90-Minute Netflix: THE Transformers: THE Movie and THE Dawn of Nintendo

As I have just paid a typical hotel price for a bag of Cheetos, it seems appropriate to focus on writing a movie review. Here's hoping it keeps me from completing the $4 junk food transaction.

GeekyTyrant.com

And speaking of junk...that would be the easiest transition to write about "The Transformers: The Movie." I think that one is too harsh, but when you consider the voice acting decisions, you cannot deny the rubbish that is present in this film beyond the junk planet that the feature provides. But when you use a transition like that, it improperly frames the review.

"The Transformers: The Movie" is too dark to dismiss and how far it missed the mark to simply end it with hoping these toys were made of number 1 or 2 plastic so we can perhaps recycle the legacy.

In 2005, the evil Decepticons had successfully conquered Cybertron leaving the Autobots who oppose them with Earth as their only safe haven. The lead Decepticon, Megatron, cannot resist finishing off his adversaries once and for all, and attacks the Earth base of the Autobots. Hot Rod, Autobot and babysitter to the human Danny, is able to warn the base of the attack and when Optimus Prime returns from hiding, they are able to fend off the assault. But the cost is heavy on both sides, leaving Prime to surrender the leadership Matrix to Ultra Magnus before passing away.

Conversely, Megatron is left for dead by Star Scream and the fleeing Decepticons. His death is imminent, but planet-hungry Unicron sees an opportunity. The only threat to this titan is the Matrix, so he revives the fallen leader and gives him the body of Galvatron (with the "voice" of Leonard Nimoy) and an army. In exchange for finishing off the Autobots hence destroying the Matrix, he will be allowed to reclaim the reigns of Cybertron, however long that maybe.

With their comrades being consumed by Unicron, the Autobots must figure out how to unleash the power of the Matrix to save their friends. Galvatron's stalking of them leaves them scattered across the galaxy trying to make it back to their home world. Who will show the leadership capability in this most desperate time to prevail?

Rediscovering "The Transformers: The Movie" was an attempt to capture some lost nostalgia. Aside from getting Devastator one Christmas and digging the concept of Soundwave, these guys did not usurp "The Masters of the Universe" for me. Being about to enter kindergarten, having a lot of friends would be odd, but I somehow got the vibe I was behind the times.

Being in pro-wrestling and seeing Jimmy Jacobs on every other card in the mid 2000's, we all loved his entrance music, "The Touch" by Stan Bush. You try to find anything about Stan Bush, "Transformers" is what will come up, along with Jean Claude Van Damme movies. Transformers = to JVCD, I must have missed out. Failing to grab the Blu-ray release when it was on my retailer's shelves, my destiny must have been to keep missing out. Especially when "Very Long Rate" was always the status in my dvd.netflix.com queue.

What I was missing was a realization that toy lines for the sake of toy lines died with this film. I was probably begging my parents for a Sega Master to fill this subconscious void.

A constant Blockbuster rental by my little brother was "G.I. Joe: The Movie." In that film, a non-Channing Tatum portrayed Duke falls into a coma after having his heart impaled by a spear with the diameter of an adolescent python. The reason behind his diagnosis was, kids were to traumatized by the death of Prime in "Transformers." It must have only been the death scene, because they must have ignored the Decepticons finally showing accuracy with their blasters as they annihilated the original Autobot line.

1UpForge on Etsy

"The Transformers: The Movie" was an overly ambitious effort by Hasbro to sell a new line of toys. If the kids cannot watch Jazz do his stereotype thing, surely they'll buy the new toys by default.

If that was not ambitious enough, they decided to get clever with the voice casting. A mistake first of all because there are edits that blatantly tell you they were going to divide this into four TV episodes at some point. Second of all, you knew back then that Judd Nelson, Robert Stack and Nimoy were not going to stick around for syndication. And finally, the robotic voice distortion of the topped bill voice actors makes it so you cannot really pick up on who is cashing in. If Orson Welles does not sound like Orson, why would you pay him?

The animation at least makes the film interesting. It is a nice middle ground between anime and Canadian made for TV, but the lack of narrative and character building makes getting loss in six episodes of "Robotech" a more interesting evening. Soundtrack wise, Lin-Mei has met her match with Lion and Weird Al, but the constant repetition of the limited album does not keep your attention.

If anything "The Transformers: The Movie" is a case for why you need at least one generation backwards compatibility. I still search for old video games, and for a screenwriter to tell me that is dumb as a 38 year-old, I am at least experienced enough to tell them off cleverly. If he was too smash a copy of "Panzer Dragoon Saga" in front of me, I would smash his face.

Six year-old me would probably be devastated if you killed my hero before my eyes, like they did in this film. Then again, I saw this in theaters, and I left feeling okay. Guess it shows the inability to keep my attention. If only Hot Rod was voice by Roddy Piper.

8/19/09: Bradgelina, Britney, and Your Kids: They need to earn their keep.

The Daily Mail

Current mood: productive

For all you parents who wake your kids up before they can have the American Dream:

Why don't you move to New York and rent out your infants to needy celebs. Just for premiers and stuff, so it would only be a one night a week gig.

Help some entertainers in custody battles. If they can take care of the "niece," why not Sean Preston?

Check out the rest of this blog at Main Event of the Dead dot Com and let me know if my humor and movie knowledge can translate into a Pro-Wrestling Zombie comedy.

8/20/09: Honkee Hatin Haiku

Current mood: morose

I apologize if the word choice offends you. I was trying to show that obscenity towards others reflects poorly on my race. That we really are all the same, so why curse others. I am sorry that I got to use the words that fit the poem structure.

A moment of genius or I am the insensitive bastard that my Creative Writing instructor thinks I am?

Check out the rest of this blog at Main Event of the Dead dot Com and let me know if my humor and movie knowledge can translate into a Pro-Wrestling Zombie comedy.

9/8/11: Overtime, Super Bowl Champions, and Crappy Web Sites: If I needed a reason to drink or hire an attorney

I'd like to save the final third of a handle of Stoli in my freezer, but today was one of those days. Actually, it's been couple of weeks, but I digress. If I wasn't a stubborn prick, I'd probably be drinking till I cleaned out my sinuses.

Never have I missed an hour of work because of my drinking. For my coworker who brings up, what about that Sunday a year ago, I swear that was a sinus attack, or it was something I ate (giggidy). It was more likely God being that funny asshole to make sure I couldn't keep that glow after my first one night stand. No good lay goes unpunished. If that isn't the gospel truth, what is?

...

Law, a profession that must be regulated by the government. If you put a reasonable cap on what they can make, everyone will have the same chance to become the next Casey Anthony, and there is noway that we would have to deal with the next generations of Kardashians.

Check out the rest of this blog at Main Event of the Dead dot Com and let me know if my humor and movie knowledge can translate into a Pro-Wrestling Zombie comedy.

5/10/2010: Because I don't want to open too many windows.

I already have Fireworks, multiple Dreamweaver windows, and Firefox open. Can you blame me for not wanting to open Word for proofreading?

I can't say it has been a crazy couple of weeks, and that could be my problem. Okay, that's definitely my problem. I'm broke. I don't have anyone I can relate to in the Peoria area (not to say anyone can), and no way to meet new people. I can affirm that after my accidental credit slip up on Zoosk.

It feels like I'm on a countdown to extinction. If I can't make something work by the end of the year, it'll be two years of worthlessness, and even with all the drama I've experienced, I've never had two consecutive years of being fucked. I'd say the dead-pun-line is 12/31 because I don't want to be one of those assholes who do the died at age 30, 1980-2011.

If anything that is reason enough to jail Michael Jackson's doctor. I'd show leniency if he would have postponed the OD a couple of months, so that MJ would have been 51 (1948-2009). Maybe that's why the obsessive compulsive shouldn't pass judgment.

Then again, that would make this website the ultimate hypocrisy. Suppose I better get to the blog then, and skip discussing the kitty suicide notes and the depressed chick hair cut I nearly gave myself. Do pawn shops take beard trimmers?

Check out the rest of the blog at MainEventOfTheDead.com and envision how my movie reviews and satire could develop a zombie pro-wrestling B-Movie comedy.

THE NEIGHBORHOOD ARCHIVE - All Things Mister Rogers

MFK: Ferris Bueller, Adrian Monk, PS4

My obsessive compulsive nature may be taking the fun out of writing. That should not really surprise me. It takes the fun out of everything.

OCD versus PS4:

I believe the pinnacle of gaming was the good ole' days of Nintendo Hard. The Super Nintendo may have been the best. You bust your butt trying to beat the game, and that was all there was to it. If it was too hard, you would just grab another game. As long as the cartridge was fun, you'd go back to it. Also, being between 12 and 16 left me with little resources to buy new ones, I had better love what I had.

As a creative person, the creativity options that sports games now leaves me stuck on them for large fractions of the year. I have been eyeing deals on Black Friday for "WWE 2K19." For less than $30, the price seems right to give it a chance to redeem itself from the previous release. But with a creative suite that does not end until May 2020, how am I going to get to "Red Dead Redemption 2" and "Assassin's Creed Odyssey?" "Fire Pro Wrestling World" has just been removed from the console and placed on the shelf. Curse "Soul Caliber 6" and it's create a fighter.

Check out the rest of the blog at MainEventOfTheDead.com and envision how my movie reviews and satire could develop a zombie pro-wrestling B-Movie comedy.

9/11/11: Wrestling, Ambition, and The Douchebags. My Douchebags.

I need to get a life. The cat demands it. Mom says I should get another job (but she don't like the one she got...oh for when Green Day was still cool), and that may be little Eva's preference, but the fact of the matter is the furball just needs me to leave as frequently as I do during the work week.

Cat Lovers Community dot Com

Whenever I need to leave the apartment, she knows I have to give her the cat treats or she will leave to terrorize the neighborhood. If I'm broke, and stuck with nothing to do outside the apartment walls, she won't be spoiled as much. Brushing and petting aren't enough. The taste buds must be satisfied.

It is either she doesn't like me loitering in her home, or she dislikes pro wrestling. How do I always end up having my life ran by a typical chick?

Wrestlemania X and King of the Ring 1993. It killed three hours, and reminds me why I do not get out of the indie wrestling scene. Most of my ideas always seem directed to the business, and I'm looking for an outlet to express them, and they only inspire me further when I watch the great moments.

Again, it is sweet and sour bullshit. If anyone gave enough of a shit about improving the local wrestling business, I could have the chance to make Downstate mean something. Instead, all Downstate pro wrestling is about amusing friends and pretending to be tough.

Check out the rest of the blog at MainEventOfTheDead.com and envision how my movie reviews and satire could develop a zombie pro-wrestling B-Movie comedy.

9/13/11: Pay Me, Friend Me, Screw Me. Or I'll Start Hoarding Cats.

I need something awesome to happen in my life. It may only be a situational issue. No way to adjust my schedule to mix things up. Deciding to pay off my bills is severely limiting things. This blog is a response to the monotony of watching movies just to have something to write about.

The problem is that nothing is happening or seemingly can happen. I don't even want to get into the frustration that genuine assholes seem to prosper. Not that they all prosper, but they are the first to let you know if they are. Life can suck, but misery loves company, and damn how I could use that.

At least declawed company. Honestly, the company can have claws as long as they can balance. Eva went and shredded my left hand in a battle for the laptop mouse. It is not like she meant to do it.  I don't think any cat can intentionally do a somersault when falling out of a chair. She definitely didn't mean to. Her claws trying to reach out for me during the fall is an indicator of that.

Check out the rest of the blog at MainEventOfTheDead.com and envision how my movie reviews and satire could develop a zombie pro-wrestling B-Movie comedy.

Hellbinders: Made for Rental Gold

I may have to return to just trying to locate the an image for the movie for the film "Hellbinders" since Darthmaul.net is a lousy site, but if this cool visage sold "The Phantom Menace," it should sell my movie review...right?

Looking back on the past month, I'm about two to four blogs short, and I've got a slow start on October. Wouldn't have been the case if the dive I stayed out in Brookefield for Shimmer weekend had WiFi.

Actually they did, but at an hourly-rate placed, I'd feel like a dork asking how to access it. I'd probably got the, it's channel 49 response. My cynicism would have led me to reply with some Banky quotes from "Chasing Amy." We can see where this rant is going.

The point is it would have allowed me to beat the AAW website to posting the results of their show with a more editorial fashion. Damn broadband, web surfers do not have to read anything anymore when you can just post a Youtube video that loads immediately. It is a culture that makes me wonder if ICC's newspaper still makes it to newsprint.

Will we get to the review? I suppose I better. How interesting can my tails about four days of drinking and being social in an attempt to overcome being cock blocked by a Berwyn chicks daddy issues? It is just a fleeting concept (back to the "Amy" wrap around).

The stories I tell because my life is a soccer game (a more tasking activity than raining down sulfur). There is not much scoring, but when it happens, you go nuts.

Lets get away from the pregame, and to the movie review - Hellbinders: Made for Rental Gold.

The Billy Drago school of acting presents a celebration of faux hawks, monks in brown hoodies and MS Comic Sans font. Welcome to "A 1000 Ways to Die: The Bumpers: The Movies."

It is filed under H with the title "Hellbinders."

Max (Ray "Darth Make Up" Parks) is a mercenary who leads his team into a battle with a satanic cult. What was supposed to be a police-funded eradication is complicated when his comrades souls are taken over by Onis that have escaped from the fallen cult members. The only reason Max can escape is that he is immune to demonic coherence. Will he survive long enough for us to find out how?

MoviesDB.co.uk

Fortunately, a ninja (the second black Power Ranger...the lion and the frog) and the 700 year old last Templar show up to lead him on the path to redemption and ketchup-covered pancakes (that is not cheap special effect slang).

"Hellbinders" is an awesome midnight movie. Superior than any Syfy original, but maintains the same charm. Digital bullets, no squibs or blanks, and something for every horror make up fan to enjoy. If it did not revel it it cheapness, this could have worked on even more levels.

The script does hinder the story a bit. It does try a little too much to include religious chaos. Good thing it uses comic book frames for every scene transition, so you do not have to give much attention to the plot's attempts to be clever.

There is some sly dialogue and the director(s) try their best to capture the action. If you are making a cheap movie, it's good to know how to use camera tricks. It compensates for hindrances likes only having one light to brighten the scene. The team knows how to make this no budget film presentable and it is B-movie gold.

Ridiculous script, hokey effects, and over-the-top performances; the only thing limiting "Hellbinders" replay value is a lack of nudity. This is how B-movies should be made. Limitations are known and accepted; and any wise audience can appreciate this film that has a genuine Darth Maul performance.

8/29/09: Jesus Built My Wrestling Ring

Jesus was the first pro wrestler.

Jesus did not die for our sins because he knew he was coming back. He put up with a lot of pain to make everyone get emotional about what he represented. To compare him to anyone today, the most likely options would be Bret Hart, Shawn Michaels, or the hardcore stars like Sabu, Mick Foley, or Terry Funk. If you book any of them against a promoter, the story they tell in their program would be no different that the Gospels. The Jews were the heels and Christ was the babyface.

Read the rest of this blog at MainEventOfTheDead.com and be the judge if my satire and criticism can be translated into a B-Movie comedy about Pro-Wrestling Zombies.

2/18/12: Pit bulls are dog Nazis, not a Facebook mascot.

I've probably sat on the inspiration for too long. As I let the idea roll around in my head for the past couple hours, the wackiness has smoothed out. It had some real wild tangents and covered racial tensions and the morons who think it is okay to own pit bulls.

Okay, let me comment on the pits. It is not the owners or the abusers of these killers. Yes, killers. Fuzzy murder machines is what their genealogy designed them to be. Dare I say they are the Lady Gagas of the canine family because they were born that way. Plus, it is not much of a stretch to see Gaga exploit midgets like pit bulls have.

Thus, I guess dobermans are the barking Madonna's. The latest Super Bowl experiment was hot and dangerous 20 years ago while you have to have a wide acceptance of what beauty to consider whom the queers have overly embraced as sexy.

Read the rest of this blog at MainEventOfTheDead.com and be the judge if my satire and criticism can be translated into a B-Movie comedy about Pro-Wrestling Zombies.

Vicious pitbull attacks baby duck during rain shower. - Reddit

11/23/09: Backseat to Pussypires and Weretwats!

It is a somewhat difficult dilemma for me to critique ICC's Harbinger since they have been very accommodating to my works as the semester has gone on. If anything, it has been a great improvement over the first semester I wrote for them (Spring 2009). They now have an editor-in-chief with vision instead of one who was as much about her own promotion as she was about filling the eight pages with material, and the staff will go to the trouble of making sure everything works out for each publication.

Of course, I may just be miffed at my last couple opinion pieces being cut in half in the name of "The Battle of the Ink." In turn, I am down right pissed that my defense of New Mexico soccer standout Elizabeth Lambert questionable ply takes a backseat to a story about "Twilight."

Read the rest of this blog at MainEventOfTheDead.com and be the judge if my satire and criticism can be translated into a B-Movie comedy about Pro-Wrestling Zombies.

9/19/11: Dead Parents and Dead Animals - Piss on Disney if You Piss on Vick

I writing a blog tonight since I'll be heading to Wrigleyville for the last home game this year on Wednesday. If I want to spend money on used CDs and video games on Clark St, I got leave for the Northside early that morning.

I believe, the lack of a significant actuality leaves me pissier than most. HostGator having a horrid file structure is not helping things by placing a delay on the "Main Event of the Dead" project that I can't control. My stubborn nature forces me to deny reality, so I got to direct the negativity into something constructive. Thus, I have to write. Humor is how I cope, so got to write about something I can laugh at, and that is the stupidity of comments of Facebook.

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Like those who celebrate Michael Vick's neck injury. The guy did his time. If you don't like that, vote Democrat (there's money in dog fighting, hence Paul, Perry and Bachmann support dog fighting), or sack the fucker on your own. I doubt the guys in Red were doing it for Scooby.

Check out the rest of this blog at "Main Event of the Dead.com and let me know if my satire and movie knowledge should produce a Pro-Wrestling Zombie movie.

If Disney Princesses Had Moms - Bustle
 

MFK: Fear, Loathing, McNuggets

Disclaimer: There is no fear except the perceived fear of judgement in this blog.

Perhaps my current job needs a crazed general manager. Perhaps all the e-mails that I am sending management about what is going on that is beyond my control will do that.

At least I cannot rant about kids this week. Well, there is a tale about my nephew this week that showed me my line that would be crossed before getting physical with a developing family member. I do love my developed family, so I cannot be wishing PG-13 Joe Dante consequences on their kids. What I should have done was record the tantrum to show my early childhood teacher of a sister's restraint with him. It makes me wonder where that was growing up with her.

Things would be so much easier on me if I had some celebrity credentials. People could keep up with my writing and pitches to help promote my B-movie pro-wrestling zomcom, Main Event of the Dead, (I would happy to send you a treatment if you e-mail me at russthebus07@gmail.com) like they get news updates on their phone. More importantly, my loved ones would not have to wait three weeks to see where my head is at right now. But for the casual reader, alternating movie reviews and personal blogs make more sense than just being clever with my own self-loathing.

Read the rest of this blog at MainEventOfTheDead.com and be the judge if my satire and criticism can make for a good B-Movie Zombie Comedy about Pro-Wrestling.

3/28/12: What is there to Hurrah about?

Recently, I've found myself in an existential conundrum. A lot of things bugging me. My value or potential value to others. The lack of a secure feeling about my current job. Actually ending up in the black, but not having anything to direct the fortune to (I really need someone to do some poster work for "Main Event of the Dead").

It kind of feels like my wrist has been broken again. No wrestling to devote myself to and no awesome influence like Stacia Hardin to realize there are more important thing to life. Or to at least make me think wonderful things like rainbows, unicorns, and real libertarians could exist.

Perhaps, the wrestling wouldn't be on my mind except for the bullshit that is NGW the Last Hurrah.

As the title of the blog implies (I am proud of the titles duality with my general mind set), there is nothing the promotion did to be proud of. There is just no reason to celebrate it's death.

Check out the rest of this blog at "Main Event of the Dead.com and let me know if my satire and movie knowledge should produce a Pro-Wrestling Zombie movie.

 

9/28/11: Would King Diamond take time off for Grandma?

It turns out that Jamaicans do not understand English as well as Filipinos do. I don't like picking on those who do not speak our language, but when you are getting paid to speak it, comprehend it.

Now if I want to walk that stereotype line, the language barrier isn't the issue, it's the relaxed culture. You would hope the Yanks who are reinventing the training program for my lame-duck position would be partaking, but they know that would prevent them from bitching at us because we cannot repair their fuck ups.

They got to go out of their way to treat us better. It is damn near intolerable. We are so understaffed, if I was management, I would have demanded better proof that I need to get out of work to see my dying grandma than a text message. Even the dumbest cell phones have camera phones. If a boss demanded visual evidence, and you provided it to them, they should probably feel so shitty that they will give you a couple of extra bereavement days off.

Check out the rest of this blog at "Main Event of the Dead.com and let me know if my satire and movie knowledge should produce a Pro-Wrestling Zombie movie.

Jay & Silent Bob Reboot - IMDb
 

90-Minute Netflix: Future World - The Charm James Franco Was Hiding

A long 90 minutes feels like a first for me. I have seen bad and wretched hour-and-a-half lengthened features, but I could never say long. Lengthy is something that may not hold your attention, but it may not be the genre. Low budget knock offs are what Blockbuster Video fans long for. If the concept is as good as James Franco's "Future World" and featuring a Milla Jovovich role, I am in it till the last minute.

Ash (Suki Waterhouse) is a robot built at the peak of technological advancement. Realizing the history and malice of her creators that lead to an apocalypse that lacked zombies or nukes, she decides to erase her memory. It is better to be a relic than a tool. Unfortunately, an artifact is not what Warlord (Franco) and his bikers need.

Prince (Jeffrey Wahlberg) was born in the oasis, a peaceful commune in the scorched wasteland. Peace is maintained because they have the only working ammunition in the world. When Prince's mother (Lucy Liu) falls ill to the plague of the era, the red fever, he determines that by packing a little heat, he and his compadres can make it to Paradise Beach and find the cure their matriarch needs. Of course the luck runs out when they run into Warlord and his new robotic bride.

After murdering a few people and dealing with the annoyance of Warlord's presence, the awoken robot decides she needs to set some grounds for morality. Saving Prince and sending her husband on a wild goose chase seemed to be a good start. If she can get the kid to Paradise Beach and the cure, all should at least be even Steven. Surely there are no more nuts of higher acclaim in the cast. Jovovich only plays stable characters...right?

The cast of "Future World" knows what you are supposed to do with a film seeming inspired by "Cyborg 2." That is to chew the scenery and enjoy every bite of it. With Snoop Dog and Method Man in the cast, fans of B-movies know this will not be a waste of time.

You have to have a taste for the tacky to enjoy a flick like this. The actors are here to have fun and get scale. When you arrive on a "set" where it is jut a burnt out hotel with some faux graffiti, what else are you going to do? If you do not focus of being over the top, the movie is going to be "Cyborg."

Now, I dug "Cyborg" because no one seeming could act, so it is a fun train wreck. "Future World" qualifies as a movie. The script is articulate enough and it may have the talent to be a respectable "Road Warrior" knock off. It has a quest that feels like an 80's animated film, and if you have that, I will feel nostalgic. "Future World" can only be a B-flick, so it is a success.

For those who need a well-made film to keep their attention, the lack of well-made inanimate object will have you turning this title off. Wise scenery choices instead of minimal effort could have made this an American "Mad Max." I at least hope that is what director Franco was going for. Sand is the best looking part of the sets. I suppose only George Miller is the only person who can shoot that.

"Future World" was probably a wild pitch that took any money it could get. You have to respect it for letting Jovovich do what she does best. It has to be appreciated for not being overly complicated sci-fi to justify its shortcomings. And any movie with Snoop as the Love Lord is worth $1.75.

Why they didn't put that in his billing may be the dumbest thing this film did.

1/05/10: Super Pets, Adultery, and Capitalism: Pick the Good one

So, I finally have a short little satirical bit that doesn't need much development. Writing opinion pieces for the Harbinger (http://iccharbinger.com) and figuring out how to tone them down in terms of cynicism may have hindered my ridiculous nature.

If adultery, Facebook apps, and corporate America doesn't get me back on track this year, what will.

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Also makes me wonder why Zoosk doesn't have a corporate sponsors. You can buy gifts for those you are flirting with. For one dollar you can send a girl a virtual love note. So??? Isn't it more romantic to say, "I can't buy you a Prada bag, but I definitely would if I could afford to?"

Super Pets can be dressed up in NBA, Snoop or Paris Hilton clothes. Not to say I want a Hilton tie in to this site, but does Commercial America dare not delve into flirting?

Judging how Tiger Woods is being treated, I guess not.

Check out the rest of this blog at "Main Event of the Dead.com and let me know if my satire and movie knowledge should produce a Pro-Wrestling Zombie movie.

 

 Pinterest @ferdisusler

9/25/09: Dog Fighting for Early Childhood

Rose McGowan, who should be thanking me for getting her more followers (if 34,426 wasn't enough) was tweeting about hearing about an Illinois dog fighting ring that was being ran out of a day care center. It's great to know the Charmed girls are great information sources. @russthebus replied:

@rosemcgowan It was not a dogfighting ring. What happens when two kids in daycare argue about whose puppy for show and tell is coolest?5:26 PM Sep 23rd from web

With the state government cutting funding to early childhood programs, I wonder if this is truly a bad idea.

Check out the rest of this blog at "Main Event of the Dead.com and let me know if my satire and movie knowledge should produce a Pro-Wrestling Zombie movie.

In other news:

Nitro Expected To Win Westminster Dog Fight

11/3/11: I don't remember drinking requiring so much dedication.

No time to write. No time for exercise. Fuck, I got three weeks of "The Walking Dead" to catch up on.

And I worry about ending up with a first shift job.

The bars, what few are left downtown, aren't much fun on the weekends, unless you got friends to tear it up with (what I hope to come out with from all the late night activity), so waking up in the AM is kind of scary.

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Perhaps Russell Claude is back. But I do wonder, should I just spend my booze money on a dating website.

When they guarantee tits in my face, let me know. I got to be true to myself, hence a return to the Dario Argento filmography.

Check out the rest of this blog at "Main Event of the Dead.com and let me know if my satire and movie knowledge should produce a Pro-Wrestling Zombie movie.

MFK: Nazis, Kid Parties, Roommates

Is cleaning up really that difficult? Or, is reproducing way too much the problem?

The problem is hotel lobbies either have too much space or the wrong ambiance. I cannot fault management wanting to rent out our meeting room whenever possible, but do they know the type of people who work weekend evenings?

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I am far from godliness on all levels. You give me two basins in a kitchen sink, until one is filled with dishes, I am not doing them. Regardless of my allergies, the dust presence at times would allow you to write a dying message without using any bodily fluids. That is because blood stains, and if I am renting, I am only paying the standard carpet cleaning fee. Intercourse the Rug Doctor.

Check out the rest of this blog at "Main Event of the Dead.com and let me know if my satire and movie knowledge should produce a Pro-Wrestling Zombie movie.

 

Pinterest @martinriggs1981

9/3/09: 40 Years is Enough

Working at a gas station, you notice weird things. Kevin Smith, the second best screenwriter of the nineties, career was based on it. 

Working at a gas station in the Peoria area, the nation's test market (we get new stuff for three months, and have to wait 10 years for it's return) you see a lot of crappy products.

Today, Hershey's chocolate-flavored Bubble Yum.

I turn to my fellow associate to say, "This product won't sell. I hope they kill whoever came up with such a stupid idea in the name of natural selection."

...

 
I for one feel that no one deserves to die, but the world is over populated. The herd needs to be thinned. Trying to stay humorous, I think back to Family Guy's episode where Brian tells his therapist about his Logan's Run dream. 

Read the conclusion of this blog at MainEventoftheDead.com and tell me if my opinionated nature can carry over into Pro-Wrestling and Zombie B-Movies. 

 www.artstation.com

1/3/10: Why are Chicago Sports Fans Restricted to Hoping?

Illinois Central College - Where my journalistic integrity was established.

 It isn't the complete and elegantly cleaned up ICC newspaper version of my story, but since it is still relevant, and needs a larger audience (read Heather McGraw's Holiday article at http://iccharbinger.com as support for this statement) I'm posting it here.

In the past Harbinger issue, an opinion peace was printed about how sad a year it was for baseball in the Windy City. This piece may have been a prime example of why Chicago franchise fans are considered losers because nothing happened that was worth crying about.

Read the conclusion of this blog at MainEventoftheDead.com and tell me if my opinionated nature can carry over into Pro-Wrestling and Zombie B-Movies. 

www.deviantart.com/beyondhorrordesign/

10/13/11: Nothing horrific in the world to talk about, so let's talk about Dario Argento

Actually, there is a lot of horrific stuff going on in this world.

1. Topeka, KS legalizing domestic abuse for 24 hours.
2. Republicans blocking the jobs bill, and morons from Morton just blaming Obama.
3. WWE encouraging fans to cheer on the risk taking that led to a double murder suicide (let's not forget them "canning" the only commentator who showed respect to the women's division).

I guess being overworked at my job prevents me from getting to lunch on time, so I cannot keep up with the evening news. Too busy being pissed about anything beside the crappy work conditions.

...

In the mean time, to clear my head so that I may start working on the website for my screenplay "Main Event of the Dead" and restoring access to the original Harshside.com files, I've decided to write a quick run down of Argento's most recent films (sans "Masters of Horror" and the film he stiffed Adrian Brody on). Hopefully, this will expose some of the so called twisted movie fans to find their ideal introduction to the director.

Read the conclusion of this blog at MainEventoftheDead.com and tell me if my opinionated nature can carry over into Pro-Wrestling and Zombie B-Movies. 

www.deviantart.com/p-lukaszewski

90-Minute Netflix: Once Upon a Time in Venice...Bruno Was Way More Chilled

It is a rare night. I am actually considering calling for delivery. Sadly, all my favorite take out is wrestler hair greasy. Being a hotel front desk agent frowns on my clothes looking like I had just headlocked Bret Hart.

Roman ruined everything. His apparent admiration of Hart lead me to question Bret's style in the 90's. If anything, that should be taken as a good prognosis in his current cancer bout. If televised wrestling could not thrive with him, neither shall leukemia.

Hair and hunger do not mix. That seems like a great way to transition to a Bruce Willis straight-to-DVD feature, "Once Upon a Time in Venice" (beach).

Steve Ford (Willis) is a disgraced cop turned private investigator who is trying to make ends meet taking on any ridiculous job. His range of work spans from making his protege John (Thomas Middleditch) survey an ashamed sex addict to tracking down an aspiring, obscene Banksy enthusiast that has been tagging a crooked real estate agent's property. He seems to also lack maturity since he is considers nude skateboarding an acceptable escape method, but makes up for that by taking care of the down and out Dave (John Goodman) and his sister's family as her husband is off somewhere trying to find himself. As long as he can watch his niece's dog during the day, everything is fine.

Needless to say, when his sister's place is ransacked by a couple of addicts who fence the gains and dog to their dealer Spider (Jason Mamoa), Steve's life will go out of control. Spider seems cool, perhaps too cool because his girlfriend had the nerve to decide to run off with the dog and a case of his cocaine. It appears everybody needs to get their lives in order and it is up to Steve to do it. This is the only way to get the pooch back and leave Venice a place with some sensibility.

"Once Upon a Time in Venice" is amusing until you stop and think about it. The story ends up working out, but is a mess until the third act. You are impressed that all the loose events resolve rather smoothly, but aside from some fun performances, you spend the first two acts getting fed up with the wacky scenarios that are constantly introduced and yearn for a cohesive story.

The movie starts with misdirecting you into thinking that Middleditch will be your lead. Having been given nothing to do, he is virtually replaced by Goodman. Willis is fun, but it is John McClane as the cocky hero the entire film who is unaffected by any situation's levity. As for the rest of the performances, you may get a good scene from an actor, but the ridiculous set up for what are primarily cameos is migraine inducing.

Mark Cullen's directing ability is not any more adequate than his and his brothers writing. He seems to think that Kevin Smith's method of filming comedy can apply to action, hence there is none. You are surprised that they even took the time to allow for gun play because it cannot be framed by this talent.

I could not find out the budget of this film, but I am thinking that it all went to get Bruce Willis since these are also the writers of "Cop Out." That film left us with a Willis and Kevin Smith Feud. "Cop Out" only has one subplot. You are telling me that Willis wanted his character to be drawn and quartered across that film, and that is the he hated filming that was because Smith said no.

"Once Upon a Time in Venice" is funny but it is not a movie. It is a series of "Saturday Night Live" sketches at best. The problem with that is the Cullen Brothers fail to realize that show requires all new characters for each sketch. Venice Beach is not "Dante's Inferno," and if Willis is not required to show more emotion than he offered in "The Expendables" you have dog poo without any poo jokes.

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4/29/12: Facebook Should Be the Ultimate Bar, So Know the Rules

DO NOT TALK ABOUT RELIGION OR POLITICS ON FACEBOOK. 

It seems like the idiots I talk about say stupid, borderline hateful shit because they would be considered shunned if they said the hateful adjective that they want to scream out.

...

At least sanity is ironic.  It is a tough to keep one's sanity though when you go onto Facebook and see some of the uneducated, divisive shit people are willing to post

Read the conclusion of this blog at MainEventoftheDead.com and tell me if my opinionated nature can carry over into Pro-Wrestling and Zombie B-Movies. 

9/16/11: Illinois Junkies and Smoking Orangutans of Polynesia

To the one who received their proper reward for partaking in the higher education system:

What about being a team player? The last kid who left on his own terms was relocating out of state with his parents which justifies leaving the sinking ship. Can't you let those junkies wait? I know White Oak does?

That is why I could never get rid of the addicts who ruined by credit. No beds to put them in. Bullshit reasoning. It isn't like they cared if they had a bed, at least from my experience. Hence why they allowed me, the caregiver, the mattress.

To read about the pratical aspect of the rant, visit my Zombie/Pro-Wrestling themed blog at MainEventofthedead.com.

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