I was amazed that I decided to do anything after three hours of driving the previous day with little time to sleep prior to that. Especially when my plan was to head up to LaSalle for AAW Wrestling farewell to the Knights of Columbus. It has been 13 years since I saw a show there, but it was a downstate show, which meant downstate fans.
My lasting impression of these fans was how the Revolution Championship Wrestling peanut gallery would head to Peoria to hijack shows when their hometown promotion first quit running. A lot of teenagers then that did not understand comedy and how a belly joke/chant only works once before you have to move on. When RCW returned with the One Fall, Four-Hour Time Limit bout between two Real World Champions, CM Punk and Colt Cabana, the fairly stacked first half was drowned out by them.
Then, the untrained guys who helped the third revival of RCW come to fruition just to put themselves over demanded I leave instead of empathizing my readiness for a show and let a fellow worker hangout, a common courtesy. Despite it was someones rib that there was a booking for me, I was more angry at the bookers (Danny McKay) than I was at the guy who did the ribbing. On the upside, there would not be any Russ in a six-sided ring footage to find. The downside, those guys carried over to Dreamwave thus they got to compete for AAW's King of LaSalle.
In other words, if I was not taking off a weekend for Vegas after the next Chicagoland show, I would gladly put the extra hour in to see that one. But, it was fun. Danny Daniels booked a card that may have been a six-man to heavy, but better than anything on TV right now (to be fair to ROH, TV tapings are a grind on the fans). Got to actually bond with my little brother who had to skip being a mark during my career. Picked up a cool David Starr shirt and discovered that The Elite was right about how tasty Monster Energy Rehab is. Why would I want to change that?
As I type on a Monday, about to complete the second day of a two-job work stint, without Monster Rehab, reasons to give up life on the road seep with every off speed pitch a full hotel throws at me.
A statement for atheism: Jesus, I like him very much, but he no help with curveball.
If I punched the clock five days a week, going on these (mis)adventures would be easy. Unfortunately, I like the one job I can give up more than than the one I cannot. This leads me to ponder if I like making money more than getting the most out of my life. It makes me angry at all of those who did not believe in me 18 years ago when I decided pro-wrestling was a career option, for not helping me through my depression (therapy and depression PHP were expensive walks through the motions) that took that away from me.
It is all "could haves" and "never wasses" but your passion does not go away just because you walked away. I may just have too much love to give, hence my fond recollections of those who hurt me the most. Hate does not get you anywhere, so I suppose I should just drop the anger bit if I am to be a Jedi.
Sadly, fear of failing in life is still there. If only the Illini actually had rivals who gave a shit about them. This would lead me to wear the wrong colors and someone running me over screaming "Oskee Wow Wow!" And the same nonbelievers still fear that my life will be a failure.
I work for a franchised hotel (a major one), so moving on is coming to mind again. Chicago, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, New York, etc. If entertainment is still my passion, these are the places I need to be. It could be said I have accomplished a lot, but that is probably me just being a good storyteller. Those who insist that I have done a lot and should just settle down, are the same people who did not believe in me.
It may not be fear, just loneliness, and a girlfriends' pout that will keep you from staying out till sunrise as a coping mechanism. Gods I hate consistency.
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