90-min Pro Wrestling Crate - "Boone: The Bounty Hunter: All Heart, No Vision"

*Blog post started on July 7, 2020.

I am still recovering from my recent move. The biggest disappointment is missing out on the most recent "Pokémon Shield" event involving an electric cat Pocket Monster, so things are not too bad.

My DVR did not carry over from the move, so I need to get it set to record NBC News. When "The Daily Show" is taking a couple of weeks off, I become a little out of touch. It is a good thing that my parents are in the midst of a move, so they are just too tired to bitch about the world. That means no biased content is coming my way.

I guess what is starting to wear on me is the solitude. It would not work if my ex moved back in with me, but I catch myself trying to figure out how I could safe proof the residence to allow for it. Her cat misses her and is probably going a bit stir crazy without her around. The urge to feel bad starts to well up, but then I appreciate not having found a long stringy hair in two weeks.

I might have cleared out the 97-minute or less portion of my yet to be opened DVDs. A reason to feel like I am still accomplishing shit. Not as much as WWE's John Morrison did with his self-financed "Boone: The Bounty Hunter", but I have a feeling I can get there...if I could get some inquiries about my B-movie "Main Event of the Dead" an ode to zombies and the indies. Ask for a treatment or provide suggestions to move the project forward with an email to russthebus07@gmail.com. Thank you.

Boone: The Bounty Hunter

Boone was a decorated Iraq War veteran who came home and found that his true calling was becoming bounty hunter. He was able to spin this into a successful television show. By focusing on catching C-list celebrities with his parkour skills, his show brought a pleasant change to the genre dominated by Bible-thumping bigots. Sadly, this type of show is a fad and the network is going to pull the plug on Boone's dreams after they finish recording the season finale.

Not willing to go down without a fight, Boone calls in a favor with Cage from the DEA who owes him a favor. Cage lets him know about the spoiled millennial Ryan Davenport, an indicted murderer who has skipped bail and crossed the border. If Boone picks him up and brings him back, the bounty will at least keep the lights on and the low-budget for this mission will make it a show that the networks will have to pick up. There are a couple problems with this plan.

Firstly, bounty hunting is illegal in Mexico. Secondly, Davenport's father is a merciless drug kingpin. Boone's producer and his best friend Jackson will not follow him into this mess. But the thickheaded and seemingly invincible Boone only needs his camera crew. Surely that will be enough to face any adversity that may befall them.

"Boone: The Bounty Hunter" is a fun way to waste sometime. It is primarily a promotional tool for the top noncontracted wrestling talent at the time, and works very well to let the major promotions know what John Morrison can bring to their brand. Thus, the film does not offer anything clever or new, but what it does provide is amusing enough.

The movie is beyond a straight-forward tale of a man finding out how to become a true hero. If it had a budget and a director with artistic vision, the tale could be turned into something fantastic. Morrison lacks the seriousness to be a convincing hero, but would make a great sidekick. We enjoy watching him try to make the film work like a parent cheering on their child from the youth soccer sidelines. It is a feature that knows that all it has to do is not offend the audience, and will not get mad watching it.

John Morrison has provided Family Videos across the nation the ideal movie to have running in preparation of the, "what do you recommend that no one has seen," query. "Boone: The Bounty Hunter" is fun and inoffensive which is all you should expect for a $2.00 rental. You do not need to see this flick, but if you want to create a cheap movie to show the world what you have to offer creatively, this flick is a great blue print.

imdb.com - Boone: The Bounty Hunter (2017)

 

"Deathstroke: Knights & Dragons: The Movie" - My Little Pony Did Not Need Two Subtitles

*Blog post started on November 3, 2020.

It was the start of a new month at the bank yesterday, so I had my hands full with monthly tasks. Catching up on all the news websites did not occur, but there really is not much news, so at least I am not too far behind. The holding pattern and perhaps this unlikely democracy ends tonight, so at least I do not need to worry about having the time to fill with new content.

A negative result to the election would be a Catch 22 for this creative sole. If we fall into a dictatorship, cutting myself off from media means more writing. Of course, I can only talk about so many movies and so much wrestling.

Perhaps it has been the election stress that is wearing me out. I could have returned to the blog I started writing on Friday, but I think we can save that for the potential hate to come. The basis of that post ended up taking up my wind down time from my long shift at the retailer (7 days down, 7 to go), and I think I am only now starting to recover.

The world has been so exhausting of late that I am getting a reasonable amount of sleep without pot or booze. I am trying to determine my poison tonight. If the world ends, why would I want to know it? This attitude kind of falls in line with my existential philosophy. Since I do not remember when my life started, how will I know when it ends?

I guess I am just in an existential conundrum. It is a chaotic time and I start to think about all the consequences this election will have. This leads me to worry about the worst and what should be done to resolve it. There are hopes that someone wiser takes this decision away from us Americans.

That was suppose to be a transition to my review of the theatrical adaptation of "Deathstroke: Knights & Dragons", but it looks like I am just being Anakin Skywalker emo in the fields of Naboo, calling on someone wise to rule. The depression must be real.

To my credit, I am just asking for someone to end the corruption, not necessarily rule. At least this "Deathstroke" feature has a protagonist wise enough to know he cannot take power when he shakes up a government. Too bad I am left with more dread from the "Teen Titans Go!" interpretation of this character.

"Deathstroke: Knights & Dragons: The Movie" 

Slade Wilson is a loving family man. He has been happily married to his wife Adeline and they have a son Joseph who is fascinated by the world of legend from the books his father reads to him. Joseph sees his father as a knight saving the world from the evils that exist. This perception could not be further from the truth.

Wilson is also the mercenary Deathstroke. He is the product of an army medical testing to create a means to make their soldiers heal faster. The military along with his wife thought these experiments failed, so this allows Wilson and his former MI6 handler, Wintergreen, sell this one man army's services to the highest bidder. Whoever wins the auction best be aware though, Deathstroke will provide them only if you are worthy enough.

The Hive, a collective of amoral assassins, know they are not worthy of Wilson's services, but they still want the best on their team. Led by the Jackal, they decide that surely Wilson will trade his independence for his sons life. They soon find out not to underestimate his abilities as he leaves only one of his son's captors alive. Ironically, this ordeal exposes his double life, so Adeline leaves him and decides to send Joseph, now mute, to Swiss boarding school to protect him.

10 years later, Wilson receive a communication from the Hive Queen. It turns out that the organization has rebuilt itself and has ambitions of world domination. These ambitions again involve his son, whom they have discovered has telekinetic and telepathic powers. The Queen claims, if Deathstroke is a handgun, the newly christened Jericho is a nuclear bomb. Both Wilsons will have to come together to not only save their son, but the world.

"Deathstroke: Knights and Dragons: The Movie" has some fun moments, but as a fan of DC media, accepting a heroic take on "The Terminator" is difficult. This feature is the final product of what was to be a 12-episode digital series, and the inconsistency of the production make that more than evident. It is not necessarily bad, but it is an unquestionable misfire.

IMDb -Deathstroke Knights & Dragons: The Movie (2020)

Titmouse, the studio I know best for "Metalocalypse" and "Superjail!" (Yes, "The Venture Bros." too, but the "chirp" logo does not stand out as much as it does with their 11-minute productions of pure insanity.) was behind this production. It appears they were trying to capture a middle ground visually between the more hand-drawn look of "The Venture Bros" and the flash-based look of their more experimental shorts. It just does not end up fitting well together. Like the the story.

This project was originally intended to 12 30-minute episodes leads to a lot of edits that result in pacing that goes from slow to panicked in a breath. As a result, the plot becomes overly ambitious for the runtime. You can either have an origin tale, or the end of the world. You cannot have both.

Nothing outside the script and animation is overly impressive. I like the casting of go to black Englishman Colin Salmon as Wintergreen/Black Alfred, but none of the actors really stand out. "The Shield" is a show I might need to watch to appreciate Michael Chiklis as the lead. Until then, his "Robot Chicken" appearances have landed better with me.

And I could not get over this heroic light they place on Deathstroke. It is inconsistent with everything I have seen. Granted, his origin tale is foreign to me, but when you lose an eye to Damian Wayne in "Son of Batman", it is difficult to be sold on you as noble. They try to balance this hero persona with the graphic means of dispatching henchmen, but when that is only 20-minutes of content, the rest of his actions make him seem dull and incapable of harassing the Teen Titans.

Deathstroke may deserve his own product, but like the Joker, he does not deserve a redemption tale. Because of this, I wonder how "Deathstroke: Knights & Demons" made it out of the development stages. If the production was solid, it could have saved this feature from being weak, but it does not change the fact that it was a bad idea to begin with.

 

 

The Doorman - Die Hard with Girl Power and a Norwegian Knock Off Bill Burr

*Blog post started on October 27, 2020.

My prior vacation day, I felt I was clinging to my past. This most recent one(s), old is how I feel.

With a three-day weekend, I think I got a lot accomplished. There is a new tattoo. Peoria bars were fun with genuine interactions, and I made it to more of them than usual. I paid my respect to Stacia Marie Hardin and discovered a cool block of shops in Pekin. Who would not call the last Co Op records in the Heart of Illinois being located by a thrift shop and a used bookstore operated by TAPS No Kill Shelter (featuring kittens and a polydactyl cats) a little slice of heaven in a town whose mascot was once the Chink? To the town's credit, the appropriation of the dragon into their municipal logos is cool.

I spent time with my folks with only the hourly mention of Hunter Biden's emails. Perhaps I should have spent the night and watch the Michigan State game, but a day where I did not leave my apartment and caught a lot of Pokemon was good (It was "Pokemon Let's Go Eevee". Perhaps the games are becoming to expansive. 20 hours of story is all you really need.). Sunday I was back at the retailer, but with a Redbox $0.75 off coupon and groceries to grab. With NinetyForChill.com back in working order, a review of "The Doorman" at 1 hour 37 minutes would be perfect content. Too bad I called it an early night. Catching up with the G1 Climax finals led to me being exhausted. This obviously felt odd since I did nothing extraneous on Saturday.

Since I will end up at some point putting out an abridged version of this post, let me fill up some space.  Thanks Redbox for the reasonable Blu-ray rental price and the inflated DVD rental fees. We as a society need to rid ourselves of standard def. Screw those who hate change. There is a good chance they will further ruin the country in a week. Let me have this.

Did I over exert myself taking a chest freezer out to a customer's car? Was the replacement air fryer too much work to move as I nearly lost it when I walked into a security pylon? The amount groceries I took home was less than usual.

This left me with a dilemma. I had a movie to watch and I would not be back from the bank until 6:15 pm. There was still dinner to make. So apologies for rushing through about five minutes of this Ruby Rose feature. The feeling of victory getting it back to an appropriate vending machine with 10 minutes to spare warrants this action. And it at least gave me some good vibes from this film.

The Doorman

Ali Gorski has recently been honorably discharged from the Marines. She has returned to New York City with a Silver Star and PTSD after she was the sole survivor of a terrorist attack on the ambassador to Romania's motorcade. This may make it difficult to find employment, but fortunately, her Vietnam veteran uncle, Pat, has an in for her at the high end apartment complex where he is serves as the maintenance man. Unbeknownst to her, her late sister's family lives in the building. Her brother-in-law, Prof. John Stanton, is a pretentious Brit who holds himself responsible for the past strife between his wife and Ali and her subsequent leaving to join the military to begin with.

The building has been around since Prohibition, so it is currently undergoing renovation. It is about to kick off in full force, but the Stanton's have arranged to stay in over the Easter weekend before waiting out the updates in London. As for the other residents, only the nice elderly couple that have been living on the ground floor will be staying through out it.

The husband is a stroke survivor who does not like change (I wish I could get the names of these characters, but it appears both these performers chose to forgo being credited.). No one knows that this man has smuggled out priceless painting from East Berlin who has hid them in their original apartment that now belongs to the Stantons. No one except the other doorman, Borz, and his true employer, Victor Dubois.

A serendipitous mint sauce spill leads to Ali going to visit this couple to see if they had any leftover sauce to borrow. This means Ali is not present when her family has been taken by Dubois and his crew. Seeing that the elder's apartment had been raided and the couple murdered, Ali will use her particular set of skills to takedown these ruthless thieves and save the only family she has left.

Oh how the mighty have fallen. It is disappointing that "The Doorman" is the first leading role that Ruby Rose has had on film since she broke out with "Orange Is the New Black", but what makes this project even worse is that it was directed by Ryuhei Kitamura. Kitamura is the director who put one of my favorite goregasmic sequences on film in "The Midnight Meat Train" and helmed the innovative Yakuza zombie film "Versus". On the upside you get a chatty Jean Reno as a villain, but his French charms cannot polish the dialogue enough.

And recalling "Meat Train", are you telling me that there was not a spot for Vinnie Jones in this cast? "The Big Ugly" was good, but definitely not something you would release at an AMC. He is definitely an expense I think this film could have afforded. I am not asking him to be the lead, but set this flick in London and make this about an ex-sergeant in the royal army, you have a lot more talent in terms of action to pull from. It would be better than Aksel Hennie trying to impersonate Bill Burr from "The Mandalorian".

Could Rose not pull off an English accent? Her American is really solid.

The premise of a female-lead "Die Hard" has legs, but since I immediately went into how this project could have been saved, the misses make this film seem like it was directed by an Imperial stormtrooper. 

There is only one scene with any amusing dialogue. The close quarter action sequences are shot horribly. It does not help that our villains cannot die with any believability in there death throws. Any kind of exterior makes it seem like Tommy Wiseau was in Kitamura's ear. I am just hoping this was a rush job in terms of direction or something was lost in translation from the script. Any action sequence outside the finale is choreographed well enough, but it feels like your brain is squinting to catch that.

It is starting to seem that I should start comparing the quality of my script for "Main Event of the Dead" a no/low budget, zombie-themed pro-wrestling movie I am trying to produce to the bad movie that I am reviewing. For inquiries on helping me out with this production or to obtain an updated treatment of the script, email russthebus07@gmail.com. I had copyrighted the first version of my script, and it needs some polishing, but I am confident saying that it is better than "The Doorman".

"The Doorman" is a painful miss on many levels. After "John Wick: Chapter 2", I want to see Ruby Rose as the next action heroine (Angelina Jolie and Charlize Theron may only have a decade left in terms of spryness.). When you see Jean Reno on the poster, you expect a clever action flick. It is one thing to not deliver on either of those, but when you fail to present something watchable with those elements, that is damn near criminal, especially from a director whose prime may only be a decade ago.

CineMaterial.com - The Doorman (2020)

 

 

90-min. Stallone - "Escape Plan 2: Hades" - Why Not Knock Off "Tron: Legacy"?

*Blog post started on August 13, 2020.

There are of course the blog posts that I need to all have prepared before my vacation. Because I got to justify my Netflix DVD subscription, my most recent disc had to get back to Carol Stream before the next billing period. "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" is next up which is good because I got to slow down my output for NinetyForChill.com. But until we get to the way I should be handling my Terry Gilliam collection (To my credit, my copies of "Brazil" and "12 Monkeys" were both purchased at heavily discounted prices.), we must tread through another post 2015 action movie starring Sylvester Stallone.

"Escape Plan" was an amusing enough movie that may have taken itself a little too seriously. With two sequels being shot back-to-back, one would suspect any other franchise to be taking itself way too seriously. Fortunately, when you realize these flicks are solely for the Chinese mainland (Free Hong Kong!), it is easy enough to relax and enjoy "Escape Plan 2: Hades" for the braid dead trash that I hoped "Rambo: Last Blood" would have been.

Escape Plan 2: Hades (2018, 1 hour 36 minutes)

Breslin Security has expanded from prison breaks to encompass rescue missions. With Ray Breslin tired of doing the physical work required in testing the effectiveness of prison security, Shu serves as his top agent. Unfortunately, the last bout with terrorists only allowed for half the assets to make it back home. If fellow agent Kimbral had skipped trying to further promote Breslin by blowing up the terrorists' weapons cache and arrived at the rendezvous on time, the results would probably have been different.

Ray fires Kimbral and puts Shu on leave to work on his team leadership skills. Shu decides to head back to Shanghai to visit his family, and make sure nothing happens to his satellite genius cousin, Yusheng, at a Bangkok bachelor party. At least being at his cousin's side means he will not have be alone when they are kidnapped to soon awake in a black op prison site called H.A.D.E.S.

The Zookeeper has been hired by a Swiss competitor to Yusheng. Shu and his cousin are there to be tortured until they give up the patent information for Yusheng's new satellite communication technology. HADES is far more complex than the last prison Ray broke out of and with the Zookeeper having inmates fight for luxuries, how long can our protagonists last?

We know Ray is going to do anything he can to get Shu out, including recruiting the towering DeRosa to give them some extra firepower, but will not make a move until he is certain of success. It is all a matter of figuring out the location and layout of the prison. Time is one thing Shu has and with Kimbral being a fellow inmate, what he has learned from Ray gives him all he needs to win the day. But after all the damage that Breslin has done to the private prison industry, things seem far too easy.

"Escape Plan 2: Hades" starts out like any silly 80's action movie, but it makes a sudden turn to attempt and capture "The Matrix" cool aesthetic that exposes all of its weaknesses. It is kind of like "Tron" without the teleporting laser and smooth incorporation of effects. With punching and kicking being your primary means of action, our characters are not in the right movie. Especially Stallone who I do not believe knows how to kick.

I suppose the concept of a computer controlled prison allows for twists to constantly occur, but the narrative is far too predicable. The idea is to make the audience to try and figure out the puzzle as they go along. Its mistake is the constant twists to mock us just when the nerds develop a theory on how the protagonist can escape. This leads the audience to just quit caring, so only the stupidity of villain(s) can the film get them reinvested. That is a whole lot of stupid.

Director Steven C. Miller is accustomed to making stupid films. He directed a fun remake of "Silent Night, Deadly Night" ("Silent Night), but that film featured a script that does not necessarily make sense as it works to a big reveal. What made the film fun was a cast of screen chewers and shocking violence. The film chewer in "Escape Plan 2" is Stallone who is essentially there only for his brand value. He is not the lead, so he cannot chew the fat off of this film.

As for the violence, you get one great fight scene, otherwise the film is too quick to resolve its scenes. This leaves the flick with nothing for Miller to catch and over expose. If it left us with graphic scenes to linger on, it would play towards Miller's strengths. It also lacks a sense of humor or clever wit that can save an action movie. All of that is reserved for Dave Bautista's screen time. Since the third film in the franchise also features him, you have to admire the writer, Miles Chapman, doing the bare minimum to leave the audience wanting more.

"Escape Plan 2: Hades" might have figured out how to make a Chinese-funded trilogy work, leaving the audience just interested enough for a third film. In this case, I think this interest stems from wanting justification for putting up with a quickly produced sequel that lacks heart. It has some fun moments, but it also wants to prove itself smarter than its audience.

"HADES" might show up the audience with its twists to indicate intelligence, but it does not change the fact that it is built on a metaphoric swamp. How smart can you be if you are still sinking? Hopefully the wreckage of this castle will be enough to serve as a sturdy base for "Escape Plan: The Extractors".

 

"Me and My Mates vs. The Zombie Apocalypse" - A Mostly Positive "Oi, Oi, Oi"

 *Blog post started on October 20, 2020.

My weekend was not too bad. They have hired enough newbies at the retailer that I work for the most part just have to make sure nothing goes wrong at check out and our customer service experts are now scheduled properly. Without too much pressure, I think I can work almost all the time. It keeps my mind off my existential crises and the pay makes it a net positive. Who needs a therapy when you could make $15 an hour?

I could probably get the same vibe by consuming my stockpile of Zoloft (as per the dosage directions). Work will free you is a bullshit comment in the end. It is just a different kind of numb. YouTube wormholes do not help.

Sunday was alright because I at least had the time to video games. Once the ex called to check on her cat and encourage me to abandon the written word for the video abyss, I decided to leave the gaming chair to get comfortable. Eva the Queen Kitty filled that spot immediately after I left to answer the phone, so that put an end to catching Pokemon. This was interpreted as a sign that I should watch a feature to feed the blogs. My little brother's abandoned copy of "Board Heads (a.k.a. "Beach Movie")" fit the NinetyForChill.com criteria (Longer than 75 minutes, Shorter than 97).

I do not know if I made it 15 minutes into this attempt to bridge Cinemax's late night features with early 80's dudes trying to get laid flicks that have aged poorly. The latter genre for the most part does not bother me too much. If you want to say that "Revenge of the Nerds" is far too rapey, I will remind you that the premise is REVENGE.

We are cool with brutal vengeance from "I Spit of Your Grave". Violence for violence is that case. Exploitation and objectification in the name of teaching a judgemental asshole, the mental scars are too harsh.

I would imagine that "Board Heads" would try to emulate something like that with Bronson Pinchot or Loretta Swit, but the Uwe Boll dialogue on top of establishing shots as the only direction lead to me tapping out early. Not early enough to put another flick in unfortunately if I wanted to watch "Last Week Tonight" at a reasonable hour. This lead me to return to YouTube before the episode aired, and probably an hour after it did so.

Yesterday was turning out to be exactly the same after "Being the Elite". AEW really needs to get an HBO Max hub or its own streaming product (like every other "major" promotion). If there is a decent What Culture Wrestling/Horror/Gaming video that shows up after I finish "BTE", you can count on me losing another hour. I knew I had to make something of the day.

There has been some jonesing for Jim Jefferies's humor since he left Comedy Central and I had success with a previous Oceania horror comedy in "Bad Taste". It was time for an iTunes impulse buy in "Me and My Mates vs. The Zombie Apocalypse".

"Me and My Mates vs. The Zombie Apocalypse"

A "Walking Dead" like scenario has finally occurred in Australia. They may not be the undead, but they seem to be rotting away quickly and they definitely have a taste for human flesh. Everyone who is definitely alive is searching for safety. Daryl, Joel, and their telecom supervisor Roy know that the tower they work at has a security door, so sheltering there will do for now. Joel has brought the beers, Daryl brought Betsy the shotgun, and Roy is accompanied by his 19 year-old daughter Emma and a vape pen. You cannot let the apocalypse interfere with quitting nasty habits.

If they can somehow get the tower to connect to the military's phone network, waiting it out is all they will need to do. The problem with waiting is that it is just plain awkward. Joel and Daryl had to finish off Roy's wife to secure the beer, and Emma is pretty frisky so Daryl's mind maybe a little preoccupied to give Roy the bad news about the missus. What should alleviate the tension only increases it as the interns, Ryan and Emma's boyfriend Lachlan, bypass the security system to hide out at the tower as well.

To make the situation more dire, the interns state that this outbreak is a result of the military's actions, so there probably will not be a rescue. In its place would be a cover up. Will seven shotgun shells, two flares, two paintball guns, and a stash of fireworks be enough to hold off the hordes? When the beer runs out, will there be any reason to fight on?

"Me and My Mates vs. The Zombie Apocalypse" is a fun homage to George A. Romero's "Night of the Living Dead", but lacks the drama to be a very effective zombie film. When cracking wise is the feature's primary function, if you do not incorporate the threat enough, a gravitas to the entire apocalypse is lost. For the budget though, you cannot help but be impressed by the effort.

The actors are competent enough that you have a vested interest in their survival, but there does not seem to be a lead actor. This function should have been more focused on the largest star the film had to offer in Jefferies. With some rewrites (think "Deep Blue Sea's" most memorable kill), the story concludes the same, but everything would be held together better until the point where it should fall apart. A greater range in characters may have helped as well, but when you are shooting on next to nothing (I would have removed the parking dogs that the mics picked up during filming.), you cast what you can afford to cast.

Or auteur Declan Shrubb could have held back on the gore effects. They are very solid and I believe any zombie movie fan will appreciate them. Shrubb probably knows that every excellent zombie film needs at least one gut buster, so I think the trade of makeup for a diverse cast is a fair one. This film will not be excellent, but Shrubb knows he has to work towards that.

As a director, Shrubb is adequate in close quarters, but is lacking when it comes to wide shots. That is really only evident in the finale because Shrubb is wise enough to shoot from high vantage points otherwise. Give this guy a crane or a track because he seems to have promise.

"Me and My Mates vs. The Zombie Apocalypse" is not early Peter Jackson, but that is because director Declan Shrubb is working with a more narrow scope. His feature is fun with excellent gore effects, but lacks the violence and intensity to provide great slashstick. Its story does not challenge the audience, so if you are looking for "Shaun of the Dead" light, this is fine suggestion.

Most B-movies with a similar plot are shot just to be shot. "Me and My Mates vs. The Zombie Apocalypse" is an attempt at art which will at least amuse you and fulfill your gore fix.

 

Ryan Manlaw - Pinterest