*Blog post started on April 13, 2020.
It turns out my supposed wealth of rediscovered content may be for not. The memo pad I am transcribing right now has many movie reviews, and they all seem prepared for publication in the ICC Harbinger. When I look at how long it can take to get through an article from The Ringer (granted they use a much larger font), these are not nerdy website ready. They work great for 2002, the year of my web designer certification, but I cannot stay so far behind the times.
The first review I transcribed was for the Brian Cox prison break movie "The Escapist", so I feel that I cannot really release it until I come up with another jail movie or a very British flick. Unfortunately, since Rutger Hauer cannot deliver a British accent, "Split Second" does not qualify.
Split Second - 1992
By 2008, global warming has left London's streets below the water table. With the United States still refusing to do anything about climate change, let alone pollution, the air is so congested with smog that the world is in a state of near constant night. Needless to say, when you create the same environment as "Highlander 2: The Quickening", the people of the world will go nuts. Fortunately for the people of London, Detective Harley Stone has been that way since his partner was murdered by a heart-ripping serial killer who he seems to have a psychic link to.
The London Police Service frowns on a little chocolate donut and coffee-fueled cannon-toting member of the force to be out on his own, so they assign him an Oxford-educated rookie in Dick Durkin to be his partner. Durkin is fascinated by the preemptive knowledge that Stone has and thinks that with his education will crack the case. That all falls apart after the killer attacks Stone's girlfriend Michelle. She survives, but the DNA the attacker left contains that of sewer rats and all of its past victims. Take that in consideration with the wounds and Satanic messages it leaves, Durkin and Stone both determine they are going to need bigger guns.
"Split Second" aspires to be a Roger Corman film, but has no idea what would be the best film(s) to rip off. Decisions on where the film should be taken seems to change after every scene. It seems like it starts as "Cobra", then the latter half of "Lethal Weapon 2", and ultimately "Alien". You can even throw in some "Tango and Cash" and "Remo Williams".
If the actors did not acknowledge with their performances how stupid the film is, it would be unwatchable. The worst offense the film commits is wasting Peter Postlethwaite to be an additional person for Rutger Hauer to bully. A lesser offense would be Kim Cattral deciding not to commit to a British accent (She may have just needed 20 years of practice because it is acceptable in "The Ghost Writer".). With Hauer failing to attempt a British accent, one may assume that they decided to try and make the film not seem to be British. If it worked in "Lifeforce", why would it not here?
Saying that this film is what would happen if "Lifeforce" and "Highlander 2" had a baby would be accurate, except the direction is totally lacking. That is quite a feat to fail worse than Russell Mulcahy. Since the camera hardly moves and there are only two action sequences, there seems to be no effort made. With a lack of clever dialogue, Tony Maylam cannot claim to be ahead of "The Office" in terms of this style. The climax is a bit clunky, but fun since the actors approach had not changed and "Blade" director Stephen Norrington's quickly produced "Alien" knock off monster fits in to the mood. It is the only scene that works, and the credits explicitly tell you Ian Sharp was the director responsible.
What really hurts the legacy of "Split Second" is that it is too aware of its silly nature. This means I would not suggest the Rifftrax crew to give it their time. This could work as a "How Did This Get Made" podcast because you can experience it, but not have to get involved in improving it. You can be amused by the mediocrity, but maybe it is better for this one to be lost. Rutger Hauer has worked with Albert Pyun in the past, so we can afford to edit his filmography for his legacy sake.
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