If it does not involve pro-wrestling, this is Russ Stevens's effort to create the one stop blog for movies that are cut to the ideal run-time, 90 minutes. This blog may feature films that may range from 71 minutes to 1 hour 40 minutes, but 101 minutes and up are too long. An hour and a half can justify cutting a film into two chapters and a book into three. Hobbits and Katniss have too many ending, consider this an effort to stop that.
Those
Red Box DVD kiosks outside grocery stores and truck stops have to do
better when describing their offerings. I cannot remember them
mentioning that Ghost House Underground’s "Dance of the Dead" was
a comedy, and with so many clever gimmick zombie flicks dropping the
ball in terms of capitalizing on the humor of the walking dead (on a
plane, in a prison, in a mall circa 2004, etc.), it is important to tell
potential viewers that someone has released a refined version of the
original "Return of the Living Dead". No, Dance does not have the neon red pubic hair of the cult classic, but it makes up for that by doing everything else the RotLD better.
It seems like it should be common sense not to build a nuclear power
plant next to a cemetery, but in a predominantly white community where
the son of the police chief is an aspiring backyard wrestler, this
idea’s downside can be overlooked. The cemetery’s custodian has been
able to keep the reanimated corpse problem under wraps, but one night
the high school’s science fiction club just has to give their P.K.E.
meter a try, and the recently departed decide that they have to take
some kind of action against these meddling kids.
Not content with just terrorizing the geeks, and unable to ignore their
hunger, the undead decide to treat the town as a buffet, and the local
high school’s prom is the dessert table. Now it is up to a slacker, a
cheerleader, the class vice president, the yarder and the nerds to take
their town back, and prevent too many memorial pages from taking up
space in the yearbook.
Dance of the Dead is
a pretty down to Earth zombie feature. The story is very linear, so no
one will get lost, and the characters are of the same archetypes that
the audience cheered for in the John Hughes and "American Pie" eras
of high school comedies. Nothing about the movie is very foreign or
intellectually deep, and comes across as more of a PG-13 comic book
movie than a horror film. Thankfully, the messiness that comes along
with zombies prevents the film from taking itself too seriously and more
importantly tiresome.
There is not much depth to the characters, and since this film is not
trying to present a message about society (I think we have all grown
past the nuclear scare nonsense that Mr. Burns is the mascot for), there
does not need to be. If there was, this film would drag along and
forget about the necessities of a zombie comedy. A gut-busting scene
that is too intense for R rated zombie dramas, heroes who have fun
dispatching the flesh eaters, gore that is reminiscent to the 80's
movies, and hot zombie-on-zombie action. If there is any problem with
the story, it is that the characters seem callous at times because they
do not take much time to mourn, but that would waste time in a 95 minute
film that is determined to never slow down.
Dance of the Dead is
one of those great scripts that just needed to be shot. As long as the
effort put behind the gore and the actors just care enough, it should be
entertaining. Perhaps if it had a great director and budget behind it,
it would have the potential to be as fun as "Zombieland", but then it may have also lost the charm of being an excellent B-Movie in an overly A-Movie world.
After communicating with a girl for two weeks via online dating apps only to come out to a bar to meet her on a whim and then be ghosted as if 20 minutes in person showed that I am not meant for three dimensions, it is great to know I have family. I made it to the bar safely. There is no way that I reeked of the Midnight Moon Strawberry Moonshine that I was consuming as I recorded this week's podcast.
Was it that I was not impressed by her Chase "Darth Vader" debit card she paid for her meal with? I work in retail. There have been hundreds of those cards that I have seen. It is perplexing to develop a connection online only to not hear anything from her because of a per chance meeting did not go fantastic. Girls who have shot me down are more considerate.
This is just an indicator that I need my friends to step on and go beyond expressing interest in recording podcasts and actually commit to it. If free evenings were not a commodity, then I would not have to deal with bar meetings and actually get to know a person on a date. Consider my love life folks like I am considering your vacations.
With that said, the idea of a Danny Elfman and Tim Burton themed episode has been expressed on the Internet. I will not mention who I worked the concept out with, but I know others who are tempted to volunteer for it. Email me at russthebus07@gmail.com to find out more.
One of those who expressed interest was this week's guest, ThePoeticCritic. Like all of us sophisticated cinephiles, she dug all of their early collaborations from "Pee Wee's Big Adventure" to "Batman (and perhaps "Returns")". The closest thing to this concept that we really discuss in this episode is how I think "Mars Attacks" being released so soon after "Independence Day" perhaps prevented an early revival of the Space Opera that Stuart Gordon's "Space Truckers" could not jump on its own.
Letterboxd's The Poetic Critic and I examine the who/what/why/how the late 70's and early 80's fell in love with the concept of Jack Sparrow in space. Okay, the answer is "Star Wars" but lets give Stanley Kubrick some credit for "2001: A Space Odyssey" and more importantly "Silent Running" for setting the stage.
The biggest question we address is how did anyone think that creating galaxies could be done in 90 minutes. How much raping and pillaging can the "Ice Pirates" commit? Do all of Roger Corman's knock off count as a cinematic universe? How many space TV shows did the 70's have to offer? Should this genre have disappeared?
TPC and I share some debate on what constitutes a Space Opera and some of the features. She also points you in the direction of the best knock offs...or at least the most interesting ones that the world has to offer.
As a bonus, I return to the "Ally's Accessories Shop of Etsy" trash features and look at the time between "Remington Steele" and "007 Goldeneye" by viewing the Pierce Brosnan starring feature, "The Heist" from 1989. It is good to see him playing Irish, but he might not be meant for 90 minutes (see "Survivor").
A
long 90 minutes feels like a first for me. I have seen bad and wretched
hour-and-a-half lengthened features, but I could never say long.
Lengthy is something that may not hold your attention, but it may not be
the genre. Low budget knock offs are what Blockbuster Video fans long
for. If the concept is as good as James Franco's "Future World" and
featuring a Milla Jovovich role, I am in it till the last minute.
Ash (Suki Waterhouse) is a robot built at the peak of technological
advancement. Realizing the history and malice of her creators that lead
to an apocalypse that lacked zombies or nukes, she decides to erase her
memory. It is better to be a relic than a tool. Unfortunately, an
artifact is not what Warlord (Franco) and his bikers need.
Prince (Jeffrey Wahlberg) was born in the oasis, a peaceful commune in
the scorched wasteland. Peace is maintained because they have the only
working ammunition in the world. When Prince's mother (Lucy Liu) falls
ill to the plague of the era, the red fever, he determines that by
packing a little heat, he and his compadres can make it to Paradise
Beach and find the cure their matriarch needs. Of course the luck runs
out when they run into Warlord and his new robotic bride.
After murdering a few people and dealing with the annoyance of Warlord's
presence, the awoken robot decides she needs to set some grounds for
morality. Saving Prince and sending her husband on a wild goose chase
seemed to be a good start. If she can get the kid to Paradise Beach and
the cure, all should at least be even Steven. Surely there are no more
nuts of higher acclaim in the cast. Jovovich only plays stable
characters...right?
The cast of "Future World" knows what you are supposed to do with a film
seeming inspired by "Cyborg 2." That is to chew the scenery and enjoy
every bite of it. With Snoop Dog and Method Man in the cast, fans of
B-movies know this will not be a waste of time.
You have to have a taste for the tacky to enjoy a flick like this. The
actors are here to have fun and get scale. When you arrive on a "set"
where it is jut a burnt out hotel with some faux graffiti, what else are
you going to do? If you do not focus of being over the top, the movie
is going to be "Cyborg."
Now,
I dug "Cyborg" because no one seeming could act, so it is a fun train
wreck. "Future World" qualifies as a movie. The script is articulate
enough and it may have the talent to be a respectable "Road Warrior"
knock off. It has a quest that feels like an 80's animated film, and if
you have that, I will feel nostalgic. "Future World" can only be a
B-flick, so it is a success.
For those who need a well-made film to keep their attention, the lack of
well-made inanimate object will have you turning this title off. Wise
scenery choices instead of minimal effort could have made this an
American "Mad Max." I at least hope that is what director Franco was
going for. Sand is the best looking part of the sets. I suppose only
George Miller is the only person who can shoot that.
"Future World" was probably a wild pitch that took any money it could
get. You have to respect it for letting Jovovich do what she does best.
It has to be appreciated for not being overly complicated sci-fi to
justify its shortcomings. And any movie with Snoop as the Love Lord is
worth $1.75.
Why they didn't put that in his billing may be the dumbest thing this film did.
It
does not seem like I could have made it as a wrestling promoter. I
appreciate that people are inquiring about coming on the podcast, but
none have committed to finalizing an appearance. My problem is, how do
you be the right kind of pushy?
This
is something that I need to figure out because Sylvester Stallone is no
David Cronenberg or Stuart Gordon. There may be some weaker features in
those two's filmography, but none feel like the gut punchess that
are bad Sly films.
To his credit, Stallone has a greater deal of features that fit into the NinetyForChill.com
parameters. He is very aware of what films he is doing for a paycheck,
and which one he is trying to be an artist with. When it comes to the
art, he is usually involved with the script or is helmming the feature.
Of the movies I watched, "Cobra" was the only one which he penned, but
it was produced by Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus. In other words,
it is a Cannon feature and you need to listen to the Screen Drafts CANNON podcast to find the art they offered.
I
will acknowledge that I did not get to binge as much as I intended.
"Over the Top" may have been too much for me to handle. When I visited
my dad yesterday (Three hours in a car after 13 days of working may
have depleted my energy to rewatch "Judge Dredd".), the apology I
offered
him for taking us to see Nintendo's "The Wizard" was rescinded. He was
no longer a martyr, but a hero. He did the right thing by taking the hit
that was taking us to see theflick about bonding over 8-bit video games
instead
of introducing us to a "misguided" arm wrestling feature about coming
together as a family.
My
selling of this idea may have been off. A
thanks was definitely deserved for putting up with "Super Mario Bros"
and perhaps reiterated. When the week started with his birthday that I
missed, he deserved so
much more.
All
of the Stallone films I watched with the exception of me closing the
"Escape Plan" Universe are from the 1980's. When the 90's came along,
action movies got bloated. This really makes me regret not rewatching
"Judge Dredd". It was a comic book movie from the 90's that did not try
to push the two-hour mark. All rarities are gems, right?
What we get this week is my visceral takes on the following Sylvester Stallone features:
"Nighthawks" from 1981: This is Rutger Hauer's introduction to the podcast.
"Cobra"
from 1986: This was originally suppose to be "Beverly Hills Cop", and
you can kind of tell, if you look pass the subtle fascism.
"Over the Top" from 1987: Menahem Golan gets behind the camera to make you ponder the trauma of his childhood and how arm wrestling is suppose to fix it.
"Escape
Plan: The Extractors" from 2019: Stallone probably did it with an
assurance that everyone would keep their voices' volume down to his
level.
This
is being typed up at the day job before I finalized the audio, so there
may be an additional feature thrown in their. I am looking at "Judge
Dredd" or the letter H addition to Ally's Accessories Shop on Etsy's Trash Feature Review.
I hope you enjoy this briefer episode. More importantly, I hope that you would like to become part of the podcast.
If you want to "Be Our Guest" (Oh when Disney kept the cartoons
brief.), send your theme, director or actor that you want to discuss to russthebus07@gmail.com. Just keep the movies between 74 and 99 minutes. Thanks.
First off, let us thank the producers of "Moon" from preventing or at least delaying a remake of "2001: A Space Odyssey".
I'm sure that Kevin Spacey would be perfect for the role of Hal, but
thankfully he gave his voice to Gerty the robot. It is great to know
that this generation will not be blamed for the desecration of Stanley
Kubrick.
This film maybe Sam Rockwell attempt to prove himself as an unlikely leading man. Since "Confessions of a Dangerous Mind",
he is probably considered the Seth Rogen of independent film when he
should be considered the next Robin Williams. He should have been able
to advance from comic support to legitimate actor like Williams has, but
since I seem to be one of the only supporters of "Choke", it has not happened.
Moon is
dependent upon a great performance by its lead, and if the character
was a bit more memorable, Rockwell performance should be talked about in
the early months of 2010.
In the future, the world has become dependent upon fusion energy. Too
difficult to produce on Earth, the Lunar company stores the excess
helium and heat that is captured on the dark side of the moon to supply
70% of the worlds fuel. The entire operation on the moon is operated by
Sam Bell (Rockwell), who has agreed to work there for three years.
Lonely with two weeks left before he sees his wife and child, he has an
accident during one of the harvests.
Gerty the robot has seemingly saved Bell and for "his protection" has
quarantined inside the space station. Desperate to figure out what has
happened to him, he escapes to find his wrecked vehicle with himself
inside of it. Now, Sam must peace together what has just happened, and
possibly what has been happening since there is noway to communicate
with Earth for an explanation.
"Moon" is definitely the closest thing to 2001 that
we can expect anyone to create. It embodies isolation to greater
degrees than the classic, but is about a far simpler concept. That
concept is discovering who one truly is.
The other thing that will draw comparison is the simple, but seemingly realistic space environment. 2001 is
considered by many astronauts to be the most realistic portrayal of the
outer worldly experience, so aside from necessary technological
advances, a simple easy to navigate appearance is essential.
To further look into the simplicity of the film, one must address that
there is only one actor in it. This actor is the extremely fortunate Sam
Rockwell. It is not a humorous role that you associate with him, but
his ability to seemingly maintain a sense of humor allows him to be
perfect for this role. By no means is Rockwell the only person who can
portray Bell, but I doubt anyone can do this better. Especially when you
consider Rockwell's ability to make sure that all of the characters
play the roles of foil to each other.
Moon shows
why great space films may need to be left to independent minds. These
directors, like Duncan Jones, know that not all environments have to be
action dependent, and that there are so many realms that can be
discovered in these dreamed up worlds. Add in a true understanding of
SCIENCE fiction by both crew and actors, Moon might be the best space picture of our time.
And that's before we get into the film's political arguments.
NinetyForChill - The Podcast has entered a whole new world. My successful New Years Resolution (We will some day succeed with my annual goal of eating a Buffalo-themed meal everyday.) is now on the three major podcast platforms. So if you have been a fan, just type "ninetyforchill" in your search bar on the apps.
Podbean has offered me a chance to put my podcast on Amazon Music/Audible, iHeart Radio, Pandora, and Amazon Echo/TuneIn, but I am not sure anyone uses them to listen to podcasts. After a quick poll of the millennials at the bank, the Amazon Music application is being processed right now. They claim they will have it done in minutes, so the complete roll out may start with this podcast (And it will be. My thanks to the platform that allows any hateful douche-bag to self publish).
My presumption was, "If MMA on Point did not use anything besides the big three, why do I have to?" Well, this week's guest use to listen to podcasts on the second generation Amazon Echo that I bought her. If I want to encourage her to make her life easier and figure out the WiFi in her boyfriend's anti-chord cutting condo, I better continue accommodating to her.
I should not pick on her too harshly. She does her best to make sure this podcast thrives, and she was doing me a favor returning for her first full episode...since the first episode.
This week, we get to pick the brain of entrepreneur and this podcast's co-producer (Every Sunday, she finds me to give me at least three low brow movies to watch for the podcast.) Ally of Ally's Accessories Shop. Her return lets me pick her brain when it comes to her feature preferences. She was intimidated by the idea of coming up with a theme to chat about, but was eventually able to we resolved on discussing the dominant franchises of Sony's Screen Gems, "Resident Evil" and "Underworld".
Before she arrived at this, she mentioned the immediate sub 100-minute movies that left an enduring impact on her, "Flashdance" and "Killer Klowns from Outer Space". To ensure I could get the most content from her, I did my research, and now have one of these DVDs that I best try to drop back upon her.
We discuss the feminism concerns over Jennifer Beals most memorable feature, how the Klowns hold up in terms of other horror comedies like "Gremlins", and why zombies, werewolves, and vampires intrigue her so much. Is she on Team Edward or Team Jacob? The answer will surprise you.
As the podcast grows, so does the need for contributors. I can no longer play DJ and use eight second loops from any licensed songs, so if you have some tunes that you want to get out there, I would love to use them. Send me the info about them to russthebus07@gmail.com. You can also reach me on Twitter @maineventzombie.
And of course, I need guests to chat to. If you have a topic/theme, director or actor that you want to chat about from 30 minutes to 90 minutes, I would love to hear your pitch. Just send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com or a direct message @maineventzombie on Twitter.
Killer Klowns From Outer Space: Are English Subtitles For Nerds?
*Blog post was started on April 8, 2021.
It is really cool that Podbean and its promotion options required "NinetyForChill dot Com - The Podcast - The Facebook Page".
At least bugging 20 people a day shows there is degree of support with
every like and accepted invitation. Still, securing guests for the
podcast is a challenge, so that Facebook page's success is driving me a
little batty.
Or
it may just be jealousy. I asked a coworker today about doing the
podcast. He stated his interest, but he is the father of a four-month
old. This means time is not really a luxury. It means he has a life. Too
bad cats do a great job of taking care of themselves. My furball(s)
need to be needier.
If you are able to get a
lot of bookings, expecting my friends in the wrestling business to be available is silly. But I
have not heard from any of them looking to promote themselves since the
podcast started at the end of the third wave of COVID-19 perplexes me.
They are aware Colt Cabana is not recording "The Art of Wrestling", right?
A half asleep Ally from Ally's Accessories Shop
accepted my invite to the podcast this week. Upon realizing that, she
has been pulling for me to come up with someone else. Of course I have
the intrigued, but noncommittal and me checking out all the
possible DVD retailers on the Northside of Champaign looking for a copy
of "Coraline" because surely if I found that, it would make the universe
will another hesitant prospective guest into asking when we were going
to record.
Of
course Movies Anywhere is not selling "Coraline" through their site,
thus I cannot buy a copy of that and get a free movie from
Universal...most likely "Happy Gilmore". I do not know what I should be
more upset at NBC/Universal for. No "Coraline" on their service (Every
streaming app needs Neil Gaiman.) or how Peacock is handling the
WWE Network migration. No, Vince McMahon should not use the N-Word or be
shown using it, but
if you are keeping the matches of Chris Benoit on the service, maybe
keep Roddy Piper versus Bad News Brown. It was racist, but it was not a
double-murder suicide. That is what context warnings are for.
Truth
be told, I am not overly upset about the lack of a complete
WrestleMania VI card. The match was part of WWE's retrospective on
Piper, "Born Into Controversy". If they do delete Benoit's matches
however, Peacock and Xfinity may be out a customer.
I
am suppose to record the podcast tonight during both NXT Takeover Stand
& Deliver: Night 2 and Kenny Omega's first match on Impact on AXS
TV. Hopefully Ally will not back down so that I do not have to make a
decision on which show to watch (She requested a delay, so I cannot win).
My only fear is that with the lack of
90-minute movies that we shared together (If you look at the highest
grossing movies of all time, once your ass is in the seat, you will
watch whatever they put on the big screen no matter the length.) my
suggestion was for her to come over to watch "Killer Klowns from Outer
Space" and then chat about it. Doubting that would be the case, I
entered the Trash Feature library she has supplied me with to watch that feature.
With my luck, she chooses that instead of faking it over Zoom for a
half hour.
Why
do I make these decision? My decision making skills are not that good. Or perhaps my
loyalty is what gets me. Keeping an ex in my life and betting on
Newcastle United and the Chicago Cubs. The wise thing to do would be to
quit counting on people, but then I would not have a podcast. I guess it
is a catch 45, because 22 is not the number of LOSERS.
Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988; 1 hour 28 minues)
Crescent
Cove is a typical small college town. You have farms on the outskirts,
overly aggressive police veterans, a make out point, etc. At the make
out point, after the goofy ice cream truck operators failed to make any
sales or get their dates in the mood, Mike and Debbie see a shooting
star pass closely overhead. Debbie believes that it has to have landed
close by and convinces Mike to go and investigate.
When
they arrive where it landed, they find a circus tent. Despite Debbie's
apprehension, the two go inside to find a big top TARDIS. The interior
is massive with what seems to be a fusion reactor while the design
aesthetic matches the carnival exterior. As they explore and avoid any
being that seems to be heading their direction, they find what Mike
believes is a cotton candy factory while the rational Debbie believe
UFOs must be the only reasonable explanation. When Mike tries to prove
it is fluffy sugar, he discovers a human body cocooned inside of it.
Before
they can settle into their panic, a seven-foot tall clown enters the
room. It soon notices them and chases them away with a popcorn cannon.
Debbie decides the city must be warned and is certain that her
ex-boyfriend on the police force, Dave, will believe them. This proves
more of a challenge than they expected. The senior officer, Mooney,
believes this to be a prank since Mike is friends with the ice cream
truck driving jokesters, the Terenzi Brothers. Dave does not want
Mike to involve his ex in these shenanigans. While Mooney refuses to
entertain the concept of killer clowns from outer space, Dave is willing
to entertain the concept to appease Debbie, provided she stays at home.
These
two approaches end up leaving the town to fall into shambles. Even as
Dave finds evidence supporting Mike and Debbie stories and starts to
witness clown attacks, Mooney refuses to act once the calls start coming
in. He believes it all to be a conspiracy to drive him mad and off the
force. With no means of communicating with the state police, it is up to
Debbie, Dave, Mike, and the Terenzis to save the day. With all the
strength and alien technology the clowns have, will these five young
adults be enough to save the city and possibly the world.
I
think my description of "Killer Klowns from Outer Space" may be overly
wordy. The DVD box art probably says something like, "After a giant
circus tent arrives in Crescent Cove, townsfolk start disappearing with
only popcorn and cotton candy left in their place. It is up to Mike,
Dave, Debbie and the local ice cream salesmen to solve the mystery and
defeat the evil "Killer Klowns from Outer Space." Maybe I am just
showing this feature too much respect. That makes my efforts to find
subtitles on this MGM/UA DVD seem futile.
"Killer
Klowns from Outer Space" seems to be a satire in the vein of "Gremlins"
but lacks any worthwhile characters to get behind to hold the feature
together. "Gremlins" also had 15 more minutes to work with to establish
lore and get to know the players, but with
totally unrealistic characters, there is no cohesion and fails to
establish lore until some throw away dialogue in the third act. This is a
shame
because most of the comedic violence can get a chuckle or two.
An
upside to a focus on the mischief and mayhem is that it moves a long
pretty quickly. The special effects have their moments and even the bad
effects, like when a clown explodes, are played for laughs. John "Dean
Wormer" Vernon as the long-in-the-tooth cop refusal to take the threat
seriously is also amusing, so the comedy is there, just none of it is
involves our handful of heroes.
I
am on the fence on how to make this Troma-budget feature better. The
satire could have been darker if we did not make the klowns so warped to
look at. On the surface, it is easy to deem that they are scary, but
clowns are scary enough to begin with. A greater commitment to gore
effects may have cost the film its PG-13 rating, but if you want to
entertain a horror audience, that would be the direction to take it.
In
the end, "Killer Klowns from Outer Space" works as an idea, but not as a
picture that you should provide much attention to. You will end up
thinking too much and which results in a four-paragraph plot summary. All it
needed to do was to make us care about the leads, but focusing on
random klown attacks gets a more immediate reaction.
This
could have been a great NES video game and it is good content for meme
and YouTube content creators. For that, I understand the cult classic
status. But if you are not looking to integrate these painted buggers as
click bait, one watch is enough.
*Blog was originally published on December 2, 2018.
It is a rare night. I am actually considering calling for delivery.
Sadly, all my favorite take out is wrestler hair greasy. Being a hotel
front desk agent frowns on my clothes looking like I had just headlocked
Bret Hart.
Roman ruined everything. His apparent admiration of Hart lead me to
question Bret's style in the 90's. If anything, that should be taken as a
good prognosis in his current cancer bout. If televised wrestling could
not thrive with him, neither shall leukemia.
Hair and hunger do not mix. That seems like a great way to transition to
a Bruce Willis straight-to-DVD feature, "Once Upon a Time in Venice"
(beach).
Steve Ford (Willis) is a disgraced cop turned private investigator who
is trying to make ends meet taking on any ridiculous job. His range of
work spans from making his protege John (Thomas Middleditch) survey an
ashamed sex addict to tracking down an aspiring, obscene Banksy
enthusiast that has been tagging a crooked real estate agent's property.
He seems to also lack maturity since he is considers nude skateboarding
an acceptable escape method, but makes up for that by taking care of
the down and out Dave (John Goodman) and his sister's family as her
husband is off somewhere trying to find himself. As long as he can watch
his niece's dog during the day, everything is fine.
Needless to say, when his sister's place is ransacked by a couple of
addicts who fence the gains and dog to their dealer Spider (Jason
Mamoa), Steve's life will go out of control. Spider seems cool, perhaps
too cool because his girlfriend had the nerve to decide to run off with
the dog and a case of his cocaine. It appears everybody needs to get
their lives in order and it is up to Steve to do it. This is the only
way to get the pooch back and leave Venice a place with some
sensibility.
"Once Upon a Time in Venice" is amusing until you stop and think about
it. The story ends up working out, but is a mess until the third act.
You are impressed that all the loose events resolve rather smoothly, but
aside from some fun performances, you spend the first two acts getting
fed up with the wacky scenarios that are constantly introduced and yearn
for a cohesive story.
The movie starts with misdirecting you into thinking that Middleditch
will be your lead. Having been given nothing to do, he is virtually
replaced by Goodman. Willis is fun, but it is John McClane as the cocky
hero the entire film who is unaffected by any situation's levity. As for
the rest of the performances, you may get a good scene from an actor,
but the ridiculous set up for what are primarily cameos is migraine
inducing.
Mark Cullen's directing ability is not any more adequate than his and
his brothers writing. He seems to think that Kevin Smith's method of
filming comedy can apply to action, hence there is none. You are
surprised that they even took the time to allow for gun play because it
cannot be framed by this talent.
I could not find out the budget of this film, but I am thinking that it
all went to get Bruce Willis since these are also the writers of "Cop
Out." That film left us with a Willis and Kevin Smith Feud. "Cop Out"
only has one subplot. You are telling me that Willis wanted his
character to be drawn and quartered across that film, and that is the he
hated filming that was because Smith said no.
"Once Upon a Time in Venice" is funny but it is not a movie. It is a
series of "Saturday Night Live" sketches at best. The problem with that
is the Cullen Brothers fail to realize that show requires all new
characters for each sketch. Venice Beach is not "Dante's Inferno," and
if Willis is not required to show more emotion than he offered in "The
Expendables" you have dog poo without any poo jokes.
ThePoeticCritic (TPC) returns to the podcast for our most comprehensive and hence longest episode too date. If there was ever an episode for later members of Generation X (like TPC and I), this is the episode.
I mean, this is the episode about content instead of the disconnect between the woke generations. If your halfway through life, "Episode 7: Gen X and Scorsese V. Millenials and Marvel" would be the installment for you.
TPC guides us through a year-by-year breakdown of the most important/notable features of each year of the 1980s. This was a time where independent studios were looking to fill the void of a Disney company that was in the middle of restructuring. As a result, we go in depth about the rise and eventual fall of Don Bluth (An American Tail)that even bleeds into his 90's catalog. We discuss the evolution of adult animation pioneer Ralph Bakshi (Fire and Ice), the end of Rankin/Bass's forays in to cinema (The Last Unicorn), I throw in a little anime from the Streamline Pictures era, and we mention all of the blink and you missed their airings on Disney Channel and HBO features.
This all occurs before the Disney Renascence, and as a heads up, we do not show much attention to "The Little Mermaid". My guest attempts to reframe the rise of Disney back to commercial success while essentially poo-pooing on their mid-80's offerings as Eisner and Katzenberg lay the foundation for their most critically and financially successful decade. I decide to go Michael Jordan "The Last Dance" meme when it came to defending "The Black Cauldron" and "The Great Mouse Detective".
If you want news about the podcast, you can now subscribe to it on Spotify and Google Podcasts. I am still uploading the previous episodes up to Podbean for the appropriate distribution, so hopefully we will be all caught up in time for next week's episode, and perhaps Apple Podcast will let us join their service as well. Let me warn you, the begging for five-star ratings will be coming soon.
As the podcast grows, so does the need for contributors. I can no longer play DJ and use eight second loops from any licensed songs, so if you have some tunes that you want to get out there, I would love to use them. Send me the info about them to russthebus07@gmail.com. You can also reach me on Twitter @maineventzombie.
And of course, I need guests to chat to. If you have a topic/theme, director or actor that you want to chat about from 30 minutes to 90 minutes, I would love to hear your pitch. Just send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com or a direct message @maineventzombie on Twitter.
Thanks for coming back to the NinetyForChill.com - The Podcast. I hope you enjoy.
The week has not been too hectic after putting together my Stuart Gordon tribute episode of NinetyForChill.com - The Podcast.
In other words, my pleas on Wednesday for a guest for next Tuesday's
episode did not fall upon deaf ears. At this time, the plan is to bring @QuidPro_Joe to discuss TV shows that were adapted into motion pictures.
It
is either he really wanted to return, or my suggestion of dedicating
the episode to the fake Irish holiday with a fake Irish actor in Will Ferrell was a bad
idea. There was somebody who commented on the response to my
original plan implying they would step up for it, but determining how serious it
was a challenge thanks to "LOL". The biggest problem with podcasting is needing to be dependent on
social media and email.
Wrestling
promoters and baby boomers can just avoid that element of modern life
it seems. I needed my folks to scan and email a lease they were going to
cosign for. That resulted in me getting an earful from two sides. The
landlord was not happy that they needed to extend the deadline. My
parents were disappointed that I would think they would frequently check
their email.
As
for wrestling promoters, they still seem to be dependent on phones.
Hence, you cannot get a hold of them if you cannot get their phone
number. This is probably wise so they do not get bombarded by booking
requests. Their email addresses are just a bin for them. If they want
you, they will find you.
And
if they have to look into their mail boxes, everything must seem like
crazy talk to them. If you have a wrestling idea that is a bit timely,
do not email it to them. When they get to it three months later, you
become a person they will not take too seriously.
When revisiting 1985's "The Care Bears Movie" is part of pursuing your current goals, perhaps they were right.
It
turns out that being cute icons on greeting cards was not the sole
purpose of the citizens of Care-A-Lot. Care Bears are dedicated to
making sure everybody cares about something, and usually the best way to
do that is through friendship. If you think that you are your own, be
prepared to question your sobriety when colorful, Ewok-sized bears crash
their cloud car in front of you. This will be something
you can most likely avoid because kids seem to be their primary focus.
But if little Jason and his big sister Kim are high, let me have what
they are having.
The
two siblings' parents have left. Since people are going to leave your
life (their folks' exit is not elaborated on), why should you take the
time to get invested in anyone else? That is their philosophy and they
are not buying what Friend Bear and Secret Bear are selling about
friendship. Serendipity steps is as the four end up being Rainbow Rescue
Beamed to Care-A-Lot after the machine's inadvertent activation by Baby
Hugs and Baby Tugs. Grumpy Bear does not seem pleased to have visitors
(more so about the baby bears messing with his machine), but at least his
teleportation device works. With so many cute bears so willing to make
sure the children know that someone cares about them, Kim and Jason may
just come around to the Care Bear way of thinking.
Tender
Heart Bear is having a more difficult challenge in restoring young
Nicholas's faith in humanity. He has no friends and the only person
invested in him is the Great Fettuccine whom he serves as a magician
assistant to. Fettuccine is not the most patient person, and with so many
demands, it is easy for Nicholas to screw something up. While digging through a
crate the magician had purchased, the boy finds a locked book that
starts talking to him. If he unlocks it, the spirit says that she will provide him
with the magic to obtain anything he could/should desire. Having to hide
in the magician's trailer (because who cares about adults), Tender
Heart cannot prevent the spirits influence and cannot prevent Nicholas
from unlocking the vengeful spirit.
A
couple of spells from the book later, Tender Heart is caged and
Fettuccine is under a sleeping spell. It does not take much effort for
TH
to get free, but as he heads back to Care-A-Lot to advise the other
bears of the evil on Earth, Nicholas is hosting his first show. After
one failed trick, the children comprising the audience start giving him
the "Stephen King's Carrie" treatment. In response, the spirit has him
read a spell that turns the kids on each other. The aspiring magician
asks why he was told to cast a hateful spell, and the spirit tells him
that it is more important that the kids know how he has always felt. If
they all quit caring, Nicholas can at least have power to make him happy
and claim superiority to all of those who mocked him.
With
this lack of caring, Care-A-Lot begins to crumble. Their doomsday
clock, the Care-A-Meter, has lost two hearts with only three remaining.
If there are no hearts, Care-A-Lot will seize being. To ensure this, the
spirit tells Nicholas that they must capture Jason and Kim. Because of
the Care Bear's presence, they are immune to the lack of caring, so the
spirit has Nicholas cast a spell to capture them.
The
bears attempt to use the Rescue Beam to send the kids back to earth and
the orphanage where two parents wait to adopt the two, but a cloud
quake caused by the lack of caring drops them into the Friendship
Forrest, home of the Care Bear Cousins. There, Brave Heart Lion, Playful
Heart Monkey, and Swift Heart Rabbit find them and decide to escort
them back to Earth. In the meantime, the remaining Care Bears have taken
their cloud boat down the river to find them. It is destined that it
will require at least all the love the bears can offer to restore
compassion to the world. Can the kids and them reach Nicholas, or is the
entire world to be doomed with spite?
"The Care Bears Movie" is the first film based upon a toy line, and per Wikipedia,
the movie was a concept that American Greetings had started developing
since these greeting card characters were conceived. It seems cynical,
but you need to admire the company in how they approached using a film
to unveil a new toy line (The Care Bear Cousins). When compared to "The
Transformers: The Movie", the original line of characters is not wiped
out in the first act so that their replacements can take over. Prime's
death kind of left a downer mood over the audience for the last two
acts.
As
for the film's merits as a feature-length project, it is a solid
children's movie. The story is simple enough that no will get lost, just
become overly optimistic in the compassion of their fellow man. The
latter might be tough for adults to stomach, but I think if you have
kids that you love to the point that you will watch the precursor to the
Charmin Bears for, you are not as cynical as I. Its protagonists are
all cute and fun and none seem to wear out their welcome.
The
films animation could be cleaned up and look smoother, but the drawings
themselves is near the level of Don Bluth. What else would you expect
from the studio, Nelvana, that gave us "Heavy Metal". This film's
antagonist design is straight from the R-rated classic. It is also fun
to realize that these polite Canucks had more nerve than Walt Disney. My
only issue with that is my brain goes for mature humor, and there are
so many awkwardly placed bear moments that the snickering is
irresistible. Fortunately, the kids will not get that, so it is a pretty
wholesome experience.
What
I can complain about is the lengthiness of the songs. They are not
offensive to start, but they are stretched out to ensure the feature
makes the 75-minute mark. It wears on the adults because the film does
seem to do a lot well in the small time frame it has. As an adult,
you fear that this would be so easy to adapt to a school play. Perhaps
that is a good thing because you immediately know this could be a hell
of a lot worse. Just grin and bear the music.
"The
Care Bears Movie" has a few painful spots for the sponsors of the
audience, but if you have a sense of humor, to can snicker your way
through those (Catching Canadian accent slips will help as well.). The
result is a worthwhile children's film that is comparable to anything
from the
Disney 1970's offerings. Everyone has grown up with the Care Bears and
the characters fit them as you imagined and the message and story are
too sweet to poo-poo on. The only challenge is shutting down your
cynicism which is something you should be able to do if you have young
relatives to begin with.
I must be working too
much. Creatively, the best I've come up is pondering how little trauma
is present in those children who witness their parents being senselessly
murdered. You would think with the frequency in which it occurs, and no
one can say it is too few, we'd get a Batman, Nightwing or Red Hood out
of it. Being a millionaire is not necessarily a requirement, all you
have to do is find someone who wants justice as much as you and was a
trust-fund baby. If only we had a mass shooting at an Ivy League
university...
That's a little too dark to tweet. It's definitely a tough premise to tag @midnight under #PointsMe.
The problem with the lack of creativity is namely the lack of Twitter
and Facebook activity. It is awkward for my last three post to be a
request to read the same screw the WWE blog (which reminds me that I
have two hours left to jump on #Raw...phew...took care of that). Also,
despite they were playful jabs about the girl I've been hanging out with
recently (and I'd like to think all of my jabs as playful [it's my
straight left and left hook you gotta worry about]), you don't want to
place the Facebook friend request when they the bruises are still fresh.
I think Baruchel's characters maybe a little too over the top with their
obscenities (and homophobia) to prep the movie-going public for a "Slap
Shot" reboot, but the film's story of misfits that few people, even
fewer parents, seem to understand makes it a sports film that anyone
with a never say die attitude can thoroughly enjoy.
Doug Glatt (Seann William Scott) is a kindhearted bouncer in Orangetown,
MA, who just wants to find something to be passionate about. He is not
cut from the same fabric of his Jewish-doctor father (Eugene Levy), has
difficulty relating to his gay brother (David Paetkau) and just does not
have the mean streak of his trash-talking, hockey-loving best friend
Pat (Jay Baruchel).
Watching hockey seems to be his primary way of relaxing, but that is
even made difficult when a visiting hockey player to Orangetown decides
that Pat needed to shut his mouth during a five for fighting. Standing
up for his less athletically-inclined friend, Doug decimates the "tough
guy" to the point where the hometown coach decides that he is the ideal
minor league enforcer regardless of actual hockey...or skating...talent.
With a little work from coach Rollie Hortense (Nicholas Campbell), Doug
seems to have found his role in the world. Rollie's brother who coaches
AA, Ronnie (Kim Coates), determines that he is the perfect addition to
the Halifax Highlanders. Ronnie needs someone to protect and spiritually
revive the play of the former first round pick, Xavier LaFlamme
(Marc-Andre Grondin). Since Doug's idol, fellow enforcer and known
headhunter Ross Rhea (Liev Schreiber), has returned to the minors to end
his career, Xavier and his chemistry better develop quickly or the
Glatt experiment will be for not.
As a fan of minor league hockey (sorry Hawks fans, I had to get to know
the guys with the Indian Head on their sweaters before I cheered for
them, hence, I cheered the Flyers on [Broad Street=Bush League] back in
2010), I really enjoyed "Goon," despite the strained attempts to remind
us of the Paul Newman classic. It just cannot be that movie since the
characters were not mean enough. After one locker room sequence in
Halifax, you feel that the crude dialogue and scenario were just a
desperate attempt to recreate the hockey cinema standard bearer's
atmosphere.
The lack of meanness almost made the casting of Scott a mistake.
Dimwitted characters, we know he can do that, but without a Stifler edge
or at least a "Dude's Where's My Car?" confidence, the actor loses his
charm. To Bauchel's credit (and perhaps casting experience), he knows
how to incorporate a caring love interest (Amanda Pill in this case) to
provide a third dimension to bring out his depth. His dialogue also
features some great spots that shows there's something working in our
naive protagonist head, so it works out well.
Scott and Schreiber's performances show the good spirits that tough guys
can have which you do not usually see in sports films about bullies.
These characters are far more admirable than the Hanson Brothers who
were only dense and comic relief. The issue anyone would have with the
movie, and discourage olde time hockey fans from watching it, is that it
is a celebration and justification for what most consider to be the
worst element of hockey. This element is fighting. With the exception of
Don Cherry, no hockey pundit (who didn't play) will advocate that
anyone should see this film.
Hopefully, if say...Michael Wilbon, saw this, they would leave knowing
that this is not a film about violence, but one about good people trying
to find their place in a world that just assume write them off. This is
the story of my life, and I envy the characters for making it the way I
try to live. Pardon that stint of cynicism because "Goon" is based on a
true story. It is actually a message of hope, all be it for a short
time of the emotional high I have been searching for.
The persons behind "Goon" could have probably spent more time studying
the locker room atmosphere, but they do a fine job in presenting
characters who have goals that most of society seem to feel are worth
spitting on. It displays a great understanding of why some of us love
the sport of hockey, and any one who wants to see the International
game, should leave with an appreciation of why it's okay to drop the
gloves.
If I've convinced you to watch this film, available on Netflix
Streaming, maybe you'll give me a chance to convince you to give my B-movie zombie/wrestling project "Main Event of the Dead" support.
If you need a treatment of the script for "Main Event of the Dead" please e-mail me at russthebus07@gmail.com.
