90-Min Netflix: Survivor - And Parenting to be Social - 2 More Bad Ideas

Who to curse today:

• The American culture of traveling youth summer sports?
• The Champaign and/or Urbana Chamber(s) of Commerce?
• The hotel's owners sending someone to see if we are staying on our feet and off our phones?
• Well, the fucking parent who just whipped out the acoustic guitar for starts.

Is it that we have to live with our neighbors the reason why kids younger than twelve have to travel to play baseball? I am not an advocate for AAU ball, but at least you know those kids are trying to physically earn a discounted education. Kids that lack teen in their age, can they be focused enough? Do they care about being better than anyone else in the state?

www.youtube.com

Insert rant about youth sports and "The Karate Kid". Go on about children traveling teams being nothing but drunken parent social clubs. Check out the satire at MainEventoftheDead.com

I have not eaten anything today. Might be a wise thing to stick to. It is that or eat healthy.

My body is finally rebelling against me for a 24-hour Wednesday. 15 hours of sleep over three days, so I am overdue. The soul is willing, but the body is week. Despite the lack of stomach content, the back end is emptying and I think a popcorn hull in my gum ruptured something in there.

You might not dig my satire pieces, but you gotta respect my movie reviews. Popcorn abscess to watch a dry Milla Jovovich movie, please honor my sacrifice.

Survivor - A Title You Earn from Watching This

If you followed this blog, you know I will check out any Milla Jovovich film that did not seem to get a wide release. It is probably just an old crush from my sophomore year (better her that Chun Li from "Street Fighter 2: The World Warrior" right?), so I get protective of her when she is used in mainstream films. She is kind of an oddball, which is her charm, and how many directors know how to use that? I would rather she stick to films that will be lost before they make the Best Buy $3.99 bin than see her in a theater.

When I saw the cover for "Survivor", Pierce Brosnan scared me off. This guy was James Bond who earned a little more respect than Alice from "Resident Evil". Could Brosnan be as evil as his W. Bush adjacent character in "The Ghost Writer" without a wide audience to appeal to? It was not a drama like "Stone" where I am not expecting Edward Norton or Robert de Niro to kick ass, so this title just seemed like it was going to be all cliches and nothing noteworthy let alone possibly groundbreaking (like "Stone" attempted for Jovovich). And of course, I was right.

After a new update to the immigration paperwork, buying US work visas on the black market is next to impossible. Kate Abbot has been called to America's London embassy to assure that they will not be issuing new visas to potential terrorists. Some think she is being too harsh on applicants with compressed gas knowledge and the British authorities think she lacks compassion toward innocent, widowed physicians like Emil Balan.

Balan seems to be one to hold a grudge as he brought his frustrations up to a shadowy figure in a high tower to fix this issue. The evil one decides to assign the task of cutting through the red tape to The Watchmaker. His title is a front, but he does like to tinker with precise gadgets, like the bomb he uses to wipe out those in Abbot's chain of command. Kate was supposed to join them, but is only wounded in the blast.

The Watchmaker has never been identified, so Abbot is a hindrance that needs to be eliminated. Not knowing that she is running from an assassin, British police and her superiors are suspecting she may be involved in the bombing. It is up to her and her new keeper, Sam Parker, to find out the conspiracy before her diplomatic immunity will be revoked, perhaps permanently.

This week, I was able to check out Rifftrax's presentation of "Star Raiders: The Adventures of Saber Raine", so when "Survivor" opens with similar special effects, you suspect trouble. Fortunately, the effects only come out at night. 4K HDR may be bad for them, but most viewers will ignore this issue. James McTeigue is a clever enough director to make up for this short coming, but sadly the dull script cannot be saved.

If you cast Lelu from "The Fifth Element" in an action movie, you expect her to be a supreme being and kick ass. She is constantly on the run and shows no physicality until the third act. Brosnan is either James Bond or arrogant to his own shortcomings. Either way clever. There are no quips in the entire film.

"Survivor" is a game of cat an mouse, but neither animal has any obstacles to truly overcome. There are hardly and twists and the rare side stories are immediately abandoned. That is disappointing because that may actually give you a character with motivations towards their decision. I think McTeigue knew he was stuck with a bad film and just wanted to get the audience through it as quickly as possible.

There is nothing clever, crazy or comedic to make for a good PG-13 rated action flick and there is nothing extremely stupid to laugh your way through it. This is background noise that you may accidentally rewatch because it lacks anything memorable in it. A waste of time and talent, I might ask Netflix for the $0.02 "Survivor" took from me.

"Kickboxer: Retaliation" How to Warrant 110 Minutes and I, the Retarded Garland

*Blog entry started on March 3, 2020

I have been in a fried state since C2E2. It was quite the learning experience. This was an experience that someone who turned 40 during it may have not been ready for. Maybe movie and pro-wrestling geekdom was too much to handle for someone who has close of 20 years of aspiration to make a mark in one of those fields.

It is good to know that I am only 15 years behind Alex Garland. His first novel was at 26 and I had not even started writing fiction until I was 27. Since "The Beach" was based on his vagabonding adventures and I am an underemployed pro-wrestler (I may not be working, but I am already open.), perhaps my mistake was abandoning "With a Capital C (working title)" to complete the script for my low-budget, pro-wrestling zom-com, "Main Event of the Dead". Feel free to email me a request for the treatment or offer advice on how to get it out of development hell at russthebus07@gmail.com. There is an order to things that I did not follow properly.

If only I knew the proper order when ending a relationship. The lack of communication over and her early bed time from her being upset that she had to fulfill the C2E2 obligations at least allows me to knock out a movie review for ninetyforchill.com. The only problem was determining movies that I have access to see, have yet to see, she might want to see (like "Paradise Hills" with Awkafina and Milla Jovovich), and what I was in the mood for. Relationship turmoil did not seem right for any Gregg Araki films.

My solution, turn that to a physical expression of turmoil in the form of "Kickboxer: Retaliation" a sequel to the 2016 reboot that I really enjoyed. Now this film was one hour and fifty minutes, so you may say, why does this qualify for a website that puts a cap on length at 97 minutes (You will never know how many movies you own that end at 1:38 until you enter an endeavor like ninetyforchill.com.)?

That is because, if you were able to establish a universe in your first film, you get to expand it in your sequels. "John Wick" was just over an 1:45. "John Wick: Chapter 2" was nearly 2 hours 10 minutes. Did we complain about that? No, because Jonathan earned it.

Surely this privilege does not solely belong to Keanu Reeves (I say that because I thought "The Matrix" sequels were fine and the extra hour was worthwhile). Stuntman-turned-actor Alain Moussi has similar limitations to his acting, so perhaps this is the non-sci-fi martial arts equivalent to Neo's adventures.

funnyactionmovies.com - 

‘Kickboxer: Retaliation’ Movie Review | David vs. Goliath

Kickboxer: Retaliation

Kurt Sloane has returned to the States with his new wife Liu after avenging his brother's death at the hands of Muay Thai kingpin Tong Po. Sanctioned mixed arts is his new pursuit, and things are going well. Unfortunately for him, he had left Thailand's underground fight scene without the lineal champion, so the reigning promoter Thomas Moore decides to kidnap Sloane and have him help in a corrupt prison for murder.

Sloane does not want to return to the underworld, so he refuses to fight Mongkut, the current champion who is large enough to cut down a horse with a single swipe of a sword, despite being offered a million dollars. He may find the prison to be a spiritual place as Moore seems to locked up all of Mongkut's potential contenders along with Sloane's trainer Durand. With Zen boxers to learn from, it may be wise to master their teachings and then take the fight.

Unfortunately, Liu's attempt to rescue her husband results in her own kidnapping, so Moore has raised the stakes. On the flipside, Moore wants the best possible, and is willing to make sure our protagonist will be ready for the fight of his life. With that kind of accommodation, Durand should be able to find a method to defeat this great mountain of a man.

If you love fight training montages, "Kickboxer: Retaliation" is for you. "Rocky IV" seems to be fondly remembered for its musical numbers. "Kickboxer" is just a few Survivor and Frank Stallone tracks from being an A-List film.

"Kickboxer Retaliation" is loaded with action to pad out the 1:50 runtime, and the variety of the fight scenes keeps you intrigued to the point where I only found out that I was an hour twenty in when I paused for a drink refill. You have to enjoy all the fight movie clichés to get into the film, so do not expect anything new. On the surface, this was yet another great repackaging of an old IP further sweetened by an extended cast of fun characters portrayed by a hackling Christopher Lambert, a blind Jean-Claude Van Dam, numerous MMA legends, and a chill Mike Tyson. That should sell any action fan to see it.

Now they are going to see direction that features many upon many poorly framed shots and video game sweat effects. The previous film's producer, Dimitri Logothetis, takes credit for the direction and what he tries and fails at shows that he has his hands in too many places. Since this film does not offer anything new, you have to avoid looking like a direct-to-video movie any chance you can. "Kickboxer" does not do that.

The pacing of this feature is fast enough, but because it does not offer anything new, it should not have been 20 minutes longer than its predecessor. We have changed the location of the violence, but the "Kickboxer" universe has not been expanded on. I think of the original five films, the last was the only one to present a "Street Fighter 2: The World Warrior" vibe, but that was hardly a sequel in terms of continuity. (In terms of a cheap 90-minute flick, Mark Dacascos delivered.) That would be the way I would make "Kickboxer: Armageddon". You cannot get away with same movie different location thrice when it comes to a franchise of any quality.

"Kickboxer: Retaliation" is an adequate action flick which serves as an acceptable addition to the "Kickboxer" reboot. It is a very late 80's action movie, so if you do not expect a masterpiece, you will not be let down. If you want a "Kickboxer" reboot to watch, I will recommend that you watch "Vengeance" instead of this. But if only one is available for free streaming (Netflix was where I get my "Kickboxer" films), you will not feel let down.

"Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters": Alphabetical Viewing Is Flawed

How I did I miss out on the "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" movie until two years after its release? It may have been too early for Adult Swim to release a film. It was 2006/2007, and when you add the failure of Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino's "Grindhouse", the general public was not ready to enjoy the charm of low-budget projects.

Thanks Quentin for fucking up everything you worked so hard to display. "Inglourious Basterds" may have been a spaghetti western, but with the production values of the project, it will only take true fans to appreciate the low-brow goals. The masses are asses.

Unlike the "Grindhouse", with just its limited animation, no one understood why people would see it after it tanked in its opening weekend. The cartoon that was with me through my decline into total loserdom performed no better than a "Forbidden Dance" flick, so maybe I was just struck too hard by this.

To pour salt in this wound, I never saw this disc for less that $20, so I eventually sold myself into accepting that it may not have been for me. I cannot be the fan they were looking for since I would not fork over the same cash I could spend on a season box set. Perhaps I should have just come to terms that I may never see this film.

For the past month (2009), I had renting a lot of movies. And a fair share of them, no one should pick up. If I am going to claim that I am a better critic than the punks from "That Guy with the Glasses" and justify my demand for a variety of B-movies to be shown at the Peoria Theater, I must give every, "this maybe cool" title a chance. Since I am only in the A's at Morton's video store, what other options do I immediately have anyway. I just hope ATHFCMFFT does not ruin the last couple of seasons for me.

I am a Cubs fan, so I hold grudges, and I will be pissed if ATHF did not deserve anything after this film. After watching "Absolon", it is just too much of a hassle to find out who will give me four hours back.

Frylock is determined to find out where he came from. Meatwad wants to get laid. Master Shake wants to get buff. Carl's Insanoflex seems to hold all these answers, but obtaining them will be quite the task.

The Mechanized Ghost of Christmas, the Plutonians, and the Mooninites are trying to possess the powers of the demonic exercise equipment as well. Will the answers be found? Will good conquer evil? Or will there be pointless casualties and just pissed off survivors?

So...ATHFCMFFT clocks in at 87 minutes. That is a minute short of eight television episodes. It would have probably have been more worthwhile to take that approach instead of the original "Battlestar Galatica's" movie treatment. The premise should not have been stretched to a full-length feature.

The film is funny throughout, but with such limited characters and a weak story, maintaining interest in the humor is tough. ATHFCMFFT's script is just one liners, so the film is nothing more than a joke book, and only the bored (or drunk) will take the time to read this book cover-to-cover.

There are a few great bits of animation that deserve more than being wasted on an ATHF episode, but most are at the beginning of the movie. The lobby snack film parody should be played before every movie. ATHFCMFFT gets the viewer in a to a state where we are open to suggestion before it takes the date too far. Physically, you do not feel much, but the mental scars remain.

The minds behind "Aqua Teen Hunger Force" may not deserve this harsh criticism. They only made the mistake of forgetting that "Monty Python" did a sketch comedy feature before they gained the ambition to make their latter pictures.

"Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters" was just overly ambitious and suffers for that. No matter how many Rush members provide cameos, there is nothing that makes this film a must watch.

www.skiress.com

https://www.skiress.com/the-drum-solo-of-everyday-living-neil-peart-on-aqua-teen-hunger-power-unbelievable/

"Kickboxer: Retaliation" How to Warrant 110 Minutes and I, the Retarded Garland

*Blog entry started on March 3, 2020

I have been in a fried state since C2E2. It was quite the learning experience. This was an experience that someone who turned 40 during it may have not been ready for. Maybe movie and pro-wrestling geekdom was too much to handle for someone who has close of 20 years of aspiration to make a mark in one of those fields.

It is good to know that I am only 15 years behind Alex Garland. His first novel was at 26 and I had not even started writing fiction until I was 27. Since "The Beach" was based on his vagabonding adventures and I am an underemployed pro-wrestler (I may not be working, but I am already open.), perhaps my mistake was abandoning "With a Capital C (working title)" to complete the script for my low-budget, pro-wrestling zom-com, "Main Event of the Dead". Feel free to email me a request for the treatment or offer advice on how to get it out of development hell at russthebus07@gmail.com. There is an order to things that I did not follow properly.

If only I knew the proper order when ending a relationship. I guess it was destiny for this blog to be hastily put together. It turns out that the amount of head trips that I had typed up was used up. Should I be worried about discussing things with about my better quarter? (Eva the Cat will always get half, but regardless of relationship status, she deserve a percentage.) There is a good chance this blog will not end up on her Facebook feed. But, I will not see her till probably after "AEW Dynamite" airs, so I might end up posting this before "the talk".

It is a new experience for me. My first relationship was in junior high, so to find out a week after the relationship started that she wanted to pursue my best friend, that was no big deal. The second relationship that started 13 years later, there was a lot of drama when it came to how it ended, but my insensitivity towards her and my ignorance about relationships were the root causes. This time around, compatibility may have just worn itself out, and that is a tough thing to accept. Hence why I want to have talk to her, it is just there are stakes this time. I am just wondering if it my ego or my heart that will be broken up.

But the lack of communication over and early bed time from her being upset that she had to fulfill the C2E2 obligations at least allows me to knock out a movie review for ninetyforchill.com. The only problem was determining movies that I have access to see, have yet to see, she might want to see (like "Paradise Hills" with Awkafina and Milla Jovovich), and what I was in the mood for. Relationship turmoil did not seem right for any Gregg Araki films.

My solution, turn that to a physical expression of turmoil in the form of "Kickboxer: Retaliation" a sequel to the 2016 reboot that I really enjoyed. Now this film was one hour and fifty minutes, so you may say, why does this qualify for a website that puts a cap on length at 97 minutes (You will never know how many movies you own that end at 1:38 until you enter an endeavor like ninetyforchill.com.)?

That is because, if you were able to establish a universe in your first film, you get to expand it in your sequels. "John Wick" was just over an 1:45. "John Wick: Chapter 2" was nearly 2 hours 10 minutes. Did we complain about that? No, because Jonathan earned it.

Surely this privilege does not solely belong to Keanu Reeves (I say that because I thought "The Matrix" sequels were fine and the extra hour was worthwhile). Stuntman-turned-actor Alain Moussi has similar limitations to his acting, so perhaps this is the non-sci-fi martial arts equivalent to Neo's adventures.

funnyactionmovies.com - 

‘Kickboxer: Retaliation’ Movie Review | David vs. Goliath

Kickboxer: Retaliation

Kurt Sloane has returned to the States with his new wife Liu after avenging his brother's death at the hands of Muay Thai kingpin Tong Po. Sanctioned mixed arts is his new pursuit, and things are going well. Unfortunately for him, he had left Thailand's underground fight scene without the lineal champion, so the reigning promoter Thomas Moore decides to kidnap Sloane and have him help in a corrupt prison for murder.

Sloane does not want to return to the underworld, so he refuses to fight Mongkut, the current champion who is large enough to cut down a horse with a single swipe of a sword, despite being offered a million dollars. He may find the prison to be a spiritual place as Moore seems to locked up all of Mongkut's potential contenders along with Sloane's trainer Durand. With Zen boxers to learn from, it may be wise to master their teachings and then take the fight.

Unfortunately, Liu's attempt to rescue her husband results in her own kidnapping, so Moore has raised the stakes. On the flipside, Moore wants the best possible, and is willing to make sure our protagonist will be ready for the fight of his life. With that kind of accommodation, Durand should be able to find a method to defeat this great mountain of a man.

If you love fight training montages, "Kickboxer: Retaliation" is for you. "Rocky IV" seems to be fondly remembered for its musical numbers. "Kickboxer" is just a few Survivor and Frank Stallone tracks from being an A-List film.

"Kickboxer Retaliation" is loaded with action to pad out the 1:50 runtime, and the variety of the fight scenes keeps you intrigued to the point where I only found out that I was an hour twenty in when I paused for a drink refill. You have to enjoy all the fight movie clichés to get into the film, so do not expect anything new. On the surface, this was yet another great repackaging of an old IP further sweetened by an extended cast of fun characters portrayed by a hackling Christopher Lambert, a blind Jean-Claude Van Dam, numerous MMA legends, and a chill Mike Tyson. That should sell any action fan to see it.

Now they are going to see direction that features many upon many poorly framed shots and video game sweat effects. The previous film's producer, Dimitri Logothetis, takes credit for the direction and what he tries and fails at shows that he has his hands in too many places. Since this film does not offer anything new, you have to avoid looking like a direct-to-video movie any chance you can. "Kickboxer" does not do that.

The pacing of this feature is fast enough, but because it does not offer anything new, it should not have been 20 minutes longer than its predecessor. We have changed the location of the violence, but the "Kickboxer" universe has not been expanded on. I think of the original five films, the last was the only one to present a "Street Fighter 2: The World Warrior" vibe, but that was hardly a sequel in terms of continuity. (In terms of a cheap 90-minute flick, Mark Dacascos delivered.) That would be the way I would make "Kickboxer: Armageddon". You cannot get away with same movie different location thrice when it comes to a franchise of any quality.

"Kickboxer: Retaliation" is an adequate action flick which serves as an acceptable addition to the "Kickboxer" reboot. It is a very late 80's action movie, so if you do not expect a masterpiece, you will not be let down. If you want a "Kickboxer" reboot to watch, I will recommend that you watch "Vengeance" instead of this. But if only one is available for free streaming (Netflix was where I get my "Kickboxer" films), you will not feel let down.