Essential Athletes and the Carnival Slide feature "Nemesis"
*Blog post started on May 20, 2020.
I think we are in dire need for sports right now. Sorry John Oliver (I have yet to watch the May 17th episode of "Last Week Tonight"). Performance art is something I deem essential because there are not enough stories about uxori/mariticide with wine-drinking accessories or armed robbery involving fruit.
Too bad Monty Python is down to three inoffensive members. You need at least four to perform an updated "How to Defend Your Against Fresh Fruit" sketch. With Carole Baskin and the NRA, it would be quite topical.
With sports, I at least have something to talk about with the guys at work. As an underemployed pro-wrestler (My gear bag is still in the trunk of my car if you need someone to do a favor.), I can handle only performing in front of my peers. No pressure from the crowd meant I could focus on just having fun and my performances were usually better. As long as you got the boys/girls from the locker room providing immediate feedback at ringside, you know what directions to take. At least AEW is showing us that.
At my current, essential job, there is a chance I can be exposed to COVID-19 by my coworkers, but as long as we are not sneezing or licking the cash and receipts, our customers are quite safe. The point is, when the risk is only applies to the staff while all conceivable precautions are taken (I can see the Cubbies wearing masks.), the performers should be allowed to perform. Provided they feel safe performing of course. I just know there are those who would be happy to.
As for my stance about the lockdown, to channel my Maynard James Keenan: Fuck your God, your lord and your haircuts. Learn to appreciate your liquor stores and iTunes.
It is way too easy to get through well organized news websites. Sorry New York Times (Having your website look like and actual newspaper does not work.). I suppose the answer to that is to just binge TV shows to provide me something to write about or really step up my movie consumption.
The problem with TV is the episodic nature. This means to judge it fairly, I need to review each episode. Episodic programming is way too accessible now, unlike the good old days of anime fandom where I got a two episode tape a month (probably closer to weekly) and could quit buying tapes if I got bored.
A bad episode review, and I could move on to the next show. When the next episode is set to autoplay, I will think to myself, "Maybe it is just the storytelling method, so lets go another hour."
As for watching more movies, I am cursed by the fact that the established great directors and the blockbuster dependent all think there story requires more than 1 hour and 37 minutes (give or take A MINUTE). My website that is dedicated to the ideal runtime ninetyforchill.com needing content results in me having to watch films of lesser quality. Being an aspiring screenwriter/producer (If you would like a treatment of my zombie comedy about pro-wrestling "Main Event of the Dead" feel free to email russthebus07@gmail.com for a copy. Any suggestions on how to get the project out of development hell would also be appreciated.), the effort displayed to make a great film with so many obstacles is appreciated, but one can only watch so much Albert Pyun, Christopher Lambert, or less than 1980's Newline Cinema budgeted movies per week.
Despite the struggle, there is no excuse for me not to watch at least one questionable sub 100-minute feature and Amazon Prime has got the algorithm down. They offer me so much stuff that is up my alley, I really wish they would list the directors in the information about them. Fortunately, since I just bought "Iron Eagle", a Tim Thomerson film seemed appropriate. Throw in a knock off Van Damme in Olivier Gruner along side Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, and I think we have a project with potential. As the credits rolled and "An Albert Pyun" film, hopes arose that 1992's "Nemesis" was going to make my week.
Nemesis
In 2027, the Los Angeles Police Department has become the most powerful investigation force along the entire Pacific Rim. Their primary concern is cyborg terrorists and their top agent, Alex Rain, has no issues dispatching them. With such unnatural enemies to deal with, Rain's efforts to defend humanity has ironically left him more and more synthetic. He develops a hate for this and decides to leave not only the crimefighting behind, but his synthetic girlfriend Jordan too.
Unfortunately, to keep on living in his cybernetic shell, dealing in questionable tech was Rain's only retirement option. His skills in the criminal field are not what they were on the other side, and he is eventually captured by the LAPD. Capture may be too harsh a word, lets use the term recruited. Jordan had decided to join the terrorists and stolen some sensitive data from them. Rain is the only person who can possibly get close to her and by installing a bomb in his heart, surely he will be up for the challenge.
Rain is fed up with everyone being unable to tell who is right and who is evil. His goal is only to find the answers and hope that he can find a reason to carry on. Punishing everyone who has wronged him would be a nice bonus.
I can see why "Nemesis" could be declared a hit and justify four sequels. The special effects and themes are intriguing enough to inspire a kid with the VHS to rewatch it multiple times to make sense of the damn near incomprehensible first act. The action of the latter two acts is laughable to the point where you will stick around this film to the end because of that.
You have to admire that the film spent so much on explosives, but for someone who opposes the second amendment in its entirety (Go bowhunting assholes.), I know that shot guns do not work like that. They are not long range weapons, so I would have had more appreciation for the gunplay if they would have painted squirt guns black.
As for the rest of the action, Olivier Gruner was an accomplished kickboxer. Let him kick stuff. The best hand-to-hand combat takes place as he and Pyun regular Thom Mathews are fighting over a gun down an obvious carnival slide. I have to admire the B-movie charm, but you have put a little too much into the special effects to try and slip this by the audience.
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Gruner's acting is not that bad, but if you need a stern foreigner, get Daniel Bernhardt, the original JVCD clone. His accent is less noticeable. Gruner may cry a little better and Bernhardt's latest renascence is as a silent heavy ("John Wick" and "Atomic Blonde"), but when the dialogue for the most part has little value, going for emotional seem pointless.
I cannot help but wonder if Gruner's French accent is the motivation for Brion James to go all out with a German accent. It does not come off as well as his English accent from "Tango and Cash" but it adds to the fun. Tagawa puts more effort into his Japanese accent than he did in "Showdown in Little Tokyo" so that is another plus for the film.
All the actors go for it except for Majorie Monoghan as the love interest. She seems to have motivations mixed up. Yes, the character is a robot, but to prove how close to humans they are, emotions are essential. Otherwise she comes off the same a Thomas Jane's cameo.
Despite all these short comings, the visual effects make up for it. The only time they fail is the stop motion integration of its "The Terminator" finale knock off. That sequence would overshadow the great practical effects if it was not such a blatant rip off. When you are watching a film like this, you expect to see blatant, low-effort theft. It adds to the charm, so you do not get angry.
"Nemesis" is the "Cyborg" that Albert Pyun meant to make. It has great visual effects for the most part, great sci-fi concepts, marvelous over acting, and laughable gun play. Too bad that paying attention to this feature dialogue may reduce your IQ and the plot is nothing more to warrant special effects. This feature may have fallen into the wrong hands from an artistic standpoint, but for a lazy, action starved audience, it is mana from the gods.
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