"Kickboxer: Retaliation" How to Warrant 110 Minutes and I, the Retarded Garland

*Blog entry started on March 3, 2020

I have been in a fried state since C2E2. It was quite the learning experience. This was an experience that someone who turned 40 during it may have not been ready for. Maybe movie and pro-wrestling geekdom was too much to handle for someone who has close of 20 years of aspiration to make a mark in one of those fields.

It is good to know that I am only 15 years behind Alex Garland. His first novel was at 26 and I had not even started writing fiction until I was 27. Since "The Beach" was based on his vagabonding adventures and I am an underemployed pro-wrestler (I may not be working, but I am already open.), perhaps my mistake was abandoning "With a Capital C (working title)" to complete the script for my low-budget, pro-wrestling zom-com, "Main Event of the Dead". Feel free to email me a request for the treatment or offer advice on how to get it out of development hell at russthebus07@gmail.com. There is an order to things that I did not follow properly.

If only I knew the proper order when ending a relationship. The lack of communication over and her early bed time from her being upset that she had to fulfill the C2E2 obligations at least allows me to knock out a movie review for ninetyforchill.com. The only problem was determining movies that I have access to see, have yet to see, she might want to see (like "Paradise Hills" with Awkafina and Milla Jovovich), and what I was in the mood for. Relationship turmoil did not seem right for any Gregg Araki films.

My solution, turn that to a physical expression of turmoil in the form of "Kickboxer: Retaliation" a sequel to the 2016 reboot that I really enjoyed. Now this film was one hour and fifty minutes, so you may say, why does this qualify for a website that puts a cap on length at 97 minutes (You will never know how many movies you own that end at 1:38 until you enter an endeavor like ninetyforchill.com.)?

That is because, if you were able to establish a universe in your first film, you get to expand it in your sequels. "John Wick" was just over an 1:45. "John Wick: Chapter 2" was nearly 2 hours 10 minutes. Did we complain about that? No, because Jonathan earned it.

Surely this privilege does not solely belong to Keanu Reeves (I say that because I thought "The Matrix" sequels were fine and the extra hour was worthwhile). Stuntman-turned-actor Alain Moussi has similar limitations to his acting, so perhaps this is the non-sci-fi martial arts equivalent to Neo's adventures.

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‘Kickboxer: Retaliation’ Movie Review | David vs. Goliath

Kickboxer: Retaliation

Kurt Sloane has returned to the States with his new wife Liu after avenging his brother's death at the hands of Muay Thai kingpin Tong Po. Sanctioned mixed arts is his new pursuit, and things are going well. Unfortunately for him, he had left Thailand's underground fight scene without the lineal champion, so the reigning promoter Thomas Moore decides to kidnap Sloane and have him help in a corrupt prison for murder.

Sloane does not want to return to the underworld, so he refuses to fight Mongkut, the current champion who is large enough to cut down a horse with a single swipe of a sword, despite being offered a million dollars. He may find the prison to be a spiritual place as Moore seems to locked up all of Mongkut's potential contenders along with Sloane's trainer Durand. With Zen boxers to learn from, it may be wise to master their teachings and then take the fight.

Unfortunately, Liu's attempt to rescue her husband results in her own kidnapping, so Moore has raised the stakes. On the flipside, Moore wants the best possible, and is willing to make sure our protagonist will be ready for the fight of his life. With that kind of accommodation, Durand should be able to find a method to defeat this great mountain of a man.

If you love fight training montages, "Kickboxer: Retaliation" is for you. "Rocky IV" seems to be fondly remembered for its musical numbers. "Kickboxer" is just a few Survivor and Frank Stallone tracks from being an A-List film.

"Kickboxer Retaliation" is loaded with action to pad out the 1:50 runtime, and the variety of the fight scenes keeps you intrigued to the point where I only found out that I was an hour twenty in when I paused for a drink refill. You have to enjoy all the fight movie clichés to get into the film, so do not expect anything new. On the surface, this was yet another great repackaging of an old IP further sweetened by an extended cast of fun characters portrayed by a hackling Christopher Lambert, a blind Jean-Claude Van Dam, numerous MMA legends, and a chill Mike Tyson. That should sell any action fan to see it.

Now they are going to see direction that features many upon many poorly framed shots and video game sweat effects. The previous film's producer, Dimitri Logothetis, takes credit for the direction and what he tries and fails at shows that he has his hands in too many places. Since this film does not offer anything new, you have to avoid looking like a direct-to-video movie any chance you can. "Kickboxer" does not do that.

The pacing of this feature is fast enough, but because it does not offer anything new, it should not have been 20 minutes longer than its predecessor. We have changed the location of the violence, but the "Kickboxer" universe has not been expanded on. I think of the original five films, the last was the only one to present a "Street Fighter 2: The World Warrior" vibe, but that was hardly a sequel in terms of continuity. (In terms of a cheap 90-minute flick, Mark Dacascos delivered.) That would be the way I would make "Kickboxer: Armageddon". You cannot get away with same movie different location thrice when it comes to a franchise of any quality.

"Kickboxer: Retaliation" is an adequate action flick which serves as an acceptable addition to the "Kickboxer" reboot. It is a very late 80's action movie, so if you do not expect a masterpiece, you will not be let down. If you want a "Kickboxer" reboot to watch, I will recommend that you watch "Vengeance" instead of this. But if only one is available for free streaming (Netflix was where I get my "Kickboxer" films), you will not feel let down.

Essential Athletes and the Carnival Slide feature "Nemesis"

*Blog post started on May 20, 2020.

I think we are in dire need for sports right now. Sorry John Oliver (I have yet to watch the May 17th episode of "Last Week Tonight"). Performance art is something I deem essential because there are not enough stories about uxori/mariticide with wine-drinking accessories or armed robbery involving fruit.

Too bad Monty Python is down to three inoffensive members. You need at least four to perform an updated "How to Defend Your Against Fresh Fruit" sketch. With Carole Baskin and the NRA, it would be quite topical.

With sports, I at least have something to talk about with the guys at work. As an underemployed pro-wrestler (My gear bag is still in the trunk of my car if you need someone to do a favor.), I can handle only performing in front of my peers. No pressure from the crowd meant I could focus on just having fun and my performances were usually better. As long as you got the boys/girls from the locker room providing immediate feedback at ringside, you know what directions to take. At least AEW is showing us that.

At my current, essential job, there is a chance I can be exposed to COVID-19 by my coworkers, but as long as we are not sneezing or licking the cash and receipts, our customers are quite safe. The point is, when the risk is only applies to the staff while all conceivable precautions are taken (I can see the Cubbies wearing masks.), the performers should be allowed to perform. Provided they feel safe performing of course. I just know there are those who would be happy to.

As for my stance about the lockdown, to channel my Maynard James Keenan: Fuck your God, your lord and your haircuts. Learn to appreciate your liquor stores and iTunes.

It is way too easy to get through well organized news websites. Sorry New York Times (Having your website look like and actual newspaper does not work.). I suppose the answer to that is to just binge TV shows to provide me something to write about or really step up my movie consumption. 

The problem with TV is the episodic nature. This means to judge it fairly, I need to review each episode. Episodic programming is way too accessible now, unlike the good old days of anime fandom where I got a two episode tape a month (probably closer to weekly) and could quit buying tapes if I got bored.

A bad episode review, and I could move on to the next show. When the next episode is set to autoplay, I will think to myself, "Maybe it is just the storytelling method, so lets go another hour."

As for watching more movies, I am cursed by the fact that the established great directors and the blockbuster dependent all think there story requires more than 1 hour and 37 minutes (give or take A MINUTE). My website that is dedicated to the ideal runtime ninetyforchill.com needing content results in me having to watch films of lesser quality. Being an aspiring screenwriter/producer (If you would like a treatment of my zombie comedy about pro-wrestling "Main Event of the Dead" feel free to email russthebus07@gmail.com for a copy. Any suggestions on how to get the project out of development hell would also be appreciated.), the effort displayed to make a great film with so many obstacles is appreciated, but one can only watch so much Albert Pyun, Christopher Lambert, or less than 1980's Newline Cinema budgeted movies per week.

Despite the struggle, there is no excuse for me not to watch at least one questionable sub 100-minute feature and Amazon Prime has got the algorithm down. They offer me so much stuff that is up my alley, I really wish they would list the directors in the information about them. Fortunately, since I just bought "Iron Eagle", a Tim Thomerson film seemed appropriate. Throw in a knock off Van Damme in Olivier Gruner along side Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa, and I think we have a project with potential. As the credits rolled and "An Albert Pyun" film, hopes arose that 1992's "Nemesis" was going to make my week.

Nemesis

In 2027, the Los Angeles Police Department has become the most powerful investigation force along the entire Pacific Rim. Their primary concern is cyborg terrorists and their top agent, Alex Rain, has no issues dispatching them. With such unnatural enemies to deal with, Rain's efforts to defend humanity has ironically left him more and more synthetic. He develops a hate for this and decides to leave not only the crimefighting behind, but his synthetic girlfriend Jordan too.

Unfortunately, to keep on living in his cybernetic shell, dealing in questionable tech was Rain's only retirement option. His skills in the criminal field are not what they were on the other side, and he is eventually captured by the LAPD. Capture may be too harsh a word, lets use the term recruited. Jordan had decided to join the terrorists and stolen some sensitive data from them. Rain is the only person who can possibly get close to her and by installing a bomb in his heart, surely he will be up for the challenge.

Rain is fed up with everyone being unable to tell who is right and who is evil. His goal is only to find the answers and hope that he can find a reason to carry on. Punishing everyone who has wronged him would be a nice bonus.

I can see why "Nemesis" could be declared a hit and justify four sequels. The special effects and themes are intriguing enough to inspire a kid with the VHS to rewatch it multiple times to make sense of the damn near incomprehensible first act. The action of the latter two acts is laughable to the point where you will stick around this film to the end because of that.

You have to admire that the film spent so much on explosives, but for someone who opposes the second amendment in its entirety (Go bowhunting assholes.), I know that shot guns do not work like that. They are not long range weapons, so I would have had more appreciation for the gunplay if they would have painted squirt guns black.

As for the rest of the action, Olivier Gruner was an accomplished kickboxer. Let him kick stuff. The best hand-to-hand combat takes place as he and Pyun regular Thom Mathews are fighting over a gun down an obvious carnival slide. I have to admire the B-movie charm, but you have put a little too much into the special effects to try and slip this by the audience.

Bad Movie Tuesday: Nemesis

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Gruner's acting is not that bad, but if you need a stern foreigner, get Daniel Bernhardt, the original JVCD clone. His accent is less noticeable. Gruner may cry a little better and Bernhardt's latest renascence is as a silent heavy ("John Wick" and "Atomic Blonde"), but when the dialogue for the most part has little value, going for emotional seem pointless.

I cannot help but wonder if Gruner's French accent is the motivation for Brion James to go all out with a German accent. It does not come off as well as his English accent from "Tango and Cash" but it adds to the fun. Tagawa puts more effort into his Japanese accent than he did in "Showdown in Little Tokyo" so that is another plus for the film.

All the actors go for it except for Majorie Monoghan as the love interest. She seems to have motivations mixed up. Yes, the character is a robot, but to prove how close to humans they are, emotions are essential. Otherwise she comes off the same a Thomas Jane's cameo.

Despite all these short comings, the visual effects make up for it. The only time they fail is the stop motion integration of its "The Terminator" finale knock off. That sequence would overshadow the great practical effects if it was not such a blatant rip off. When you are watching a film like this, you expect to see blatant, low-effort theft. It adds to the charm, so you do not get angry.

"Nemesis" is the "Cyborg" that Albert Pyun meant to make. It has great visual effects for the most part, great sci-fi concepts, marvelous over acting, and laughable gun play. Too bad that paying attention to this feature dialogue may reduce your IQ and the plot is nothing more to warrant special effects. This feature may have fallen into the wrong hands from an artistic standpoint, but for a lazy, action starved audience, it is mana from the gods.

90 min. Redbox: "Arena": Can Samuel L. Jackson Save a Title Timur Dropped.

Thank you Redbox for so many promo codes (This review was written in 2011. Why so stingy now?). Netflix (DVD) may have had "Arena" (2011) in stock, but with the vast library of suggestions, who knows if I would have come across such a ridiculous feature.

I am familiar with two other films called "(The) Arena". The premise is pretty much the same for each one. They are tales of a person's survival through brutal one-on-one combat. The 1989 (brilliant) low-budget take is about a human fighting aliens and the 2001 use of the title was Timur Bekmambetov's international debut about female Roman gladiators, and after further investigating I found that was a remake of a Roger Corman B-movie from 1974 of the same name. With this history  lacking luster (or lack of interest), how can Sony believe this can possibly be a made-for-DVD gem?

Pick Your Three Words: Samuel L. Jackson or Sam "Motherfuck'n" Jackson. Sony proves that I am not the only one to believe there is no such thing as a bad feature from this legendary performer. With the amount that he works, it makes me wonder why there have been any bad movies since 1988.

David Lord has a death wish after losing his pregnant wife in a bizarre traffic collision, (An accident implies no one was at fault.) so he decides to head to Mexico for an endless bender with a $100 bill his only form of currency. If he was not an ex-marine, rugby-playing firefighter, his desired fate would not have any trouble finding him. Ironically, this skill set will not allow him a quick demise.

After being seduced by the mysterious Milla, he is kidnapped by Kaden the Executioner to become the latest warrior for an online TV show called "Death Games" where modern gladiators compete in bouts that are nearly guaranteed to end with at least one fatality. The only problem with his "recruitment" to this underground "sport" is that he has nothing left to fight for. Certain that no one can continue to survive the Arena, the arrogant BMF producer Logan has come up with a means to motivate David.

If David wins 10 fights, he can go free. That is probably the only way he will get a chance to kill Kaden and Logan, so it is not a tough decision to become the most badass meme on the worldwide web.

I was still skeptical about renting "Arena" because for an actor like Jackson who has starred in so much, but avoid made-for-video, it just felt sad to see him make his DVD debut. Fortunately, Sam knows what the market's viewers want and the creative team behind "Arena" is more than willing to accommodate his scene chewing.

Graphic violence and abundant female nudity appeals to minimalistic B-Movie fans, so the subpar acting is easily overlooked. The action sequences are not much to write home about, at least in terms of the action, but the deathmatch concepts they introduce are amusing enough to ignore the other shortcomings. The fights are like "Mortal Kombat" levels. As long as there is a pit to drop the opponent into, clunky combat is forgivable. If these masterful compensations are not enough to amuse you, the sophomoric references to modern classics at least argue that the effort should be appreciated.

How this film still wound up costing $10 million to produce is beyond me. It did not go to the box art.

The low-budget style, clever effects and corner cutting make "Arena" a fun film to experience. I suspect $9 million went to Samuel L. Jackson, and I am comfortable with that. Thank you Sony for giving the most prolific American actor a lifetime achievement award attached to a good, quick flick.

CityonFire.com - Arena DVD

https://cityonfire.com/arena-dvd-sony/

90 min. HBO Max: "Lost Boys: The Thirst" and C2E2 Sexualization Rant

*Blog entry started on February 24, 2020.

Everything should be lined up for C2E2, at least it should be when I retrieve the proper credit cards to charge everything on. My better quarter (Eva the Cat will always get half) had her cosplay idea and it is of minimal effort. She wants to roam around McCormick Place in Pikachu hoodie and call it a costume. I have a Pokeball hoodie that she got me for Christmas, so we can do a group thing.

Would you be comfortable walking around with a ball gag?

Modify that bondage gear to look like Pokeball, buy some cheap sex toys at Spencers, we got something clever, which she even acknowledged. Pokémon Master and Porno Pika.

It's a family oriented affair!

Really? I have seen enough guys in tights who either needed dance belts or jockstraps. We would not have been that scary. It would have been a "The Lost Boys" R-Rating at worse.

And now I am wondering how to PG-13 BDSM. If only it was as easy as killing a few curse words and hiding some boobs.

Lost Boys: The Thirst - A Chance to Raise It on the Tomatometer

If a direct-to-DVD sequel (to a sequel in this case) occurs, someone had to like the previous release. "Lost Boys: The Tribe" was Warner Premiere's bestselling release, so at least the executives like it. With only six negative reviews to its credit, one would think the new set of writes and directors would have read them and created their sequel to ensure a better feature.

"The Tribe" totally missed its mark by making Edgar Frog (Corey Feldman's character) just a supporting player. He was the only good thing about the film, and I presume critics pointed that out as well. Maybe the producers were just trying a soft reintroduction to the character since a continuation of his story and other past characters were featured in the mid-credits of that film. Wikipedia gave me that information because "The Tribe" was so disappointing that I did not let the credits finish before shutting off the disc player.

When executives see that a DVD sold a million and a quarter copies, you had to wonder if they were going to repeat the same formula. Sexy teens versus vampires who just happen to come upon Feldman to carry the rest of the feature worked once (financially), why not again? Fortunately, "Lost Boys: The Thirst's" box art only featuring one male lead on it, and that being Feldman, sold me on hitting up a Red Box to see if the franchise has corrected itself in terms of quality.

After destroying covens in Santa Carla, Washington D.C., and Luna Bay, Edgar Frog is residing in San Cazador, California. The vampire hunting business appears to be dead and it is difficult having only night hours for potential surfboard shaving customers, so his trailer and plot are about to be repossessed. His comic book collection has been assessed at a value that will not put him in the black, so unless he wants to part with "Batman No. 14", he will soon be homeless.

Serendipitously, Stephenie Meyer stand in Gwen Lieber arrives to offer him a job. Her brother Peter has been kidnapped by a vampiric DJ, DJ X. She has no idea what he has planned for her sibling, but it must involve the new party drug that he is distributing at his raves called the Thirst. The only problem with this drug is that it is actually vampire blood. If Frog does not do something, an army of blood suckers will be set on devouring the West Coast in no time.

I enjoyed "Lost Boys: The Thirst" so much, that I picked up the Blu-ray the first $10 sale tag was stuck to it. Heavily comic book-influenced vampire films are up my alley provided they do not take themselves too seriously. If you can chuckle along the way at the weaknesses and plot holes of hominis nocturna, you should enjoy this feature. It is a brilliant recovery from the teen drama elements that "The Tribe" focused on.

There are points where you feel that perhaps our protagonists should be taking the story more seriously, and there performances show that. Primarily Jamison Newlander reprising his role as Frog Brother Allan, but with three scenes, you cannot blame him for chewing up the scenery. The other acting shortcomings revolve around the antagonists who just lack conviction in there performances. It is kind of like the indie wrestling scene after WCW and ECW died. They wanted to be cool instead of three dimensional adversaries.

The movie outside of Edgar Frog and his rag tag crew of vampire hunters (the sexy "Twilight" author with the British accent, the cute bookworm who has a crush of Edgar, and the reality TV uber-jock and his chubby cameraman), the film can drag. I do not recall the classic needing more than one scene to establish how evil the Vampires were without a protagonist present, and in that scene, there was no intelligible dialogue. 

These scenes' inclusion must be the director Dario Piana effort to show his abilities as a director. Unfortunately, he misses the marks. At times during intense action or rave scenes, it looks like he was shooting an eighties European rock video. The credits indicate that, despite the MPAA rating, this was originally a teleplay. We did not need any further reinforcement this was never meant for AMC or Fathom Events.

If I had one more bone to pick with the film is that it seems to miss the mark with raves. I have never been to one, but any bar scene can be a party drug scene. Most kids probably experiment with drugs via Greek life (which I think should be abolished, but that is a blog for another time). The rave as a platform to create the pandemic has been used in other bad direct-to-video horror sequels ("Return of the Living Dead: Rave 2 the Grave"), so it has just been played out.

With all that said, let me stake claim to the idea of a Vampire Frat as my own. I best be vocal about that now because I think I was ahead of "Pro-Wrestlers versus Zombies" when I started maineventofthedead.com and wrote my pro-wrestling zombie script "Main Event of the Dead", but who knows if that is accurate with my ongoing experiences in development hell. If you want to view a treatment of my low-budget comedy or have suggestions on how to move it forward, email me at russthebus07@gmail.com.

"Lost Boys: The Thirst" falls into that nice space between guilty pleasure and fandom. The production could have been better, but the story and our protagonists work so well, you can forgive that. This serves as a great conclusion to this incarnation of the franchise, but I would not mind a chance to tag along with Edgar and Allan one more time.

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