Who to curse today:
- The American culture of traveling youth summer sports?
- The Champaign and/or Urbana Chamber(s) of Commerce?
- The hotel's owners sending someone to see if we are staying on our feet and off our phones?
- Well, the fucking parent who just whipped out the acoustic guitar for starts.
Is it that we have to live with our neighbors the reason why kids
younger than twelve have to travel to play baseball? I am not an
advocate for AAU ball, but at least you know those kids are trying to
physically earn a discounted education. Kids that lack teen in their
age, can they be focused enough? Do they care about being better than
anyone else in the state?
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Personally, I loved playing only in my township. As a kid who was
bullied a bit, but stuck to the main lesson of "The Karate Kid", those
games were my only chance at vengeance. Unless a kid from Marquette
Heights gave me some chin music or spiked me sliding into second, why
would I want to see him humiliated? Hell, during my amateur/illegal
wrestling/boxing days, it gave me an ego boost knowing some motherlover
thought they had to fight cheap to beat me.
From the sound of it, it is solely about amusing the parents. We are not
on the road to party. We are supporting our kids. It is just a bonus
that we feel we can abandon all our responsibilities and considerations
when we are renting our roof for a couple of nights. It is about time
someone else answered my kids stupid questions.
I guess that sums up the initial paragraph. They are strangers, we are
not going to see them again. To hell with their hearing and comfort.
They suck for lacking kids.
It then leaves me to wonder if the Chambers think the locals are
masochists. Why would you let assholes give you headaches? I know cash
which then answers why I am standing for 13 hours today.
You would hope management would pass on considerations to auditors, like
he was already standing for four hours. Then again, they have me being
solely responsible for the satisfaction of 350 people. So, more reason I
cannot wait to get a year in to then move on to bigger places, or
liquor stores that pay the same.
I have not eaten anything today. Might be a wise thing to stick to. It is that or eat healthy.
My body is finally rebelling against me for a 24-hour Wednesday. 15
hours of sleep over three days, so I am overdue. The soul is willing,
but the body is week. Despite the lack of stomach content, the back end
is emptying and I think a popcorn hull in my gum ruptured something in
there.
You might not dig my satire pieces, but you gotta respect my movie
reviews. Popcorn abscess to watch a dry Milla Jovovich movie, please
honor my sacrifice.
Survivor - A Title You Earn from Watching This
If you followed this blog, you know I will check out any Milla Jovovich film that did not seem to get a wide release. It is probably just an old crush from my sophomore year (better her that Chun Li from "Street Fighter 2: The World Warrior" right?), so I get protective of her when she is used in mainstream films. She is kind of an oddball, which is her charm, and how many directors know how to use that? I would rather she stick to films that will be lost before they make the Best Buy $3.99 bin than see her in a theater.
When I saw the cover for "Survivor", Pierce Brosnan scared me off. This
guy was James Bond who earned a little more respect than Alice from
"Resident Evil". Could Brosnan be as evil as his W. Bush adjacent character in "The Ghost Writer" without a wide audience to appeal to?
It was not a drama like "Stone" where I am not expecting Edward Norton
or Robert de Niro to kick ass, so this title just seemed like it was
going to be all cliches and nothing noteworthy let alone possibly
groundbreaking (like "Stone" attempted for Jovovich). And of course, I
was right.
After a new update to the immigration paperwork, buying US work visas on
the black market is next to impossible. Kate Abbot has been called to
America's London embassy to assure that they will not be issuing new
visas to potential terrorists. Some think she is being too harsh on
applicants with compressed gas knowledge and the British authorities
think she lacks compassion toward innocent, widowed physicians like Emil
Balan.
Balan seems to be one to hold a grudge as he brought his frustrations up
to a shadowy figure in a high tower to fix this issue. The evil one
decides to assign the task of cutting through the red tape to The
Watchmaker. His title is a front, but he does like to tinker with
precise gadgets, like the bomb he uses to wipe out those in Abbot's
chain of command. Kate was supposed to join them, but is only wounded in
the blast.
The Watchmaker has never been identified, so Abbot is a hindrance that
needs to be eliminated. Not knowing that she is running from an
assassin, British police and her superiors are suspecting she may be
involved in the bombing. It is up to her and her new keeper, Sam Parker,
to find out the conspiracy before her diplomatic immunity will be
revoked, perhaps permanently.
This week, I was able to check out Rifftrax's presentation of "Star
Raiders: The Adventures of Saber Raine", so when "Survivor" opens with
similar special effects, you suspect trouble. Fortunately, the effects
only come out at night. 4K HDR may be bad for them, but most viewers
will ignore this issue. James McTeigue is a clever enough director to
make up for this short coming, but sadly the dull script cannot be
saved.
If you cast Lelu from "The Fifth Element" in an action movie, you expect
her to be a supreme being and kick ass. She is constantly on the run
and shows no physicality until the third act. Brosnan is either James
Bond or arrogant to his own shortcomings. Either way clever. There are
no quips in the entire film.
"Survivor" is a game of cat an mouse, but neither animal has any
obstacles to truly overcome. There are hardly and twists and the rare
side stories are immediately abandoned. That is disappointing because
that may actually give you a character with motivations towards their
decision. I think McTeigue knew he was stuck with a bad film and just
wanted to get the audience through it as quickly as possible.
There is nothing clever, crazy or comedic to make for a good PG-13 rated
action flick and there is nothing extremely stupid to laugh your way
through it. This is background noise that you may accidentally rewatch
because it lacks anything memorable in it. A waste of time and talent, I
might ask Netflix for the $0.02 "Survivor" took from me.
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