NinetyForChill: The #Podcast - Christopher Lambert: There Can Be Only One Definitive Podcast*

NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast

Episode 74: Christopher Lambert: There Can Be Only One Definitive Podcast* (From a Central Illinois-based podcaster).

Christopher Lambert: There Can Be Only One Definitive Podcast*

June 28, 2022

*Cool Movies Darth does not claim that this episode of NinetyForChill: The #Podcast is the end-all-be-all audio documentation of Christopher Lambert's career. CM Darth reviews two of his favorite Lambert sub 100-minute movies (Stuart Gordon's "Fortress" and Paul W.S. Anderson's "Mortal Kombat"), the film that spawned his most renowned franchise "Highlander", and, because all of the sequels qualify, "Highlander III".

Allow me to get out of third-person. Happy Prof. Shurtleff of Illinois Central College? I (CM Darth) will try not to make so much light of violent death in this summation. This is my declaration of changing perspective. 

While we are contextualizing, please forgive me for the spelling error in the promotional picture. It was a pain enough trying to get one of my cats in the mood to pose (They did not.). Spell checking was not a priority. That maybe something Corel Clip Studio Paint should incorporate into their program.

This is another episode that was pulled out of no where. We had a guest scheduled this week to provide the audience with a weird double feature (the indie wrestling mockumentary "Kayfabe" and Edgar Wright's "Shaun of the Dead"), but that guest was a no show. Thus, I decided to go to four comfort films I own that all happened to star legally blind, French-American actor Christopher Lambert.

Two of the features were originally meant to be part of season three of Ally's Accessories Shop on Etsy Trash Feature Revue but with "Fortress" to represent "F" and "Highlander: The Final Dimension" representing "H", I would probably have resorted to find a Lambert movie for "G".

The only feature that would immediately qualify for that letter was "Gunmen". I think one feature with Mario Van Peebles as his costar is enough. But, it would be fun to try and watch a movie that also featured Patrick Stewart and Dennis Leary as villains.

My guest cancelled on Thursday, so I only had four nights to get all these movies in. So, the films in this episode are addressed in the order that I watched them. Trying to crusade against YouTube's sponsorship of GOP Fascist Rodney Davis, I immediately took to recording the reviews onto Audacity. The result is me not worrying about trying to get them under 2 minutes 18 seconds (the time Twitter would allow me to upload) and just talk and edit accordingly.

"Fortress" was the first film of the binge. I do not know why, but I never associated it with Stuart Gordon. This was probably the first Gordon feature I saw (Cinemax was a little more open to showing that in the late 90s over "From Beyond" or "Re-Animator".), and being on late night cable did not allow me to give it my full attention. Upon this rewatch, that assessment was unfair.

If "Total Recall" was not camp enough for you, Stuart Gordon makes up for it. The only thing the cast is missing is Barbara Crampton. You have Vernon Wells (best remembered as Bennett in "Commando"), Clifton Collins Jr. while he was still Clifton Gonzalez Gonzalez, Kurtwood Smith before he was Red Foreman, and Gordon stallworth Jeffry Combs as a hippie. It still has the body horror that you expect from the patron saint of the podcast and a lot of unexpected nudity from both sexes. "Fortress" is a piece of fried VHS gold.

Because I shared a gif from the film on my Twitter profile (@catbusruss) asking for a guest to chat about it, "Mortal Kombat" made it to this episode. I will stand by this feature being better than the fun 2021 video game adaptation, but when you have Chinese monks being in awe of a white European thunder god, this is a product of its time. Still, the latest version of the property could have benefited by having a Rayden with a notable laugh like Lambert's. BD Wong would be my choice.

NinetyForChill: The #Podcast - Ally Presents: Puppets, Emo Vampires, and Christian Metaphors

NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast

Episode 73: Ally Presents: Puppets, Emo Vampires, and Christian Metaphors (Either scary by intent or scary by quality).

Ally Presents: Puppets, Emo Vampires, and Christian Metaphors

June 21, 2022

NinetyForChill.com returns to Ally's Accessories Shop on Etsy's Trash Feature Revue to provide you with opinions on DVDs whose values will not be affected by inflation. Cool Movies Darth takes us on a journey of traditional horror, no budget indies, and whatever Dark Castle Entertainment claims to be scary. This episode addresses the Full Moon Features' classic "Puppet Master", a vampire-fad character study in "Quench", the too vulgar for PureFlix "The Reaping", and a low definition attempt to cross Faust with Palahniuk in "Shadow Hours".

Allow me to get out of third-person. Happy Prof. Shurtleff of Illinois Central College? I (CM Darth) will try not to make so much light of violent death in this summation. This is my declaration of changing perspective. 

I am still adjusting to the concept of a guest every other week. There are fears that the bloom has worn off this rose of a podcast. People have lives, so no time to dedicate one's self to creative endeavors. Perhaps there are folks who just want to add being on the show as a resume builder. At least I know people are getting something out of the podcast.

The blame for my issues adjusting to listening to solely my voice is YouTube. After inadvertently getting the Cool Movies Darth Channel verified, there is no pressure to get my shorter videos under the 15-minute ceiling. With wanting to provide close to a half hour of content at the very least per week, episodes have to be over 22 minutes (TV standards). Thus, I need to put more movies into the solo shows.

Because of the need for movies, I am running through the alphabet a lot faster than I did last year. Ally's Accessories Shop on Etsy Trash Feature Revue will be wrapped up next month at this rate. It was a stressful but rewarding exercise to determine how to come up with themed episodes in its stead. Still, there is disappointment that I cannot rally three guests a month.

Do I need to just go out and ask for a permanent co-host? That maybe easier than getting a girlfriend.

Pardon me for not introducing "Puppet Master" before I went through that head trip. The trailer above for "Quench" just fit the mood of that rant better. That film may just hit me in the right spots because of similarities in my life to the story. It is a flick about looking for a place to belong. I am just glad I was too affluent to get into the "Twilight" fad despite my Hot Topic Credit Card.

"Puppet Master" was a film I was excited to see because it is what trash features are suppose to be. The premise of sentient, vengeful puppets on a low budget just promises fun. Was it? It could have been better, but I am ready for "Puppet Master 2". We may end up with an episode dedicated to the franchise because Ally bought me a nine-movie pack (12 if you count the "Killjoy" movies).

So we have a movie that I wanted to see and a film that I was a fan of 12 years prior. This episode is a blast to the past because the letter R was represented by Dark Castle Entertainment's "The Reaping", a film that I did not exactly enjoy on my first date with the second most former girlfriend.

After enduring "Gothika", my fears of flashbacks to the worst times of my two years with Cindy Tanney (She stalked me online before, so she digs the name drop.) were put to the back burner. The Dark Castle logo just automatically left a bad taste in my mouth. It explained everything and I cannot say it helped to improve my opinion of another movie where Idris Elba cannot keep his accent in check. 

But, to Dark Castle's credit, I initially wanted this episode to focus on letters P-T. Desperate to find a T-flick, I resigned to "Thir13een Ghosts" and was pleasantly surprised. If you are interested, email me if you want to chat about this production company's library for 40 minutes. Send your email to russthebus07@gmail.com.

90 min DVD Must Buy - Hardcore Henry - Cluster Fun

First person shooters was a video game genre that I tuned out until the Wii. Their "Call of Duty" knew where I wanted to shoot because I was looking/focusing on my target with only my eyes. Just shoot in the general direction like "Doom".

Screw using a D-pad to aim. It seemed like too much work. The wanting to avoid developing this skill probably provided racist Youtubers an audience.

Now for 10 dollars, I will give any well reviewed game a shot, so I have been catching up to FPS games. These titles are typically worth the investment gameplay wise, and with video game planners wanting their complete vision to be seen, great stories are a welcome bonus to the frantic action. The only problem with this format is that it makes it tough to know when to call it a night.

You come across a tough level, and you want to beat it to end the night on a cut scene. And then the sun rises. There has to be a better way to get the intended experience without bullshit Scandinavian commentary. So attaching a GoPro to a stuntman's head has got to be worth 10 bucks. Too bad I work overnight, so I was two years late to "Hardcore Henry".

Henry awakens to see his wife Estelle make the final hardware additions to his body. All he needs is to get his voice reinstalled, but the man who left him a mute with a stump on his left side, Akan, decides to kidnap the Misses. Not knowing that he is a one man war machine allows Akan's overly enthused Psycho Snake cosplay capture Estelle and knock Henry off an overpass in Moscow.

Fortunately for our protagonist, he seems to have a guardian angel in the form of a frantic Sharlito Copley performance. As Jimmy gives "Split's" James McAvoy a run for his money, he also lays out a path for Henry to get the girl and stop a potential army of cyborgs from being on standby in the event that Putin's Republican collusion fails.

"Hardcore Henry" is not the happy medium between game and story, but it lays the groundwork for great filmmaking. At the very least, it is the blue print for good video game to cinema adaptations. It is all about IP, right?

The plot is laid out so the viewer can follow it despite a great deal of the time you can get lost with the lead moving his head so much. Director Ilya Naishuller still knows to focus on the best images, so it a visual treat like the tunnel in "Willy Wonka". You may still want Hershey's. You cannot (or I cannot, I hope my better quarter [Eva the Cat will always get half] is an anomaly) gorge yourself on Laffy Taffy. So the action can sometimes drag.

On the flip side, this lets you appreciate Copley's multiple characters as the story develops. If you are not a fan of his acting, enjoy seeing him die over, and over, and over again. If that makes him seem like a video game boss that keeps coming back to annoy you, it means the film is doing this live-action video game right.

Once the story gets going, so does the awesome soundtrack. Ironically, it lets you enjoy the flaws I mentioned. "Hardcore Henry" is a film I cannot argue against taking the time to view. The occasional poor visuals are forgivable. Cliché cut scenes have the coolest accented character actors to make you revel in subversion. The repetitive nature is great as long as you have some Freddy Mercury vocals.

And I suppose that is why I liked "Suicide Squad" too.

www.pinterest.com/wesleydsmith1981

Pinterest = Wesley Smith

NinetyForChill: The #Podcast - The Rubberface Jim Carrey vs. ThePoeticCritic

NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast

Episode 72: The Rubberface Jim Carrey vs. ThePoeticCritic (A thorough tribute to the last megastar).

ThePoeticCritic versus The Rubber Face: Jim Carrey

June 14, 2022

ThePoeticCritic returns to the podcast to give a thorough analysis of the sub 100-minute filmography of Jim Carrey. Cool Movie Darth considers the actor/comedian to be the last superstar of cinema. This episode tries to address the impact of TPC's second favorite North American actor and how movies have/will change without a name that draws people to the big screen.

Allow me to get out of third-person. Happy Prof. Shurtleff of Illinois Central College? I (CM Darth) will try not to make so much light of violent death in this summation. This is my declaration of changing perspective. 

Now, I am in a tough spot. When it comes to American actors, ThePoeticCritic holds few higher than Jeff Goldblum and Jim Carrey. Thus, if I do not have a guest when I need one (every other week), I cannot count on calling up my big sister to fill in on a whim. It is even more important to depend on guests. This leaves me tempted to bring in my recorder to my next therapy section and see what comes from that.

To avoid that awkwardness, feel free to email russthebus07@gmail.com with a movie, theme, director, or actor. As long as you can focus on sub 100-minute narratives, we can create some podcast gold. If the 74-99 minute parameters seem to narrow, just offer me your favorite movie, and I will come up with a way to talk about it. "Spaceballs" is code for "Star Wars". "Caddyshack" leads to "Ghostbusters", and of course, bust'n makes me feel good.

This is an episode where the knowledge of my guest shines through. ThePoeticCritic was set on covering all possible Carrey movies that qualify for NinetyForChill.com. I do not know if I was remotely ready for that, and unfortunately, reality can limit one's time to play catch up.

This ended up being a costly podcast. To see one of the most important features to my big sister, "The Cable Guy", I once again had to subscribe to Starz. That channel should be my background noise, but YouTube is still my addiction. Of course, Starz will not be promoting fascist Illinoisan politicians like Rodney Davis or Richard Irvin, so the network may deserve more respect than I give them. Then again, where's "American Gods: Season 4"?

"The Cable Guy" really makes me want to revisit "Zoolander". You see that Ben Stiller has an excellent eye as a director never mind his comedic wisdom. My only complaint is that I would have chosen a better soundtrack. If the movie is not about music in the late 1990s or early 2000s, you got to be more selective about what tunes are played. Just because there is shooting in basketball does not mean Filter's "Hey Man Nice Shot" is appropriate.

The biggest slip up with this podcast is that I failed to watch "The Truman Show" stem to stern. We set up the podcast on Thursday and we recorded on Saturday. My cats have been great about letting me sleep in, so I was off Friday, but did not get much time to binge features. I ended up making a trip to Disc Replay in Champaign to help with my research, but in the end, I only had time for "The Number 23". 45 minutes into that flick, the fun I was having was figuring out weirder 23 observations.

The Official Poster of the 75th Festival de Cannes

45 minutes -> 45 was Michael Jordan's baseball number -> Jordan's best known for number 23.

45 minutes -> 4 + 5 = 9 -> The square (2) root of 9 is 3.

90 min. Amazon Prime: "Golgo 13: The Professional" and Sick Trump Fantasy

 *Blog started on March 31, 2020.

My 67 and 72 year-old parents are doing fine during the pandemic. Dad is probably a little bored without the grandchildren to spoil. Mom suggested that I call him after I spoke to her. I am not from a broken home, they just have their own preferred spaces in the house. Thus, she could not have just handed the phone over to him. They either screen and/or ignore the landline.

The boredom I suspect from my dad was apparent because in our six-minute conversation, he wanted to fill out my proxy vote for my single WWE stock. I think he was a little let down that I said it was pointless with Vincent Kennedy McMahon owning hundreds of thousands multiple-vote stocks compared to my single single-vote one. But, with no sports, what were we going to talk about?

As for Mom, everything was on the table in terms of our 39-minute conversation, politics being the primary subject. I should say seemingly because it may determine the future of my niece and nephew, it is unavoidable. Perhaps I need to get her on Twitter (find me @maineventzombie), so she can troll millennials. A part of me thinks Mom wants to argue and she knows I am good for that.

Obviously, I do not watch all of the same sources of news that she does. Actually, we follow most of the same with the exception of her with Fox News and whatever soulless network on DirecTV that airs Bill O'Reilly while I have HBO and read the Huffington Post. Guest I am my mother's son...the disappointing one (It is tough to compete with the little brother with the CNA and CDL who outgrew being a roadie.), but her son none the less.

Her biggest issue was all the good things the stimulus had that she thought was House Democrat pork. The House Democrats are Nancy Pelosi (with the exception of The Squad who she feels need to be filtered while Donald Trump does not). Which ever brainwashing station her mind was drying from said that Pelosi's daughter wish COVID-19 on Trump. I did not bring up the president mocking Mitt Romney when he was responsible enough to go into self isolation, or my other blog post this week where I asked which one of the assholes on Pennsylvania Ave should come down with it.

This leads me to the tip toing around spoilers for 1983's "Golgo 13: The Professional". An affluent family incident is what the film is centered around. My sick Trump fantasy is that when he needs to past the reigns of his alleged fortune (Thank the gods my new passport came in before I saw this flick.) was that heir dying just after the exchange happened. I did not have this idea until looking back on this film, but to see the most evil American (How many undisputed war criminals held the highest office in the land?) lose his legacy seems like a fitting form of justice.

Since no one deserves to die (I got to stick by my principles.), Ivanka, Donald Jr., Eric or Baron going "Inception" on Donald's ass is far more ideal. Science be praised for my rationality. Unfortunately, Trump is not a rational man. Unless his fortune is a total fabrication, he would probably only be willing to relinquish his reigns to look good, not because it would be the right thing to do. If this scenario came to be, he would love to see his offspring die so that he can still run things the way he thinks should be.

So, Donald J. Trump is more evil than a villain who trains his elementary school-aged granddaughter to shoot someone down at an airport, releases condemned serial killers, and pimps out his daughter-in-law to gain vengeance. If he were to read this blog (May as well tag him, I have not made a threat.), he would probably make sure that Baron was good with a 9mm. Good thing he does not seem to want to share Ivanka. I guess I best not @realdonaldtrump when I promote this blog. Thanks "Golgo 13" for further realizing how fucked my homeland is.

jposter.net - Authentic Japanese Movie Memorabilia

Golgo 13: The Professional

Duke Togo is the greatest hitman of the past two centuries (There was a brilliant "Golgo 13" anime TV show produced in the late ought's). Only his handlers may have a clue to where he came from or who he was, but when a near impossible assignation occurs, it is safe to presume that it was the man who goes by the codename Golgo 13. Thus, after oil baron Leonard Dawson's son was sniped on the day of succession, Dawson devotes all his resources to kill Togo. Because he could destroy the American economy by pulling his financial interests, the Pentagon and CIA have no choice but to accept this mission. The only question, is that enough to defeat the only man who can make the impossible possible?

"Golgo 13: The Professional" serves as an example of what your James Bond knock off should be. The graphic violence and ruthless nature make loud enough statements that the viewer wants to get to the next action sequence, exposition be damned. I would not be surprised if it did not encourage set pieces by directors like James Cameron, Len Wiseman and John Woo (which in turn suggests Quentin Tarantino).

The animation provides a perfect blend of action, comic book stills, and innovation. Switching from a still seemingly ripped from the manga to the kill shots sets a high standard for the action sequences which the film delivers on. While the CG is out of place, you cannot help but be impressed by graphics that are 12 years ahead of its time. It is still used well enough to provide inspiration for films to come (like the Harrier battle in "True Lies").

If I had any complaints, I could say that the traditional animation quality is not that of 1970's Disney, but it is on par with the time, so that was hardly worth noting. Some of the plot points are gut punches, and you ponder how can they come up with and show such sexual brutality. As I stated at the start of the critique, the stakes are so high, you just want to see them resolved. They serve as a great pacing device and since anime loves to take these liberties, at least it feels somewhat appropriate.

A genuine complaint that I do have is that I wish I could have seen this dubbed. With all of the characters having English names (The Sicilian mob boss early on in the film is Dr. Z whose daughter is Cindy.), it would have felt right. But after "Demon City Shinjuku", Digital Media Rights definitely would have avoided updating the old Streamline Pictures or Central Park Media English voice tracks to sound appropriate.

"Golgo 13: The Professional" is an anime that will please any action movie fan or animation lover. It presents a solid and occasionally awe-inspiring product visually and features a story that 80's Stallone and Schwarzenegger would love to have read for. The subtleness of a Bond film is present, so no movie-goer can claim that it is not their thing. This flick is not perfect, but you got to be impressed that it could be someday.

NinetyForChill: The #Podcast - Mark L. Lester Week: Class of 1984 & Class of 1999

NinetyForChill.com: The #Podcast

Episode 71: Mark L. Lester Week: Class of 1984 & Class of 1999 (And why school shooters ruined high school exploitation cinema).

Mark L. Lester Week: Class of 1984 and Class of 1999

June 7, 2022

This week we celebrate almost all of the Mark L. Lester films that Cool Movies Darth has gotten a hold of. For Night 2 of Lester week, we hear CM Darth's takes on the director's high school/McDowell/McDowall exploitation pictures, "Class of 1984" and "Class of 1999".

Allow me to get out of third-person. Happy Prof. Shurtleff of Illinois Central College? I (CM Darth) will try not to make so much light of violent death in this summation. This is my declaration of changing perspective. 

When you prioritize films that may never get a proper HD release, every Netflix DVD that arrives is a surprise. Sometimes you get that "very long wait" disc from New Jersey. Sometimes you get something that Disc Replay has so many copies of, they are trying to liquidate the title for a buck. Do you think I would pay more than a dollar to rent the worst looking James Bond feature, "Die Another Day"? I felt like a humanitarian taking those discs off that reseller's hand.

The latest arrival was from Ohio and it was Mark L. Lester's "Class of 1999". I once thought that Lester was the Michael Bay of the 1980s since his most famous movie is "Commando". My favorite feature of his is the over-the-top buddy cop movie "Showdown in Little Tokyo". Both of these features have ridiculous premises (Arnold Schwarzenegger is as lovable as he is invincible and Dolph Lundgren is the samurai and Brandon Lee is the surfer.) and were more focused on presenting outrageous violence and one liners.

I did know the first movie that brought him notoriety was 1982's "Class of 1984". It had a cult following like any other movie Alice Cooper was involved with in the 80s, so when I found it on iTunes for $4.99, it had to be placed in my collection.

This was not as easy a decision as you would expect because "Ally Accessories Shop on Etsy's Trash Feature Revue" did lead me to watch his 2010 feature "Groupie". I knew he made shut your brain off action movies, but this Great White (the band) exploitation movie made me realize that he had asperations to carry on the legacy of Roger Corman.

"Groupie" was such a struggle and finding out the last two films he directed were called "Dragons of Camelot" and "Poseidon Rex", I was in no rush to delve back into his catalogue. This obviously is not fair to him. After revisiting "The New York Ripper", we know I am always interested in justifying exploitation. With no guest this week, Netflix made it time to watch the exploitation film with Michael J. Fox, "Class of 1984".

This feature was a lot smarter than I thought it was going to be. I was expecting a shiny version of "Class of Nuke 'Em High", but it is actually a very cerebral flick that makes its shop class finale even more satisfying.