Don't Go in the House (1979) & Escape Plan 2: Hades (2018)

  *Blog post was started on September 29, 2021.

I am doing my best to enjoy these slow times at the bank. With Republicans threatening to let this country default on its debts me technically being a government contractor, it is more important than ever to enjoy every moment. 

That is definitely tricky when your mom has to be COVID-free to head to London this weekend. It is bad enough that I have not heard any news on what the bank will do about the unvaccinated who surround me for nine hours a day. My visit this past weekend had hopes of checking out the Peoria bar scene, but that kind of exposure could ruin my mom's next three weeks. I would never here the end of that.

Which is why I need help from my readers and friends. "NinetyForChill.com - The Podcast" needs guests and I need something to keep me inside. For October, the natural thing to do is to focus on horror movies and I will acknowledge, my experience with many of the slasher franchises is lacking. Almost all the franchises have at least one feature that clocks in between 74 and 99 minutes. If you want to be my expert, send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com and we can set up a time for a Zoom meeting. Each episode needs to be recorded by Sunday before the Tuesday that it is to be released. Thanks.

If you cannot be a guest, I am still in need of suggestions for horror features to watch. Which Jason and Freddy flicks are worth the time. Are there any good "Halloween" sequels beyond "2", "H2O" and "2018"? Are "Child's Play" and "Seed of Chucky" all I need to know where the cool doll-based gore is because last night, I went for a "Video Nasty". Unfortunately, it sure felt like the UK cut of "Don't Go in the House".

Don't Go in the House (1979)

Donny has an obsession with fire. This stems from his father abandoning the family when he was five. Deeming that man as evil, thus anyone spawned from him must be the same, Donny's mother was determined to burn the evil out of her son, literally. The fear instilled into Donny has lead to him never having the nerve to leave her, so he has essentially been her live-in nurse his entire life. His only relief is being mesmerized by the flames at the incinerator he works at.

One night, he returns from work to find that his mother has died. When he is about to call the authorities, voices manifest telling him to celebrate the new found freedom instead. Unfortunately for Donny, these are not the only voices that he hears. His mother is still demanding that he be an obedient and good child. The new found friends suggest that the answer is purifying his mother's corpse with flames.

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Of course, when your only relationship with any women is your mom, you may rationalize that all women are the same as her. With a flamethrower and his newly installed steel-walled room, he will bring purity to this world, one woman at a time.

"Don't Go in the House" lays some great groundwork for eventually banned by Great Britain films like "Maniac" when it comes to the story. Unfortunately, it is all suggestions of imagery instead of actually delivering the brutality. Just because it had been associated with the video nasties, I was kind of disappointed that there is only one scene of genuine terror and no spectacular gore.

The overbearing mother trope obviously dates back to "Psycho", but late 70s' early 80s' horror elevated the psychopathic notions. I think there are well written scenes in this feature that explore how a nutcase would handle living around corpses with a need for interactions. Much of the time, this film comes across as a one-man show. Dan Grimaldi does not quite have the charisma or chops to carry those scenes. Without people to interact with, his performance appears lost.

The lack of an outstanding performance without a large amount of gore results in a lot of real-time research temptations. There are great odes to Italian horror movies with some sequences of the charred corpses coming to life, but it just reminds you that this is not a messed up giallo film. I liked the ending proving that Proud Boys are not hard to make, but it is not enough a reward for the time that has passed.

"Don't Go in the House" has a strong enough script for an interesting movie, but the lack of actual horror holds this feature back. It is not a waste of time because it lays out a nice prototype for what the genre was to become, but this lacks the bells and whistles to be regarded as ready to be released to the public. If you want to see the history that leads up to over the top mayhem, you may get something from this feature. Otherwise, just skip to "Maniac's" uber misogyny.

 

*Blog post started on August 13, 2020.

Medical appointments have passed, but with a one month follow up scheduled. Yes, I am still stressed about that. And yes, I am too honest to just cancel an appointment because it would not work with my schedule and wait till my next health scare.

Any other stress is probably undue bullshit. The Snapchat girl is sending mixed messages, going from work focus to "why can't a man satisfy me?" mode. Why do you not tell me to get over there and take care of you?

To make matters work, I at least got girls talking on three other platforms. This leaves me with three other conversations to worry about. Should I message them just to make sure they know I am still interested? Did I cross the line with some political commentary? Do they only chat from nine to five?

If you want to be totally up to speed with the life of this aspiring screenwriter/producer/pro-wrestling mind, check out "The AWESOME Disgruntled's Real Secondary Champion: Part 6".

And there are of course the blog posts that I need to all have prepared before my vacation. Because I got to justify my Netflix DVD subscription, my most recent disc had to get back to Carol Stream before the next billing period. "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" is next up which is good because I got to slow down my output for NinetyForChill.com. But until we get to the way I should be handling my Terry Gilliam collection (To my credit, my copies of "Brazil" and "12 Monkeys" were both purchased at heavily discounted prices.), we must tread through another post 2015 action movie starring Sylvester Stallone.

"Escape Plan" was an amusing enough movie that may have taken itself a little too seriously. With two sequels being shot back-to-back, one would suspect any other franchise to be taking itself way too seriously. Fortunately, when you realize these flicks are solely for the Chinese mainland (Free Hong Kong!), it is easy enough to relax and enjoy "Escape Plan 2: Hades" for the braid dead trash that I hoped "Rambo: Last Blood" would have been.

Escape Plan 2: Hades (2018, 1 hour 36 minutes)

Breslin Security has expanded from prison breaks to encompass rescue missions. With Ray Breslin tired of doing the physical work required in testing the effectiveness of prison security, Shu serves as his top agent. Unfortunately, the last bout with terrorists only allowed for half the assets to make it back home. If fellow agent Kimbral had skipped trying to further promote Breslin by blowing up the terrorists' weapons cache and arrived at the rendezvous on time, the results would probably have been different.

Ray fires Kimbral and puts Shu on leave to work on his team leadership skills. Shu decides to head back to Shanghai to visit his family, and make sure nothing happens to his satellite genius cousin, Yusheng, at a Bangkok bachelor party. At least being at his cousin's side means he will not have be alone when they are kidnapped to soon awake in a black op prison site called H.A.D.E.S.

The Zookeeper has been hired by a Swiss competitor to Yusheng. Shu and his cousin are there to be tortured until they give up the patent information for Yusheng's new satellite communication technology. HADES is far more complex than the last prison Ray broke out of and with the Zookeeper having inmates fight for luxuries, how long can our protagonists last?

We know Ray is going to do anything he can to get Shu out, including recruiting the towering DeRosa to give them some extra firepower, but will not make a move until he is certain of success. It is all a matter of figuring out the location and layout of the prison. Time is one thing Shu has and with Kimbral being a fellow inmate, what he has learned from Ray gives him all he needs to win the day. But after all the damage that Breslin has done to the private prison industry, things seem far too easy.

"Escape Plan 2: Hades" starts out like any silly 80's action movie, but it makes a sudden turn to attempt and capture "The Matrix" cool aesthetic that exposes all of its weaknesses. It is kind of like "Tron" without the teleporting laser and smooth incorporation of effects. With punching and kicking being your primary means of action, our characters are not in the right movie. Especially Stallone who I do not believe knows how to kick.

I suppose the concept of a computer controlled prison allows for twists to constantly occur, but the narrative is far too predicable. The idea is to make the audience to try and figure out the puzzle as they go along. Its mistake is the constant twists to mock us just when the nerds develop a theory on how the protagonist can escape. This leads the audience to just quit caring, so only the stupidity of villain(s) can the film get them reinvested. That is a whole lot of stupid.

Director Steven C. Miller is accustomed to making stupid films. He directed a fun remake of "Silent Night, Deadly Night" ("Silent Night), but that film featured a script that does not necessarily make sense as it works to a big reveal. What made the film fun was a cast of screen chewers and shocking violence. The film chewer in "Escape Plan 2" is Stallone who is essentially there only for his brand value. He is not the lead, so he cannot chew the fat off of this film.

As for the violence, you get one great fight scene, otherwise the film is too quick to resolve its scenes. This leaves the flick with nothing for Miller to catch and over expose. If it left us with graphic scenes to linger on, it would play towards Miller's strengths. It also lacks a sense of humor or clever wit that can save an action movie. All of that is reserved for Dave Bautista's screen time. Since the third film in the franchise also features him, you have to admire the writer, Miles Chapman, doing the bare minimum to leave the audience wanting more.

"Escape Plan 2: Hades" might have figured out how to make a Chinese-funded trilogy work, leaving the audience just interested enough for a third film. In this case, I think this interest stems from wanting justification for putting up with a quickly produced sequel that lacks heart. It has some fun moments, but it also wants to prove itself smarter than its audience.

"HADES" might show up the audience with its twists to indicate intelligence, but it does not change the fact that it is built on a metaphoric swamp. How smart can you be if you are still sinking? Hopefully the wreckage of this castle will be enough to serve as a sturdy base for "Escape Plan: The Extractors".