90-Minute Netflix: Apologies to Dean Ambrose.

Since moving out of my parents house for good, I have yet to deal with trick or treaters. This obviously means that I am working tonight (10/31/18). It looks like all of the getting in before Dad's Day weekend traffic is in. All of the websites have been reviewed (ESPN, IMDb, CNN, NBC, BBC, Pro Wrestling Tees, Huffington Post), so writing is what I am left with.

I suppose I could read some Comixology, but it feels weird on a monitor. They need a narrator like "Watchmen: The Motion Comic." My voice feels to nasally, but Mark Hamill had been written out of Star Wars. He needs work right.

It almost makes me wish that I took night audit over somewhere just so I could keep up on all my portable video games. Thankfully, there is not a worthy Pokemon release this year. If I do get up the nerve to be caught with a 2DS in my hands, it will be a JRPG instead.

There seems to be too many video games and too little time, but that may be due to my movie problem. I think I only have 50 or so unwatched features in my collection (excluding wrestling and TV series of course), but I am still taking any Red Box discount I can find and I am still receiving Netflix DVDs. It shows I am dedicated to this method of storytelling, thus making me deserving of feedback to help me out in finding a way to promote my B-movie pro-wrestling zomcom, Main Event of the Dead, I would happy to send you a treatment if you e-mail me at russthebus07@gmail.com.

If you need a little more support to warrant my claims of expertise, here is a review of the Dean Ambrose starring feature "12 Rounds 3: Lockdown," a flick that flows well and keeps it mind on its gimmick. WWE should focus on this style of film-making. It could lessen the need for my foray into Pro Wrestling Cinema.

First an Apology to Dean Ambrose.

There was a flaw in my logic when I declared the IWGP Heavyweight Championship as the current Real World Heavyweight Championship. Since I flunked logic in college, I considered not updating the "Disgruntled's Real World Heavyweight Championship," but I am too honest a person to do that. The WWE Championship gets a few more reigns, but if I am going to choose between Adam Cole and Dean Ambrose, I will apologize to Dean.

82nd World Heavyweight Champion - WWE's Seth Rollins (2) - 3/29/15 to 11/4/15

If you are going to cash in Money in the Bank, do it at the one place where no one can deny your cunning.

83rd World Heavyweight Champion - ROH's Jay Lethal - 11/4/15 to 8/19/2016

Jay Lethal was defending two titles at this time and managed to hold ROH's most prestigious title over a year. Roman Reigns's first three title reigns all occurred during this time frame.

84th World Heavyweight Champion - ROH's Adam Cole (2) - 8/19/16 to 12/2/16

85th World Heavyweight Champion - WWE's AJ Styles - 12/2/16 to 1/29/2017

Adam Cole swapped the title with Kyle O'Reily, and you kind of sully the history by adding names for the sake of adding names.

86th World Heavyweight Champion - WWE's John Cena (5) - 1/29/17 to 2/12/17

It is tempting to swap Cena with Kevin Owens, but he was an obvious place holder for Goldberg. With the difficulty of getting to see the Universal Championship defended, it may never supersede the WWE Championship.

87th World Heavyweight Champion - WWE's Bray Wyatt - 2/12/17 to 4/2/2017

No one wanted to believe that this supernatural character was going to lose all his momentum to a "when in doubt title holder" like Randy Orton. Deep down, we all knew his World title match was more important than Goldberg vs. Lesnar 3.

88th World Heavyweight Champion - ROH's Christopher Daniels - 4/2/17 to 6/23/17

Best performer when it came down to Lesnar, Mahal and Orton.

89th World Heavyweight Champion - ROH's Cody - 6/23/17 to 12/15/17

90th World Heavyweight Champion - New Japan's Kazuchika Okada - 12/15/17 to 6/9/2018

His victory over Cody could allowed Japanese Wrestling and American Wrestling are shared styles. Once the champion he beat loses the title, it makes sense to put him ahead of AJ Styles.

91st World Heavyweight Champion - New Japan's Kenny Omega - 6/9/18 to 1/4/19

Kind of poetic the list on the side of the blog essentially starts at the Alpha Chris Jericho and end with Kenny Omega.

12 Rounds 3: Lockdown

John Shaw has finally returned to the narcotics department of the metropolitan police after seven months of psychological therapy. Early retirement may have been a wiser decision since his fellow officers hold him responsible for the death of a rookie which resulted in his leave. Too make matters worse, they are all celebrating his ex-partner, Roger Cross, successfully killing one of the top drug lords in town. Having the intuition about Cross that Foster of Super Troopers says all good cops have, Shaw suspects that there is more to meets the eye about the killing. When the medical examiner discovers a flash drive disguised as a credit card on the body of the drug kingpin, he will be the first to investigate it.

On the drive is evidence that proves Cross is the drug overlord of the metro, selling confiscated drugs to dealers and reaping the profits. As Shaw is about to deliver the evidence to the chief, Cross has found out that the information that will bring him down is in his rival's hands. With a few phone calls, this villain has his crew searching the police headquarters for Shaw. With the pull of a fire alarm, the station is on lockdown. Cross has all the surveillance at his beckon call, so Shaw has to survive with only his sidearm and 12 rounds of ammo (paraphrasing theactionelite.com).

"12 Rounds 3: Lockdown" is a "Die Hard" rip off. Dean Ambrose is a child of the 90's and that was probably his preferred Christmas flick. It is not his gimmick's favorite Festivus film, it is everyone boy born in the 80's. If this script was thrown your way, how could you turn it down? As an independent wrestler, I would like to try and out due the John Cena's and Randy Orton's franchise installments. Ambrose at least did as well as any untrained thespian should expect to, so the flick at least meets expectations.

It is not the best "Die Hard" rip off by any means. I would say "Under Siege 2: Dark Territory" is better, but since we do not need more Steven Seagal, I am going to direct you to this title first. A good "Die Hard" knock off needs to remember that a sense of humor is really what makes the original a classic. "12 Rounds 3" expects the action to be ridiculous enough to keep us involved, so three written jokes are all you are going to get.

What keeps you involved is the "not a metaphor" gimmick of this film. "12 Rounds" is not a game, it is literally all our hero can rely on. You are counting the bullets as Ambrose exhausts them, and you are amused trying to figure out how he is going to make it out of the building with so few. This probably would not work for Dirty Harry, keeping us up to date on how many rounds he had left, but everything is interesting once.

Only having 12 rounds to use allows for some ridiculous kills which at least makes the movie fun. This is pro-wrestling on film. You will suspend your disbelief to ignore why the crooked cops actually bring grenades into close quarters being monitored by police on the outside of the building.

Outside of the story, the technical aspects are as good as you can expect when the ceilings are only 10-feet high at best. It is not an effects heavy affair, so the only thing that should have been added would be some gore for the hell of it. The Soska Twins at least gave of glimpses of that to amuse us with their two WWE installments shot under similar circumstances, and one of them was not a horror film. WWE Films can be ECW, so bring on the blood.

"12 Rounds 3: Lockdown" is not the best WWE Studio's productions, but it is fun and more enticing than a three-hour "Raw." That is really all you should want out of this film. Well, maybe one name actor aside from your Superstar. Michael Jai White must have been who they wanted Cross to be portrayed by. If Steve Austin can get him on speed dial, what is WWE's problem?

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Choke: A Movie About Sex Addiction

This was the review I gave to ICC's Newspaper The Harbinger. Unless I'm writing a new review, I don't want to stick to my "Rough Draft" moniker. As long as MySpace still exist, you can check out my rough, uncensored review at http://myspace.com/inimitablerc

Hope you enjoy the professionalism of this work.

"Choke" is the second Chuck Palahniuk (the writer of "Fight Club") novel to be adapted to the big screen, and it shows the wide range of subjects that can be developed from antisocial behavior, nihilism, the lack of male identity, and addiction. The film also shows us a softer, light hearted side to his work that may perplex fans of his first adaptation, but for that reason, it may be worth their time to check it out.

Unlike Fight Club, Choke is not about the sociological aspects of society’s affects on an individual, but more of personal quest of the main character, Victor, (Sam Rockwell from "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind"). Victor is a sex addict whose mother, Oscar winner Anjelica Huston, is suffering from a debilitating case of Alzheimer’s disease. To pay for her treatment, he works as an indentured Irish servant in a colonial-themed tourist attraction, and if that isn’t enough, he goes to fancy restaurants and intentionally chokes on food to con money from whoever rescues him. His mother’s health is important because she might be the only one who has answers to his mysterious past that his recollections of the limited experiences he had with his mother fail to offer.

If dealing with this seemingly Oedipus-based obsession with his mother and staying on the wagon is not difficult enough, he now has to change his lifestyle of being cold and cynical when he finally meets a girl he truly likes, Paige, the doctor who is willing to go beyond the call of duty to save his mom (portrayed by Kelly MacDonald of "Trainspotting").

As information is collected and his friends and other crazy old ladies get involved with his quest for knowledge, Victor is stuck with the dilemma of trying to know whether he is becoming a good person, or if he was never the bad person he thought he was.

If one were to research Palahniuk, all his novels are described to be as dark as Fight Club. If this is the case, Clark Gregg, the first time writer/director of this film, seemingly chose not to put the story he adapted into the same dark world. This would leave one to conclude that Palahniuk's books focus on how society allows for dark events like brainwashing the disenchanted or becoming a sex addict to occur. Unfortunately, a fan of Fight Club may pick this title up to escape into a world that is the fruit of anarchy, so disappointment may occur.

The spirit throughout the movie is good. Rockwell allows for the main character to be a likable outcast without being deviant like Fight Club’s Tyler Durden. If one is a fan of that character, they might feel the character is not cool enough, but this works for the director's vision. The film still remains to be quite cerebral despite the fact that Huston is the only thing that makes the childhood flashback scenes worthwhile, and Palahniuk’s dry sense of humor to make one wonder whether or not this stuff should be funny.

What truly makes the film work is that every plot twist works; this leaves the audience rooting for all the characters to have happy endings except for the cops who arrest Victor on the suspicion of rape of a 90 year-old mental patient. There is nothing spectacular about the film’s direction, so engaging the audience with the story critical, and Gregg successfully delivers in this aspect of his debut. He is not Woody Allen, but he shows the same promise, and this critic would like to see what he could do with a more audience-accessible project.

Choke is a feel good movie, which is definitely what this viewer did not expect to see. If this catches a filmgoer by surprise, remember that Fight Club’s narrator is left standing. What cannot be argued is that, at least in the world of film, happily ever after is always a possibility in a Palahniuk based project. As long as this happiness exists in a world of emotional chaos, the audience should be pleased. But because some want more than just the acknowledgement of the concepts of happiness or chaos, renting this film is the reasonably priced method to view Choke.

 

 Lectures Chuck PALAHNIUK-Choke

Oldboy - If Caro and Jeunet did Korean Cinema

I first heard of the Korean film Old Boy, from Bravo's "Most Terrifying Moments" count down. Disturbing imagery, disturbing plot, but the panel forgot to mention a twisted love story and sense of justice that encompasses it.

Oh Dae-su was an alcoholic husband and father with a very dark past that is unbeknown to him. In 1988, he was kidnapped with no explanation. 15 years later he is released into the public by a man who demands that he rediscovers his past. If the truth is discovered, the "villain" will kill himself, but if he fails to do so in five days, his new love, Mi-do, will be executed.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

MFK: Timing, Reputation, Semantics...The Non-Wrestling Seven Day Work Week

MFK should be easy to figure out in these times of Urban Dictionary being a more useful resource than Oxford and Merriam-Webster. There is no question that traditional dictionaries are the end-all-be-all language tool, but I find myself going to UD to find out what is being literally defined and then dictionary.com to determine words that I do not know.

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I also like to keep the order how I have it because of the descending respect in that variant of the acronym. Marriage is a long-lasting love. Fucking is momentary love. Killing is being of minimal concern. That now sounds funny coming from a nihilist who believe life is fleeting thus it is about the moments, but I interpret that about the power of love for my girlfriend. Or perhaps "Street Fighter 2" if you were to put her and that as a possible answer to the formula. She definitely would never earn herself a K as long as things are going as well as they are now.

I Will Not Apologize for My Funko Pop! and Ale Horns Purchases.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

 

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The Last PHP: My life: is lame Smashing Pumpkins

Evangelion - Asuka Poster - Redbubble

March 21, 2007

Again, another journal that was a true task to write. I had to stay up a few hours to let my computer cool down from my last blog. Hope I can budget a Dell into the tax refund.

I knew the mood I was in, and wanted to maintain it to write this. So I watched "The End of Evangelion", an anime about a Revelations like apocalypse with giant robots.

Call it a sixth sense, but I think everyone would have preferred that I'd just watch "Family Guy" and "Aqua Teen Hunger Force".


Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

 

90-Minute Netflix: Lockout: Mainstream for the Troma Fan.

Could this new job be too good to be true (MultiAd December 2012, and yes it was).  Downtime and access to Blogspot.  A chance to be prolific again.  Better invest in a mirror to make sure the boss doesn't catch me.

It was an interesting week to say the least.  New wheels, off the phones for the first time in three years, officially and indisputably an uncle.  Enough has happened to almost forget about my shortcomings as an adult.  Unfortunately my taste for cinema and drama kept me relative grounded.  Great film, but wrong time to see Jason Reitman's "Young Adult."  So to bounce back, I watched some ill-regarded space-themed pictures last night.

Receiving unfair assessments by the masses (so these flicks are just like me), I watched Disney's "Treasure Planet" and the Luc Besson produced "Lockout."  The prior may receive too much heat, but probably the correct amount of attention (is it me, but traditional animated Disney has not looked vivid since "The Lion King?"). Playing around with my phone was more prevalent than during the latter. This is probably only because the Guy Pearce flick was just louder (almost redundant to say when you think back to "Priscilla").

Ex-CIA operative now full-time wise ass, Snow has been framed for murdering an old friend and is destined to serve a 30 year sentence in stasis on the new orbiting American, super max prison, MS One.  He cannot change the destination, but after the president's daughter is stranded on the station after her humanitarian mission results in a prison uprising, he can receive at the very least a reduced sentence with this rescue mission.  If all goes well for him, he may be able to learn where the evidence that will clear his name is located.  All he has to do is outwit 500 prisoners (mostly cockney for some odd reason) and tolerate the new incarnation of Erica Eleniak circa "Under Siege," to save the day.

"Lockout" lacks in about everything to be a great action flick, but Snow's sense of humor and the premise make this a great template for aspiring hacks to base their B and/or Syfy movies on.  The audience shouldn't be asked to work on making a movie worthwhile, but after you put down a buck twenty, forgetting to enter your $0.50 off from Red Box code, you should be willing to do what it takes if saving the cash is not in the realm of possibility.

That's previous paragraph was a great conclusion on this rent, but like the film, it lacks.

The biggest lacking element is the lack of a dynamic hero.  Schwarzenegger at least got to be the caring father in "Commando" before he wipes out an entire island single highhandedly.  Snow is virtually fearless, so seeing him win out is not overly surprising.  What kills the film as an action flick is that his constant, yet witty, complaining is what would happen is there wasn't a McLean for Bruce Willis to save (that may have been the weak point of "Die Hard with a Vengeance").  When your protagonist encourages you just to laugh along with the movie, he may as well be one of Mike Nelson's robot friends.

I have a Tom Servo tattoo, so it works for me, but I'm not the masses (sadly).

The laughter allows you to feel like the runtime is appropriate, but when it starts rapping itself up, you start to question whether there was enough action.  There are a few good fight scenes, but the digital effects are a little too heavy so you may miss out on them.  There is also a lot of implied gore, but once we establish this is not a James Bond film, why is it only implied.  We are not going to take this feature seriously, so why not get ridiculous?

"Lockout" is fun, but you have to want it to be fun.  This is mainstream for the Troma fan, so to quote Luc Besson's most recent classic, "Good luck (with an Armenian accent of course)."

How Many Trimesters Are Too Few? Abolish the Terrible Twos!

Pro-Choice Memers Are Using Their Skills To Speak Out Against Alabama Abortion Ban

From "The Huffington Post:"

Beto O'Rourke Says Late-Term Abortion Should Be A Woman's Decision: I Trust Her.

I believe everybody with common sense and decency (those lacking either are voting Republican) knows that late-term abortion has to be allowed in the event of rape and risk to the mother's life. Otherwise, it just seems cruel to terminate something that may be able to survive on its own provided it had the innate sense to scavenge. If its heart beats and lungs breathe, that seems to be a human. You cannot terminate a human until they threaten the space of a gun-toting coward.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

PHP: My issue isn't just a lack of twat

March 20, 2007

I had to struggle to get to the keyboard to type up my latest blog.  I warn you that it isn't going to be very optimistic. It may feel like you had to deal with me in person.

Wake up an hour late for PHP today. With that statement, I now hope this was just a case of the Mondays.

This pissed me off because I actually got to bed early last night.  Got to bed for a shitty sleep, waking up several times and having pessimistic dreams as I slept.  What was the point?

I get to PHP in the middle of group therapy.  Last one there, last to talk.  That was my choice, and probably the better choice judging that the group wouldn't give me a chance to go into what I wanted to deal with.

What can I say?  I'm over with the group.  They want to know about the adventures of Russ Staley anyway.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

 @coolcomicart - Twitter

Boy Eats Girl: Good Porn Title/Bad Zombie Flick

High school students and zombies, this must sound like a “can’t miss” concept. The Irish/British co-production "Boy East Girl" was not content with having two demographics covered, and drops the ball when it tried to incorporate an "American Pie" coming of age tale into it.

Nathan is a shy student who cannot stop his friends from hassling him when it comes to crush on their best friend Jessica. Eventually, they decide to play cupid by using Nathan’s phone to arrange a meeting between the two. An overprotective father and a douche bag end up ruining the plan, and leaves Nathan believing that Jessica is a slut. Crushed, Nathan flirts around with a pint of whiskey and a noose. Unaware of what he is doing with the music turned up so loud, his mother inadvertently knocks over the chair that he was standing on when she barges into his bedroom.

ranker.com - The Best Ever Horror Comedies

Like any good mother would do, she decides to borrow the book of voodoo from the secret crypt at the local cathedral, and resurrects her son. Unfortunately, she did not realize that the last page was missing, so she cannot prevent him from craving human flesh. After biting a bully at the end term dance, Nathan has unwittingly unleashed a zombie apocalypse. Hopefully, his mother can find the way to reverse the infection before Nathan and company resort to unleashing the fury of farm equipment in the name of defending the little village and Jessica’s honour.

What writer Derek Landy and director Stephen Bradley failed to realize about zombie comedies is the need to have the humor first and action second. The audience wants to see gore, but they want to be able to laugh at it throughout the entire picture. Instead, "Boy Eats Girl" focuses too much on capturing chase sequences than providing the audience with laughs.

A board with a nail to a zombie skull is funny, but the director cannot leave it at “zombie pulls board off.” Why not have him stumble around a bit since he cannot see? Why not let him trip over a fence shrub and take a header into a wood chipper? These zombies are runners, so it is not like they are going to fall too far behind their prey. Most of the humor comes at the expense of Nathan’s dorky sidekicks. This is not necessarily a bad thing as long as they are attached at the protagonist’s hip. Sadly, that is not the case.

To the film’s credit, the gore is really good, but it only gets a pan over by the director. There are a lot of limbs and entrails to trip over, but the audience is never treated to this. The only thing that would excuse the flaws of this zombie comedy would to have a decent love story, but previews of "Twilight" seem to do a better job at that than this film. Our hero’s is a little too worried about saving the town than winning the girl like any good hero should do.

The title to "Boy Eats Girl" is a brilliant one, but it fails to deliver on the assumed premise. It fails to make fun of high school romance and to have fun with the humorous nature of zombies. It is bland throughout, and the viewers are more likely to take up eating human flesh to get rid of the taste the film leaves them with.

Hard Candy and One Act Films

We are not in Japan, England, or any other decent place in Region 2. If we pay $7 to $9 buck on a film (damn, $5 if we are at the den of temptation that is a Screw the USA Mart), we expect at least 90 minutes of entertainment.

"Hard Candy" starring Ellen Page of "Juno" fame's Amazon.com's synopsis "After a flirtatious encounter in an online chat room...the apparent pedophilic seduction morphs into something else entirely." And you wonder why it didn't go beyond FearNet TV.

If they wanted to make money on this title, the ad campaign should have been, "In a world where men avoid Chris Hansen, the pregnant chick from that movie with the none-McLoven skinny "Superbad" kid, is out for their balls."

Since it takes 30 minutes to get to what might be the money shot, I'd imagine the ADD public would walk out. They'd be so easy to distract, one could easily make them forget to ask for their money back.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

MFK: Hot Cash, Entitlement, Responsibilities...A Living Darwin Award

Once I had a customer ask me after completing a transaction, "we're you going to see if I had any rewards?" After an apology, I was able to back track and find a five-dollar coupon that I am fairly certain she did not know she had. Hence, she declared our company was an even bigger heel for making the customer responsible for their keeping track of  the rewards they had earned. Thankfully, she did not want to further her rant with praise for Jeff Bezos.

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Why am I ranting on about people who do not expect to be responsible for what they have earned? Because I am one of them. This may be a statement about karma more than anything.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

Books.Apple.com - Audiobook
 

PHP 7: Acceptance (about me not the booze)

March 16, 2007

Suicide risk assessment at it's highest. Too bad the scoring is like golf.

I ended up dominating my group therapy session today. Kind of an asshole thing to do when you are constantly being reassured that you are a good guy. How we got around to me I can't remember?

Either way, I'm going to blame my crying on being emasculated from the excess of estrogen in the group since I'm the only guy.

When I think about it, it was probably me reassuring everyone else they could succeed while I was a lost cause. As I have said, I feel used up. There is a sense of completion in that. A justification for ending it all. That I'm in PHP to talk my self out of that.

You're afraid of failure. You're afraid of the world. Accusations the therapist threw at me, and that the group backed up. Worst of all, they tried to relate their problems to it.

All I want is someone to be supportive. Not to relate their problems to mine. Just to back me up.

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

 Reddit - Get ready, folks

3/13/07: Futility of Partial Hospitalization

I hate to be pessimistic with any of my blogs. It just doesn't feel right to not have anything cynical or clever to entice the reader.

I'm the Silent Bob in my Kevin Smith-inspired world, and I'm in need of a chuckle head to kick off the conversation. I can tell that Amy story forever after that.

I am learning from the program, and was able to apply the lessons...I should say display the lessons learned over the weekend, but these lessons also lead me into further reinforcement of my negative beliefs.

Having to deal with other people car troubles over the weekend. Picking up Skullkrusher to park two blocks away from the building, and not having a match kinda tested my patience.

Add a parking ticket to pick up Mexican food after the show slid a disc in this camels back (question: pain or paralysis?). For 30 dollars, thank god it was more authentic than Taco Bell.

I left for the road from PHP with the group saying that I need to change something to enter the main stream to get the relationships I need to carry on. Hoping that fate or chance has anything to do with it is pointless. Fit in the mainstream or be miserable.

Almost sounded like be a sheep to get laid. What? You don't expect me to trivialize my issues in the name of humor?

Read the rest of this blog and other stories at Main Event of the Dead.com and determine if this thought process can be translated into a B-movie comedy about pro-wrestling zombies.

movieblu.com

90-Minute Netflix: 2047: Sights of Death (AKA Death Squad)

Posters with Armed Older Action Stars Best Be Expendables Knock Offs

I finished "Iron Fist" and, though I thought it was a fine martial arts series, I can only deal with so much Finn Jones (why is season five of "Game of Thrones" considered a weaker one?). Thus, with an hour and a half before the news cycle, "Defenders" was not an option. Tennis had screwed up ESPN, so I was left at a loss for live TV.

It has been a tough few weeks existentially. I have been trying to move on from the I Hotel, but what will that gain me. Less headaches for one (as I just received the call that it was a good thing that I had not purchased Riot Fest tickets). Imagine an organization whose pay roll company can screw up a payday over a holiday weekend. After they failed to take my implication that I wanted to use up my vacation time on this slow week, make believing their incompetence takes less effort that what the cast of "2047: Sights of Death" put into their performances.

imdb.com/

That last comparison does not apply to Rutger Hauer and Michael Madsen's performances. They seem to revel in the stupidity. Hauer seemed like he had more fun in "Death Squad" than he had when he worked with Dario Argento. Madsen seemed to enjoy his time on set with the promise of vengeance for Bill's brother bud. Otherwise, "2047" is a semi-talented cast believing there would be special effects added in post.

By 2047, the Illuminati has used their influence to destroy any country that refused to join their confederation. Being free of restrictions and regulations, the new confederacy has let most of the world become a radioactive waste land. The only resistance that seems to be making a difference is "Green War" led by Sponge (Danny Glover) with his butt firmly glued to his chair surrounded by CRT monitors and ham radios. His top soldier is Captain Ryan (Stephen "Pardon the Spelling Error" Baldwin) who was recently shot down during a mission to destroy a downed satellite that contains records of their communications.

Determined to complete his mission, Ryan trudges through a contaminated quadrant to locate the satellite. On this death march, he finds companionship from the red-painted mute warrior girl, Tuag (no photo on IMDB), a radio, and a mountain of dead bodies which could bring down the Confederation. The findings inspires him to broadcast his position in hopes that someone on their side will extract him to safety and document his discoveries. The only response that means anything since Sponge is too old for this shit is from Colonel Asimov (Hauer) who is personally going to oversee a death squad with the assistance of mercenary and harsh fellatio critic Lobo (Madsen). Will Ryan survive Beyonce's descendants and radioactive hallucinations to save humanity? Since everyone seems to have bulletproof skulls, the density of Balwin's skull may just make him invincible.

"2047: Sights of Death" makes me long for Albert Pyun's films like "Cyborg" and "Adrenalin: Fear the Rush" to be recirculated on the streaming video rental stores. He set the standard for how to shoot a bad action flick with only one set. Pyun must have a carefree personality because his casts seemed to have fun filming. A payday for community theater, why would you not be happy with that arrangement? I suppose a language barrier might make one reconsider.

"2047" was directed by Allessandro Capone, an experienced Italian-director with a resume that does not seem as varied as Lucio Fulci, hence, he does not have the sense to take a budget on four former A-listers and the worst Baldwin and just go camp with it. As the film goes on and slows down time with nonsensical revelations, Capone relies on quick cuts to try and provide an illusion that action is occurring. This leaves us watching a poor 360-degree video, but there is a story, so we are compelled to stick around for a conclusion.

No 360-degree video has a conclusion is the lesson to take away from "2047: Sights of Death." Anyone stuck in this video cannot be taken seriously. Hopefully, Darryl Hannah learned this lesson. As for Baldwin, this may be the perfect purgatory for a Trump supporter.