"He Never Died" - The Henry Rollins Show The Movie

Curse large hotel lobbies. At a property like the one I am at now, it is a necessity, or at least so I thought. Visiting a set of hotels in Chicago with three franchises sharing one lobby, the chance of a family reunion deciding to set up craft services would not work. Yeah, you have the business of Downtown Windy City to smother the silence, but no hosting responsibilities.

That sounds like I am not enthused about my role in the industry. It may just mean there is a purpose for an all-encompassing hospitality degree. I am just used to taking care of guests who have issues with their room, not those who expect me to throw them a freaking party. Staffing is the true issue, but welcome to slow times in a college town.

The actual issue is that I may one I constantly come back to. I do not want to ever impose on anyone. Why is that not universal? It is one thing if you are renting our meeting room, but when you just claim the lobby? How much do you expect from a slow night room rate?

It is the curse of being patient and empathetic. Customer satisfaction is your calling, and when you help someone out, you know things are all around better. Too bad you only hear from the ones who are a pain in the ass to satisfy. Or they have never been satisfied, but that is just how I am defending any rumored shortcomings in the bedroom.

The lack of appreciation may get to us all. You start to develop a chip on your shoulder, and eventually it becomes a boulder that you need to chuck. It is better than constantly lashing out because throwing pebbles is just annoying to a perceived adversary. A genuine stone will finish them off. A possible mess to clean up is why we keep letting it snowball.

You cannot cut yourself off from people. If you do, you will be the considered the asshole. Imagine an eternity of that and you get the Henry Rollins starring classic "He Never Died."

I do not know what it is, but I have always been hoping for a good Henry Rollins movie. He is a cult of personality (Rollins and Bernie 2020) that you want associated with any flick and I have yet to find a supporting role that I have not enjoyed. The thing is, with the exception of "Feast," he may be the only reason to sit though some bad films.

There are some redeeming qualities to "Johnny Mnemonic" and "Lost Highway", but definitely not "The Chase." Since there is not any range to his performances, one can be trepidatious about the idea of him in a leading role. Especially when the film is from a production company with an intro reel suitable only for PS2 games.

As I stated, Rollin's is a cult of personality. If you can let him be him, it should work. He would be the perfect "Highlander: The Series" immortal, so his immortal flesh eater character in "He Never Died" may be perfection on a streaming service.

Well, that is hyperbole. You need a Scottish accent somewhere with this premise to be perfect...or whatever Christopher Lambert can bring to the table.

Jack seems to be burnt out. He just has to live, but nothing seems to motivate him. Even thugs mistakenly attacking him does not get his pulse rate up. A little tape and Visine, the man is ready to be an hour early for Bingo.

Finding out that a daughter he never knew he had has tracked him down is a bit of hiccup to his existence, but he might be to dull to keep her attention. Worrying about her finding out that he may survive on human blood and viscera might be a waste of time. She would be so bored, her efforts to get him out on the dating scene would be moot.

Perhaps kidnapping his daughter will get him to bring out some fight from him. What could be his secrets that make someone want to waste small-time crooks to find out? Is it wise to give a guy who may predate the Bible a reason to get out of bed.

"He Never Died" is an excellent allegory for those who seem to just be existing because the alternative is frowned upon. My experience with this is being cynical and feeling life is wasted on the young. To imagine 5,000 years of that serves as a wake-up call that your life could be worse. The real challenge is realizing you have new things to try and little time to use.

Henry Rollins is ideally cast in this feature. He has been a cultural mainstay for 30-plus years and his fans feel that he needs to be constantly relevant. Jack shows us that concept may be more trouble than it is worth, and the writing and performance allows the viewer to appreciate his struggles. This results in a strong black comedy that benefits from the lack of directorial resources.

"He Never Died" almost suffers because of Netflix's previews imagery sells it as a straight horror movie. If you are not in the mood for gore, you will pass by it. If you do not have the attention span for what is essentially a play on film, you will be surprised in the wrong way.

This film may solely be for the fans of Rollins. "He Never Died" shows that an appreciation of "Black Flag" indicates wisdom. It is a film for the wise, so it might not be a Thanksgiving recommendation because there is at least one uncle who will not get it. Try to tell that guy that Rollins is Cash 2.0 or just two since he does not understand smartphone updates.

Film Affinity - Espana

Schrodinger's Cat: Rationalizations of an Existentialist (Part 9: Plus My Autobiography Title)

I'm sure I've stated this in one of the early blogs, but I gotta make sure you know there is a film behind the rantings of this clinically depressed, socially forsaken blogger, I WILL BE HAPPY TO PROVIDE ANYONE A COPY OF TREATMENT OF "MAIN EVENT OF HE DEAD" UPON REQUEST (russthebus07@gmail.com).

Eight hours to go, and I'm out of websites to look at. Suggestions...for well designed topical ones? You can have great content, but if it doesn't follow the standards I was taught 12 years prior, it's bullocks. Curse my obsessive compulsive nature.

Rationalization 25: There Will Never be a Socialist Internet (the top two hits for Far Left merch don't finance the movement)

...

Suppose there is still a cool looking green wrestling mask I can continue searching for. Despite I haven't been overly impressed with Ring of Honor's booking, I still find it disrespectful to try and wrestle in my Delirious mask. WWE Networks's only Cibernetico's coverage has him masked, so I don't think that I can get that one by the Smarks (redundant since the local ones won't let me get away with anything).

Rationalization 26: I'm Russ Stevens and this is "Faux-Intellectual Jackass"

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

7/29/09: Sympathy for the Devil...I mean Mom, and the Chinese

Class is about to wrap up for the summer. I gotta remember when I'm at ICC to pick up another fall schedule. The older sis was pissed when I tried to hold out on her by only offering her the advance one.

Tough weekend. Parents and little sister are out of town for our douche bag (in the uptight way...chuckle...not the bad way) cousin's wedding, so I had to be my big sister's chauffeur to work, and where ever the else she wanted to go on her schedule.

It's not like I had a choice. When she calls it the crimson tide, it isn't just going to be her blood leaking. Good thing I decided not to deal with the poser/redneck crowd at the IWA tryout in advance.

It's not like she doesn't have a reason to be bitter. She doesn't want to have kids, so why does she have to get visited? Good thing she is going back on the pill. The pill can control more than offspring possibilities.

What really screwed by internal clock was Saturday morning. She works third shift 2-8 am. So I figured I'd watch "Watchmen" (which is everything The Dark Knight wanted to be), blog a little, then pick her up. Pull in at 8 am to the broken up call telling me she had to stay till 11.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

The Confused Project that Was Armitage III: The Motion Picture

While trying to archive other anime review from the Bus's Transit of Anime Realities, I discovered that I had also written an "Armitage III: Polymatrix" review for another website of mine AnimeFlow. The funny thing about this is that it is a counter to what I originally wrote. All I can say about this re-post is that it reads better, but to truly understand this anime, you might want to read the opposing side.

So, I'm schizophrenic. The good lord must want me to discover something new about my futile existence everyday just to prove his own. Jesus H Douche.

"Armitage III" was always a title I wanted to check out, but with so many other multi-video collections I was trying to complete, I didn't want to trouble myself with another one. So when I heard about the movie version, I was pretty sure I was going to buy it, and when I found out it featured the voices of Keifer Sutherland and Elizabeth Berkley that kind of sealed the deal.

Its great to see celebs trying to help bring this style of art to the main stream. This is the second anime feature length film I've ever bought, but I knew not to expect another "Akira", but this was pretty enjoyable despite it may seem at some points to be over done.

After finally viewing the original OVA series, some may appreciate the restraint the film had when compared to the material it was pieced together from. Then again it may just be an issue of preference. Do you want to dedicate days to the character over the top voice acting or not. Again, this is the fanboy in me wishing that anime DVD's were not released in complete sets, so that I could truly figure that out on my own terms if a series was worth continuing. Does disc one encourage me to buy disc two, or I have the movie, so I'll just put this disc on Half.com.

Of course, if you do not buy much anime and you just want to see this to see another Elizabeth character act like a slut ("Show Girls", "Any Given Sunday", Saved By the Bell type characters) you will be disappointed. This is not one of the reasons I bought the tape, but you some time wonder when is this Cop in hot pants is going to get naked.

Ross Sylibus has left the Chicago PD for the Martian PD after his partner was killed by a cyborg. He immediately gets involved in some traditional movie cop action with a shoot out at the space port where his new partner, Naomi Armitage, is trying to apprehend one of the flights passengers. During the shoot out the criminals suitcase opens and we find the dead body of the universe's only remaining country singer (^_^Yay^_^) Kelly McCannonen. After the suspect escapes, Armitage and Ross find out that the victim is a robot.

Just as Ross is settling in, the murderer, Rene D'amclaude pirates the TV signal to show a montage of the murders other female robots he's takes credit for and calls for a revolution of the "Thirds". With antirobot feelings on Mars, this man gets a lot of support, but the higher ups in the PD seemed to be more concerned with Armitage's drive to solve these cases?

The biggest flaw in the film is that it tries to cover too much in too little time. This is the same plot as the series, so the action has to be hurried. It would appear that there is little room left for the characters' emotions, but it is actually being loyal to the OVA. Some of the voice acting is pathetic, and Sutherland seems to try too hard, but Berkley does a great despite it being an overly whining lead character. This was probably the way the series and film stand behind a claim that the show is quite emotional.

Voice, body what else does Liz need? A decent agent.

The artwork and animation are great. Just looking at still shots and posters doesn't do the film justice since these drawing are beautiful in action. The plot does seem to have too many variables like how the Thirds can be impregnated. Confusion or a sense of over stimulation is all that creates. Despite all this, its extremely enjoyable without the addicting nature of the series.

Armitage III - Polymatrix is not addicting, its not excellent, but maybe the opium suppository for the anime fan with a budget. Just a hit to get you by.

90-Minute Netflix DVD: THE Transformers: THE Movie and THE Dawn of Nintendo

As I have just paid a typical hotel price for a bag of Cheetos, it seems appropriate to focus on writing a movie review. Here's hoping it keeps me from completing the $4 junk food transaction.

GeekyTyrant.com

And speaking of junk...that would be the easiest transition to write about "The Transformers: The Movie." I think that one is too harsh, but when you consider the voice acting decisions, you cannot deny the rubbish that is present in this film beyond the junk planet that the feature provides. But when you use a transition like that, it improperly frames the review.

"The Transformers: The Movie" is too dark to dismiss and how far it missed the mark to simply end it with hoping these toys were made of number 1 or 2 plastic so we can perhaps recycle the legacy.

In 2005, the evil Decepticons had successfully conquered Cybertron leaving the Autobots who oppose them with Earth as their only safe haven. The lead Decepticon, Megatron, cannot resist finishing off his adversaries once and for all, and attacks the Earth base of the Autobots. Hot Rod, Autobot and babysitter to the human Danny, is able to warn the base of the attack and when Optimus Prime returns from hiding, they are able to fend off the assault. But the cost is heavy on both sides, leaving Prime to surrender the leadership Matrix to Ultra Magnus before passing away.

Conversely, Megatron is left for dead by Star Scream and the fleeing Decepticons. His death is imminent, but planet-hungry Unicron sees an opportunity. The only threat to this titan is the Matrix, so he revives the fallen leader and gives him the body of Galvatron (with the "voice" of Leonard Nimoy) and an army. In exchange for finishing off the Autobots hence destroying the Matrix, he will be allowed to reclaim the reigns of Cybertron, however long that maybe.

With their comrades being consumed by Unicron, the Autobots must figure out how to unleash the power of the Matrix to save their friends. Galvatron's stalking of them leaves them scattered across the galaxy trying to make it back to their home world. Who will show the leadership capability in this most desperate time to prevail?

Rediscovering "The Transformers: The Movie" was an attempt to capture some lost nostalgia. Aside from getting Devastator one Christmas and digging the concept of Soundwave, these guys did not usurp "The Masters of the Universe" for me. Being about to enter kindergarten, having a lot of friends would be odd, but I somehow got the vibe I was behind the times.

Being in pro-wrestling and seeing Jimmy Jacobs on every other card in the mid 2000's, we all loved his entrance music, "The Touch" by Stan Bush. You try to find anything about Stan Bush, "Transformers" is what will come up, along with Jean Claude Van Damme movies. Transformers = to JVCD, I must have missed out. Failing to grab the Blu-ray release when it was on my retailer's shelves, my destiny must have been to keep missing out. Especially when "Very Long Rate" was always the status in my dvd.netflix.com queue.

What I was missing was a realization that toy lines for the sake of toy lines died with this film. I was probably begging my parents for a Sega Master to fill this subconscious void.

A constant Blockbuster rental by my little brother was "G.I. Joe: The Movie." In that film, a non-Channing Tatum portrayed Duke falls into a coma after having his heart impaled by a spear with the diameter of an adolescent python. The reason behind his diagnosis was, kids were to traumatized by the death of Prime in "Transformers." It must have only been the death scene, because they must have ignored the Decepticons finally showing accuracy with their blasters as they annihilated the original Autobot line.

1UpForge on Etsy

"The Transformers: The Movie" was an overly ambitious effort by Hasbro to sell a new line of toys. If the kids cannot watch Jazz do his stereotype thing, surely they'll buy the new toys by default.

If that was not ambitious enough, they decided to get clever with the voice casting. A mistake first of all because there are edits that blatantly tell you they were going to divide this into four TV episodes at some point. Second of all, you knew back then that Judd Nelson, Robert Stack and Nimoy were not going to stick around for syndication. And finally, the robotic voice distortion of the topped bill voice actors makes it so you cannot really pick up on who is cashing in. If Orson Welles does not sound like Orson, why would you pay him?

The animation at least makes the film interesting. It is a nice middle ground between anime and Canadian made for TV, but the lack of narrative and character building makes getting loss in six episodes of "Robotech" a more interesting evening. Soundtrack wise, Lin-Mei has met her match with Lion and Weird Al, but the constant repetition of the limited album does not keep your attention.

If anything "The Transformers: The Movie" is a case for why you need at least one generation backwards compatibility. I still search for old video games, and for a screenwriter to tell me that is dumb as a 38 year-old, I am at least experienced enough to tell them off cleverly. If he was too smash a copy of "Panzer Dragoon Saga" in front of me, I would smash his face.

Six year-old me would probably be devastated if you killed my hero before my eyes, like they did in this film. Then again, I saw this in theaters, and I left feeling okay. Guess it shows the inability to keep my attention. If only Hot Rod was voice by Roddy Piper.

90 Minute Netflix DVD: "Armed Response" or The Turd Seth Cannot Polish

It is a tough stretch for me. By the end of this Saturday shift, I will be half way between my work, best be sleeping, work schedule. I will get a day off before I am back at work, and then it is doing my best to treat my girlfriend for her birthday in Chicago. Only frustrating thing about that is that I will not be able to get my finer clothes washed by my folks since I will be exhausted come Tuesday. My ability to "best be sleeping" is rather poor.

Tonight, I should not have an excuse to avoid bed. Cold fried chicken awaits me (too bad throwing peppers on top of a sauce makes atomic wings from Wingstop nearly inedible, hence more cooking to be done) at home and my "Fucking Brilliant" journal is at least in the car. My streak of movie reviews will continue, provided I remember to take it from the car to the desk. Because of this, "Last Week Tonight" should be the only programming I need (Why did last night's episode of Comedy.tv have to to feature Maria Bamford? I needed sleep). There should be no need for me to access Amazon Prime to watch an 80's horror movie.

I do fear my satire is falling to the wayside by doing this movie catch up. It makes me reminisce of my second trip through Illinois Central College. Give me due dates, and I will deliver something to be defanged by the competent editor. My righteous butt appreciated the awareness during the second half of my time at ICC's newspaper, The Harbinger, but it was fun putting the reputation of the paper on the line with pro-steroid pieces.

Steroids, that is probably a good spot to stop tonight. Dolph Ludgren, Michael Jai White, Danny Trejo; these are all stars in the journal. The only other thing on my mind is how The Wrestling Compadres may have managed to prevent me from cancelling them for another month. Praise the "Tom Magee" documentary on the WWE Network while bad mouthing me for not wanting to watch a booking turd like "Money in the Bank" inspires to me to want to engage in their tit for tat, despite the number of times I have been edited for their own su-su-su-su-spect devices. Thrice, pro-feminism views had been cut.

All these movie reviews I am teasing have wrestling parallels, so I should stick to the transition, but when I think about all the times I have been edited, it makes me wonder if I should just try to podcast. My stuff looks good written, but how does it work for the audiophiles? Anchor (thanks for the tip Spotify) says it is easier than ever to find out.

Podcasting does seem to be about talking in circles, so my writing should be fine. At least I know it is better than that in..."Armed Response," the WWE film where I regret giving Seth Rollins 90 minutes to shine a turd, hence why I will not let his A.J. Styles's match inspire me to watch twice the poor writing to get to.

Armed Response: Working the Broom the Match

When WWE says they want to attach you to a film, you will not get to offer a negative response. From a certain legitimate podcast ("The Art of Wrestling: Thanksgiving 2014"), it seems that you just say, "Thanks for the time off." Pretend that making a film is like the TV format, celebrate the lack of bumps and hope you do not have to do the favor for Anne Heche. Insist that the sentient, telepathic prison scores the fall. This is the Gene Simmons produced "Armed Response."

Still recovering from letting go of his daughter's bike too soon during a lesson adjacent a highway, Gabriel (TV's Dave Annable) is called back to action by his former army comrades Isaac (Wesley Snipes) and Riley (Anne Heche) to investigate why they lost contact with a high tech black ops prison called a Temple. The crew that was facilitating this were also brothers-in-arms that they served with in Afghanistan. Since Gabriel designed this complex, he is obligated to find some answers.

Can we get a movie where the site is not full of mangled corpes? These mysterious events probably happen all the time, but it is usually a router problem. Hence, we do not hear about it, so we can not presume any other movie cliches.

Temples are an over-sized interrogation system that can measure body chemistry to determine the correct answers of its prisoners. The goal is to avoid the need for torture. But everyone wants to torture someone, and it seems that is no different when it comes to the Temple itself. Everyone in the Temple have their sins, and this house of truth will administer punishment, technology, physics, and chemistry be damned. If you break laws, so will it.

Viewing "Armed Response" was not that painful for me. I was watching this flick hoping it would allow fellow Danny Daniels disciple Seth Rollins a retirement plan, so focus was skewed. Upon reviewing my memories, this is the worst WWE Studios's film to date (at least when featuring WWE talent).

Director John Stockwell had a hell of a 2016. "Countdown" was a great B-movie and "Kickboxer: Vengeance" was better than the original Van Damme film. I suppose WWE thought he was talented enough to make a flick with nothing but past their prime stars and an empty building. This film shows that he is not the Soska Twins (check out my "See No Evil 2" review).

And this incomprehensible script further pisses me off since I cannot get anyone to request a treatment of "Main Event of the Dead." Feel free to email me at russthebus07@gmail.com.

It is called an Intellectual Property. You must have intelligence in your story to earn that distinction. If you do not, you make anyone who lacks tax issues dumber for working on this. No wonder Rollins said yes to Shield reunions instead of taking his ball and running to off to another promotion.

The next worse WWE flick is the Soskas's "Vendetta", but it is light years better than this. It was Dean Cain versus the Big Show. That film gave us something to care about. "Armed Response" is a ghost story without any ghosts. Ghost are supernatural. Computers are not.

Annable is not a star, so it is nothing versus nothing. Snipes and Rollins are the undercard, so there is nobody who can get you invested in this flick. Maybe if the film explained how parallel prison walls can rip limbs from someone, disbelief can be blissfully suspended.

The WWE producers of "Armed Response" should be sued for defaming Stamford's name. If a story makes less sense than Doctor Chris Amann's lawsuit against the Second City Saints, it should not have been green lit regardless of what an idiot from Kiss says.

https://teaser-trailer.com/movie/temple/

06.09.09 Emotionally and Financially Broke In Vegas

Current mood:  crushed

As you've probably read, my life has been in the dumps. At least that's my opinion. Don't worry I brought a long evidence to support it.

Regardless of the argument, five days in Vegas should remedy that or at the very least relieve some of the symptoms. Especially when it was going to be my last hurrah with my little brother before he got married.

Unfortunately, my mother wanted to make it as Peoria...scratch that...AC Morton as possible. Different time zone, but same crap. Frustrating since I saved up as much of my unemployment as possible to have fun.

Damn WGN's Around the World for Free when you can't do Vegas on a hundred bucks.

Yes, Penn & Teller was awesome, Santana did his thing well, but I don't go to Vegas for the shows. I like to try my luck, but I only end up with $50 to do so. Hell, with my lil' bro, I thought I'd have people to socialize with for a change. But when your Mom is determined not to be embarrassed in any possible way (using your brother as the justification), I'm left watching cable in their bedroom realizing that no matter where I go, the my dilemma remains the same.

Wednesday:



Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

Schrodinger's Cat: Rationalizations of an Existentialist (Part 8: Youth is wasted on the loud)

The problem with having a cat as a birthday gift is that you tend to have the same annual health related appointments. To Eva's credit, my blood work at age 33 (maybe I'll find a way to get out of it at 34) is my fault. But soon it will be prostate exams every year, and to Eva, I am sorry. I will not stand for her not getting her temperature taken at the vet.

Rationalization 20: Birthdays are for Essential Anal Invasion

Another birthday, and it reminds me of my perceived insignificance. Harold Ramis and Tim Wilson's passing the week of it reminds me of how little impact I've had from a creative standpoint. Ramis had the brains for it, so I can't say his success wasn't overly surprising, but Tim Wilson (smart, but not a Lampoon) was about dedication. I also think it had to be about being given opportunities and friends who remembered returning favors.

I can't say that I've been one to leave the impression of, "You better get me back," but I've always busted my ass for anyone who has asked (provided I haven't worked 6 days in a row...without the promise of promotion), so I'm not afraid to say I'm a bit frustrated that trying to be a good person is never rewarded.

Rationalization 21: Facebook is for Self Importance.



Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

B-Movie Horror Film Series - Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy / Song of the Dead

Mil Mascara vs. The Aztec Mummy --- Song of the Dead

When you go to see a B-Movie, you have to bring friends with you. One of those friends has to be relatively inexpensive alcohol, and the others have to at one point in time had a pulse.

I'd say the friends have to be alive, but when the modern B-Movie line up has to have at least one zombie flick, it would be inappropriate to deny them entrance. Actually, it might be educational that way. It would show the living dead what would happen to them if the messed with us.

Of course, there is the problem of letting the patrons carry weapons into a theater, but come on. When it comes to the Peoria Theater, we are all adults there. Drunk, immature adults.

When I viewed "Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy", I had left my emergency flask of Johnny Walker Black at home, and my only friend was my infamous notebook (that being the opinion of the independent pro-wrestling scene). Fortunately, the little book was an awesome wing man, drawing the attention of the other patrons. They wanted the critic's opinion infused with their viewing experience, so I was quickly accepted into their family. Thus I was ready to survive "Song of the Dead".

At bars, it is easy to feel alone in a crowded room, but at the Peoria Theater, that is not the case. It is like the voice in your head can interact with everybody. I believe the next "B-Movie Horror Film Series" will be August 28, 2009, and you are more than welcome, and thoroughly encouraged to check it out.

Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy

Director: Jeff Burr

Co-director: Chip Gubera

A black sheriff?

If only Mel Brooks was the director of this film. Could you imagine a Mexican wrestling A-List movie, and the corresponding Broadway musical.

As for Willard E. Pugh, the former mayor of Detroit ("RoboCop 2"), I guess if you want to serve the public, you got to go where the jobs are. Even if the job is the Police Chief of the Mexico City Police Department, one cannot be too picky.

In a world where everything takes a back seat to wrestling championships and trippy photo shoots, The Aztec Mummy has risen. And with the Jewel of Tanawa, he can control the minds of the most influential people in the world.

The only one who can save the world is the brilliant scientist, ambassador of international goodwill, and most importantly, the wrestling legend Mil Mascaras, The Man of a Thousand Masks. Mil's immunity to the effects of the jewel and bastardized use of the Hyrule's Triforce, the Mummy will pull out all the stops to defeat the descendant of the family who put him to rest centuries ago. Our hero will have to face off with blood thirsty Aztec servants, possessed opponents, and lousy Harley Race commentary to save the world.

Can Mil Mascaras overcome the demonic threat to the world, find true love, and the secrets to his mask? Or will the USA go and nuke their southern neighbors before the Mummy can come to power?

Personally, I'm a Cuba Gooding Jr. fan, but if Pugh's attempt to be the stereotypical black guy were not poor enough, it seems like he asks himself "WWCubaD."

As for Mil's performance, I was pumped to find out that he speaks nearly fluent English (thank you WWE Classics of Demand), but unfortunately his ADR is pathetic. Still no one can complain about the film's wrestling and the luchador performances. Blue Demon Jr. just knows how to rock the cape.

The movie does offer some clever dialogue:

The only bride you'll have is my fist, and I'm afraid it'll be a painful consummation.

Okay, outside of the Aztec Mummy need for a bride with a Zelda tramp stamp (birthmark...right), the rest of the script is too funny in that proper B-Movie way.

Poisoning you. Now I have something else to charge this Mummy with.

The good guys just have to be super idealistic. Yes, it would be better for society if we could bring all criminals to justice, but he's a freaking mummy with the mobility of Jabba the Hutt's head droid.

Give the Mummy credit for his wrestling ability, but I respect almost anyone who owns wrestling boots outside of Central Illinois. He is portrayed by Jeffrey Uhlmann, who also acts as the robot who saves our heroes to set up for the movie's epic climax.

They try to throw everything into this movie. Fiftyesque robots, twin vampire lesbians, nukes, decapitations, and every possible transitional scene you could think of. Thus the need for extra booze was needed.

The film drags because it had to have everything. Each scene offers some B-Movie glee since they went there, but you are immediately pleading for them to get to the next scene.

You need to watch Mil Mascaras vs. The Aztec Mummy with a wise audience to enjoy it fully. Otherwise, Mil v. Mummy can be a strenuous ordeal. If you love B-Movies, this flick delivers. Just make sure that you come to this one prepared, or you risk possible brain trauma.

https://willthrillville.files.wordpress.com/2010/04/mil-mascaras-aztec-mummy.jpg

Song of the Dead

Directed and Written by Chip Gubera

There are a lot of great Zombie movie ideas, so they should all be put on film (like "Main Event of the Dead", my pro-wrestling comedy, feel free to ask for a treatment by e-mailing russthebus07@gmail.com). Video just doesn't do the deceased justice. Then again, if a wig on grass is suppose to represent a smashed head, and you have are trying to use Lucas swipes and De Palma split screens, you do have to give some thought to my previous declaration.

In this must expose your breasts for a young female lead role (be it living or undead) that does everything it can not to piss off George A. Romero, the President of the USA (Reggie Bannister of the "Phantasm" franchise) along with his red, white, and blue sequenced sports coat had the sad job of informing us of the latest Islamic Extremist attack on America. Terrorist had mixed the Jihad Reanimation Virus (or JRV) into a mosquito pesticide. The result, USAF has sprayed our great country with the Zombie Apocalypse's catalyst.

Surprisingly, the rural communities are hit hardest because so many unknown bodies are buried out there (Thank you Ted Bundy). The story follows Sandy, her Gun-Ho brother and father, her mentally unstable yet extremely fashionable boyfriend Brad, and the mysterious Arthur whose hobby gives him knowledge of 20 more zombie terrorist that may attack. These survivors are trapped at their summer home outside of Kansas City, and they came to their last stand with a soundtrack and jazz hands.

It is hard to be happy with a Zombie, Musical, Comedy that only has one tribute to thriller. That is what the audience seemingly came to see besides for gore and boobies. As the flick is played, the audience is trying to figure out how to make can a better version of this.

Oh for the days of Super 8, the format you couldn't immediately mass produce. This is not "Evil Dead", so this movie would not exist in a simpler time.

So immediately, you have to appreciate Song of the Dead, for all of its thriftiness. The Air Force uniform with only a flag on the left shoulder, the BB gun that the actor has to be the folly artist for, and the chainsaw they chose to ignore budgeting gas for, etc., leaves the audience respecting the nerve of the "filmmaker" to try to get away with this zombie flick.

"You could totally see that one zombie cop a feel off the topless zombie chick."

"He didn't get paid for this, so let him have that at the very least."

I don't know how this movie can technically be called a comedy beyond the laughs the budget restrictions create. The musical numbers are suppose to be for laughs, but the songs are very hit and miss. The audience is left having a ball laughing at the fact that they are singing and dancing, not the lyrics.

The only thing that is very funny about the film is the relationship between Sandy [Kate Gorman (not the Kate Gorman)] and Brad (Travis Hierholzer). There was actually time spent on making these characters play off each other very well, and to make sure that there was something funny about every dialogue exchange between them.

Kate Gorman is a ham, but this is a B-Movie musical, so I cannot say that is a negative thing. All of the actors with the exception of the Sandy's brother (Steve Williams who has no clue about the concept of acting) give everything they have to make this film a B-Movie gem.

I don't want to say their efforts are wasted (especially by Conrad Gubera who played Sandy's father), but Song of the Dead is just a cheap film, not a B-Movie. It is disappointing to see so much heart misused, especially when it is not splattered across the screen.