The Animated "Hobbit" - Wee Frustrations

It ends up that I may have to buy the DVD of 1977's "The Hobbit" by directors Rankin and Bash. You know those guys best as the director of all the seasonal TV specials that first and second grade teachers used to kill time and allow them to zone out until the holiday break.

Thank the gods for the Common Core puzzling all Americans. Teachers need the four hours the old VHS tapes would kill to make sure they can answer all the questions and complaint letters by parents who lost their jobs to imported employees from more educationally sound nations. I am actually surprised that teachers thought dealing with students screaming for them to fast forward through commercials or adjust the tracking on these dubs was better than coming up with lesson plans. At least the tapes kept kids from safety scissor and paste accidents.

Sorry for the little rant, but let me bring it full circle. I actually had a Civics teacher (first year) decide to kill a couple of classes showing "The Hobbit." He may have ran out of stories from his glory days as a Notre Dame (Peoria) wrestler and baseball player. Or, Rankin/Bash is something that all teachers are suppose to familiarize themselves with and show to justify the knowledge. In other words, I need to find out what the code name for this course is.

If I am going back to school next year, I may as well have enough hours from Illinois Central College to claim I have enough for a Bachelor's Degree. This would be like the Bachelor's Degree my dad was given so he would have to enter the draft.

This "Hobbit" blog is being written just so I can practice writing, so do not expect a true review. I was drinking vodka, experimenting with Malort and playing "WWE 2K16" until 7:00 am. When the "True Blood" inspired dreaming ended, I had an hour and a half to get ready for work. My plan is to pick up some groceries when I get out of work and maybe I'll check out some Black Friday deals at Walmart.

Fuck, it'll be Thursday at midnight. No deals for me. Well, groceries are needed, so I may not have the time to write in my journal to fulfill my strict practice of writing something each night. This blog will have to do.

The reason (I know, finally), that I need to buy this DVD is that I think I might be able to cut the Extended Peter Jackson "Hobbit" Trilogy into a more concise film. I'm aiming for 2:45.

In other words, I wasn't much frustrated in this animated title, just all the unnecessary stuff in the most recent incarnation of this Tolkien book. I mean, if you are going to have a Dwarf/Elf love tale, Peter Dinklage better have demanded it so that he could be cast in the film. No Tyrion, I cannot help but wonder how much time Jackson and Del Toro auteurism took up.

Del Toro may not have impressed me with "Hellboy 2's" Perlman/Blair chemistry, but there is no need for him to make up for it. Has Peter Jackson ever really told a love story? I will say "Heavenly Creatures" did have the intensity of one, but that's not what we got with the trilogy.

Now 80 minutes is not enough time to tell this story, so the action does not really happen in this film, so points to the new features. And I did like the Jackson films calling bullshit on a talking thrush saving Lake Town. But just because you ignored one bird doesn't allow you to get rid of the talking army of eagles.

"The Hobbit" trilogy ends up being too clever for its own good, but it is the superior version to be translated to the big screen. I figure if I can make the best version of his film, surely people will dedicate time to "Main Event of the Dead (treatments available by request at russthebus07@gmail.com).

I kind a wish this trilogy was on VHS. I'd feel like more of an editor. Until I get this feature done, please study my following MEOTD proposal.

The "Main Event of the Dead" Test Reel Needs:

• Someone with some makeup or special effects experience.
• The true antagonist of the feature is a woman, so an actress to set up the premise of "Main Event of the Dead."
• Three or four wrestlers to take the finishing moves.
• One or two wrestlers to deliver the moves.
• A wrestling ring with a canvas that can afford to be left a little messy. If we can get extra from the crowd-funding campaign, we'll make replacing it a priority.

Since this is an effort to try and make this feature a reality, I can really only afford to compensate what ever is spent to make this video. I am willing to negotiate terms on what compensation will be for performances before the reel goes online. If whatever raised can cover the compensation agreed to, even if I do not reach the goal to produce the film, compensation will be had.

If you need a treatment of the script for "Main Event of the Dead" please e-mail me at russthebus07@gmail.com.

Inglourious Basterds: Tarentino Perfects Video Game Cinema

JOSHUA BUDICH - "INGLORIOUS BASTERDS"

 

When I heard Quentin Tarantino's "Inglourious Basterds" was not only inspired by Italian Grindhouse (Quel maledetto treno blindato from 1978), but also by "Wolvenstein 3-D", I thought that he had finally gone off the deep end. With the lack luster response at Cannes, it led me to thing that maybe he took his ability to find charm in all genres too far.

...

And as a David Bowie fan, you have to appreciate Quentin finally putting the theme to "Cat People" (sorry, that movie used the riff pretty well) to good use.

Once upon a time in Nazi occupied France...

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

MFK: Gratuity, Electric Bass, Social Media...Save the Burlesque and Bucks for another weekend

Shelf with-out con-doms
Please, just as-sume the front desk
Clerk does not sell them

Once a hotel guest is given the freedom to expect stuff without a reservation, the staff will have a thorn in their side. Does anyone know how to make someone feel like a douche bag without saying it?

After heading to Bloomington to catch Kurt Vile and The Violators, the drummer from the opening act, The Sadies left me feeling that way. You would figure it would be easier to conduct international business with fans via a Square Credit Card Reader. Why declare the extra cash at the border when you have a transaction record waiting for you?

With that said, KMFDM has only taken cash at live shows the three times that I have seen them. They have sold over two million records, so you figure they would welcome credit cards, but it maybe the paper trail that screws with everything. Unless you are selling $10,000 of merch, why deal with the customs issues. It is a long enough flight back to Deutschland.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

 

The Sadies: Favorite Colours - Walmart
 

NGW Wiki Part 2: If the Racism Wasn't Enough to Steer Wrestlers Away from Peoria

This is being reposted just as an example of how the business can be on the small town level. These were my feelings about the promoter at the time, and I am over holding ill will towards him, but the personality expressed at that time is pretty universal when you have creative that tries to isolate themselves from the rest of the independent scene.

As for myself, I could have just walked away from the situation before it affected the promotion. Do I feel like I was in the right? Yes, but if Alex thought wrestling fans were paying attention to my personal website, I didn't need to do it. Hind sight, but I was willing to bury a place for guys to work over a grudge with one guy. That makes it a selfish act regardless if I thought it would help everyone who had greater aspirations.

What this situation came down to was neither Alex or I was going to address the issue hoping that professional courtesy will come through.

The promoter of NGW, Alex Larson, has barred me from their shows until June (2006) for my attempt to shoot on him (tell the truth to the fans) at the last show.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

 

@hoesloveabulll - Twitter

Summer 2015: In Love with Love and Dog Biscuit Poetry Part 3

Winter best be coming because this has felt like one of the longest months. And then there is jury duty to kick off the next one, so frankly, I may just be too bleak to write.

Which kind of heartbreak hurts worse, the kind done out of principle or being dragged along by the indecisive? They both hurt worse than the online "we've talked all we can, but are we really going to meet" abandonment, but when it feels the whole world has cut ties with you, it's just reinforcement.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

Assassination of a High School President: Because there wasn't enough jail bait in "The Usual Suspects"

The 2008 Sundance Film Festival hit, "Assassination of a High School President" wide release was prevented due to its own ambitions. Not having the finances to be distributed on the big screen, DVD has now allowed audiences to see what would be considered the “Heathers” of this generation.Finally, there is a film that allows all of us to forget about the mockery that the "High School Musical" trilogy made of the first truly turbulent time in all of our lives.

“Assassination of a High School President” successfully brings crime drama to a realm that almost every audience can relate to. Nothing in this film seems too far-fetched, and its brilliant script and performances should be able to keep the attention of any movie goer. The most impressive thing about this film is that it is witty enough to allow the viewer to accept a story that centers around: sex, drugs and violence all involving teenagers. A must see form fans of modern film noir, and those who embrace “American Pie” as the film that defines their generation.

Day Watch: Throws Everything at You...Including

IMDb.com

A chicken-shit ending, but not in a bad way since "Day Watch (Dnevnoy dozor)" was kind of made for the fan fiction universe(s) that spawned the "Tigers, Vampires and Bears" genre.

There is a chalk that allows whoever possesses it to write or rewrite their fate. The Night Watch could use this to help bring balance and reinforce the truce, but it only seems to be the priority of our alcoholic antagonist Anton and his sexy trainee Svetlana. To their dismay, they cannot dedicate much time to this cause because someone is framing Anton for murder.

For the sanctity of the truce with the Day Watch, the Night Watch must gain the chalk and clear Anton's name before the armies of darkness find the excuse to bring on the war they have been longing for.

It is truly rare to see a sequel that leaves no questions from the first film unanswered...

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

MFK: Haikus, High School Wrestling Marks, Mountain Goats...Days off from school

Hotels really ought to let reservations be a free for all. Or maybe I should have worked on my take down defense so that I can relate to high schoolers getting special rates during the Illinois High School Wrestling championship.

What pisses me off more is the lack of dedication of most of athletes in the hotel. If you are not a viable championship prospect, your sectional success has granted you a weekend getaway. The finals are going on now (I think, 6:20 pm on Saturday) and these adolescent athletes are still wandering the halls and making it so the morning shift is going to lose a lot of money to guests who either do not have kids or have gotten over those sexually transmitted parasites.

My cousin in Ohio better protect his sons at all cost because I am seriously considering a vasectomy just to be as cordial to the world as possible. No children, do not blame me for any of your problems. I am not contributing to the noise at the risk of my family name.

Then again, I am a writer. Like William Shakespeare and his healthy daughters, there will be no dynasty.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

7/22/09: America Keeps...

welovecatsandkittens.com

Current mood: argumentative

Who to be pissed off at today? "America's Got Talent"? The "Circus Girls" act I caught as I was trying to set up my Wii Motion Plus left me a bit upset.

Are contortionists talented...yes, but if you were Vegas talented, you should be representing the US team in London in three years. It's called Rhythmic Gymnastics. What? You can't stay that flexible for another three years?

...

Of course my older sister was the one watching the future of Sunset strip's oldest profession. Can I be pissed at her for that...well I am a little. After I expressed my dismay at the performers with a bit more angst because my Motion Plus box only had the new sleeve for the Wii Mote, she responded with, "if you call wrestling a talent, why isn't it in the Olympics."

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

7/22/09: America's got...

Current mood: pissed off
Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities

What America's got is me pissed off. I can't believe this is how I get my freedom to blog tonight. My older sister, who wouldn't watch "American Idol" when our cousin was in the top 12 is watching "America's Got Talent".

...

That in itself is something America's got me pissed off about. William Hung fever wears off, so damn those who worked their ass off to be sell outs to that exploitative limey son of a bitch. I did at least listened to John Stevens album of covers. Dare I say I'm an ideal American for supporting a family member that I hadn't spoken to...probably ever.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

fromupnorth.com

MFK: Cats, Days Off, The Shining...Barbershop Window Haiku

Tuesday, my day off. Or I should say was. Since I have gotten on to the keyboard to write something new, I am putting the work in.

That was just said to give my girlfriend a hard time with her schedule that has one day spoiling cats as her putting the work in. One, what good person has an issue volunteering time to cats. Two, they are our superiors, so it is an obligation, like children, to care for them. Family does not paid to watch rug rats. We should not get paid to take care of cats...unless they start having Certified Veterinary Assistant programs at the junior college level. I may now have a reason to go back to school.

I know there are Vet Tech programs, but I do not have the nerve to stick my furry friends. Also, my obsessive nature makes it so I want to focus on felines. Piss off pups.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

 

introvertdoodles.com - Cats vs Dogs

The Peoria Next Generation Wrestling Wiki

The last time I was out of Next Generation Wrestling (for reasons that were all business and were understood and made clear by all parties involved), I decided to see how I compared to everyone in 2004.

To motivate me to out perform. That was the goal. Of course, I realized that actual wrestling ability was not the promoter's concern since I was suppose to be in a comic angle and jobbing to those who the crowd thought were cool.

You cannot improve if no one wants to believe you can.

I guess I had my moments, in 2005 with the Kyle Rich feud, my return match against Brett Gakiya, and the "Star Wars" gimmick, but refusing to play the roles NGW wanted me to forced them to put me in a position of just putting me in meaningless matches. The win loss ratio made it so statistically that I was a push over, but when you are not in the premiership, how many limeys give a shit about what you do?

With the realization of this and my best friend trying to kill me, I admit, despite the great matches I had, it was not my best year. But when I look at why certain people got to where they are in my rankings, it was not much of a year in Peoria Wrestling.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

 

 

Wall-E Movie Review

Well, I cannot lay around my apartment waiting for one of the cats to grab a pillow and smother me (Brenda has become accustomed to my face), so I went out to see a movie last night. One of my coworkers recommended "Wanted" (sounded like it had all the campy stuff I want in a crappy action flick), but I'm all about cinema. Cinema. CINEMA.

As a result, "Wall-E" by Pixar was the best option.

This film had a pretty simple premise. The story of two robots falling in love by their united efforts to bring humanity back to the once desolated by pollution planet of Earth. Wisely (from at least a financial standpoint), Pixar decided to take the humorous path of rescuing human race. With the failure at the box office of Danny Boyle ("Trainspotting", "28 Days Later") martyr fest of "Sunshine", one has to be able to laugh at the brink of destruction.

Until the emotional climax, humor is always present. I do not know if Fred Willard was needed as the President/CEO of the WalMart like conglomerate that control society (he could have at least gave us his half-ass W impersonation), but it keeps you happily involved with the story.

When I stop to thing about it, the WalMart stuff in general could have been lessened. I thought there was enough humor is a society that is beyond super obesity. It is great that Pixar is making an effort to provide voice work to the past their prime fat actors, but this does lead me to question some of Pixar's believability.

How does a bed ridden society of fat asses consistently mate for 700 years? I've been desperate for a lay, but if I won't shag me, I don't want to make any women deal with the act of satisfying my human needs.

So, I guess that is the one thing I wasn't sold on in a brilliantly told story. In a nearly perfect comedic film, I still must knit pick some of the other elements in Pixar's decision making.

Did the hero have to look like a midget Johnny 5 for starters? Did Michael McKean build him?

Also Wall-E, a robot desperate to experience the emotion of love, falls for a feminine robot called Eve. This shows the lack of balls at Pixar to be truly groundbreaking.

What if the robot Wall-E fell in love with was masculine with a name like Evan? Pixar had the chance to bust down social walls with the first American gay cartoon couple (3-PO and R2 broke the robot barrier), and they passed it up.

Really aren't robots androgynous, would parents have difficulty explaining this to their kids?

Well, hopefully through my review, I have quelled any distractions one may experience in what perhaps may be the best film of the year. Add the best Pixar short film that I have seen, almost any one should jump at a chance to see Wall-E on a digital screen.

Landmark Cinemas won't cut it for this one.

https://www.etsy.com/listing/517359677/wooden-constructor-robot-wall-e-wooden

July 2015: Wrestlers Only Read when Hate May Be Involved

Hollywood Reporter - Oscars: Best Animated Feature Film Winners

I really have to come up with a more obvious way to say, "Local Wrestlers Needed for Zombie Movie." If I had found that, I probably would not have burned another bridge.

But on the flip side, I burned a bridge with those who are cool with the right that white people have to burn crosses. This may be too harsh an assessment. The promotion I am speaking of was running in the suburbs of Pekin, Illinois. Google "Pekin High School State Basketball Championship" and you will understand my implication about playing to that audience.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

"See No Evil 2:" Will There be 12 Rounds for Kane?

I must say, I have not been in much of a mood for writing lately. If you're a loyal reader (a possibility) you've probably taken note. Worry not, there have been blogs written, they're just real downers. When you're having enough issues feeling down, you question whether or not the wallowing should be spread.

Perhaps that's why Iowans' love their pig gestation crates. Confines where movement is prohibited maybe hellish, but at least the shit stays in the same place.

After the negative, figuratively vocal, reaction to my last blog, it felt my opinions on wrestling were not wanted. Hind sight, I should have just addressed Matt Cage about it since his first gimmick started with ironic awareness of the meaning of the rebel flag, but I digress.

Two weeks later, opinions about the topic of race relations in wrestling was at its highest demand, but when you just assume that Christian Rose, Moondog Bernard/Mr. Bernard, Gavin Alexander, etc. would deny my sincerity because they feel it's a non-issue, did I really want unwarranted hate sent my way? They may not be racist, like Hulk Hogan was in 2007, but they are definitely hateful. I suppose the Confederate Flag just rallies hate, it just needs an outlet to be exposed.

Now, I'll digress. Maybe I should post the unpublished blog "Wrestlers Only Read when Hate May Be Involved" just to draw their eyes to this movie review.

This blog probably will not be posted until the next episode of "Raw." Hopefully, when I get Fridays at the hotel, I'll be able to publicize these more. In this case, I want to see if I'll cool down more from the commentary of two undeserving, talent-free guys who are getting to pursue my passion.

It may not be the depression and alienation that's making writing a chore, it's the grudges. If I find out either is a White Sox fan, I may have to fuck them up out of principle. Too much sin.

Sorry it took seven paragraphs to get to a transition, but it may have been fate, a paragraph per deadly sin.

See No Evil 2:

It would be spoiling the previous film if I was to theorize how Jacob Goodnight (Isaac Yankem DDS) survived his comeuppances (I'm thinking the sterile substance from the only joke in the first film that was administered to his most noticeable wound prevented any infection), but he is definitely going to need a few hours to recuperate. A morgue maybe the ideal spot for him to regain his strength. There should not be too much noise to disturb him during the graveyard shift. Unfortunately, he ends up at the one where the noble Amy works.

When it comes to selflessness, no one can beat Amy. Because of the eight victims from the Blackwell Hotel were sent their way, she decides to for go with the birthday bar hopping to help out Seth and Holden. And for her selflessness, she has great friends, who Holden invites to the human freezer to throw a surprise party for her, complete with a makeshift bar.

Twenty-somethings and alcohol can only lead to one thing, sin. That's something Jacob doesn't need to deal with on top of his injuries and mourning the loss of his mother. If any of these kids decide to have sex on the examining table next to him, he may finally realize that he must become the hand of God that mommy raised him to be.

"See No Evil 2" is the first feature length film that Jen and Sylvia Soska did not write. With two low-budget classics to these auteur's credit ("Dead Hooker in a Trunk" and "American Mary"), it is easy to expect an inferior product since the pen is out of their hand. Fortunately, Nathan Brookes and Bobby Lee Darby seem to have an idea who would direct this feature, so despite it is not a Twisted Twins script, it seemed to be catered to their talents. It still does not show an appreciation to all of their kich, but it at least makes the feature fun unlike its predecessor.

The story allows itself to be goofy, and since this is a film starring a wrestler, that is something that should not be avoided. It comes across as an homage to the high teenage body count films of the 80's and is playful in relying on classic horror and Warner Bros. cliches. Katherine Isabelle of "Ginger Snaps" and "American Mary" fame is excellently cast in this feature since her most notable features are very much about this attitude. If you have never truly taken the American gore genre seriously, which I rarely do, you will not be wasting 90 minutes of your life.

Of course the film has faults. Outside the billed talents and the two male coroners, there is not much great acting displayed in the performances. The limited environment for the story to play out in hinders the film's aesthetic. At least with the first film of the franchise, a mysterious hotel allowed for surprising environments for the characters. Being in a normal building with low ceilings, the surprises only have one spot to appear, right in front of the characters.

The most notable flaws are with the script. It eventually abandons logic and vulnerabilities of the villain, so you may not care about how he can be defeated. Because the Soska's are not allowed to utilize over-the-top-gore, you start to feel indifferent about the death scenes. If it had one scene that was equivalent to the semi-truck arm-severing scene from "Dead Hooker in a Trunk," this could be forgiven. Goodnight's franchise can still have life in it, but these mistakes remove the personality of the draw. Ironic because allowing Goodnight more dialogue and methodical thought patterns was a strength of the film.

"See No Evil 2" may not be a horror classic, but it is amusing enough to give a chance. It also shows that the WWE can build something out of a total let down, if the right minds are behind it. If WWE give the Soskas more control of a sequel, this franchise can only get better. Perhaps the Twisted Twins should manage Roman Reigns.

With the incite presented in this blog, perhaps you'll be inspired to offer your services in my creative effort to promote the production of my screenplay, "Main Event of the Dead."

The "Main Event of the Dead" Test Reel Needs:

• Someone with some makeup or special effects experience.
• The true antagonist of the feature is a woman, so an actress to set up the premise of "Main Event of the Dead."
• Three or four wrestlers to take the finishing moves.
• One or two wrestlers to deliver the moves.
• A wrestling ring with a canvas that can afford to be left a little messy. If we can get extra from the crowd-funding campaign, we'll make replacing it a priority.

Since this is an effort to try and make this feature a reality, I can really only afford to compensate what ever is spent to make this video. I am willing to negotiate terms on what compensation will be for performances before the reel goes online. If whatever raised can cover the compensation agreed to, even if I do not reach the goal to produce the film, compensation will be had.

If you need a treatment of the script for "Main Event of the Dead" please e-mail me at russthebus07@gmail.com.

Cravings...Daddy's Girl...Vampire Flick or the Welsh "Crush"

Lionsgate may have dropped the ball with their DVD release of the Welsh import "Daddy’s Girl" by renaming it "Cravings". Since it was originally released in 2006, the American distributor was probably just trying to capitalize on the belief that actress Jaime Winstone ("Donkey Punch") maybe the next great British actress. Horror DVD’s are probably the most rented and it being Lionsgate’s bread and butter, the renaming allow it to capture the largest audience. This proves to be misleading because Cravings is not so much thriller or horror feature than Alicia Silverstone’s The Crush. To its credit, Cravings does take the Electra complex to a new level of creepy.

Stephen (Richard Harrington) is a psychotherapist who is just six weeks removed from his wife’s suicide. As a welcome back present, his first new patient is Nina (Winstone), a girl who had slit her wrist on "accident." She claims to just be going through that cutting stage of adolescence, but Stephen believes that because she drinks her blood, there is a far more disturbing problem. As Stephen becomes closer to Nina’s mother (Louise Delamere), Nina begins to lash out at everyone who can offer her a taste of the crimson. Being too involved with the case, and still struggling with the grief of his wife’s death, Stephen must stop Nina’s behavior before it cost him his sanity and more.

Cravings is not about vampires in the traditional sense, but it chooses to wait till the one-hour mark before it disappoints the viewer who was hoping for paranormal action. There is nothing great about the film’s direction and the script had no clue on how to write the characters beyond Stephen and the ghost-whispering plumber. Because of this, the story is about Stephen losing his sanity, and the blood sucker with daddy issues is secondary.

moviesdb.co.uk

This path to lunacy may have been a great premise, but there are not that many things that he can go nuts over. The only poor performance (which may have just been written that way) is that of Delamere who does not know whether or not to be motherly, secretive, or devious, so there is only a suicide and a nutty teen threatening to push him over the edge. Somehow these do not seem to be grand challenge.

As for Winstone’s performance, she offers up her ability to be dynamic, but with no explanation of how she was ever at the low end of the evil spectrum, the script wasted her talent. She is a lovable psycho (okay this critic does not care much for poodles), and like the box art implies, she should have been the focus of the picture.

The American release of Daddy’s Girl is nothing but false advertising to try to promote a possible up-and-coming actress. It is written to poorly to be a great psychological thriller, and it is nothing close to being considered horror. If this lands on cable, it might be worth killing sometime or as background noise, but for those who have an itch for an entertaining DVD, this will not satisfy their cravings.

See No Evil: Not Kane the Movie.

At least I could wait till 8:00 pm to start writing this blog. Too bad it took a sprinkler leak over the front desk to cause this. I suppose that's just a metaphor for my life or just the ultimate case of the Mondays (6/8/15, I imagine this blog may not be released till "Money in the Bank," so the hotel will be in tip top shape by then).

If you want a case for there being a God(s). The United Methodist Great Rivers Conference will sell the hotel out in just a few days, so he/she must be trying to wash the sin away from the atheist (and catholic) staff to make it the ideal location for the final group mentioned on the "Blazing Saddles: Vicious Criminal and Gunmen" list.

I could go into my sense of being lost, but the previous paragraph left me with a transition, dare I say direction, to get right into this week's movie review from Netflix DVD, "See No Evil" featuring WWE Superstar Kane.

Four years ago, Officer Frank Williams and his partner were called to investigate a noise disturbance at a church that was blaring the hymns too loudly. What they found was a girl who had her eyes removed and an ax wielding giant.

Williams was able to get a round off into the monster's skull, but it cost him his partner's life and his flashlight holding hand. Needles to say, this type of heroism will allow you to pick your own path in law enforcement, so he has since decided to help arrange juvenile delinquent community service programs. His latest assigns a group of coeds time to turn the dilapidated Blackwell Hotel into a shelter for the homeless.

Of course the Blackwell has quite a morbid history. The owner built the hotel as his own personal playground, so it may have been the will of God to see the penthouse floors destroyed in a fire, with him staying there, 35 years prior. Still, the privacy those floors can provide the teenagers from their supervisors and the chance of finding a lost safe presents too much temptation for the kids to stay in their bunks.

With so much sin that will return to this hotel, it is only poetic to see Williams's past return with them as he has just made reservations for his eight junior felons at Jacob Goodnights's new abode.

"See No Evil" gets it wrong from the get go. There are some Lucio Fulci films that I call total cow excrement on, but I do not feel like his pictures were ever fresh manure since I can make it to the end before sensing a whiff. You notice the stench at the beginning of the second act, and director Gregory Dark's infrequent frantic camera motions do not remedy the smell.

Sometimes, you do not know how much you despised something until you write the first paragraph about it. Sometimes, you got look back to get angry I suppose. Maybe we should never look back at all.

The film has two characters that we might care about, but in an attempt to make you more interested in the third rate story with third rate gore, one of them will not make it that far. I do not think that's a spoiler because it is still tough to care for either of them.

In my opinion, there is only one satisfactory kill which is what we watch these films for. It is a nice throwback to Fulci and Argento's better works, but the director was too afraid (or the producers to cheap) to make up for all the lackluster violence. They could have at least provided some nudity or cliches to make up for it. Emphasis on the phrase "could have."

The biggest miss is that it under utilizes Kane. Perhaps if it was made in 1997, it would have worked...better...to have the monster with a handler. Sadly, this film was made in 2006. Pardon if I lack wrestling knowledge, but I believe that was at least two years into the unmasked demon that was not afraid to speak his mind. All "See No Evil" delivers is a weak version of Michael Myers or Jason Vorhees. At least those guys were creative in their craft. Facial expressions of pain and torment are not as powerful.

Fortunately, the "See No Evil" sequel has promise with the Soska Sisters at the helm. The Twisted Twins spoke of how they would like to make a Wyatt Family origins feature, so they know that you cannot reinvent a WWE Superstar, but answer the questions behind the characters. Of course, Jacob Goodnight might be a challenge since Dan Madigan already made him lame.

Lamer than corporate Kane.

If you watch this flick, hopefully you'll acknowledge my eye for what is needed for a good horror flick. And maybe, you'll give me a chance to convince you to give my B-movie zombie/wrestling project "Main Event of the Dead" support.

The "Main Event of the Dead" Test Reel Needs:

• Someone with some makeup or special effects experience.
• The true antagonist of the feature is a woman, so an actress to set up the premise of "Main Event of the Dead."
• Three or four wrestlers to take the finishing moves.
• One or two wrestlers to deliver the moves.
• A wrestling ring with a canvas that can afford to be left a little messy. If we can get extra from the crowd-funding campaign, we'll make replacing it a priority.

Since this is an effort to try and make this feature a reality, I can really only afford to compensate what ever is spent to make this video. I am willing to negotiate terms on what compensation will be for performances before the reel goes online. If whatever raised can cover the compensation agreed to, even if I do not reach the goal to produce the film, compensation will be had.

If you need a treatment of the script for "Main Event of the Dead" please e-mail me at russthebus07@gmail.com.

Feast III: The One with an "Ironic" Title

It is a good thing they chose not to call this film “Happy Ending” because this felt like a legitimate massage. You go through a lot and give up your time to have it, but if you don’t get a release, buy one of those chairs from Sharper Image instead of a Hooter’s waitress that has moved on.

"Feast III" makes up for Feast II being a low budget film that tried to shoot everything on a soundstage, but blows it on being the "Happy Finish" to what could have been horror series of the decade. It the end, it just handed the title to Danny Boyle’s pet projects.

The rooftop refugees from the attack of the indeterminate beasts must make their escape. With the additions of the redneck survivalist, the short bus riding prophet who seems to have the ability to ward off the monsters, and the karate expert straight out of the Chuck Norris impersonators era, will they stand a chance against not only the horny and hungry demons, but the breed of zombie that their vomit seems to have created.

Why I did not review Feast II? Because they filmed both of the original's sequels simultaneously, I did not want to pass judgment on the individual parts. Feast III, gives the viewers a bigger middle finger than The Sopranos, the second Newhart show, or every other Family Guy episode can offer. This is sad because until that point, the film had made its predecessor worthwhile. If they would have got out the puker angle in this one and the existence of Honey Pie subplot, they could have given us one great movie instead of the par and subpar films Dimension Extreme distributed.

And Jon Gulager could have still had his Sleepaway Camp ending. The ending was done as a laugh, but it feels like the writers just wanted to be done with the franchise. No mariachi number can take the taste of the ending away.

If you purchase the sequels (because Family Video in Morton didn’t carry them), you will initially feel disappointed, then you should realize the fun that can be had with these. I think it is great when a DVD inspires you to listen to a commentary track, and the third film does that. With the right beer or the right cheap vodka (Sobieski isn’t Svedka, but it’ll work), I’m sure a drinking game can be developed thus making it a worthwhile double feature.

Since Feast II: Sloppy Seconds and Feast III: The Happy Finish do work as great B-Movies, fans of that genre will enjoy these sequels for the ridiculous and gratuitous nature they embrace.These two films do not serve as great Indie movies, so it feels that the writers and director may have underestimated the intelligence of their audience. If you aren’t into niche pictures, buy Feast, and try to find the sequels on the Blockbuster shelves if you dare. As I said dare, don’t put these in the Netflix cue, so that they cannot catch you in the mail unaware.