If it does not involve pro-wrestling, this is Russ Stevens's effort to create the one stop blog for movies that are cut to the ideal run-time, 90 minutes. This blog may feature films that may range from 71 minutes to 1 hour 40 minutes, but 101 minutes and up are too long. An hour and a half can justify cutting a film into two chapters and a book into three. Hobbits and Katniss have too many ending, consider this an effort to stop that.
After
successfully predicting the Super Bowl on FanDuel, I am definitely in
the position to afford the subscription fees to a podcast hosting
platform. Thus, a square logo is needed to fit on Apple Podcasts,
Spotify, Google Podcasts, and Stitcher apps. Above was the best I could
immediately come up with. If anyone wants to clean up this concept or
have a better one to offer, drop me russthebus07@gmail.com an email and I would be happy to discuss obtaining that image from you.
Is
the podcast ready to be migrated to a different platform, not after
this week failing to work out the way I wanted. There are people that can be
called out in terms of offers and lack of replies when called upon to deliver,
but I digress. Also, my uniqueness as a Russ Stevens is lacking. Below
is the first image that comes up that represents me when I am Google
image search.
This
also means I need to take on a different moniker. It looks like "The
Scoop" Stevens is the leading nominee. Promoting myself as Cool Movies
(CM) Darth seems to be a flirtation with disaster and others with the
name Russ Staley had approached me in regards to using that wrestling
moniker. I suppose I could just go back to the RC gimmick (The Single-A
Saint).
Fortunately, the next episode has a guest and an awesome premise (Sub 100-minute) Henry Rollins, so expect a return to form.
As
for this episode, Ally from Ally's Accessories Shop on Etsy visited
her/our cat Skimble and had a story about people food ruining the trail
of cats left in her wake. People food and Skimble's expectations of
partaking in dairy products lead to me wanting to discuss the Milla Jovovich/Emma
Roberts feature "Paradise Hills" and his efforts to get his share of Ben
& Jerry's Netflix & Chilled.
From
there, Ally provides us with some reading suggestions and an update on
her shop. I get to go off on some tangents about Robert Rodriguez's "Alita: Battle Angel" and pregnancy horror movies like "Snatchers".
We also discuss why cats are so often horror movie victims. There is
also my Super Bowl prediction that I willed into existence. You are
welcome Tom Brady.
I
definitely earned that $275. There was an accidental deposit trying to
set up my account. To get the money moved around, my ice scraper was
destroyed, I had to fill up my tire where I dropped my wallet and had to
back track to obtain. Of course there was a near miss accident. The work was put in.
This
is only a 20-minute episode. If you want to just get to the movie chat,
below is my YouTube play list of these three features. I think Ally is
interesting enough to give 11 minutes to. As for me...I am worried about
the Friend Zone chat. You be the judge.
I
think we will get into the post's movie review rather quickly. Yes,
Trump is starting to accept reality, but it has only been a day since I
knocked out my review for the tragic misuse of the North American
treasure, Keanu Reeves, in "Siberia".
If there is a video game titled with the same pronunciation of your
movie title (As I verified that on Wikipedia, I found out that "Cyberia"
was also the title of a UK-based industrial act called Cubanate. At
least one positive came out of that $0.55 rental.), we are not expecting
romance to trump the diamond smuggling drama.
It
is actually appropriate that I finally opened my first Netflix DVD of
the billing cycle, "Slither", because I just got word today of a
COVID-19 outbreak at my parents' house. At least Mom (Negative while older sister and Dad are positive.) will appreciate
that this feature is from the guy who brought Rocket and Groot to the
big screen.
If
I would have gotten the news about yesterday, "Slither" would have been
the ideal, ironic distraction. But, it is Tuesday. "AEW Dark" just cannot
muster a card up to take the edge off and you know my unwatched movies
are all a little too far on the dark side to relax to. Did I enjoy "Slither"
enough to purchase it on iTunes (It was $4.99 and yes, it was purchased)?
Slither (2006)
Wheelsy,
South Carolina is so busy getting ready for deer hunting season, no one
notices a meteorite that crashes in the nearby woods. If there is any
noticeable drama, it is the gossip about the relationship between the
prettiest biology teacher at the high school, Starla, and her wealthy,
older husband, Grant. Sheriff and codependent childhood friend of
Starla, Bill suspects and accepts that it is a marriage of convenience,
and trusts she made the best decision while he still longs for her.
Unfortunately,
if there was any flame, it is waning. Feeling rejected, Grant decides
to go out to a bar and flirts with Brenda, a fellow classmate of Starla.
They drunkenly end up in the woods. He thinks better of pursuing an
affair, and had the perfect way out of the situation. The two have
stumbled upon the meteorite, and Grant chooses to investigate the slime
that is trailing away from it. In an inebriated state, Grant ends up to
close to the larva like organism and is stung. After regaining
consciousness, he has only one thing on his mind. Meat.
Beyond
Grant's carnivorous obsession, everything seems normal and perhaps
better in terms of his marriage. That is until his cravings lead to him
skipping out on the Deer Cheer Dance, a celebration to kickoff hunting
season. It turns out he skipped out to kidnap and impregnate Brenda with
his parasite. When Starla finds him at home after the dance, he is
starting to mutate into something alien as well.
Bill
is investigating the disappearance of Brenda while Starla is trying to
figure out what Grant is hiding. After Grant catches Starla snooping
around, he seems intent on killing her, but Bill and his fellow deputies
arrive on the scene. Grant transforms into something that is halfway
between squid and man and escapes. Three days pass, and there are a lot
of dead live stock and pets littering Wheelsy. The impatient mayor and
Bill gather a posse to hunt down Grant, but it turns out Grant was
laying a trap for them.
When
they locate an alive but beyond bloated Brenda, she explodes into thousands of
slugs. These slugs enter their victims through the mouth and allow Grant
to control them. The town is quickly infected, and wanting to reconcile
with his wife, Starla is kidnapped. It is up to Bill and Kylie, a high
schooler who seems to have success fighting these slugs off to save the
day. Here is hoping a grenade compensated from some passing fishermen
will be enough to end this nightmare.
"Slither"
is a close to perfect horror comedy for adults. It features the body
horror you typically see in David Cronenberg features while always being
aware that you may just need to laugh in the face of the ridiculous, no
matter how horrific it maybe. In a way, this feature is "Gremlins"
without the constraint of a PG rating. The story has a lot of elements
that are laid out wonderfully, leading to a roller coaster scream of
joy.
With
having so much rising action, the audience may get annoyed that there
is not gore through out, but the audience is treated to great
performances from Nathan Fillion, Elizabeth Banks, and Michael Rooker
that give you the expectation that when it hits the fan, it must be
spectacular. The only annoying thing about any of the acting is that
with the exception of Rooker, the southern accents are not to authentic (What is one to expect from a mostly Canadian cast?).
But it is a comedy and James Gunn knows that the audience is coming in
feeling smarter than his characters, so this serves to let the audience
know they are all in on the joke.
Regardless
of the jokes, the gore effects and rejection of the boundaries of good
taste allows the audience to still be shocked and horrified. The humor
allows any audience to stick with it to the end, but the graphic
violence makes sure that horror fans are quite appreciated. The finale
is a bit overly drawn out, but if you are horror aficionado you will
just admire everything Gunn is playing homage to, including his Troma
roots.
If
you are trying to introduce someone to horror who swears they have a
sturdy their stomach is, "Slither" is the perfect flick. The humor will
keep any audience involved while shocking non-genre and amusing the gore
hounds. It is almost sad that this cannot cause the damage that
"Gremlins" did to 80s' kids. I got over that trauma after 30 years.
And now the virus has left us without any opportunities for fun. That is a bit of hyperbole of course. With 14 video game libraries, two streaming devises, a region-free DVD player, a UHD Blu-ray player, and a VCR, there are plenty of means to have fun in my living room.
Provided you can deal with the company of a hard-to-read former better quarter. (Eva the Cat will always get half). Ironically, I think I have become the cat in the relationship. She just loves having living things around her. If they do not come up to her for pets and snuggling, their activities do not matter to her. Perhaps I should find a dead mouse to tell her to get involved with the environment. At least that will provide me with a chance to get in trouble, if only for a few minutes.
Thank the gods the liquor stores are still open. That may be able to numb the loneliness further enhanced by my ex's nature. Then again, I might just go on a seeming endless YouTube dive as I wait for her to go to bed like she says she will. She was nearly asleep by the end of the "Westworld" season premiere, but the lights go on, and her crafting catalogues are then opened. If you are just bored, let me know. I want to get to bed at a decent hour, so I will be more than happy to move to another room to watch the pregnancy-horror comedy that I suspect you will lack the stomach for. Fifty five cents is all I want to give Red Box at a time.
Snatchers - Overly Clever Title and Story
Sara seems to have everything going for her way to start her junior year of high school. Being in the popular clique has secured that. It only cost her relationship with her mom and best friend Haley. The only thing that could make things better was if her ex-boyfriend Skyler would take her back, but since he returned from a trip to the Mayan settlements in Mexico, sex is the only thing on his mind. If she was willing to alienate those closest to her for status, why hold on to virginity?
Skyler is not exactly bright enough to be ready with protection, but if anything unplanned for occurred, Sara will have at least a couple months to deal with it. After morning sickness and mood swings the next day at school, she suspects something is wrong. 24 hours later, she is nine months pregnant. Being the daughter of a teen pregnancy, she cannot let her mom find out. Her boyfriend is a little too dim and way too horny to turn to. Her clique status will be lost if they find out. Only Haley has enough concern for her to be trusted with this problem.
This problem escalates when Sara gives such an explosive birth that it immediately kills the OBGYN who was prepped for the delivery. The two escape the monster at the free clinic, but it appears that there is another fetus in Sarah. Our protagonist cannot wait in the pelvic exam position by a blender all night to solve this dilemma, so they decide to seek out a veterinarian to help them out. But the little alien's ability to hijack human host bodies and Skyler prepping to attend the big welcome back house party. Can two teenage girls stop what they surmise to be the end times the Mayan's promised?
"Snatchers" is a fun take on eighties horror tropes that only suffers from the current social restrictions on horror. These prevent the feature from being the chaotic and unapologetic comedy that its inspirations were allowed to be. I mean, why can we not hilariously kill douchebag popular kids like we use to?
The structure of the story requires too many acts. Once the creature is presented, we should focus on the hilarious means of battling it and have a more immediate method to multiply it. In the end, the film barely qualifies for pluralization in the title. Act two's first half is fun as the girls work on preventing the spread of the monsters, but the chaos from the second inciting incident is lost. If you were going to focus so much on the science of the fiction, perhaps introducing immediate horror is ill advised.
Focusing on the dealing with the unplanned pregnancy makes for an entirely different movie. The dialogue and performances are solid, but once we get the monster, we want to see the monster. So until we get to the climax after the creatures are reintroduced, the picture drags. There has to be a way to have both a tale of a strained sisterhood and a monster movie with strong special and gore effects at the same time. With "Snatchers" implying there will be a sequel, I hope there is a chance that we will get to see it.
"Snatchers" is only a few tweaks away from being a classic horror comedy, so watching the second act will be a bit frustrating. When the feature commits to laughs and gores, it makes the annoyances worth it. Olde Money Boyz (Directors/writers Stephen Cedars, Benji Kleiman and writer Scott Yacyshin) prove they are up-and-coming auteurs in the genre and it will be fun to see what they come up with next. Lets just hope they take the critiques from their 100% on the Tomatometer seriously.
