Tuesday, November 30, 2021

NinetyForChill - The #Podcast: XMas Deathmatch - Dudley vs. Goldberg

NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast

Episode 46: Eva's Xmas Deathmatch: Dudley (Moore) vs. (Bill) Goldberg

Films Researched for this Podcast: The Ref (1994): Waiting for Guffman (1996); The Polar Express (2004); Santa's Slay (2005).


Can Eva get a Humbug?


ThePoeticCritic is back and focused to start spreading that Christmas cheer. She fondly looks back on the holiday offerings that bring joy to the world indiscriminately while Cool Movies Darth focuses on the cynical side of the season with films like Dennis Leary in "The Ref" and Bill Goldberg in "Santa's Slay". What they can agree on is that their should be no seasonal restrictions on when we can watch "Ernest Saves Christmas".
 

 
Aside from the Christmas Days and Eve we end up working on (holiday pay > politics at the kitchen table), almost all of our Christmases have been spent together. Neither my sister or I can recall having any bad ones. Thus, it is interesting that we are pretty far apart on when it comes to measuring our holiday cheer.

ThePoeticCritic has fond memories of Rankin Bass holiday specials and HBO children's fare like "The Snowman" featuring David Bowie. For me, the wholesome Christmas be all end all is "Mickey's Christmas Carol". With our mutual admiration of Don Bluth's "The Small One", should we not just cap the holiday feature length at 30 minutes?

As for the 90's, when we were both in our teens, I think we just did not care at the cash grabs that are Santa-exploitation, or the mutilation of Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern. She somehow skipped out on the "Santa Clause 2" when we went to see that over the 2002. I think that was kind of a shame since any Xmas movie is improved with Judge Reinhold ("Gremlins" and "The Santa Clause").
 
 
 
The two of us talk about the decline of Christmas movies in cinema (I now hate that I did not realize that the blame should have been placed on Reagan.) and how weird IP adaptations like that of "The Polar Express" (which only lacks because Tom Waits was not the hobo, or all of Tom Hank's characters) and the two "Grinch" related productions of the 21st century. We also seem to not have been as overly impacted by "Elf" as most people seem to be. At three and five in 1983, "A Christmas Story" was our goofy tradition.

And I think our childhood (media) kicked your childhood's (media) ass. Perhaps we do tear into a "Hocus Pocus" again. Let me just say, the recording on the Zoom P4 came out pretty well, so listening to it from beginning to end did not happen. It was a crazy weekend (5 hours at the bank, 15 hours at the retailer) for me, and if we want to get from A to Z (and for a computer nerd, numbers), I needed to get the letter W out of the way when it came to "Ally's Accessories Shop on Etsy's Trash Feature Review".

This week is actually another classic with Christopher Guest's "Waiting for Guffman". It is a improvised comedy that only lacked a Rob Reiner from being on "This Is Spinal Tap's" level. Who cannot help but love the mockery of flyover states from the finest thespians America has to offer?
 
With that said, community tends to associated with the holiday season, and my big sis and I bring up movies that are set at Christmas and/or associated with the season. These are not Christmas movies, but you tell the masses that they should not be watching "The Wizard of Oz" in December.

My Twitter account is @catbusruss. This is where I want your hate to be directed if you disapprove. Otherwise, positive feedback would be best displayed as subscriptions to my podcast and five-star reviews. Lets work that algorithm.

If you think you have a film or franchise that you are an expert on. Send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. Most franchises have at least one feature that will qualify for NinetyForChill. The runtime just needs to be between 74 and 99 minutes. We have four episodes to fill.
 
I have been asking for weeks for assistance in composing an episode dedicated to vampire features like "The Lost Boys" trilogy, "Near Dark", and the "Underworld" movies. Here is to hoping that this bunch of critiques will stir up some inspiration in my audience to step up and hold off on the garlic. If this is a topic you up for discussing, feel free to send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. All I need is a half hour on Zoom to get this done.

I hope I am impressing or at the very least amusing you with this podcast and I am open to any and all criticism. My biggest want is more guests and more suggestions on what to chat about (@catbusrussrussthebus07@gmail.com@coolmoviesdarth). If we can get 3 hours out of "Little Nicky", the possibilities are endless. Thanks for visiting.

 
After WrestleMania Backlash, I will tell you that we need to take zombie pro wrestling back. My suggestion is that we finally get my low-budget zombie movie, "Main Event of the Dead" off the ground. The script lacks a lumberjack match, so you know it has got to be better than the "Army of the Dead" advertisement. Ask for a treatment or give me suggestions on how to get it to a crowd-sourcing stage with an email to russthebus07@gmail.com.

Tuesday, November 23, 2021

NinetyForChill: The #Podcast - ThePoeticCritic Down Under

NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast

Episode 45: ThePoeticCritic Down Under

Films Researched for this Podcast: Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior (1981); Resident Evil: Extinction (2007); Jolt (2021); Into the Dark: Tentacles (2021).

Eva Eva Eva, Oi Oi Oi


In time for "Resident Evil: Welcome to Racoon City", Cool Movies Darth revisits Russell Mulcahy's "Resident Evil: Extinction". This Australian-helmed feature allows him to pick the brain of ThePoeticCritic who offers some insight into Australian Exploitation cinema. The most highly regarded of these features being "Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior". She is fine with George Miller's efforts but has a fascination with exploitation.
 
Pardon the lack of "Bluey" love in this episode, but NinetyForChill.com is all about killing canines to progress a narrative.
 

 
This is the lost conversation with ThePoeticCritic from two months ago. The dead puppy tangent that I introduced here to compare "Mad Max 2" to other great, brutal action movies was something that I felt needed to be further elaborated on. Patron saint of the podcast Stuart Gordon has a penchants to kill cats in his horror movies (and lovable ants in his family fare), the scale must be balanced.

This is a shorter episode because there was probably too little time for my sister and I to get on the same page since our From Dreamy Nocturna to A Nightmare on Elm St. episode. I believe this was when I was trying to arrange a chat with Andras from the "Ta2squid Podcast". Unfortunately, my failure to remember how time zones worked sank that proposed episode. On the flip side, needing to spend a Hot Topic coupon did introduce me to the awesomeness of stinger jeans.

So it takes sometime to get this episode rolling, but once I asked her opinion on whether or not Russell Mulcahy is nothing more than a George Miller wannabe, her cinematic knowledge starts flowing. I am glad that the editing process allowed me to be reintroduced to her documentary suggestion, "Not Quite Hollywood: The Wild, Untold Story of Ozploitation!".
 
 
 
This does bring us back to the 1980s. We recall seeing "Labyrinth" for the first time, and me being confused about David Bowie until he spoke in his role as the Goblin King. I swore that was the same villain from "Mad Max: Beyond the Thunderdome". It was the mid-80s, Tina Turner was everywhere.

This leads us to a conversation about how David Bowie was supposed to portray Max Zorin. When he turned it down, the role was taken up by Christopher Walken in perhaps his least Walken performance. TPC suggested that I dive back into the "'80s All Over Podcast" to find the story behind that confusion. I will withhold that plunge until I see how Part 2 of the "James Bond Screen Drafts" plays out. Drew McWeeny did not allow "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" to be in the top five. My trust in him maybe lost.
 
In all fairness, this podcast is not going to be Ozploitation heavy. I do bring up a couple of the movies that I knew the Ta2squid team had discussed. One of those features is "Jolt", an Amazon Prime Video Original action movie starring Kate Beckingsale. It left me perplexed to why she is allowed to speak with her natural accents while the rest of the cast (except for David Bradley) has to Americanize their. If you listen to the "Australian 21st Century Screen Draft", the drafters might have explained the charm (or lack there) of Jai Courtney.

Another feature that I had watched that was inspired by Ta2squid was "Into the Dark: Tentacles". It is not Lovecraftian. It is not hentai. It is...made for TV.

My Twitter account is @catbusruss. This is where I want your hate to be directed if you disapprove. Otherwise, positive feedback would be best displayed as subscriptions to my podcast and five-star reviews. Lets work that algorithm.

If you think you have a film or franchise that you are an expert on. Send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. Most franchises have at least one feature that will qualify for NinetyForChill. The runtime just needs to be between 74 and 99 minutes. We have four episodes to fill.
 
I have been asking for weeks for assistance in composing an episode dedicated to vampire features like "The Lost Boys" trilogy, "Near Dark", and the "Underworld" movies. Here is to hoping that this bunch of critiques will stir up some inspiration in my audience to step up and hold off on the garlic. If this is a topic you up for discussing, feel free to send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. All I need is a half hour on Zoom to get this done.

I hope I am impressing or at the very least amusing you with this podcast and I am open to any and all criticism. My biggest want is more guests and more suggestions on what to chat about (@catbusrussrussthebus07@gmail.com@coolmoviesdarth). If we can get 3 hours out of "Little Nicky", the possibilities are endless. Thanks for visiting.

 
After WrestleMania Backlash, I will tell you that we need to take zombie pro wrestling back. My suggestion is that we finally get my low-budget zombie movie, "Main Event of the Dead" off the ground. The script lacks a lumberjack match, so you know it has got to be better than the "Army of the Dead" advertisement. Ask for a treatment or give me suggestions on how to get it to a crowd-sourcing stage with an email to russthebus07@gmail.com.

Tuesday, November 16, 2021

Netflix Navigator: "Carjacked" review, wrestling/zombies and small gun control rant


The problem with TV wrestling is that you can do other things while you are watching it (republishing this blog as I am watching NXT UK Takeover Blackpool).  Ring of Honor has gotten really good of late showing what TNA could have been doing with "Aces and Eights," but with one hour of holding back up and coming talent (and STANDARD DEFINITION) does not require my total attention.  So may as well as try to be a bit productive (as much as drunkenness allows--all the parentheticals act as a tribute to CS Lewis), may as well get a little writing out of the way.

Step back a moment, this is a Main Event of the Dead blog. How's the lighting at the Bellevue Plaza? Another promotion is filling the venue, I figure they may need some creative influence. You can dispute my wrestling ability, but my writing ability? I've got some negative feelings towards certain individuals, but if you want some exposure for your over-the-hill ass (New York won't higher you if you're over 30 [Pre Samoa Joe]), I've got the ideas. Hell, you'll feel like a star instead of somebody who should be strictly devoted to putting people over.

As for my wrestling career, anyone under 30 wants a trained professional wrestler to be an apprentice to--and you don't have the respect for the business to pay Danny Daniels (or Marek Brave and Tyler Black) over $2000 (BELIEVE IN THE SHIELD)--let me know. I got the mind to win you downstate.

This blog is a little disjointed.  I'd like to say it's "Fight Club"-esque, but I'm just saving the long part for last (if you are here for the Stephen Doff (how can the fuck use two F's for his last name and not use a V for his first--apart from his awesomeness). I  better cover my gun control rant.  My movie review could support my argument, but I don't like spoilers.

If you want a movie to support my argument, rent...fuck own..."Red State."  It's not Kevin Smith's best film, but it's a five star project that is as important as "Night of the Living Dead."  To sum it up, those who want all the guns shouldn't have them.  And those who have the guns shouldn't have them.  In conclusion, no one should have guns, unless the clips have rubber bullets.  Put a hollow point in Bambi's mom, fine (bull shit, who shoots a doe, but fine).  If you kill a man with a hollow point, you did it because you want the right to kill a human.  So you are a murderer.  If you kill a man with a rubber round, I'll admire your dedication.  Got to appreciate someone who can beat the 90 to 1 odds.

Why did I bring up my leftist agenda on this blog instead of harshside.com? Because I gotta let people know about my movie project, but I do need to address those who disagree with my views, who may feel I am picking on them.

If I take the time to comment about your politics, it's because I think you are intelligent enough to understand my reasoning.  I can list people who do are not (Shawn, Nathan), but that would be in poor taste.  If you are offended by my implications, I'll put on the four-ounce gloves to settle our differences.  If you are offended because I commented, at least do a two-month camp before you challenge me to shut the fuck up.  It's an indication you've got strong convictions, so best be prepared to kick my butt for your convictions sake.

So on to "Carjacked:"

Ally‘s Under Appreciated 90-Minute Feature Revue

NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast

Episode 44: Ally‘s Under Appreciated Feature Revue (The Finest DVD Curiosities).

Films Researched for this Podcast: Johnny Handsome (1989); The Order (2001); The Colony (2013).
Eva doesn't need the sparkles to express her worth, but they cannot hurt.



Thus far, Cool Movies Darth has provided 22 trash feature reviews provided by Ally's Accessories Shop on Etsy. This week, we focus on the features that did not get prominently promoted on the podcast AND are actually worthwhile. "Johnny Handsome", "The Order" and "The Colony" prove that it is tough to go wrong with Morgan Freeman, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and the tag team of Bill Paxton and Lawrence Fishburne.
 

 
If you checked out my most recent blog from MainEventOfTheDead.com (Maudlin Over: Booze, $6 Dog Poo, Pro-Wrestling Rankings [The post technically gets dropped tomorrow.]), you know I probably did not have the energy for what the week had in store for me. Everything has worked out...well, I say that, but we will not find out about reassembling money that a dog ate and tried to digest until the next time that occurs. It just makes for a good excuse on why this episode is a compilation of reviews for DVDs Ally bought form me.

Deactivating my Facebook account did not help things. I could have had one of my most enthused past guests back, but Messenger, despite being active, does not send notifications if Facebook is not active. This makes me wonder if Zuckerberg knew about MoveOn.org's "Quitting Facebook Day" and just set up the other Meta apps to fail those who followed through.

Anyway, Five Thirty Eight has a great article on what we need out of this evil social necessity. Check out "Facebook’s Algorithm Is Broken. We Collected Some Spicy Suggestions On How To Fix It."
 
 
 
I had originally planned to make up for my lack of guests this week with a recording I made with ThePoeticCritic inspired by "Mad Max 2: The Road Warrior", but to give it proper context (to transition to Australian New Wave), I felt I needed to watch a Russell Mulcahy movie. The film I decided to watch was "Resident Evil: Extinction". And then I realized that a new "Resident Evil" movie comes out next week. It seemed more appropriate to save that show for next week.

In the end, I decided that there were some reviews that I had recorded which are thrown into the middle or near the end of previous episodes. Some of them are fun movies, so I think they deserved a second chance. What that says about my confidence as a critic/podcaster, you can decide. If it is good, give me those five-star reviews on your preferred podcast apps. If it is bad, please direct the negativity to my current Twitter account @catbusruss.
 
Of these three fims, only "The Order" is a tough one to confidently sell. JVCD trying to be the next Indiana Jones screams made for video. But the fact that there is a showdown between him and Brian Thompson makes it worthwhile. We finally find out what would have happened in "Lionheart" if the two met with the fate of Israel on the line.

As for "Johnny Handsome", who can resist a zero-f*** giving Morgan Freeman and Lance Henriksen at his most 80s unhinged?



My Twitter account is @catbusruss. This is where I want your hate to be directed if you disapprove. Otherwise, positive feedback would be best displayed as subscriptions to my podcast and five-star reviews. Lets work that algorithm.

If you think you have a film or franchise that you are an expert on. Send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. Most franchises have at least one feature that will qualify for NinetyForChill. The runtime just needs to be between 74 and 99 minutes. We have four episodes to fill.
 
I have been asking for weeks for assistance in composing an episode dedicated to vampire features like "The Lost Boys" trilogy, "Near Dark", and the "Underworld" movies. Here is to hoping that this bunch of critiques will stir up some inspiration in my audience to step up and hold off on the garlic. If this is a topic you up for discussing, feel free to send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. All I need is a half hour on Zoom to get this done.

I hope I am impressing or at the very least amusing you with this podcast and I am open to any and all criticism. My biggest want is more guests and more suggestions on what to chat about (@catbusrussrussthebus07@gmail.com@coolmoviesdarth). If we can get 3 hours out of "Little Nicky", the possibilities are endless. Thanks for visiting.

 
After WrestleMania Backlash, I will tell you that we need to take zombie pro wrestling back. My suggestion is that we finally get my low-budget zombie movie, "Main Event of the Dead" off the ground. The script lacks a lumberjack match, so you know it has got to be better than the "Army of the Dead" advertisement. Ask for a treatment or give me suggestions on how to get it to a crowd-sourcing stage with an email to russthebus07@gmail.com.

Monday, November 15, 2021

Suicide Girls Must Die!: Better Than Cinemax, But Not Troma

*The first draft of this review was written back in 2010, when Suicide Girls had physical media distributed. I have not spent the seemingly reasonable subscription fee, thus anything inferred or implied may be out of date.

Suicide Girls Must Die!: Better Than Cinemax, But Not Troma

Agree or disagree with their unconventional concept of beauty, whatever the Suicide Girls do with their digital photography website, they do well. They go out of their way to capture their inspirations for their shoots, and they do their best to make their models appear to be at the same level of their audience. Being nerdcentric is part of the charm.

It is safe to assume that if they wanted to produce a B-movie horror feature, it should be worthwhile. As long at their production for "Suicide Girls Must Die!" was provided a script, what could go wrong?

Fifteen Suicide Girls head to a secluded lake house in Maine to shoot a calendar. The area is so remote that sea planes are the best means to reach it. With the large amount of alcohol and lesbian petting going on, horror movie tropes deem that one or two of the girls will wander off. But when this party starts losing a girl every six hours and the only other people they can call for help are puritanical stereotypes, these ladies may not make it to the wrap party.

"Suicide Girls Must Die!" attempts to be the first reality-based (as in Reality TV) horror film. Director Sawa Suicide (Sarah Remetch) has a vision so it could have worked. The issue being the script does not know how B-movies work and the cast needs to at least convey that they have some community theater experience to make it work.

You cannot be too harsh about the acting since these are models and it is a B-movie. I do not know if there was an acting coach (or if that is even a credited job), but IMDb does not list one. Someone is always the villain on a reality show and none of the performers take the initiative to portray that. For a Riot Grrrl attitude to rule, not everyone can be a victim.

Again, you cannot be overly harsh about the lack of acting because no villain is written into the script.

Even if the premise of the film is that the disappearances and murders are a hoax, evil needs a face like a retarded redneck, a sexy girl, a Bible-beating cop, etc. To make a hoax seem realistic, you may not be allowed to have a known or suspected antagonist. But we know with the "Suicide Girl" name in the title, this is not a documentary. Realism needs to take a backseat.

And realism is suppose to take a backseat to equal parts of gore and nudity. Instead, the film documents every photo shoot which stops any narrative dead in its tracks. I will not deny that the shoots are near awesome, but since there is no story to return to, the movie gets old real fast.

What should counter the nudity is violence, and with the box art, title, and geek influences of their product, I was expecting a tribute to the giallo of Mario Bava and Dario Argento. There is absolutely no brutality, so it turns out to nothing more than ghost hunters with boobs.

With a title with the words "Must Die!", we are not looking for bare boobs. We want them soaked with blood.

"Suicide Girls Must Die!" was a clever concept, but if it was not for the crew's talent to masterfully capture the female form, it would be a waste of time. The finished product lacks an understanding of what it was suppose to be. This leaves it as an excellent softcore porn instead of a great indie flick.

Suicide Girls Must Die (2010): IMDb
Suicide Girls Must Die! (2010): IMDb

The Hills Run Red - Straight to DVD because Michael Bay is Hitler

The "Hills Run Red" is a movie that is committed to the message its villain believes in. No sub textual bull…just give them the flipping kill. With some patience from the audience, this new take on the killer in the woods genre delivers to the gore starved with enough intelligence that it will not waste the casual moviegoer's time.


Tyler (Tad Hilgenbrink from "The Lost Boys 2") is obsessed with the concept that there was a movie that was so shocking that all of its prints were pulled from theaters to never be seen again. This movie is the late director Concannon's (William Sadler from "Die Hard 2" and "Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey") only film, "The Hills Run Red". Desperate to see this film, he has tracked down the director's daughter Alexa. In exchange for dragging her away from stripping and her heroin addiction, she has agreed to take Tyler, his best friend, and his girlfriend to where the film was shot.

Of course when anyone goes out to the woods in the name of horror, there are crazed rednecks and a legendary killer to torment and hunt them down leaving us wondering who or what will survive. Will it be a protagonist, a killer, or the documentary footage, or could something even more twisted be all that remains where the hills run red?
 
 
If more than just a made for video effort was put into "The Hills Run Red", a good January/February theatrical release could have come from producer John Carchietta's ("Wicked Lake") story. It has all the gore and nudity needed to draw the horror fans in, and a story that seems far more interesting than desecrating one of Wes Craven's classic or any 80's gimmick slasher. The film's slasher, Babyface, is definitely far more interesting than a Jason or a miner. The blame may fall squarely on the producer because aside from the frenzied climax, director Dave Parker's documentary style works well, and John Dombrow and horror authority David J. Schow's script is so twisted that the viewer will enjoy the absurdity of it.

Eva says "find a secure place to watch this one"Instead, the lack of funds prevents the film from looking any better than a Syfy original movie. Not to say that is a bad thing. "The Hills Run Red" maybe for Parker what "Dog Soldiers" was for Neil Marshall ("Doomsday", "The Descent"). A lot of credit has to be given to Parker and the very Eastern European crew for capturing a fun performance from Sadler, and for making us believe that this was shot in the rural US instead of Bulgaria.

"The Hills Run Red" is a great made for video horror film, but sadly nothing more. It is almost a tragedy to have wasted a possible indie smash by only giving it enough to exist instead of ripping out the hearts of those who are so quick to forget the original Craven classics for a big budget knock off. Hopefully this film will lead to better things for its director and writers, but if people do not go out and rent it, "The Hill Run Red" team's may impersonate its own art.


Rotten Tomatoes - The Hills Run Red
Rotten Tomatoes - The Hills Run Red

Zombieland: The Uncut Critique

I cannot say that I am happy with the Arts and Entertainment editor of ICC's Harbinger student news paper. My review for "Zombieland" is the second one in which he has cut out my introduction (the other being my review of for "Inglourious Basterds"), and after reviewing the finer points of my last review also, he does not feel it necessary to include my knowledge and personal opinions to further rave about why one should see the films.

If my reviews were over a page long, I'd understand. Heck, I cannot say that I'd be miffed if he cut out 46 words to make it an even five hundred. But without incite into my incites, my reviews are no better than those of quote whores (since he also decided to omit mentioning that I wrote a negative review for "The Informant!") and as bland as the reviews the Journal Star pulls off the AP wire to simply have movie reviews.

And I believe that what is omitted is done to allow an image that takes up too much space in the paper that is relative to the film. It was a virtual spread for Brad Pitt in my "Basterds" review that did not share the page with any other stories in it's issue. When it comes to my "Zombieland "review, it seemed unnecessary to put the image featured in the review when it was already used on the front page of the paper.

We read the opinions of certain critics not because they are good critics, but because the great critics have their personality attached to them. I maybe damning future publication in this section of the Harbinger by saying that my articles are not news and I'm not a journalist. They are suppose to be an expression of who is writing it, not the paper that wants to avoid offending anyone at all cost. If I wanted to write bland stuff like what I feel my reviews have been treated, I would not have dropped Creative Writing with instructor C....

ttps://christinakindacrazy.wordpress.com/2011/11/11/christina-rants-about-things-movies/
CHRISTINA/KINDA/CRAZY
Alright. Enough ranting, let me get to what you all came to see, my review for the Jesse Eisenberg vehicle, "Zombieland."

It has been too long since an American zombie movie worthy of mainstream attention was released, but "Zombieland" fills that void. Graphic violence, never taking itself too seriously, and ridiculous premises make this movie what director Zack Snyder ("Watchmen", "300") was trying to capture with his 2004 remake of "Dawn of the Dead".

In the not so distant future, the zombie apocalypse has occurred. It has turned the United States into Zombieland, a place where people are only known by the city they are trying to reach so that no one gets too attached to potential meals to the undead.

This is a story about Columbus Ohio (Jessie Eisenberg), a paranoid, Mountain Dew Code Red drinking, WOW obsessed underclassman who is hoping to make friends and find his family for the first time in his life. He’s stays alive by following his 32 rules to survive zombie attacks and befriending Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), a crazed zombie killer in search of the last package of Twinkies in existence. After they are hijacked by the sisters Wichita and Little Rock (Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin), they all decide that Southern California and its Pacific Playland Amusement Park is the perfect location to celebrate their survival skills.

"Zombieland" is very similar at least in spirit to "Shaun of the Dead", but is definitely not as subtle or restrained with its humor. Like Sam Raimi’s "Evil Dead" trilogy, all of the gore is suppose to be humorous in some form, but the humor beyond that is constant throughout the film, and there is no reason for the audience to stop laughing out loud throughout it.

This film follows all of the rules to a great zombie film, and the violence featured is never wasted. It is actually closer in attitude to the original "Dawn of the Dead". There is always to be fun from enjoying unbridled consumption (Woody Harrelson’s brilliant performance emphasizes that), but in the end a realization that there is something more important than being comfortable. Snyder’s remake focused so much on shocking the audience that he only glanced over these elements in a single montage. The most glaring flaw of Snyder’s film is that he does not take time to use to have fun with the limited space the characters are confined to. A zombie trying to survive an amusement park is far more entertaining than buses trying to escape a parking deck.

The ultimate irony of "Zombieland" is that director Ruben Fleischer is able to capture the film using a style very reminiscent to Snyder’s great comic book movies. "Zombieland" feels like there is a great mind for film behind the camera instead of a guy best known for working on the crews of "Jimmy Kimmel Live!" and writing episodes of MTV2’s "Rob and Big".

"Zombieland" is a celebration of gore and humor that is brilliantly captured on film. Because the film focuses on having fun with graphic violence while "Shaun of the Dead" was more of a parody of the genre, this may not only be the best zombie comedy of the decade, but the best zombie film since "28 Days Later". I hope your cardio (zombie survival rule #1) is good, because fans of comedy should rush to see "Zombieland".

 

Wednesday, November 10, 2021

90 Min Netflix: "Yoga Hosers" Kevin Smith's Ode and Betrayal of Millenial Canucks

It seems that "Yoga Hosers" is widely considered to be the most pathetic directorial effort from the auteur, and being one of the biggest apologists for Smith, hearing that his flick about two Canadian clerks fighting off Nazi bratwursts sucked made me hesitate viewing it since the 2016 release. But I am a completist for better or for worst. (My restraint should be admired for the amount of times that I have typed worst without grabbing the pun.) Perhaps it is because I am apologist for the best screenwriter to not win an Oscar, that I was pleasantly surprised by this flick.

Or I was rewarded for being a completist in terms of collecting and viewing. Because I know what Smith finds funny, nothing awful came out of this feature. This film was to be expected at some point, and it is better to get it out of his system before he gets an AARP cover. Boomers will not stand for this kind of fun filmmaking.

Two years after Eh-2-Zed clerks Colleen C. and Colleen M. helped save the American podcaster who was transformed into a walrus, odd things are once again abound in Winnipeg. That figures since everyone seems to be against these Instagrammers. Their prep school P.E. teacher is fed up with the amount class time they spend on their phones. Yogi Bayer, their yoga teacher, is under constant threats from Warner Bros. over the name of his studio. And their 35-year drummer for their back of the store rock band, Glamthrax, still is not on the same page as his sophomore counter parts. But the biggest problem seems to be Tabitha, Colleen C's stepmom.

The two have just been invited to their first Grade 12 party, but because the Colleens keeps getting in the way of any chance she has to get intimate with her husband, as the convenient store manager, Tabitha is going to make them work that night as she whisks him off to Niagra Falls. In all actuality, the worst things for them is that the grade 12 party was being hosted by homicidal Satanists who are more than happy to bring the party to them. To make matters worst, these may not be the only killers out on a Friday night. It will take all their defensive Yoga skills to survive the night, but how will they explain the body count and sauerkraut that will be left in their wake?

"Yoga Hosers" biggest problem is that it does not know what it wants to be. I think it could have just been Canadian "Clerks" and work, but I am a customer service specialist. Just because I can deal with a new 90-minute set of irrelevance directed at idiots does not mean that the masses can. Hence you get a story about Generation Z versus Bratzis. The problem with that is not being able to see straight women doing that. If one of the C's was Belushi or Murray-esque, no question the film would be better.

So this movie is a concept that is unsellable, which is sad because there is plenty in it that is worth buying. Who would not be curious if the Canadian Nazi played by Haley Joe Osment was looking menacing over the convenience store from the heavens, complete with armband of course?

The movie works as a great B-movie, but when you get something from the director of "Chasing Amy" on a five-million dollar budget, you are expecting an indie film. This is definitely the wrong way to approach this feature because Kevin Smith has established who he is and what you should expect. "Yoga Hosers" seems to be the most fun on screen many of these actors have had. It may indicate that Smith is currently short on ideas, but by creating some new characters that he knows friends will comeback to, we may get a new Askewniverse.

This is definitely sounding like an apology to Smith for the backlash, so let me just list what is worthwhile about the flick. Nazi Osment; Yogi Justin Long; Work for stars who have taken a chance on this director; Johnny Depp collecting a check while having fun; An impressionist/mad scientist; Everyone you want to see lay down an overly thick Canadian accent, delivering on that accent.

The latter portion leaves me fearing what the Canucks will think of us. It is fun enough to pop in fun Canadian stereotype items (the "Good Old Hockey Game" cover during a Bratzi battle kept my interest), having Natasha Lyonne and Genesis Rodriguez be annoying with it may cause a culture war. Like "South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut" animosity.

If you want a great B-Movie, "Yoga Hosers" delivers. It leaves me thinking that I may have under complicated my zombie-wrestling comedy "Main Event of the Dead". (You be the judge by requesting a treatment via russthebus07@gmail.com.) Just know that you are seeing a B-Movie and appreciate that a director is allowed to make what he wants.

Reel Review: Yoga Hosers


Tuesday, November 9, 2021

NinetyForChill: The #Podcast - "Bill & Ted" Face an Explicit Podcast

NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast

Episode 43: "Bill & Ted" Face an Explicit Podcast (Please Pardon the Language and 10 minutes of Apologies).

Films Researched for this Podcast: Valley Girl (1983); Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure (1989); Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey (1991); Bill & Ted Face the Music (2020).
Where are the phonebooth filters Snapchat?


Michael Dubois comes back to the podcast to discuss the most excellent trilogy when it comes to doing fan service right, "Bill & Ted". If only Disney had thought about giving "The Rise of Skywalker" to Keanu Reeves and Alex Winters, the galaxy would be what Rufus and Kenobi would consider tranquil. What is there not to like about these films? There is casual homophobia in the first two, but it is fleeting and these films course correct perfectly as they go along. But because of the language used, Cool Movies Darth deemed that this episode's conversation should be left uncensored.
 

 
There are other flaws to point out about how the first film's historical figures are predominantly male and white (with token Joan of Arc portrayed by the most successful of the Go-Gos, Jane Wiedlin), and the second feature states that we are clearly in a Christian reality. I guess you can say that music is kind of lacking in the franchise's conclusion, but that is better than faking it to a bad Kiss track.

If there is anything that I am upset about, it is that when I started researching on how thorough my self censorship would need to be, I found that most of the podcasts that have R-Rated language classify themselves as clean. These are smart shows, so I would like to think that their audiences can handle them, but "ID10T", everything on the Ringer Podcast Network, and "How Dig This Get Made" have audiences despite the acknowledging the explicit content.
 
Here is to hoping that my being upfront is the middle ground. The cursing starts after the 10-minute mark.

The two of us go on for nearly two hours focusing on the films and how they relate to us. It is nice to get the perspective of someone who was born after the first two films were released opposed to I who was ready to go to the theaters to check them out on day one. All of this means that we do talk about some politics, but it was not hard to get on the same page and I look forward to the next time the two of us record together.
 
Here is hoping I like "Ready or Not". What is Michael's thing with Samara Weaving?
 
 
And since San Dimas's accents sound a lot of which came from the valley, I felt it was appropriate to return to Ally's Accessories Shop on Etsy's Trash Feature Reviews. Nicolas Cage finally graces this podcast with his excellent performance in "Valley Girl". This film is the true bridge between "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" and "Say Anything". It may be the finest time capsule for this decade.



My Twitter account is @catbusruss. This is where I want your hate to be directed if you disapprove. Otherwise, positive feedback would be best displayed as subscriptions to my podcast and five-star reviews. Lets work that algorithm.

If you think you have a film or franchise that you are an expert on. Send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. Most franchises have at least one feature that will qualify for NinetyForChill. The runtime just needs to be between 74 and 99 minutes. We have four episodes to fill.
 
I have been asking for weeks for assistance in composing an episode dedicated to vampire features like "The Lost Boys" trilogy, "Near Dark", and the "Underworld" movies. Here is to hoping that this bunch of critiques will stir up some inspiration in my audience to step up and hold off on the garlic. If this is a topic you up for discussing, feel free to send an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. All I need is a half hour on Zoom to get this done.

I hope I am impressing or at the very least amusing you with this podcast and I am open to any and all criticism. My biggest want is more guests and more suggestions on what to chat about (@catbusrussrussthebus07@gmail.com@coolmoviesdarth). If we can get 3 hours out of "Little Nicky", the possibilities are endless. Thanks for visiting.

 
After WrestleMania Backlash, I will tell you that we need to take zombie pro wrestling back. My suggestion is that we finally get my low-budget zombie movie, "Main Event of the Dead" off the ground. The script lacks a lumberjack match, so you know it has got to be better than the "Army of the Dead" advertisement. Ask for a treatment or give me suggestions on how to get it to a crowd-sourcing stage with an email to russthebus07@gmail.com.
 

We Are 138: "9 Dead"...We Wish

It is good to know that there are cerebral films being made that require nil in terms of special effects, gore, or action. That statement...