Botched: How Archaeology Movies Should Be

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Kit Ryan’s "Botched" is the Indiana Jones of horror movies. Maybe not in terms of budget, but never taking itself too seriously and ridiculous misadventures makes it a lot more entertaining than Brendan Frasier or Nicolas Cage’s attempts to play Harrison Ford’s treasure hunter.

Wanting to pay of his family’s debt, Ritchie (Stephen Dorff) returns to his mother’s homeland of Russia to steal a cross that belongs to the descendants of Czar Ivan: The Terrible. When the building’s security becomes aware of the robbery, the lift is stopped on the thirteenth floor, trapping Ritchie and anyone unlucky enough to end up in the elevator. One of the “hostages” is decapitated by a huge set of scissors and the floor’s features artwork that would make Leatherface proud leads Ritchie to the realization that everyone has become the targets of the blood thirst of Ivan’s most recent set of grandchildren.

Botched is a great comedy in the tradition of “slashstick” classics like Sam Raimi’s "Army of Darkness" and Peter Jackson’s "Dead Alive". The graphic violence exists to please fans of it, but it is never shocking and cannot be considered disturbing. To make it even more enjoyable, there is no CG mixed with the effects, so it seems more visceral. And like "Dead Alive", the human leftovers become great comedic props as the film progresses.

When the robbery and ancient artifacts are added to the gory mix, the film is given a quest like feel. This is amazing since this film follows the best rule of horror settings; keep the action limited to a limited space. Beyond the exposition and resolution, the film is limited to hall ways and small rooms, so the killers do not have to look too hard to find their prey, but the prey can use the space to trap their hunters.

Since the film is obviously limited to a sound stage, it has B-Movie charm with A-Movie qualities. Dorff plays the protagonist as someone who prides himself on being cool, collective, but most importantly selfish. This is a job to him, he does not want anyone to die, but he does not want to fail in his mission. Unlike Frasier in The Mummy or Cage in National Treasure, he accepts the fact he is just a thief. With Dorff’s natural coolness, the audience relates to him and hope he ends up with the girl, but they know that is not the point of the film.

Most importantly, the film features no moments where it takes itself seriously. It wants the audience to cheer the humor and the gore, and that is all. Movies like the Jones knock offs have their sappy moments to pull at the heart strings while this one does not take any short cuts in its literal heart-grabbing action.

"Botched" works on so many levels that anyone should find a reason to enjoy it. Get pass the gore and accept that it is there for a punch line, and is definitely worth anyone’s time. And because we all liked him in the original "Blade", we should feel obligated to give any Dorff film that’s title has more than three characters in it title a chance.