighbors before the Mummy can come to power?

Personally, I'm a Cuba Gooding Jr. fan, but if Pugh's attempt to be the stereotypical black guy were not poor enough, it seems like he asks himself "WWCubaD."

As for Mil's performance, I was pumped to find out that he speaks nearly fluent English (thank you WWE Classics of Demand), but unfortunately his ADR is pathetic. Still no one can complain about the film's wrestling and the luchador performances. Blue Demon Jr. just knows how to rock the cape.

The movie does offer some clever dialogue:

The only bride you'll have is my fist, and I'm afraid it'll be a painful consummation.

Okay, outside of the Aztec Mummy need for a bride with a Zelda tramp stamp (birthmark...right), the rest of the script is too funny in that proper B-Movie way.

Poisoning you. Now I have something else to charge this Mummy with.

The good guys just have to be super idealistic. Yes, it would be better for society if we could bring all criminals to justice, but he's a freaking mummy with the mobility of Jabba the Hutt's head droid.

Give the Mummy credit for his wrestling ability, but I respect almost anyone who owns wrestling boots outside of Central Illinois. He is portrayed by Jeffrey Uhlmann, who also acts as the robot who saves our heroes to set up for the movie's epic climax.

They try to throw everything into this movie. Fiftyesque robots, twin vampire lesbians, nukes, decapitations, and every possible transitional scene you could think of. Thus the need for extra booze was needed.

The film drags because it had to have everything. Each scene offers some B-Movie glee since they went there, but you are immediately pleading for them to get to the next scene.

You need to watch Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy with a wise audience to enjoy it fully. Otherwise, Mil v. Mummy can be a strenuous ordeal. If you love B-Movies, this flick delivers. Just make sure that you come to this one prepared, or you risk possible brain trauma.

https://willthrillville.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/mil-mascaras-aztec-mummy.jpg

Song of the Dead

Directed and Written by Chip Gubera

There are a lot of great Zombie movie ideas, so they should all be put on film (like "Main Event of the Dead", my pro-wrestling comedy, feel free to ask for a treatment by e-mailing russthebus07@gmail.com). Video just doesn't do the deceased justice. Then again, if a wig on grass is suppose to represent a smashed head, and you have are trying to use Lucas swipes and De Palma split screens, you do have to give some thought to my previous declaration.

In this must expose your breasts for a young female lead role (be it living or undead) that does everything it can not to piss off George A. Romero, the President of the USA (Reggie Bannister of the "Phantasm" franchise) along with his red, white, and blue sequenced sports coat had the sad job of informing us of the latest Islamic Extremist attack on America. Terrorist had mixed the Jihad Reanimation Virus (or JRV) into a mosquito pesticide. The result, USAF has sprayed our great country with the Zombie Apocalypse's catalyst.

Surprisingly, the rural communities are hit hardest because so many unknown bodies are buried out there (Thank you Ted Bundy). The story follows Sandy, her Gun-Ho brother and father, her mentally unstable yet extremely fashionable boyfriend Brad, and the mysterious Arthur whose hobby gives him knowledge of 20 more zombie terrorist that may attack. These survivors are trapped at their summer home outside of Kansas City, and they came to their last stand with a soundtrack and jazz hands.

It is hard to be happy with a Zombie, Musical, Comedy that only has one tribute to thriller. That is what the audience seemingly came to see besides for gore and boobies. As the flick is played, the audience is trying to figure out how to make can a better version of this.

Oh for the days of Super 8, the format you couldn't immediately mass produce. This is not "Evil Dead", so this movie would not exist in a simpler time.

So immediately, you have to appreciate Song of the Dead, for all of its thriftiness. The Air Force uniform with only a flag on the left shoulder, the BB gun that the actor has to be the folly artist for, and the chainsaw they chose to ignore budgeting gas for, etc., leaves the audience respecting the nerve of the "filmmaker" to try to get away with this zombie flick.

"You could totally see that one zombie cop a feel off the topless zombie chick."

"He didn't get paid for this, so let him have that at the very least."

I don't know how this movie can technically be called a comedy beyond the laughs the budget restrictions create. The musical numbers are suppose to be for laughs, but the songs are very hit and miss. The audience is left having a ball laughing at the fact that they are singing and dancing, not the lyrics.

The only thing that is very funny about the film is the relationship between Sandy [Kate Gorman (not the Kate Gorman)] and Brad (Travis Hierholzer). There was actually time spent on making these characters play off each other very well, and to make sure that there was something funny about every dialogue exchange between them.

Kate Gorman is a ham, but this is a B-Movie musical, so I cannot say that is a negative thing. All of the actors with the exception of the Sandy's brother (Steve Williams who has no clue about the concept of acting) give everything they have to make this film a B-Movie gem.

I don't want to say their efforts are wasted (especially by Conrad Gubera who played Sandy's father), but Song of the Dead is just a cheap film, not a B-Movie. It is disappointing to see so much heart misused, especially when it is not splattered across the screen.

In the Box Too Long: Schrodinger's Undesirable Cat is Tripping Balls

Enter the dream state of a guy who spent the better part of a year determining if I was alive or dead to the world.

It was not Central Illinois, I knew that for sure. The first recollection of the dream was taking a seat, talking to a mark about El Phantasmo versus Robbie Eagles from Best of Juniors from this year, the mark holding it higher regard than the worker of course.

Then the venue changes to a place with high enough ceilings for a ring, and I was frustrated by the glass pawn/jewelry shop like displays where seats should be. Maybe you could fit the Women of Wrestling Ring in it (I swear that is 12' by 12' whenever I see those with skills equal to mine on AXS TV). The executive vice presidents and Chris Jericho are all talking about merch, obviously, and plans for the All Elite Wrestling. As for me, it felt like I was being blatantly left out of the goings on.

They wanted me there, but did not have a reason. Was it a display of respect that I had paid my dues despite having nothing to offer them? Was it a way of mocking me because I would never be allowed to pursue my first passion? The prior sums up how I feel about the Chicago wrestling scene that I gave my all to get into. The latter sums up how Downstate refuses to give me an opportunity to because I was trying to get better rather than get over with the salt of the Earth. You know...morons.

I woke up disturbed and feeling helpless. 45 minutes before my alarm was set for an opening shift did not improve my mood. Breakfast is a meal I tend to skip and social media was not a good place for a depressed person to be. Going back to sleep could have two consequences: pride that I did it or anger because it just felt pointless.

I did my best to come up with the least desperate-sounding tweet:

Woke up from a dream and now in an #existential crisis. I am pondering if I let my empathy get the best of me. It seem I was either used up or considered an idiot for it.

Why would anyone like that on Facebook? At least this plea got more of a response than the ones where I ask everyone to migrate to Twitter.

In the end, I brushed my teeth before I made coffee was the result. So I get on the road to head to the job, arrive 20 minutes before we can open the place, drive to kill time (and unfortunately gas before I head to Peoria for a dentist appointment), and buy a five-dollar coffee drink. Damning my attempts to be fiscally wise seems to be the only thing I excel at, and it is something those closest to me love to remind me of.

The time spent between waking up and fucking up was spent pondering why I get locked out of everything I want to be a part of. Of course I think back to the beginnings of the pursuits and how they all went to shit. With wrestling, it started by my desperate nature to get into it after college that I was an errand boy from guys to dim to call con men. It turns into doing anything to get the new ownership's promotion over while they would not put me into a position to succeed because of my ambitions to make a living in the business.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies